圣诞前夜（2015）

我是个很烂的母亲 我一定很糟糕
I'm the worst mom. I'm gonna be terrible.
不会，别这么说
No. Don't say that.
要是我搞砸了怎么办？
What if I screw this up?
你不会，研究显示你的母性 最后一个月会显现
You won't. Studies show your maternal instincts really kick in in the last month.
我知道，抱歉 我太紧张了
I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.
没关系，我好爱你
- It's fine. I love you so much. Okay? - I love you too.
我也爱你
贝兹，看谁来了
Bets, look who it is.
伊森！
Ethan!
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
老天，你肚子好大！
Oh, my God! You look so big!
- 才不会 - 不会吗？
- No. - No?
你认识的怀孕女人不多吧？
You don't know a lot of pregnant women, do you?
- 我是指宝宝 - 没关系，我的确很巨大
- I meant the baby. - No, I look really big.
你看起来很棒，宝宝可能挤在
You look great, and the baby's probably cramped...
- 你紧实的身体里 - 谢谢你，够了
- ...inside of your small, fit body. - Thank you. No, that's enough.
- 嘴巴闭上，没事，都很好 - 抱歉，我不知道该怎么说
- Just shut up. It's all good. It's fine. - I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
她很美
She looks beautiful.
- 要喝点饮料？ - 当然好
- You want a drink? - Sure.
亲爱的，你要喝点吗？
- Do you want a drink, honey? - I'm okay right now.
先不用
真的？
Really?
是的，我还在待命 脑袋得保持清醒
Yeah. I'm kind of on call. Gotta keep my head on straight.
- 但你今晚会喝吧？ - 当然会
- But you're gonna drink tonight? - Yeah. For sure.
- 因为我已经醉了 - 看得出来
- Because I'm already kind of drunk. - I can tell.
- 一定是克里斯来了 - 没错
- That's Chris. - Yeah.
各位，看谁来了！
Everybody, look who it is!
圣诞节快乐、宽札节快乐 光明节快乐
Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah!
老兄，最近好吗？
Hey, man. How's it going?
瞧瞧这个，我的老天！
Whoa! Look at this! Oh, my God!
不从正面看 还真看不出你怀孕了呢
I couldn't even tell you were pregnant till I saw you from the side.
你真的很娇小！
Look how tiny you are!
说得真贴切
That's so nice of you to say.
对怀孕女人就该这么说
That is how you talk to a pregnant woman.
真是了不起 这一季表现非常棒，恭喜
It's amazing. You've had the season of a lifetime. Congratulations, man.
- 恭喜 - 谢了，老兄
- Congrats. - Thanks, man.
我用新的健身方法 新的原始人饮食法
Got a new workout, new diet, new paleo thing I've been doing.
我听过，有效吗？
I've heard about that. And it works?
简直是重塑，要是你看到 我没穿衣服时，绝对吓一跳
It rips you up. If you see me naked, it'll blow your mind.
我想看看
I'd love to.
♪ Five golden rings ♪
开始唱
Kick ass.
♪ Four calling birds ♪
♪ Three French hens ♪
♪ Two turtle doves ♪
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
真不敢相信 今年又要这么做
Really can't believe we're doing this again this year.
老实说，几年前我就玩完了
I was done a few years ago, to be totally honest.
但我们就像永远都在玩 不给糖就捣蛋的小孩
We're like those kids who won't stop trick-or-treating.
但那种人到你门前 你就会说
Eventually, they come to your door, you're like, "Eh."
-〝糖不是给你的〞 - 没错
- "No candy for you." - No.
〝小子，别再玩了〞
"Pack it in, kid."
- 但就这样了，最后一次圣诞狂欢 - 最后一次是吧？
- But this is it. This is the last Christmas. - Last time. Right?
- 他能接受吗？ - 我想可以
- Is he cool with it? - Yeah, I think so.
他现在似乎很开心
He looks happy right now, right?
我的意思是 我们在纵容他
I'm just saying, we're enabling him at this point.
我们不是在帮他 解决他自己的问题
We're not helping him get over his own problems.
在心理层面来说 这样子不好
On a psychological level, that's not good.
我已经决定
I've made a decision.
作为今晚的圣诞节礼物 我来保护他
For a Christmas present tonight, I'm gonna take him under my wing.
我来帮他 帮他脱离这个状态
I'm gonna help him and get him out of this rut.
这是十年来我们一直逃避的话题
It's a conversation we've been avoiding for 10 years, actually.
我知道
I know.
简单扼要就好
Just do it easy.
我会全力以赴
I'm going all in.
- 别太用力 - 全力以赴
- Don't go all in. - Balls and all.
