惊声尖笑2

性灵合体
let's say... together.
拜托 这是学术
Oh, come on, it's college.
你们俩这是做实验
It's time for you two to experiment.
我想他是帮不上什么忙
I don't think we're gonna be getting much help here.
刚好相反
Oh, on the contrary, actually...
我很乐意搓合你们
I'd be more than happy to walk you through it.
走吧 我送你去睡觉
Come on, Cin. I'll make sure you get tucked in.
很好 别忘了互吻道晚安
Good idea. Don't forget to kiss each other good night.
这屋内有鬼 教授
There's something going on in this house, Professor.
我头壳没坏
I'm not crazy! Aah!
一 二 三 四 五 六 七
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
八 九 十 十一 来吧 跟我一起数
8, 9, Brandon, 10, 11, Brandon, come on! Count with me!
嘿 你好
Hey, you. Hee hee hee hee!
进来一下
Come here a minute. Ha ha ha ha!
快来
Come here. Ha ha ha ha!
逮到你了
Peekaboo! Ha ha ha ha!
想玩吗 来玩吧
Come on, let's play!
这游戏很有趣呢
This is a fun game, huh?
你干嘛
Hey, what are you doing?
雷叔叔有别的游戏
Uncle Ray-Ray's got a game.
把你的手指拿开
Hey, get your finger out of there.
胳肢 胳肢 胳肢 胳肢
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle...
跟我嘿♥咻♥嘿♥咻♥
You want to play with Uncle Ray? Peekaboo! Ha ha ha ha!
救命啊
Aah! Aah! Help!
天啊
Oh, God!
送你一个小汽球
Here's a little balloon animal. Da da da da da da da da da!
日记
我无法再跟他共处
"I can't take living with him any longer.
他成了一个怪兽
"He's becoming a monster.
我怀疑他在搞婚外情
"I suspect he was having an affair.
他跟保母小薇有一腿
"I believe he's sleeping with our baby-sitter Victoria.
所以他才雇她
"It must be why he keeps her around...
但我们根本没小孩
"because we have no children."
辛蒂 我要你知道我的遭遇
Cindy. I want you to know what happened, Cindy.
你好 辛蒂
Hello, Cindy.
你好 教授
Hello, Professor.
你不生我的气了
I take it you're not mad at me anymore.
怎么会呢 教授
I wouldn't go that far, Professor.
你放轻松点嘛
Why don't you just relax?
她好像起疑心了
I think she's starting to suspect something.
谁
Who?
你老婆啊
Your wife.
-天啊 就是在这里发生的 -什么
-Oh, my God. It happened right here. -What?
她回到家
She came home.
看到了他们
She saw them!
看到谁
Saw who?
我本来在她房♥里看她的日记
I was in my room reading her journal.
接着我在柜子里找到这件衣服
Then I found this dress in the closet.
我只记得这么多了
That's all I remember.
你呢 小雷
What about you, Ray?
我是来找吃的 洋装是周五买♥♥的
Oh, I bought mine on Friday. I just came down to get a banana.
够美吧
Shit is hot, right?
晚安 小树苗
You're a nice little plant.
喝光水水
You drink all this little water up...
长成又高又壮的大♥麻♥树
so you can grow up to be a nice strong chron plant. Yes. Yes.
我就能把你卷起来
And then you'll be smoked by all the rappers and make them do
然后毁了你的前途
a whole lot of dumb shit that fuck up their careers.
你会的
Yes you will.
晚安 宝贝
Night-night, baby.
牙仙子
我今晚要抢牙仙子
I'm gonna rob that bitch tonight.
霉龟唱片推出嘻哈圣诞专辑
Lockdown Records presents A Hip-Hop Christmas.
收录经典 圣诞公公跟我老母
You'll get such classics... As "Santa Claus Is Coming on Moms..."
-真是太爽了 -我正梦到一个白人女人
-That's the shit son! -"I'm Dreaming of a White Woman"
还有 雪人怎么不贱了
and who could forget "Frosty the Dopeman"?
圣诞叫♥床♥声 淫♥色♥圣诞
And how about "All I want for Christmas... Is the Charges Dropped..."
我不要在牢里过圣诞
"Deez Nuts Roasting On an Open Fire..."
一路爽叮当
"A Sleigh Ride In My '6♥4♥..." "Ante Up, Bitch, It's Christmas..."
