尴尬时刻

Can we get tequila shots, please?
工作的事拖累我迟到了
Sotheby's kept me late.
那就让他们买♥♥单吧
Then they can take care of these drinks.
是嘛
They will?
-见到你真高兴 -我也是
-It's good to see you. -You, too.
-咱们继续 -一定要这样吗
-I'm still going. -That's not cool.
-干杯 -干杯
-All right cheers! -Cheers!
切尔西 看你的了
Chels, you're up.
快去牵线
Get it.
天啊 我好喜欢你的鞋子
Oh, my God, I love your shoes.
谢谢 你真好
Thank you. That's so sweet.
-如果我能跟她一样就好了 -这是我朋友丹尼尔
-That should've been me. -This is my friend, Daniel.
嗨
Hi.
嗨
Hi.
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.
好吧
Okay.
好吧
Okay.
-干嘛 -搞什么啊
-What. .. -The fuck was that?
说真的 刚刚真是糟透了
Seriously. That was god-awful.
真是骇人听闻
That was horrendous.
我不想 我不知道
I got nothing... I don't know.
你认真的吗 你刚刚放弃了多好的一个机会啊
Are you serious right now? You just dropped the ball. Seriously.
你放弃了一个很棒的机会
You just dropped the ball big time.
我不知道 我今晚没感觉
I'm having an off night. I don't know.
今晚没感觉
Having an off night?
乔丹也有没感觉的时候吧
Even Jordan has off nights.
你真是雄心壮志
Very ambitious.
怎么了
What? What's wrong?
你的毛绒熊
That teddy bear.
威格尔斯先生
Mr. Wiggles?
对 就是该死的威格尔斯先生
Fuck, Mr. Wiggles. Yeah, Mr. Wiggles.
因为我知道
Because, I know,
这个熊是你前男友送你的
your ex-boyfriend gave you that teddy bear.
然后我说他是个娘炮 因为他就是
And I said he was a pussy, which he was.
然后你跟他分手了
And then you broke up with him.
但是我忍♥不住想象你俩在一起的样子
But I was thinking about you guys together.
想象你们上♥床♥ 想象他裸体的样子
And him having sex with you. And then I thought about him naked.
-你知道的 什么都想 -真的吗
-And you know. And all that stuff. -Oh, really? Yeah.
然后我的鸡鸡就像一片热生菜一样萎了
And my bonerjust started to wilt like warm lettuce.
-那好 我把熊拿走 -谢谢
-I'm gonna get rid of the teddy bear! -Thank you.
-真吓人呢还 -是
-Creeped me out. -Yeah.
切尔西 我想告诉你
Chelsea, I just really want you to know something.
很清楚地告诉你
And I wanted to be very clear.
你不想认真谈恋爱吗
You're not looking for anything serious right now?
听着 丹尼尔 我们没必要认真的
Look, Daniel, this thing doesn't have to be a thing.
如果你想做普通朋友的话 我们可以做回普通朋友
And if you want to go back to being friends, we can go back to being friends.
我不是想做回朋友
I don't want to go back to anything.
我想告诉你的就是这个
That's what I was going to tell you.
我喜欢跟你在一起
I really like being here.
我想说的就是这个
That's what I was going to say.
你周末工作吗
You working this weekend?
你应该来医院找我
You should come by the hospital.
-又去 -没错
-Again. -Yeah. Again.
你喜欢那样 不是吗
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
没错 我喜欢
Yeah, I would.
一次又一次
Come by again and again and again.
看看这个
Check this one out.
-真是过目难忘啊 -是啊
-That's impressive. -Very impressive.
你们两个找什么呢
Something for the two of you?
怎么了
What's up, man?
你们两个想找什么东西
Something for the two of you?
不要误会 我们不是同性恋
Oh, no, no, no. We're not gay, man.
-我们想找 -我们想找一根长长的捆绑的假鸡鸡
-And we're just... -We just need a giant strap-on dildo.
