一起单身（2018）

But also, I can't lie.
我... 其实有点刮目相看
I... I'm kind of impressed.
平常你都只会
I mean, usually, you're just, like,
晃来晃去 收集甲虫什么的
running around, collecting beetles and stuff.
-我收藏的是鱼 -我不管
- They're fish. - I don't care.
反正水缸里的东西就很恶心
If they're in a tank, it's gross.
兄弟 我知道你为什么偷那票
Dude, I get why you stole that pass, OK?
你想变得跟像我一点 而不像你自己
You want to be more like me and less like you.
这种本能很好
It's a good instinct.
我是那家健身房♥的高级会员
You know, I have a premium membership to that gym.
明天带你去吧 一起好好练练
Why don't we go tomorrow? We could get jacked.
好 我和你一起去你的健身房♥
OK, I'll go to your gym with you.
-好 -好
- All right, cool. - All right.
诺拉 你家好美
Nora, your home is so beautiful.
我在模拟人生里就想修个这样的房♥子
This is exactly the way I always wanted my SIMS house to look like.
谢谢 这是我的正宗肯尼亚分娩椅
Thank you. This is my authentic Kenyan birthing chair.
真厉害 我能坐吗
Cool! Can I sit in it?
不行 看这里 是个政♥治♥正确的工艺品
No. And over here, this is sort of a political piece.
这盏灯是由象牙捕猎者的牙齿制成的
It's a lamp made from the teeth of ivory hunters.
-恶有恶报啊 -正是
- Payback's a bitch! - True.
那边那件是什么 我好喜欢
What is that piece over there? I am so drawn to it.
太美了
It's stunning.
那是百丽[耐高温玻璃]盘 餐饮工作人员留下的
That's a Pyrex dish. Left here by the caterers.
看来百丽很高尚啊
Yes. The Pyrex were a noble people.
有趣
Funny.
我朋友会爱死你的
My friends are going to love you.
但我得先把话讲完
But first, I have to give my speech.
贼拉好啊 我是说... 我很乐意听到优秀的演讲
Hells, yeah! I mean... I would love a good speech.
欢迎女士们
Welcome, ladies!
多么辉煌的一个月
What a terrific month it's been!
能成为全球可持续发展事业的领导者 我们深感自豪
We are so proud to be a leader in global sustainability.
你们都知道 我们所有的瓶子都被回收做成鞋子
Now, as you know, all of our bottles are recycled into shoes,
而我们所有的瓶子都是由回收的鞋子做的
and all of our bottles are made from recycled shoes.
记住 女士们 你们拉来注册的女孩越多
And remember, ladies, the more girls you sign up to sell,
你们挣的钱也就越多
the more money flows up to you!
原水 原水
Rawater! Rawater!
原水 原水
RAWATER! RAWATER!
这是个...
So, this is a...?
传销组织吗 是的
Pyramid scheme? Yeah.
如果我留下来 你会看不起我吗
Would you judge me if I stayed?
我已经对你指指点点过了 所以...
I mean, I've already judged you, so...
显然是个传销组织[金字塔骗局]啊
Obviously, it's a pyramid scheme.
字母"A"是一个小金字塔
The "A" is a tiny pyramid.
这个"W"是两个紧挨着倒置的小金字塔
The "W" is two tiny pyramids upside-down next to each other.
一点也不玄
There's no subtlety here.
我不想这么说 但我觉得如果卖♥♥水
I hate to say this, but I think if selling water
就能跟诺拉交朋友...
is the price of friendship with Nora...
我肯定勇往直前
I'm gonna go ahead and move forward.
你能卖♥♥给你多少瓶
How many cases can I put you down for?
我不喝含沙的水
I'm not drinking water with sand in it.
在美国生活就这一点好处
Literally the only perk of living in the United States
水里没沙子
is that our water has no sand.
走了班吉 我们走
Yo, come on, Benj. Let's go.
什... 等一下 你在干什么
Wha... no, no, no, no, no. What are you doin'?
你穿得像马上要上♥床♥睡觉的金刚战士一样
You look like a Power Ranger about to go to bed.
什么啊 这身衣服又轻又透气 是我在诺折店买♥♥的
What? It's lightweight and breathable. I got it at N-Rack.
我就是这么叫诺斯特折扣店的
That's what I call Nordstrom Rack.
我就爱给商场起名字
It's a fun thing I do.
抱歉 我... 卡嗓子眼儿了
Sorry. It... it's exfoliating my throat.
好了 班吉 用力甩健身绳
All right, Benj. You rip those battle ropes?
好 感觉如何
All right, how's it feel?
感觉我在帮海盗船打手♥枪♥
I feel like I'm jerking off a pirate ship.
-谢谢你 -实不相瞒
- Thank you. - In all honesty,
还是有你在比较好 昨天太糟了
it's better with you here. Yesterday sucked.
那是当然 他们会给我送毛巾呢
Case in point, they bring me towels.
伙计们
Guys!
我想告诉你们 那天
I just wanted to let you know that the other day,
我说你们的电视节目很不错 其实是假的
when I said your TV show was cool, it's not.
