倾听男人心

And then there was that crack about the condom on my back.
-我听见你说了 -但是我没说呀
- I heard you say it! - But I... I didn't say it.
我的天啊 你是在读我的心吗
Holy shit, are you reading my mind?
要是你能听到我的想法
Because if you can hear my inner thoughts,
我可就彻底完犊子啦
I am super fucked!
我能听见你的内心想法 你完犊子了
I can hear your inner thoughts, and you are super fucked!
别喊了
Stop screaming!
我说别喊了
I said stop doing that!
-Brandon 靠边停车 -好的
- Okay, Brandon, pull over. - Okay.
-停车 我要喘口气 -我正在停
- Pull over, I need some air. - I'm pulling over.
我要喘口气 就在这里停
I need some air. Pull over right here!
我正在停
I'm pulling over!
-他妈的停车 -我正在停啊
- Stop the fucking car! - I'm stopping the car!
我没在想了 我发誓
I stopped thinking! I swear!
-我的内心没有尖叫 喂 -不 不 不 不
- I'm not screaming inside my head! Hello? - No, no, no, no.
等等 你在干什么 你不爬楼梯的
Wait, what are you doing? You don't do stairs!
你在做什么
What are you doing?
好吧 好吧
Okay, okay.
新鲜空气
Fresh air.
天杀的狗 我希望我也能在任何地方拉屎
Goddamn dog. I wish I could shit anywhere.
那可太爽了
That would be cool.
这双鞋他妈的把我折腾死了
These shoes are fucking killing me.
我喜欢的奶酪叫什么名字来着
What was the name of that cheese that I liked?
Michael Keaton是最好的击球手
Michael Keaton was the best Batman.
是的婊♥子♥ 我戴这顶帽子很好看 我知道
Yes, bitch, I look good in this hat. I know.
我裤子上的是水 不是尿
That's water on my pants, not pee.
那叫羊角面包还是牛角面包来着
Is it "croyssant" or "croissant"?
不管我妈怎么说 做一个处♥男♥没什么不好
Nothing wrong with being a virgin, no matter what my mom says.
-法国人很酷 -我把狗放走了吗
- French people are so cool. - Did I let the dog out?
我真希望在结婚前能跟黑妹子来一炮
I wish I'd fucked a black broad before I got married.
你好啊 奥普拉
Hello, Oprah!
奥普拉·温弗瑞为美国知名黑人女性演员 制片人及主持人
不 不 不 不
No! No! No! No!
你能别跑了吗 这是鹅卵石的地
Would you stop running? It's cobblestone!
闭嘴 把嘴闭上
Shut up, just shut up!
-早上好 Davis女士 -早上好
- Good morning, Ms. Davis. - Good morning.
穿女人内衣真是太棒了
This whole wearing ladies' underwear thing is fantastic.
谁知道我这么干了呢
Who knew?
Ali 你能听见别人说话吗
Ali, can you hear other people?
与Matt Ryan签合同的关键就是
Key to signing Matt Ryan:
通过在哥伦比亚的朋友跟他老婆搞好关系
befriending his wife through mutual friends at BC.
我们赞助同一个慈善机构的可能性有多大
What are the odds that we sponsor the same charity?
有她为我担♥保♥ 得嘞 那我就入伙
She vouches for me, boom, I'm in.
妈的 伙计 那是下一级的拍马技巧 看着点
Shit, man, that's some next-level ass-kissing right there. Respect!
这个蠢蛋的手表怎么比我的好看那么多
How does this douche have a nicer watch than me?
肯定是家里的钱
Got to be family money.
操 我希望没人知道这个劳力士是假的
Shit, I hope no one figures out that this Rolex is a fake.
-怎么样啊 Ali D -你们好
- What up, Ali D? - Gentlemen.
呸 我讨厌我的声音 我的鼻子 我的下巴
Ugh! I hate my voice. I hate my nose. I hate my chin.
我好烂 我好逊 太差劲了
I suck, I suck, I suck!
假装我在工作 假装在工作 我在工作
Pretend I'm working, pretend I'm working, pretend I'm working.
我总觉得我身上还是一股龙舌兰酒的味道
I'm pretty sure I still reek of tequila.
-白天不能再喝酒了 -早上好
- No more day drinking. - Good morning.
直视前方
Look straight ahead.
天哪 这些穿孔好疼
God, these piercings hurt.
天哪 这些穿孔真痛
God, these piercings hurt!
拜托 肛♥门♥不会骗人
Come on, anal isn't cheating.
我要是现在去当个海洋生物学家是不是太晚了
I wonder if it's too late to become a marine biologist.
我觉得这个除臭剂不管用
I don't think this deodorant is working.
什么 喷气式飞机
What? The Jets?
你♥他♥妈♥的逗我吗
Are you fucking kidding me?
您母亲的是不是在拿我寻开心
Are you fucking kidding me?
看见没 这就是爸爸离开的原因
See, this is why Dad left.
爸爸就是因为这个才离开的
This is exactly why Dad left because of shit like this.
哦 嘿 你们两个
Oh, hey, you two.
哦 花一万块去看那对俏乳都值了
Ooh, I'd pay $10,000 to see those nipples.
加税都行
Plus tax.
