憨豆特工3

He's British Intelligence.
这就对了 这两个词
And there you have it, two words that have
是不能同时出现在一个句子里的
no right being in the same sentence together.
你以为我是单枪匹马一个人吗
Do you really think I came here alone?
现在外面有一队精锐特工
I have a team of crack operatives out there, right now,
正等着攻入
just waiting to strike.
长官
Sir!
这个国家怎么了
What has happened to this country?
不到一个世纪以前 大英帝国
How is it possible that less than a century ago
还统治着全球四分之一的领土
the British Empire ruled a quarter of the globe
而今时今日却只能依靠
and now it's relying on someone
你这样的人
like you?
站住
Hey! Stop!
不拦下他吗
Stop him?
我们走
Go.
-关门 -是
- Close the gates. - Yes, sir.
救命啊 停下
Help! Stop!
前方有障碍物 特拉特纳女士
Obstacle directly ahead, Mrs. Trattner.
查看后视镜 然后停车
Check your mirrors and bring the car to a stop.
你要干什么
Er, excuse me. Hey.
谢谢
Thank you.
开车
Drive!
等一下
Excuse me.
你这是要做什么
What... What do you think you're doing?
开门 你没有教练证
Excuse me! You are not a qualified instructor.
-我的教练怎么办 -左转
- But what about my instructor? - Turn left.
右转
Turn right.
仅供参考 我在你的左手边
For future reference, I'm on your left.
可以停下吗 我受不了了
Please, stop. I can't do this anymore!
我什么都看不见了
I can't see anything now!
很好
Good.
我说"走"的时候 向右急转弯
When I say "Go," Turn sharp right.
三 二 一
Three, two, one.
走
Go!
打正方向盘 回正 回正
And straighten up, straighten up, straighten up.
走
And go!
我们快跟上
Let's go, let's go.
现在往左拐一点点 很好
Oh, now just bear left a little. Good.
回方向盘 快回
Straighten up, straighten up.
很好
Good!
刚刚表现很好 特拉特纳女士
Well, that was very good, Mrs. Trattner.
我认为你今天进步很大
I think you made some real progress today.
你没听懂我意思 英格力士
You're not hearing me, English.
由于首相和沃尔特
Given the Prime Minister's new
达成了新合作 现在局势有变
friendship with Volta, the situation has changed.
但事实还是这样啊 长官
But the facts haven't, sir.
是沃尔特发起的攻击
That attack is Volta's responsibility.
除了你没人这么说
According to you, but not according to anyone else.
他来了吗
Is he here yet?
下午好 首相 这位是
Good afternoon, Prime Minister. So, this is, uh...
英格力士 首相 约翰尼·英格力士
English, Prime Minister. Johnny English.
你想为自己辩解什么
Vvhat exactly do you have to say for yourself?
事实上 有很多
Rather a lot, actually.
然而 我这样的人从不闪烁其词 首相
However, men like me don't deal in prevarication, Prime Minister,
所以 我就有话直说了
so let me get straight to the point.
杰森·沃尔特是这些袭击的幕后凶手
Jason Volta is the man behind these attacks.
并且我有证据能够证明
And I have the evidence to prove it.
我在沃尔特的郊区私宅里录下来的
I managed to record this inside Volta's country lair.
但是我要提醒您 首相
But I should warn you, Prime Minister,
您将会看到恶魔的化身
that what you're about to see is evil incarnate.
这是菲菲的三周岁生日聚会
Here we are at Fifi's third birthday!
真是个令人兴奋的日子
And it's a very exciting day!
嘿嘿 万岁 嘿嘿 万岁
Hip hip, hooray! HiP hip, hooray!
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you!
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday to you!
谢谢
Thank you.
我想问一句 你是不是有病
Can I just ask, what is wrong with you?
全国上下一片混乱
The country is in a state of complete chaos.
媒体都吓坏了
The press is wetting itself,
而唯一能够拯救我们的人
and the only person capable of saving us
你却污蔑他有叛国罪
is the man you're accusing of high treason.
