一起单身（2018）

迪恩当时在无保护徒手攀岩
Dean was free climbing with no harness.
他连摔下来时都那么性感
His fall was so hot.
全程都与我四目相对
He held eye contact the whole way down.
我感觉像慢动作镜头
I felt like it was in slow motion.
我当时真怕要玩完了 但还是在摔到一半时
I was actually in fear of my life, but still, like halfway down,
想法抛了个媚眼
I was able to pull off one of these.
我的天 迪恩 我简直五体投地
My God. Dean, I'm blown away.
我想当第一个这么问你的人...
And I just want to be the first person to ask you...
能 和 我 一 起 录 播 客 吗
Will. You. Do. My. Podcast?
好 我给你五个答复吧
All right, let me give you five answers here, OK?
我绝不会和你一起录播客
I would never do your podcast.
我不会给你录节目 没门
I won't do your podcast. No way.
才不要和你做博客 以及这个
Not gonna do your podcast. And Phufff.
你挑吧 这些答复随你挑
You pick. You pick any of those answers.
最后一个答复也没说不干
The last one could have been anything.
去去就回
Be right back.
班吉 在我暂时休工这段时间
Look, while I'm out of commission, Benji,
我需要你帮我去我办公室跑个腿 好吗
I'm gonna need you to help out at the office, OK?
我正在等一个国际快递
I'm waiting on an international courier
里面的东西非常 非常重要
to deliver something very, very important.
好 行啊
OK, yeah!
我要你走进去
I want you to go in there.
不和任何人交谈 嘴巴闭紧
I want you to not talk to anyone. Keep your mouth shut.
不许碰任何东西
And I don't want you to touch anything.
尽量别给咱们这个家丢人
And try not to bring shame on our family.
能做到吗 兄弟
How 'bout that, man?
话我可以不讲 但不给家里丢人
I mean, I can not talk, but shame on the family?
你不觉得这要求超纲了吗
That's a real stretch, don't you think?
他绝对做不到
He can't pull that off.
亲爱的 我这周末要去棕榈泉
Babe, I'm going to Palm Springs for the weekend.
如果电♥话♥打不通 你就在Ins上私信我
If you don't hear from me, send me a DM on Instagram.
好的
OK, cool.
-把我推出去 宝贝 -行
- Take me out, babe! - Yeah.
奥莉维亚的锁骨是挺美
I mean, Olivia may have a perfect clavicle,
但她这女友也太不称职了吧
but she's a crappy girlfriend, OK?
在别人最需要你时一走了之
You don't just leave someone in their time of need.
这下只能由我来照顾迪恩了
Now, I'm gonna be stuck taking care of Dean.
你真是本性难移
Such a classic Esther move.
想占个残废的便宜
Tryin' to take advantage of a broken man.
我现在回想一下
You know, now that I think about it,
你睡过的所有帅哥好像都得了流感
I think every hot guy you slept with had the flu.
闭嘴吧你 我只会给他熬点热汤 擦洗身体
Please. I'm just gonna make him soup, wash his bed sores.
如果后来我们看个电影 小手紧握 干柴烈火 那就随他去吧
If we watch a movie, hold hands, and fall in love, so be it.
真的吗 这是在你拿锤子砸断他的腿之前还是之后想到的
Really? And is that before or after you break his legs with a sledgehammer?
真好笑啊
Very funny.
好像早就想好了
Hopefully before.
有什么能帮你的
How can I help you?
我是迪恩的弟弟 我... 我不能讲话
I'm Dean's brother. I... I can't talk.
我都不知道迪恩还有个... 弟弟...
I didn't know Dean had a... brother...
...比他还不是东西
...that's a bigger jerk than him.
厉害啊
Pretty good bones.
阿弗拉罗先生的快递
Delivery for Mr. Aflalo.
-你好 -兄弟 没必要遮遮掩掩的
- Hi. - Look, man, you don't have to be ashamed.
差不多有95%的人上班时都会看黄♥片♥
Like, 95% of people at work are looking at porn.
我没在看黄♥片♥
I wasn't looking at porn.
我在看法拍屋
I'm looking at houses up for auction.
就算我在看黄♥片♥
Even if I was looking at porn,
我是个老司机了 不会感觉丢人的
I'm porn-positive. There's no shame in it.
行吧 这是给你的 国际包裹
Sure. This is for you. International package.
越南送来的 我超爱他们的汤
It's from Vietnam. I love their soup!
-他们管汤叫"佛"还是"发"来着 -我真不知道
- It's pronounced "fo" or "fuh"? - I really don't know.
因为我家旁边有两家餐厅
'Cause there's two restaurants by my house,
一家叫 "你最近喂我做了什么"
and one's called, "What Have You Done Pho Me Lately"
而另一家叫 "别灌它了"
and the other one's called, "Phoget About It."
我打着两份工呢 兄弟 行行好签个字行吗
I work two jobs, man. Can you just sign, please?
好吧
Yeah.
迪恩 你穿着衣服吗
Dean, are you decent?