我知道这听起来挺基的 不过只是为了一套装扮而已
Which I know sounds a little gay. But it's for a costume.
就在那边 你前面就是
It's right here. Right in front of you.
-等等 我有个很严肃的问题问你 -说吧
-Wait. I have a serious question for you. -Yeah.
好好想
Think.
如果你是同性恋 你会约我吗
If you were gay, would you date me?
绝对不会
Definitely not.
-什么 -怎么了
-What? -What?
我不会约你的 杰森
I would not date you, Jason.
-为什么 -你不是我的菜
-Why? -Because you're not my type.
你♥他♥妈♥什么意思
What the fuck does that mean?
你还不爽了
What? Are you offended?
当然不爽了
I'm completely offended.
那就不爽去吧
Deal with it.
你绝对会约我的 你绝对会
You'd gay date me. You know you would.
说实话 既然你这么热情 杰森
Honestly, if were to have sex with you, Jason,
如果我跟你上♥床♥的话
which apparently you really want,
你绝对会在我所有上过的姑娘里面
you would probably be like top three hottest chicks
排名前三
I've ever had sex with.
这倒不假
That's actually true.
兄弟 这个多少钱
Man, how much are these?
你买♥♥吗 75块
For you? $75.
这么贵 都是好朋友便宜点吧
For me? 'Cause we're such good friends?
这都是消过毒 很安全的
These are all dishwasher safe.
我觉得你不应该去这个爬梯的
I don't think you should go to this party, man.
我就是去玩一玩而已 会很有趣的
Dude, I can go to the party. It's gonna be fun.
65块可以吗
$65.
哥们 你跟谁讲价
Dude, who the fuck are you negotiating with right now?
60块
$60.
好吧 我跟你说 这个爬梯就是通往恋爱道路上的一站
Okay. Look. I'm telling you, man. This party is a road to a relationship.
在这条路上铺满了责任与无私
And that road is paved with responsibility and lack of selfishness.
我现在手上拿的这他妈的是什么玩意
And what the fuck am I holding right now? What is this?
我不知道
I have no idea.
好智慧啊
Clever.
买♥♥的话另送一个气球
It comes with an extra balloon.
为什么还要另送一个
Why would I need an extra balloon?
-以防这个气球爆掉 -为什么会爆掉
-In case it pops. -Why would it pop?
如果你太用劲了
If you try too hard.
啥
What?
鸡鸡很帅嘛 兄弟
Sick cock, bro.
谢谢
Thanks.
你好吗
What's up?
挺好
Yeah.
生日快乐
happy birthday!
杰森 你穿的是什么
Jason? What are you wearing?
鸡鸡吊在外面的 摇滚巨星
Rock out with my cock out.
这鸡鸡不是我真的鸡鸡哦
It's not my real cock, though.
-那当然 -没错
-Clearly. -Yeah.
原来你说的打扮不是这意思
So it's a different kind of dress-up party?
对
Yeah.
经典的误会啊
This is a classic case of miscommunication.
-真是经典 -是的
-It's really... It's just a classic. -Yeah.
这是我的父母
These are my parents.
我妈妈朱迪 我爸爸比尔
My mom, Jodie, and my dad, Bill.
妈的啊
Holy shit.
这是杰森
This is Jason.
真抱歉 你们好
I'm sorry. Hi.
我就假装这一切没发生吧
I'm just gonna pretend that this isn't happening. Hi.
-你们好 -嗨 我是杰森
-Hello. -Hi. I'm Jason.
嗨
Hi.
-我是比尔 -我是杰森 很高兴见到你
-Bill. -Jason. Nice to meet you.
-上帝啊 -这太不应该了
-Oh, goodness. -That should not have happened.
太不应该了
That shouldn't have happened.
是啊
Yeah.
反正也是鸡尾酒嘛
It's a cocktail.
又说错话了
Shouldn't have said that.
我要去看看那啥
I'm just gonna go and check the...
等等 我失陪一下