他发号♥施令时我就在那个房♥间里 首相
I was in the room myself when he gave the order, Prime Minister!
但是 出了点...
But there was a...
你知道刚才我办公室里有什么吗 英格力士
Do you know what I was in the room with, English?
你的档案 我从头读到尾
Your file, which I've read, in its entirety,
我有几个问题
and I have a few questions.
你有没有
Did you or did you not burn
把昂蒂布海角的科德罗餐厅烧成灰烬
the Cote de Roe restaurant at Antibes to the ground'?
你有没有朝一群法国骑行者
And did you or did you not fire a guided missile
发射定向导弹
at a peloton of French cyclists?
这个...
Well...
你还强行征用露天双层巴士
Before commandeering an open-top bus
并把导游从顶层扔下去
and tossing the tour guide off the top deck,
还在三明治店里攻击一位82岁高龄的老奶奶
and then assaulting an 82-year-old grandmother in a sandwich shop
并用两根有机酵母法棍
before battering the employee of said sandwich shop
连续猛击该三明治店的店员
with two organic sourdough baguettes?
我不记得这些...
Uh, I don't remember the...
你知不知道身为首相我有多难
Do you have any idea how hard it is to be me?
你们有没有哪怕一丁点概念
Do you have even the foggiest notion
面对各种事件 事实 选举人
of how virtually impossible it is to get anything done
以及如洪水猛兽般的所谓"全国媒体"
in the face of events and facts and voters
想把一件事做成有多艰难
and that tsunami of tosspots we call "The national press"?
我终于有机会为我的国家做些好事
Finally I get the chance to do something good for my country,
可结果呢
and what happens?
老天爷把你派来了
The universe sends me you.
你知道我想说什么吗
Well, do you know what I say?
我想说 去他妈的老天爷
I say, up the universe's arse!
你知道我还想说什么吗 你被解雇了
And do you know what else I say? You're fired.
立即执行 赶紧给我滚蛋
With immediate effect. Now get out!
不要再让我看到这个蠢货
And make sure I never clap eyes on that imbecile ever again!
你要干什么 长官
What are you doing, sir?
你觉得我要干什么 波夫 我要回家
What do you think I'm doing, Bough? I'm going home.
但是首相就要和沃尔特签订协议了
But the Prime Minister is finalizing her deal with Volta.
她要把他当作特邀嘉宾
She's taking him to the
带他去参加在苏格兰举♥行♥的十二国♥峰♥会
G12 Summit in Scotland as her special guest.
已经结束了 波夫
It's over, Bough.
我们也确实无能为力了
And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.
但是 长官 我有个计划
But, sir, I have a plan.
记得我老婆吗
Remember my wife?
避开挡板
Clear your baffles.
-什么 -小心头 长官
- What? - Mind your head, sir.
这里显示我们在下沉
This says we're sinking.
这艘潜艇年纪大了 有点生锈
She's old and a little rusty,
但是仍然能像放烟花一样开火
but she can put on a hell of a fireworks display.
干得漂亮 指挥官
Excellent work, Commander.
杰瑞米一直对你赞不绝口 英格力士特工
Jeremy has always spoken very highly of you, Agent English.
谁
Who?
对 对
Oh, yes, yes.
我对文书工作毫无兴趣
I'm no fan of the pen pushers myself,
接到我们要驻守峰会的命令时
so when orders came through stationing us here for the Summit,
我觉得至少我能顺路带一程
well, I thought a lift was the least I could do.
是的 我们行动吧 波夫
Right, let's get a move on, Bough.
请注意在一切结束之前将你们的手♥机♥
Oh, if you wouldn't mind keeping your mobiles off
保持关机状态 先生们
until you're well clear, gentlemen.
导弹的发射系统有点失灵
The launch systems on the missiles are a bit 1980s.
受到微波辐射的话 会有点分路不良
Gets a tad twitchy around microwave radiation.
没问题 指挥官 我们会用老派方式完成任务
No problem there, Commander. We're doing this mission old-school.
这个位置很完美
This spot is perfect.
来
Come on.
对不起 长官
Sorry, sir.
快点 快点