惊声尖笑2

I don't know what it's doing out here.
这些玩具有时好像是活的
I swear. Sometimes I think these toys have a mind of their own.
这边
Right this way.
不 不是那间 小亲亲
Oh, no, no, no. Not that room, sweetheart.
那是主人情妇的房♥间
No. That was the master's mistress's room.
他很色的
Yeah, he kind of was a little bit of a hornball.
你住这间
No. You go and stay right over here.
这是他挚爱的房♥间
This was the room that belonged to the love of his life...
他的夫人 卡洛琳
his wife, Caroline.
我带你看 借我屁屁过一下
I'll show it to you. Oh! Watch. My fanny's coming through.
小心 屁屁要过来了
Watch it. Make room for fanny.
真美
Oh, wow! It's beautiful.
谢谢你 我都有做运动
Well, thank you, child. You know, I have been working out.
我天天都做提臀运动
I've been doing my bun busters every day.
我用力缩紧 再放松
I squeeze really tight, and then I let loose.
用力缩紧 再放松
I squeeze really tight... and then let loose.
你看
Look at this.
卡洛琳穿上那件可美呆了
Caroline looked beautiful in that dress.
其实 她一直是美若天仙
In fact, she always looked her best.
她曾承欢皇室贵族
Do you know that she used to entertain...
和平民百姓
for royalty and common folk and...
甚至还有美国总统
even the President of the United States.
别怕 这是猫老大
Oh! Oh, don't be frightened, child. This is just Mr. Kittles.
它是主人最喜欢的宠物
He was the master's favorite pet.
它历经家族数代传承
He's been in the family for generations.
看看它 还是像只小猫
Look at him. He hasn't aged a day.
好了 我想我该走了
All right, child, I think I'll take my leave.
有任何需要直接来找我
You let me know if there's anything you need.
教授 我已搞定一切
Yes, and as you can see, Professor.I've taken care of everything.
包括急救箱跟血浆 以防意外
including medical supplies and blood storage. We want to be safe.
这些监视器遍及各个角落吗
Are these cameras all throughout the house?
是的 我想这样最好
Yes, sir. I thought that would be best.
所以要是小妞去洗澡
So if one of our little chickadees were to be taking a shower...
-我该按哪个钮好看特写 -那个
-which button would I press to get a closeup? -That one.
那个
This one?
抱歉 教授
Excuse me, Professor...
你的客人已陆续抵达
but your guests have begun to arrive...
晚餐马上就好了
and supper shall be served shortly.
谢了 掌厨的
OK. Thanks, handyman.
我是管家
I'm actually the caretaker.
那是直排轮鞋吧 走路小心点
Oh, aren't those cool new skates? Now, you be careful with those.
可别跌倒打破东西了
Don't want to fall and break something.
真好笑 拍拍手
Oh, that's funny. That's real funny. Let me give you a hand.
你真好心
Well, that... that's awful kind of you.
干脆起立鼓掌算了
How about you give me a standing ovation?
你来扶我啊
Why don't you lift me up?
好 我知道你想干嘛
Oh! OK. I see where you're going with this one.
你好面熟 跳过八家将吗
You look familiar to me. Were you in "Stomp"?
你去死吧
Hey, you can kiss my grits.
好 我要走了 走了喔
I think I'll be the bigger man now and walk away. Walk away.
我要去准备晚餐 -好的
-Um, I'll go and change for dinner. -OK.
等会见
I'll see you shortly.
很好 我会立刻上楼
Sounds good. I'll just run upstairs and jump into my jogging suit.
换上慢跑装后立刻下来
I'll be right down.
小家伙 你好吗
Hey there, little guy. How you doing?
滚开 四眼田鸡
Fuck off, four eyes.
你说什么
I beg your pardon?
我叫你滚开 四眼田鸡
I said, "Fuck off, four eyes."
-你真欠揍 -嗨 嗨 嗨
-Oh, I ought to kick your ass. -Hey! Hey! Hey!
别这样 那只是一只鸟
Relax, son. It's just a bird.
小鸟 要不要吃u3000干啊
Hello, birdie. Polly want a cracker?
吃你老妈的屁屁啦
Polly wants your mama's sweet ass.
小鸟说什么
What did Polly say to me?
我说 小鸟要吃你老妈的屁屁
I said, "Polly wants your mama's sweet ass."
你不能这样叫我妈
You don't be talking about my mama, son.
你又不认识她
You don't know my mama, son.
我认识 我昨晚才玩过她
Yeah, I know your mama. I fucked her last night.