不 这不可能 这不会
No, this is not happening. This is not...
哦 天哪 求你停下来
Oh, my God, please make it stop!
哦 天哪 你穿高跟鞋都走的这么快
Oh, God, you walk fast in those heels.
求你了 老天爷 停下吧
Please, God, make it stop.
她还能读心吗 我来试一试她
Is this thing still on? Testing, testing.
我喜欢加肉桂的苹果片
I enjoy apple slices with cinnamon.
得了 我现在对你喜欢的零食不感兴趣
Okay, your snack choices do not interest me right now!
-哦 我的天爷 -我需要帮助 看不出来吗
- Oh, I'm so scared. -I need help! Can't you see that?
救命啊 救命啊
Help me! Help me!
-帮帮我 -好吧 我在帮忙 我在帮忙
- Help me! - Okay, I'm helping! I'm helping.
我可以预约个心理医生 然后在沙发上促膝长谈
I am booking us a psychiatrist with side-by-side couches.
不 不 不 不要医生了 我应付不来医生
No, no, no! No more doctors! I can't handle doctors!
我有太多操蛋的工作 哪来时间忙这
I'm in the middle of too much work shit for this!
我受不了 我不能
I can't handle this! I can't...
哦 我的上帝 我好热 我好热
Oh, my God. I'm so hot. I'm so hot.
哦 我的上帝
Oh, my God.
我越来越热了 我好热
I'm getting hot! I'm hot!
-做点什么 -好的 好的 好的
- Do something. - Okay, okay, okay!
你知道奇怪的点在哪吗
You know what's weird about this?
人们通常是从上帝或撒旦那听到声音
When people hear voices, it's usually God or Satan,
而不是从他们的助手那儿
not their assistant.
好的 等等 让我看看 闪一边去
Okay, wait. Let me see something. Move!
哟 我想吃寿司 但今天是周一啊
Yo, I want some sushi. But it's Monday.
一天尿多少次才算多 看来我得检查一下前列腺
How many pees a day is too many? I gotta get my prostate checked.
我不会再去练裸体瑜伽了
I am not going back to naked yoga.
又一双运动鞋 卧♥槽♥
Another pair of sneakers? What the fuck?
我忘了关后门吗
Did I leave the back door open?
今天是用探探还是陌陌呢
Tinder or Grindr?
垃圾 一堆垃圾 垃圾中的极品
Junk, junk, junk in the trunk.
该死 她是怎么怀孕的
Damn! How the hell did she get pregnant?
-我拔♥出♥来♥了两次 -哦 天哪
-I pulled out twice. -Oh, my God!
好吧 现在的情况是 我只能听到男人的声音
Okay, so apparently I only hear men's voices.
还有你的声音
And yours.
可以 哎哟 等等 等等 等等
Okay. Ouch. Wait, wait, wait.
我们回想一下昨晚 那个单身派对
Walk me through last night... the bachelorette party.
你 你们有没有接触到什么毒品
Did... Did you gals get into any controlled substances?
大♥麻♥ X水 可♥卡♥因♥ 死藤水 海♥洛♥因♥
Weed? X? Coke? Ayahuasca? Meth? A little. No.
-迷幻药 芬太尼 浴盐 -没有
- LSD? Fentanyl? Bath salt? - No!
你嗑K粉了吗
Are you in a K hole?
等下
Wait.
有个通灵者 叫老巫姐
There was this psychic. Sister.
对 对 老姐
Yes! Yes! Sister!
她本来应该帮我更了解男人的
And she was supposed to help me understand men better.
她给了我茶 那见鬼的茶 她让我喝了
She gave me this tea, this tea, and she made me drink it.
那茶贼恶心 尝起来像泥巴
And it was nasty. It tasted like dirt.
-那你就喝了吗 -她要我喝的
- And you drank it? - She said to!
我以为黑人从《逃出绝命镇》后就不喝茶了
I thought black people stopped drinking tea after Get Out.
《逃出绝命镇》为2017年美国惊悚电影 讲述的是黑人主角在喝下催眠师的茶后经历的一系列遭遇
你怎么没清醒清醒
You forgot to stay woke.
闭嘴 我们需要去见那个巫姐姐
Shut up! We need to see Sister.
嗯 就这样
Um, that's it.
热巧克力发型设计师
"Hot Chocolate Hair Designers"?
-没错 -你在这里喝的茶吗
- Yeah. - You drank tea from this place?
-嘿 别乱想 -好吧
- Hey, don't judge me. - Okay.
就把它拢在一起 表现正常点
Just pull it together and act normal.
是的 小妹 她漂白了他所有的衣服
Yeah, girl. She bleached all his clothes.
-我知道 当时我正往窗外看 -我
- I know, I was looking outside my window. - I...
我也会做同样的事 没错
I woulda did the same thing. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
嗨 女士们 打扰了
Hi, ladies. Excuse me.
我在找一个叫老巫姐的灵媒
I'm looking for a psychic by the name of Sister.
我听说她在这里工作
Um, I heard she works here.
嘿 老巫姐 你有客人
Hey, Sister! You got customers.
好吧 让他们从后面过来
Well, send 'em on back.
从帘子那过去
Through that curtain.
-跟过来 -♪和我跳舞 和我跳舞♪