欢喜冤家（2021）

读到提康德罗加堡的部分蛮刺♥激♥的
Oh, yeah, it was thrilling reading about the topography of Fort Ticonderoga.
不管怎样 我喜欢那本
Whatever, I loved it.
所以感恩节有什么大计划
So, big Thanksgiving plans?
你要边写蓝精灵小说 边吃蔓越莓罐头
You gonna be posting some Smurf fanfic and eating cranberry sauce out of a can?
还是你们家族的人
And what about the Templeman family?
喝着处♥女♥的血 然后默默地
Drinking the blood of a virgin and then staring at each other
盯着对方
in silence?
喔 你怎么知道
Oh, how'd you know?
我们在找自愿者
We're looking for donations.
喔 嗨 吉岚
Oh, hi, Jeanette!
喔 我喜欢那些耳环
Oh, I love those earrings.
想都别想
Don't even try.
这礼拜四次投诉 四次欸
Four complaints this week, four!
其中三个是关于礼拜一的休息室事件
Three about the break room incident on Monday.
来啊
Here we go.
你准备好上课了吗
Are we ready for our lesson?
好吗
Okay?
这是逗号♥ 这是句点
This is a comma, and this is a period.
当你把一个句点放在
When you take a period and--
你最好放下那甜甜圈 不然我就把它塞进你的分号♥里
You better put that doughnut hole away or I'm gonna shove it up your semicolon!
你喜欢那样是不是啊 小虾米
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Shrimp?
妈咪和爸比有时候会吵架
Mommy and Daddy fight sometimes.
我们有沟通过
We have discussions.
就像妈咪常常忘记通知爸比公♥司♥有新书一样
Like how Mommy constantly forgets to CC Daddy on company-wide memos.
或者说爸比对季度报告的格式就像他屁♥股♥上的软木塞一样
Or how Daddy has a cork up his ass about the format of quarterly reports.
妈咪和爸比
Mommy and Daddy?
你们来真的
Are you serious?
你们俩是我职涯的恶梦
You two are the worst part of my job.
♪ Everyone else has left now ♪
♪ I bet that disc got you stressed out ♪
♪ Wondering, what can we do now? ♪
♪ Maybe let it burn out ♪
♪ Glitter sparkling on your heart ♪
♪ Now, darling, won't you stay? ♪
♪ I know it's getting late now, baby ♪
♪ Maybe you should stay here with me ♪
♪ Let's just make it our own party ♪
♪ Stick together like glitter, glitter, glitter, glitter♪
这座城市里有数以百万计的人
There are literally millions of guys in this city.
要找到一个好的并非易事
Well, it's not that easy to find a good one.
同事那个呢
What about that guy from work?
谁 乔许
Who, Josh?
亲爱的 你一直在说他
Honey, you talk about him all the time.
我没有
I do not.
我只是担心你一直一个人
I just worry about you all alone.
我知道 妈
I know, Mom.
我很好
I'm fine.
好吧 我们很想你 甜心
Well, we miss you, Sweetie.
我也是
Yeah, I do too.
嘿 妈妈我得走了
Hey, look, Mom, I gotta go.
我要出门和其他女生去喝点东西
I'm walking out the door; I'm gonna meet the girls for some drinks.
我明天再打给你好吗
But I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
好 爱你 小南瓜
All right, love you, Pumpkin.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
感恩节快乐
Happy Thanksgiving.
感恩节快乐
Happy Thanksgiving.
♪ soft sensitive music ♪
快乐的蓝精灵都一个样
Happy Smurfs are all alike.
但不快乐的蓝精灵有他们自己的方式发泄
But Unhappy Smurfs are all unhappy in their own ways.
蓝妹妹一边思考这个问题 一边看着厌烦的蓝精灵
Smurfette pondered this as she watched Grouchy Smurf squash a
把一颗草莓压在他闪亮的靴子下
strawberry under his shiny boot,
自怨自艾地抱怨着这个世界的不公
grumbling to himself about the un-Smurfiness of the world.