-还有很多好听的酷歌♥ -我要买♥♥这张
-and many more! -Yo, I'm gonna buy that shit, son!
只要19块95
Just $ 19.95...
我不是有意抽你亲戚的
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to smoke your relatives! Please! No!
都是惠妮跟巴比布朗教我的
I didn't do it by myself! Whitney and Bobby helped me! Please! Help me!
等等
Wait! No! Please!
靠
Oh! Oh, shit, son!
哦 靠
Oh, shit!
哦 天啊
Oh, my God!
有东西烧焦了
Aah! Oh, shit! I smell something burning!
靠 就是我嘛
Oh, stop! It's me!
我有个主意
I got an idea!
-等一等 -撑着点 矮子
-Oh, wait a second! -Hold on, Shorty!
先别救我 这样满high的
Don't rescue me yet. I'm getting high as a motherfucker!
抽吧 用力抽
Toke, toke, toke, toke! Take it to the head! Take it to the head!
你象个婊♥子♥
Oh, you take it like a bitch.
把矮子放下 我就给你洋芋片
Put the Shorty down and I'll give you Funyons and Cheetos.
靠
Oh, shit!
靠
Oh, shit!
这玩意烧的比烫头发还快
This shit burns more than a perm!
这屋子有鬼
There's a whole lot of freaky shit going on in this house.
教授没有说实话
There's more to this story than the Professor told us.
我昨晚发现一个密室
Last night, I found a secret room...
找到这些跟凯阿修有关的剪报
and I found all these newspaper clippings about Hugh Kane.
他很邪恶
He was a really evil man.
我还找到一张他老婆的照片
And I found a picture of his wife.
哇靠 她跟你好像
Oh, my God! She looks just like you.
真的
You think?
你头发的分叉比她多 你的脸比较油
She doesn't have as many split ends and her skin's not as oily as yours.
是啊 还有你的眼睛小
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you do this little squinty thing with your eyes.
看来像是得了唐氏症
It looks like you got Down Syndrome or something.
你们真的很像 但她奶♥子♥较大
Oh, yeah, y'all look just alike except she got some perfect boobs.
你的像红毛猩猩一样瘪
and yours look like them old orangutan titties.
要后仰才能露出来
I'll put you in the full nelson and lick them. Ha ha h ha!
好了 够了
OK! Enough!
我想是她杀了他 而他想找我
Anyway, I think she killed him and now he wants me.
是啊 贱♥货♥
Yeah. Right, bitch.
早安 歪头 我来帮你
Morning, Dwight. Let me help you.
我不需要帮忙 我可以自己来
I don't need your help. I can do it myself.
教授 我们需要谈谈
OK. Professor, uh, we need to talk.
什么事
What is it, Dwight?
我想你该考虑中断实验
I think you should consider cutting the experiment short. What?
屋里的鬼越来越残暴了
This poltergeist is growing increasingly more violent.
我们有危险 我得脚踏实地
I think we're all in danger here and I've got to put my foot down.
站出来
and stand up for what I believe in...
阻止这场实验
and say that we've got to pull the plug.
歪头 这得由我来决定
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight. I say when we pull the plug.
我们就快成功了
We are on the verge of greatness...
我也快搞上辣妹了
and I am this close to getting laid.
礼拜一前 谁也不能走
Now, the bus arrives on Monday. No one leaves till then.
这是大门的钥匙 不准任何人走
Here are the keys to the gate.No one gets access to them.
好的 教授
Yes, sir.
各位 我想教授别有阴谋
Guys, I think the Professor's up to something.
我听到歪头说
I heard Dwight tell the Professor...
这屋内有恶鬼
there could be a poltergeist in the house...
我们可能都有危险
and that we could all be in danger!
不会吧 不要恶鬼
Oh, no, son! Not a poltergeist!
什么是饿鬼
What's a poltergeist?
我要走了
I'm getting out of here.
不行 大门锁起来了
No. We can't go anywhere. The gates are locked.
只有歪头有钥匙
Dwight's the only one who has the keys.
-拿凡士林来 -我来
-Baby, get my Vaseline. -I'll handle...
拿凡士林 香蕉跟胶带来
Get my Vaseline, a banana, and some duct tape.
我要打断他的腿
I'm gonna break his legs.