想干架吗 你找死
You want beef? I'll fuck you up!
好可怕 我好害怕
Ooh! I'm shaking. I'm shaking.
妈的 我得文明一点
Now, fuck this. I'm gonna handle this shit like a gentleman.
-来 拿好我的牙 -来啊 爆♥炸♥头
-Yo, hold my tooth, son. -Yeah, come on, bitch.
想跟我♥干♥架来啊
You and that "Welcome Back, Kotter" haircut.
你有种就来打啊
Want a piece of me? Come on. Bring it on.
你的核心吗 给我一些
What you hard core? Gimme some.
-有种就来啊 -不 不 什么
-Bring it on bitch. -No, no. What?
你有种别只是讲 有种做啊
You gonna talk, son? Then do it.
来啊 混♥蛋♥ 放我出去 海扁你一顿
Let me out of here. Come on, pussy. Let me out of here. I'll fuck you up.
-大家好 -你好
-Hi, guys. -Hey.
你好
Hey.
-嗨 巴迪 -嗨 辛蒂
-Hey, Buddy. -Hey, Cin.
-你最近好吗 -胸前有空档
-How you doing? -Open chest!
你反应要快一点 A罩杯女
Come on. You got to be quicker than that, "A" cup.
喔 喔
Oh! Oh!
-大家好 -嗨
-Hey, guys. -Hey!
你最近好吗
How you doing?
你们打算继续发呆流口水
Well, are you boys just gonna sit there with your mouths open
还是帮我弄个座位
or is someone gonna offer me a seat?
我帮你暖好了 这是最棒的位子
I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.
第二好的
Second best.
教授 这间房♥子
Professor, is this the same house...
是不是曾有个小女孩被恶魔附身
that a young girl was possessed by a demon...or something?
是有这种报导 但未证实
Yes, it was reported but never substantiated.
谁要吃开胃菜
All right. Well, uh... who'd like some appetizers?
-我真高兴听到这些 -这些面包看着真棒
-That's what I like to hear. -Hey, these buns look good.
是啊 又软又暖
Oh, yeah and they're so soft and warm.
-小雷 -抱歉 我的错
- Ray! -Oh, I'm sorry. My bad.
真好吃
These are delicious.
谢谢 我亲手做的
Thank you, my child. I made them by hand.
我想洋芋泥快好了
Here we go. I think the taters are just about done.
只需要再搅拌一下
I'm just gonna give them one quick whisk here.
好了 自己来
OK, now. Dig in.
好 该切火鸡了
All right. Now it's time for the turkey.
-粉♥嫩♥粉香的火鸡 -不 不
-Oh, what a beautiful bird. -No! No, man!
你休息一下
Hey! Hey! Hey, man. Why don't you just relax...
让我来吧
and just let me do that for you?
-是啊 -让小手休息一下吧
-Yeah. -Rest that little hand.
我很乐意 不过你真好心
It's my pleasure, but what a nice young man to offer.
-让我捏捏你的小脸 -噢 不
-Let me give you a little pinch there. Come on. -Fuck it!
很多人很怕
You know, a lot of people are kind of intimidated.
料理火鸡 其实很简单
about making a turkey, but really it's very simple.
你只要了解它的生理构造
You just have to know the anatomy of a turkey...
这里有个小小的屁♥眼♥
and it's got, over here just the tiniest little stinkhole...
但它足以让你的手塞进去
but it's big enough to get your hand right up inside it.
把里面塞紧 我都把内脏一起煮
I cook it with all the giblets...
连蛋蛋也不放过
the penises and the ginies...
有人会在上面涂油 但我这样
And now, a lot of people like to baste their turkeys... but I use this.
我用力舔
I lick like that... and get into the little...
接着舔进它的小屁♥眼♥
hiney hiney ho...
那没什么用 我不知它有啥用
That's nice and good. I don't know what the hell that is...
但我还是舔 上下舔
but I'll lick it anyway. Up and down...
接着我对着它冲刺
and then I like to get that right on there...
上啊
Hiawatha!
接着我再拔根毛放进去
And I got one of these. I'm gonna pull that off...
就更美味了
and bam! That just kicks it up a little bit.
等到我觉得差不多了
All right. I think that's almost...ready now.
就把它拿来餐桌旁
And then we bring it to the table.
真香啊
Mmm, good.
好了 谁要吃鸡翅
All right. Who's ready for a wing?
吃你的还是火鸡的
Yours or the turkey's?
我知道你要吃什么 腿
Well, I know what you'd like. How about a leg?
来两腿吧