超级魔术师

In order to achieve this impossible feat of impossibility...
我们需要一位女观众来做志愿者
...we will need a female volunteer from the audience.
会是谁呢
Who will that be?
会是谁呢
Who will the female volunteer be?
呵呵
All right.
不要你
Nope.
你是爷们
You're a dude.
对 200万美元
Yes, $2 million.
250万
Two point five million.
那好 朋友们 刚刚真抱歉
Okay. I'm sorry about that, guys.
你们怎么样
How are you?
我好的不能再好了
I am incredible.
犹大长得真快
Look how big Judah's gotten.
-对啊 -他多大了
-Yeah. -How old is he now?
我不知道
I don't know.
但是告诉你 那孩子
But I'll tell you what. That kid?
是你们的铁杆粉丝
That kid is your biggest fan.
我喜欢
Ah. I love it!
很不幸 我开始想到
Unfortunately, I'm starting to think
你们的粉丝只剩他了
he's your only fan.
嗯哼
Mm. Ha, ha.
-什么 -你们的票房♥很不理想
-What? -Your ticket sales suck.
-我们有一大群跟随者 -你们需要年轻粉丝好吗
-Well, we have a following. -You need a younger crowd, okay?
你们听过有个叫史蒂夫?格雷的人吗
Have you heard of this Steve Gray guy?
好哇 我跟你说说这个人吧
Ah. God. Let me tell you about Steve Gray.
他就只会咕哝 伤害自己
All that guys does is mumble and cut himself.
谁都做得到
Anybody can do that.
我侄子就能
My niece does that. Heh.
他能吸引全国25到45岁的粉丝
Well, he's getting a national following between the ages of 25 and 45.
他们称他为魔术界的未来
They're calling him the future of magic.
你们想看看他最新的表演吗
Would you like to see his latest stunt?
那就看看吧
Mm-mm. All right.
他憋了12天没撒尿
For 12 long days, he's held his urine.
别出来
No!
请收看史蒂夫?格雷精彩表演的最终时刻
Be there for the final hour of Steve Gray's incredible stunt.
憋住啊
-Ahh! -"Holding It In."
那个是喷泉吗
Is that a fountain over there?
说真的 能不能把它关了
Seriously, could we turn that off?
这影响公平
That's not fair.
现场直播中
Live on Intense TV.
我确定我没事 但是我的腿不听使唤了
I'm sure this is normal, but my legs are shutting down.
你现在在想些什么呢
What is going through your mind right now?
理查德 我真的得去尿尿了
I really have to pee, Richard.
是啊
Yeah.
他已经成功忍♥到这个程度
He's made it this far,
但是他还能活吗
but will he last?
他应该早就死了
He should be dead. Right now,
现在他的尿液已经多于血液了
he's got more urine than blood.
本周五请收看本台的现场报道
So join us this Friday at 9/8 Central on Intense TV.
魔术师 你管他叫魔术师
A magician? You call that a magician?
你真的喜欢这个
You actually enjoy that?
魔术这种烂东西我都不喜欢
I don't enjoy any of this shit.
好了 伯特
All right, Burt...
这是我的新同名酒店道格酒店的宣传册
...this is the brochure for my new signature hotel, Doug.
这个酒店跟其它酒店一样
This hotel is the same as all the other hotels.
但是我将所有收费都提高70%
But I'm going to be charging 70% more for everything.
你们知道为什么我做得到吗
Now, do you know why I can do that?
-因为它更吸引人吗 -闭嘴吧
-Because it's shinier? -Shut up.
因为它是新酒店
Because it's new.
人们喜欢新的东西
And people love new.
人们喜欢的东西 就变得有价值
And when people love something, it becomes valuable.
所以新就代表有价值
So new equals valuable.
你们理解我的话吗
Do you understand what I'm saying?
自从我用了你们以来
You've been doing the same shit
你们的烂魔术就一成不变
since I hired you.
甚至是你们上台的狗屁音乐都没变过
You even come onstage to that same goddamn song.
那首歌♥叫"Abracadabra"
It's called "Abracadabra."
它也是一首现代经典歌♥曲
And it is considered a modern classic.