我只是礼貌一下
I was just being polite.
我知道那节目只是因为
And the only reason I know about it
我被困在一家"卡迈什"二手车卖♥♥场
is 'cause I got stuck at a Carmax.
那儿的人不让换频道
They don't let you change the channel there.
你真要惹别♥墅♥兄弟吗 小子
Are you really trying to step into the townhouse right now, bro?
小心被削哦
'Cause you're gonna get demolished.
你们能干嘛 在我身上排家具吗
What are you guys gonna do, rearrange furniture on me?
是吧
Right?
我才发现 我哥没站在我身边
So, I'm now realizing my brother's not standing with me,
我还以为这会是一场 兄弟与兄弟的对决
and I thought this would be, like, a brother-brother showdown,
但我只有一个人 喊他他都听不见
but I'm all by myself, and he's not even within yelling distance.
-等等 迪恩是你哥吗 -是啊
- Wait, Dean's your brother? - Yeah.
你们俩长得不像 我们也长得不像 有问题吗
You guys don't look alike. We don't look alike. What's the problem?
不可能 肯定有人骗你
No. Someone's lying to you.
你妈绝对跟罗伯·施耐德[喜剧演员]搞过外遇
I mean, your mom clearly had an affair with Rob Schneider.
你去哪儿了
Where did you go?
别♥墅♥兄弟刚往我脸上和小鸡鸡上扔毛巾呢 老哥
The Townhouse Twins just threw towels at my face and penis, dude.
他们说我长得像罗伯·施耐德
They told me I look like Rob Schneider.
对哦 你是有点像他
That's who it is, honestly.
别逼我在这儿锻炼 我不想这样
Don't make me work out here. I don't want to do this.
听着 我们哪儿也不去
Look, man. We're not going anywhere.
非得把这件事了了不可
We're gonna fix this.
谁也不能说我家人的坏话
Nobody talks smack about my family,
只能我先说 别人才能开始笑
unless it's me, and then everyone laughs afterward.
因为我很搞笑
Because I'm funny, dude.
好了 我们走吧
Come on, let's go.
盖里 我觉得你在搪塞我
Gary, I feel like you're giving me the runaround.
你的顾客想要优质水
Your customers want premium water, OK?
在这个领域全食超♥市♥正在碾压你
Whole Foods is crushing you in this sector.
你需要我 给我个数字
Ya need me. Gimme a number.
能要多少货
How many cases can I put ya down for?
盖里... 盖里 我... 听不到了
Gary... Gary, I... I lost you.
迪恩给我的分店选的三个地址都太差了
Dean's top three options for my retail expansion all suck.
一个没有停车场
One doesn't have a parking lot,
一个旁边有家餐厅 小孩子都能进去
another is next to a restaurant where they allow children,
还有一个在吉野家牛肉饭旁边
and the other is next to a Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.
你在... 和我说话吗
Are you... are you talking to me?
什么
What?
抱歉 我很抱歉 我以为你在和我说话
Sorry. I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
不过我确实想问一句
But I did want to ask,
我们以后都不吃吉野家牛肉饭了吗
are we not eating Yoshinoya Beef Bowl anymore?
我还以为它很健康呢 因为名字结尾是个"饭"字
I thought it was healthy, 'cause it had the word "bowl" in the title.
这什么 "原水"吗
What is this? RAWATER?
我的客户都超爱喝这玩意儿
All my customers are obsessed with this stuff.
真的吗 你知道"原水"
Really? You know RAWATER?
你想要的话 我应该能给你批发价
You know, if you want to, I could probably get you a bulk discount.
我认识他家总裁
I know the CEO.
你是真认识她 还是给她家送过外卖♥♥而已
Do you really know her, or do you just deliver food to her house?
拜托... 我真认识她 我...
OK... I know her. I...
我们有说有笑 她爱收集百丽餐具
We laugh, we smile. She's a Pyrex collector.
好啊 那就给我弄个... 30箱吧
OK, well, I guess you can put me down for... 30 cases?
太搞笑了
So funny.
我对这玩意儿最不放心的一点就是 居然是你在卖♥♥
The only thing that I don't trust about this product is the fact that you are selling it.
所以我大都选择电♥话♥销♥售♥
I do most of my volume over the phone just for that reason.
成功
Yes!
快拿吹风把头发吹干
Grab your hair dryer, and blow dry your hair.
不用了 我的头发和雪纳瑞的毛一样 自然干
I'm good. I have schnauzer hair. It self-dries.
少废话 照我说的做 快拿起来
Shut up and just do it. Grab it, go!
你们怎么啦 没事儿吧
What's up, guys? How ya doin'?
你们头发湿着呢吧 那还得等等哦
Your hair's wet? Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait a second.
-别闹啦哥们儿 我们赶时间 -声音好大 我... 我听不清啊
- Come on, guys. We're in a rush. - It's so loud, I... I can't hear you!
-现在... 我像在风洞一样耶 -大点声吧
- It's a... I'm in a wind tunnel! - A bit loud.
他头发都是干的