T实验（2019）

I'd feel kind of bad, actually.
我会一直待在这儿直到我离开呗
I'll be right here until I'm not anymore.
该死
Oh, shit.
哦
Oh.
真的吗？
Really?
用假身份证可以泡到妞
These fake IDs are gonna get us laid.
男孩儿们
好吧
All right.
为什么我们要穿过城镇
Why are we traveling all the way across town
去找些老女人？
just to hunt cougars?
因为这里的酒保检查身份证的时候
'Cause the bartender doesn't look up
头都不会抬
when he checks your ID.
只是盯着他的手♥机♥
Just stares at his phone.
太好了 伙计
Yeah, really, fuck yeah, dude.
你的养生之道
Your regimen.
现在每天都是星期五了
Now, you can look every day as a Friday.
那是什么？
What is that?
老女人的小鲜肉
It's a cougar's man.
老女人的小鲜肉
Cougar's man, just like females, but older.
老女人们
Cougars.
你准备好了吗
You ready?
好了 我们走吧
Hell, yeah, let's go.
爽
Yeah.
全力以赴
Kick some ass.
再见 奶奶 我会回家的
Bye, grandma, be home whenever.
接下来的20分钟
For the next 20 minutes,
我们训练有素的睡眠专家要
our trained deep slumber specialists are--
哇哦 你奶奶可不是我们要钓的老女人
Wow, you're grandma's so not a cougar.
身份证？
IDs?
我们做到了 我的朋友 我们进来了
We have made it, my friend, we're in.
嘿 迪伦 别这么奇怪
Hey, Dylan, stop acting odd.
你会让我们被抓的
You'll get us busted.
喝你的酒
Just drink your drink,
专心找些妞儿
and keep your eyes peeled for some dimes.
妞儿 对
Dimes, right.
哇 找到一个
Boom, found one.
她看起来对我们很感兴趣
And she looks interested,
并且她不是老女人
and she's not a cougar.
这可是个成熟的妞儿
That right there is a full-blown puma.
该死 她往这边来了冷静点
Shit, she's comin' over here, be cool.
嘿
Hey.
嘿
Hey.
所以你们谁
So which one of you guys
想给这个口渴的女孩买♥♥杯喝的？
is gonna buy the thirsty girl a drink?
哦 好 当然 呃
Oh shit, right, of course, uh.
呃 打扰一下 酒保
Uh, excuse me, barkeep.
先生
Sir.
我能帮你什么吗？
What can I get you?
这位女士想要一个
The lady would like a,
这位女士想要什么？
what would the lady like?
不介意的话 再见 混♥蛋♥
Adios motherfucker, if you.
知道了
Got it.
你想要什么？
You'd like to what?
它真的很便宜而且很猛噢
It's really cheap and it gets really fucked up.
快点 给他点小费
Tip the guy, come on.
天呐 她真是个疯女人
Damn, she's a bad slut.
这小妞兴致很高呢
This chick is all in.
对 好疯狂
Yup, she's crazy yo.
你以前经历过魔鬼三人行吗？
Yeah, you ever been in a devil's threesome?
没有
Nah.
你当然没有
Of course you haven't.
我也没有 但是这一切马上就要改变了
Neither have I, but that's all about to change.
真的 马上就发生咯
This is about to go down, like for real.
什么是魔鬼三人行？
What's a devil's threesome?
这什么问题？
What do you mean, what's a devil's threesome?
我们要上这个女孩
We're gonna bang this girl,
一起且同时
and at the same time and together.
我们一起？
We are?
天呐 太棒了
God, that's awesome.
我们要把这个美洲狮爽翻天
We're gonna make this puma airtight,
今晚就是这节目了
that's what we're gonna do.
我希望我能兴奋起来 我现在很晕
Just hope I can get it up, I'm so fucked up.
我现在就要开始派对了
I'm gonna get this party started.
小心点 布拉德
Careful, Brad.
我来了
At you now.
布拉德
Brad.
我需要你发出点女人的声音
I need you to sound more like a woman.
更女性化点
More feminine.
像这样吗 宝贝？
Like this, baby?
-我听起来怎么样？-不
- Do I sound real good? - No.
-像这样吗？-不 这没一点帮助
- Just like that? - No, that's not helping, no.
你喜欢这样吗？
You like this?
哦 天呐 又来了
Oh God, not again.
我又出岔子了
I got a new problem.
呃 小妞 女士 女士？
Uh, chick, lady, ma'am?
梅格 叫我梅格
Meg, just call me Meg.
哦 怎么了 迪伦？
Oh, what now, Dylan?
我的隐形眼镜要拿出来 否则会戳到我眼睛
My contacts need out of my head, or they'll stick.
再说一遍？
Come again?
抱歉 女士 梅格
Sorry, ma'am, Meg.
我的隐形眼镜 它们戳到我眼睛了
My contact lens, they're sticking.
是时候把它们取出来了
Time to take 'em out.
你从什么时候开始戴的隐形眼镜？
You wear contacts, since when?
一直戴着 现在它们戳到我的眼球了
Since always, and they're sticking to my eyeballs.
要把它们拿出来
They need out.
呃 我不负责
Yeah, I don't do that.
-但是 -如果什么都不做
- But-- - What happens
会发生什么？
if nothing happens?
急性眼红[谐音克莱尔]
CLARE.
克莱尔 谁是克莱尔？
Claire, who's Claire?
隐形眼镜造成的急性眼红
Contact lens acute red-eye, CLARE.
我会瞎
I could go blind.
哦 真的吗？
Ah, seriously?
伙计 真的吗？
Dude, seriously?
是真的
Totally seriously.
之前发生过 好像有5次
It's happened before, like five times before.
很多次差点就瞎了 但对我来说就像破纪录一样
Lots of close calls, but I think this is a record for me.
把它们拿出去
Gotta get them out.
我跟你说了 我不负责
Yeah, I told you, I don't, I don't do that.
好 好吧 求你？
Yeah, well, please?
呃 用我的手指吗？
Ugh, er, do I use my fingers?
对 就用你的指尖捏出来
Yeah, just a pinch, and on your tip.
呃 哦
Uh, oh.
哦
Oh.
这还真是出乎意料的简单
That was unexpectedly easy.
呃 哦
Uh, oh.
简单 还有别的吗？
Easy peasy, anything else?
我感觉好像我从来不认识你
It's like I don't even know you.
非常好 继续
Very good, all right, back to it.
哦 真的很糟糕
Oh, that was just awful.
没事的 朋友 我们会离开的
It's all right, pal, we'll get out of this.
事情都会好起来的
Everything's gonna be cool.
怎样好起来？
How, exactly, is everything going to be cool?
我们被个疯子变成俘虏
We're being held captive by a crazy bitch.
我们被绑在了一起 我们的老二被贴在了一起
We're tied together, our dicks are smashed together,
并且你的像石头一样硬并且在悸动
and yours is rock hard and throbbing.
所以告诉我怎么会好起来？
So how the fuck is everything going to be cool?
很有可能这一切
There's a good chance that all of this
只是个梦
is just a dream.
我有股很强的预感
I got a good feeling about this.
我们随时都会醒来
We're gonna wake up any minute now.