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ On the eighth... ♪♪
玩得开心点
Have fun.
好好照顾我丈夫 我喜欢他
Take good care of my husband, all right? I like him.
会的
We will.
对了，贝兹 帮我跟黛安娜打招呼
Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello.
最好是
Yeah, no.
算了，圣诞快乐
- No, no. Merry Christmas. - Mwah.
再见
Bye-bye.
- 恭喜 - 很高兴见到你
- Congratulations. - Mwah. Good to see you.
- 公园里最幸运的男人 - 我的确是，再见
- Luckiest guy in the Park. - I sure am. Bye.
可以先跟你简短说几句话？
Can I talk to you for a second real quick?
怎么了？ 不是现在玩送礼物吧？
What? We're not doing gifts now, are we?
不，是明天 但我相信你今晚需要这个
No, we're doing them tomorrow, but this one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight.
- 这是什么？ - 整个怀孕期间
- What is it? - You have been such a rock...
你真的很体贴
...throughout this whole pregnancy.
你就像是我的巨石强森
You're like my Dwayne Johnson.
谢谢你
Thank you.
现在圣诞节到了 我们几乎快成功了
It's Christmas now, and we've almost made it...
这是你应得的 圣诞节快乐
...and you deserve this. So Merry Christmas.
是古龙水吗？
Is it cologne?
不是
No.
我的老天！
Holy shit!
这是全世界各种毒品
It's every single drug in the whole world.
你干嘛给我这个？
Why are you giving this to me?
你一直照顾我跟宝宝
You've been so focused on me and the baby...
今晚我觉得 你该照顾你自己一下
...and tonight I think you should just focus on yourself.
去外头好好疯一下
Go out there, get fucking wild, you know?
这是古♥柯♥碱吗？ 我大概11年没碰了吧
Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocaine for 11 years, I don't think.
没人碰过吧
No one has, I don't think.
真是太了不起了 你哪里弄来的？
That's amazing. Where did you get all this shit?
- 克雷格分类广♥告♥ - 从克雷格分类广♥告♥弄来的？
- Craigslist. - You got it from Craigslist?
我打〝纽约药头〞 然后按搜寻
I just typed in the search "NYC drugs."
你真的很厉害
Really resourceful of you.
这是你们最后一次圣诞节聚会 好好疯狂一下吧
It's your last Christmas together, so have fun. Enjoy it.
- 真是谢谢你 - 我爱你
- Thank you so much. - Yeah. I love you.
太棒了，我身上有电♥话♥
This is so great. I'll have my phone with me.
我应该会很早回家 我爱你
I'll be home pretty early, I think. Okay. I love you.
什么？
What?
这是什么鬼？
What the fuck is this?
这是红牛礼车，各位
This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas.
我现在是红牛代言人
You are now looking at the face and body of Red Bull.
恭喜，老兄
- Wow! Congratulations, man! - Huh? Right?
是吧？既然是最后一次过圣诞节 就该过得有质感一点
Since this is our final Christmas, I figured we could do it in class.
没错，这才叫做过圣诞节
Seriously, this is what the spirit of Christmas is all about.
有钱的运动选手终于 得到梦寐以求的公♥司♥礼车
A rich athlete finally getting the corporate limo that he always wanted.
- 没错！ - 我也这么认为
- Exactly! - I think so.
走吧，上车 你们得见识一下
Let's go, get in. You gotta see this. Come on.
超酷！
Cool!
各位，这是红牛礼车
Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys!
好了
All right.
各位好吗？
Yo! What's up, everybody? This your man, C-Rob.
我是你们的西罗
我们现在在红牛礼车里
We in the Red Bull Limo.
里面有各种香槟、白兰地
And we Dom P'in it, we have Cristal in it, Hennythuggin' it...
还有红牛！
...and we got Red Bull!
而我正在使用 Sony Xperia Ultra手♥机♥录影
I'm capturing this on my Sony Xperia Ultra phone.
无论在任何灯光下 画质一样清晰，对吧？
No matter what the light, the picture's right. All right?
你们的克里斯罗伯 就要来了
This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you.
现在，再见了
What happening? Peace!
再见！
- Peace! - Wow.
上传
And Internet.
- 他的社群网站经营得很夸张 - 即时
- His social media game is crazy. - On point.
- 真的即时，没错 - 即时
- Really on point, yeah. - On point.
可能已经有五百万人看过了
Five million people probably just saw that.
嗨
Hey there.
抱歉打搅你们休息聚会
Didn't wanna interrupt while you guys were rolling back there.
很棒的影片，我刚才看了
Great video, by the way. I just watched it.
还真快
That was fast.