穿着呢 你应该先问完这个问题
Yeah, you're supposed to come into the room
再走进来
after you ask that question.
我给你带了点东西 我生病时可管用了
I brought you a little something that helps me when I'm sick.
"特工佳丽2: 武力巾帼"
"Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Dangerous."
我第一部都没看 所以让我看也看不懂
I haven't seen the first one, so, you know what, it's not gonna make sense.
不需要两部都看
You do not need to see both.
其实 先看第二部更好
In fact, it's better to watch the second one first.
请你离开
Please leave my room.
我还给你带了这个 呜呜祖拉
I also brought you this. It's a vuvuzela.
世界杯比赛上很流行
They were very popular during the World Cup.
这个是我在一家巴西餐馆的吃肉大赛中赢的
I won mine in a meat-eating contest at a Brazilian restaurant.
效果非常震撼
It's very sensual.
求你别吹了
I don't want you to do that.
我把它放这儿了
I'm gonna leave it with you,
如果你有任何需要 吹一下就好
and just blow on it if you need anything in this world at all.
好 所以是不是只要我不吹 你就再也不会进来
OK, so, then, if I don't blow on it, you'll never come back again?
别傻了 我的规则是
Very silly, but my rules are:
吹一声代表想喝水 两声代表想上厕所
Blow once for water, twice for bathroom help,
三声代表紧急状况
three times for an emergency,
吹四声 我就当你在看足球比赛了
and four times, I'll just go ahead and assume you're watching soccer.
你该干嘛干嘛去吧
I'll see ya later!
我别无所求
That's all I needed.
为什么你走路姿势跟在踩虫子似的
Why are you walking like you're squashing bugs?
抱歉
Sorry.
不好意思 班吉 探望时间结束了
I'm sorry, Benji, but visiting hours are over.
你看着怎么像个有事干的人
Why do you look and smell like a man with a job?
咱可是个国际商人 [意大利语]叨扰了
I'm an international businessman. Scusi.
让他进来 你赶紧走
Let him in and go home!
给你15分钟时间 他非常疲惫
You have 15 minutes. He's really tired.
班吉 你可算回来了 太好了
Benj, look who came through, all right!
瞧见没 我是很拎不清 但偶尔也拎得清
See? I'm embarrassing, but not always embarrassing.
信任弟弟的感觉如何 很棒吧
How's it feel to trust your brother? Feel good?
用不了多久 我就能用你从卡波带回来的奶头马克杯喝水了 是吧
Pretty soon, I'll be drinkin' out of your boob mug from Cabo, am I right?
不好说 那杯子可是手工画的
I don't know, man. That was hand-painted.
还有 我看到你有房♥子要拍卖♥♥...
Also, I saw some of the houses you have up for auction, and...
如果你愿意 我也很乐意帮忙
I'd be glad to help out, if you want.
-好极了 -真的吗
- Hell yeah! - Really?
看是不是屌♥爆了
Aren't these sick?
你... 你让我跑一趟就是为了帮你收双鞋子
You... you had me go all the way to your office just to pick up shoes?
这不是普通鞋子
These aren't just shoes.
这可是2011年乔丹西部全明星队限♥量♥款
These are 2011 Air Jordan West All-Star Team Editions.
不然你以为是什么东西
What did you think this was?
我咋知道 我以为我做的是重要的国际商务... 活动
I don't know. I thought I was doing important international business-y... business.
兄弟 你还没法承担重任
Man, you're not ready for real responsibility.
我昨天看到你和艾丝特搭了个城♥堡♥
I watched you and Esther build a fort yesterday.
我懂房♥地♥产♥生意 我也是这个家的一员
I get real estate stuff. I'm in this family, too.
有时候 爸爸也会和我说... 一两句话
Sometimes, Dad talked to me... a little.
行吧 其实明天我需要你再跑趟办公室
OK, well, you know what, actually, tomorrow, I do need you to go run by the office.
帮我再收两双鞋
I need you to pick up two pairs of shoes for me.
如果你真想让我帮你跑腿 我也会去
If you really need me to just be your errand boy, I'll do it,
但我要说明一下 那城♥堡♥可还有个天窗呢
but, for the record, the fort had a skylight.
谁管它有没有天窗啊
Who cares, it had a skylight?
还有 艾丝特没帮上什么忙
And also, Esther barely helped.
所以那城♥堡♥主要是你搭的吗
It was mostly you that made the fort?
那更惨 你说得更惨了
That's more sad. You just made it more sad.
班吉 你安静点行不行
Benji, you need to be quiet, OK?
听不到迪恩叫我怎么办
What if Dean calls?
我应该现在就去看看他
You know, I should just go check on him now.
他不需要你 也不需要我
He doesn't need you. He doesn't need either of us.
我们俩就像去夏威夷时带的棉裤
We're like packing snow pants to Hawaii.
好吧 但我突然想到
OK, but, you know what I'm just now realizing,
呜呜祖拉可能坏掉了...
is that the vuvuzela could be broken...
艾丝特 那东西可以撑过足球场上的骚乱