-它是狗屁 -我同意 伯特
-It's shit. -I agree with him, Burt.
我们一定能做大事业 占据头条的
There's no reason we couldn't do something big. Headline-grabbing.
我又没有憋尿
I am not holding my piss!
史蒂夫?格雷已经这么做过了
Steve Gray already did that.
这是他的专属 是他的
He owns that. He owns it.
你得做点别的 别人没做过的
You need to do something else, something fresh.
我可以憋屎吧
I suppose I could hold my poop.
我回去吃一顿大餐
I'll have a large meal.
喝点酸奶 吃点燕麦卷
I'll eat some yogurt and granola.
然后憋24小时不拉屎
And I'll hold my poop. For 24 hours.
-他没事吧 -伯特会拉出来吗
-What is wrong with him? -"Will Burt poop?"
这事会发生吗
"Will it happen?"
他的裤裆会不会裂开
"Will he crap his pants?"
我想到了
I think I've got something.
再过来点
Keep coming.
请问 你为什么叫它"炎热空间"呢
Now, why do you call it The Hot Box?
拉斯维加斯的炎热阳光
Well, the Vegas sun will effectively
会把树脂正方体玻璃变成烤箱
turn the Plexiglas box into an oven.
我们估计内部温度将达到华氏200度
We estimate the interior temperature may hit 200 degrees.
你和伯特?沃德斯通打算在里面待一个礼拜
And you and Burt Wonderstone plan to stay in the box an entire week?
没错的 这位记者 你好
That's right, reporter. Hello.
请允许我俩离开一下
Excuse us.
你这穿的什么
What are you wearing?
我的魔术师服 因为我是魔术师
My magician's costume because I am a magician.
这一切是为了让我们的魔术与时俱进 你要去换衣服
The whole point of this is to update our act. You need to go change.
这是拉斯维加斯 宝贝们
Now this is Vegas, baby.
看这人群 这才是我所说的一切
Look at this crowd. This is what I'm talking about.
太棒了 真希望我能和你们一起
This is awesome. I wish I could come with you.
儿子 你可别想做这个
You don't want to do that, son.
那里面会熏死人的
It's gonna smell like ass in there.
大家 准备好了
Okay, guys, we're ready for you.
-你要穿那个 -对啊
-You're gonna wear that? -Yes.
这衣服是天鹅绒的 你会热死的
It's velvet, Burt. You're gonna die.
这样穿好多了
Ah. That's better.
女士们 先生们 这位是大美女妮可
Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Nicole!
记着 什么事都别做
Just remember, all you have to do is nothing.
「任汗水浸透衣衫」
Come on, let's sweat
宝贝
Baby
「跟着节奏舞动」
Let the rhythm move you
「快」
-Sweat -Sweat
「跟上音乐的节奏」
Let the music take control
「大家一起来热舞」
Everybody! Come on, let's sweat
「跟着音乐舞动 跟着节奏舞动」
Baby
「大家一起来热舞」
Let the music take control Let the rhythm move you
好了
All right.
我才想到 我得禁欲一周了
I just realized I won't be having sex for a week.
-你干嘛呢 -练习呼吸
-What are you doing? -Breathing exercises.
我已经练了一星期了
I've been doing them all week.
-你在练习呼吸 -没错
-You're practicing breathing? -Yes.
笑死我了
Okay.
风景真好
A nice view.
这东西比我想象得要小
It's smaller than I thought it would be.
也许你可以至少练习一下下
Okay, maybe if you'd come to even one rehearsal...
也许你可以至少练习一下下
"Maybe if you'd come to rehearsal."
安东 也许你需要练习坐在盒子里 而我不用
Maybe you need to rehearse sitting in a box, Anton. I don't.
-好吧 -本天才不用练习
-Fine. -Not this guy.
我无法呼吸了 我无法呼吸了
I can't breathe, I can't breathe!
-你能呼吸 你可以的 -不行 这里太小了
-Yes, you can! Yes, you can! -No, it's so small!
别紧张 我们只待了20分钟呢
Relax. It's only been 20 minutes.
-别碰我 -好
-Don't touch me! -Okay.
我们只是在玩呢
We're just having fun!
伯特 别踢了
Burt! Stop it!
求你了 冷静