我要让你工作到爆
I'm gonna work you so fucking hard.
什么鬼
Son of a bitch.
♪ I don't need permission ♪
♪ I'm a woman on a mission ♪
♪ I don't care to admit it ♪
♪ I run the game, get with it♪
♪ And the mission is sky-high ♪
♪ Sky-sky-high, and roll out ♪
♪ Baby, I'ma hit the big time... ♪
哇 今天干嘛怎么辣
Wowzers, what's the occasion?
心理战开始
Psychological warfare.
是时候印在他脑里了
Time to get into his head.
♪ 'Cause I'm a powerful woman, I always get what I want ♪
♪ So don't you get in my way now ♪
♪ That's not what I want ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a powerful woman, I always get what I want... ♪
噢
Ow.
小心地滑 小甜心
Smooth, Shortcake.
喔 闭嘴
Ugh, shut up.
这是什么
What is this?
旅行酒杯
Travel shot glass?
那是
That...
是个月亮杯
would be a menstrual cup.
好
Right.
我下一个就要猜这个
My next guess.
哈
What?
这些东西对环境比较好
These are better for the environment,
卫生棉很危险
and tampons are dangerous.
你可知道
You know what?
不知道 因为这不是你的业务
No, this is none of your business.
今晚有火热约会
Hot date tonight?
有可能喔
I might.
啊
Ugh.
噢
Ow!
干
Fuck!
干
Duck!
你今天可是比平常又更古怪了
You are weirder than normal today.
工作申请的压力让你感到不安
Pressure of the job application getting to you?
我
I...
昨晚做了一些怪梦
had some weird dreams last night.
你做春梦了
You had a sex dream.
并没有
No.
我是不是在里面
Was I in it?
只有你在做梦的时候才会梦到你出现在我梦里
Only in your dreams would you ever be in my dreams.
好
Okay.
那个梦 有点色
It was a...little erotic.
我躺在床上
I was in bed...
一♥丝♥不♥挂♥ 然后有个男人
naked, and there was a man...
压在我身上
pressing up against me.
我可以感觉的到他
I could feel him...
你知道的
you know.
我想你得给我讲清楚了
I think you're gonna have to spell it out for me.
喔 我猜我只是
Well, I guess I just...
感觉很奇怪 因为他是一个同事
feel weird because it is a guy from work.
喔
Ooh!
火热约会对象
Hot date guy?
事实上
As a matter of fact...
那我是不是要通知一下人力资源部门
Am I gonna have to notify HR?
因为我们的所作所为
...because of what we did.
我们被赶不完的进度淹没了
We are drowning in remainders!
我们那本平淡无奇的体育回忆录剩余部分 都比乔丝琳那本剩下的还多
We have more remainders of that insipid sports memoir than we do of Jocelyn's book!
我们会越印越多 因为他们确实能赚钱
Because we print more because they actually make money.
因为上帝不允许我们真正投资于有艺术价值的东西
Because God forbid we actually invest in something artistically worthwhile!
你知道你的问题出在哪吗 海伦
You know what your problem is, Helen?
你认为给人们提供他们真正想要的东西是在你之下
You think it's below you to give people what they actually want.
我呢
Me?
我啥屁也不管
I don't give a shit!
如果人们希望有一本驴子放屁的书
People want a book on donkey farts,
我就骑着驴子一路到银行
I'll ride the donkey all the way to the bank!
这就是我向恶魔出♥卖♥♥♥灵魂的结果
This is what I get for selling my soul to Mephistopheles.
你说谁
Who?!
看点书好吗 贝克希
Read a book, Bexley!
靠
Fuck!
所以
So...
何时何地会有这个所谓的约会
when are where is this supposed date going to happen?
你看来很有兴趣呢
You are very interested.
这是为什么呢
Why is that?
嗯 研究表明 当一个经理 假装对他员工的个人生活
Well, studies show when a manager feigns interest in his
感兴趣时 可以提高士气
employees' personal lives, it boosts morale.