滑稽人物（2009）

嗨 伯尼塔
Hi. Bonita?
乔治
George.
我生过病 你知道吧 然后我去看医生
I was sick, you know that. and I just went to the doctor's.
他说我的病已经好了
He said I'm not sick anymore.
恭喜啊
Oh, congratulations.
我找到了你一直找不到的裤子 在贮藏室里
I found the pants you're looking for. they are in the closet.
谢谢你
Thank you.
再见 乔治
Bye, George.
乔治 是真的吗
George! is it true?
-是真的 -太好了
- It's true. - Yes!
没事 没事 来吧
It's all right. all right, go ahead.
没事了
All right.
天哪 太好了
Oh, god! yeah!
没事了 宝贝
All right, baby.
没事了 都好了 现在我们去玩儿点什么
All right, all right. now what the fuck do we do?
嘿 恭喜你 乔治 真是太棒了 伙计
Hey, congratulations, George. that's awesome, man.
-谢谢 -你竟然治好了艾滋
- Thank you. - You got cured of AIDS.
我可没得艾滋
I didn't have AIDS.
嘿 我请你喝杯鸡尾酒吧
Hey, let me get you a cocktail.
嘿 不会让你得艾滋的 普通的
Hey, not an AIDS cocktail. a regular.
不 我才不想喝酒 我很好
No, I don't want a drink. I'm good.
我都想给医生发绶带了
I'm gonna get one of them ribbons.
-你还活着啊 -是啊...
- You're alive? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
真是难以置信 这个家伙 这家伙
Unbelievable! this guy. this guy, man.
女人你有了 名声你有了
You got the women, you got the fame
你还他妈的死不了
And you can't fucking die!
你是不是跟恶魔搞上了 到底怎么回事 伙计
Did you suck the devil's dick? what is it, man?
我想知道秘密
I wanna know the secret.
其实我告诉了一些人我们做过爱
I actually told a bunch of people we did have sex,
如果你还想继续的话
So if you could go along with that.
-真的吗 -是的
- You did? - Yes.
每个人都想跟我做♥爱♥ 但我最好拒绝
Everybody wants to fuck me, but it's better that I don't
因为你不会想要
Because you don't want...
神秘感总是更吸引人一些的
The mystery is definitely more flattering...
是吗
Yeah?
如果太现实就会很晃荡
...and the reality is so, like, flobbety.
-好像说错了 应该是 -浪荡吗 哦是放荡
- Like not the word, but... - Floppety? yeah, lippety.
对 我看起来就像个三明治
Yeah, I look like this. like a sandwich.
像个 看 肉肉溜出来啦
Like a... there's, like, meat coming.
是有点像 看出来了
That would have been... I could get...
看看啊
Look at that!
咿噼基呀 操♥你♥妈♥的
"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"
该死 该死 我都不知道你这么有力 天哪
Shit! shit! I didn't know you had energy like that. Jesus...
他怎么 他是怎么知道自己病了的
How did he... like, how did he know he had it?
他说是
He was saying...
他说他有点头晕乏力
He said that he was, like, dizzy and tired
就去看医生了
And he went to the doctor,
然后他就病了 影响血液功能的病
And then he just got... it was in his blood work.
糟糕 我也感觉头晕乏力
That sucks 'cause I get dizzy and tired.
真的吗
Really?
所有人 每个人都会生病 我觉得我也要病了
Anybody... anybody gets sick, I think I'm going to get it.
现在问题是 它会传染吗 不会传染吧
Now, is it contagious? it's not contagious?
-不会 -你会被传染吗 就像
- No. - Can you get it, like...
希望不会 我不觉得 我经常在他身边 我感觉...
I hope not. I don't think so. I've been around him a lot. I feel...
-我感觉...-我也希望不会 因为
- I feel... - I hope not, too, because
你讲话时 有一点口水喷到我嘴巴上了 所以
When you were talking, a little bit of your spit hit my lip, so...
-真的吗 -是 你不一定会被传染
- It did? - Yeah. not that you got it,
但他的口水喷到你嘴上 你再喷到我嘴上
But he spits on your lip, you spit on mine,
不久你就可能听说我的死讯
Next thing you know I'm dead
以及我老婆上了乔治·洛佩兹的床
And my wife's fucking George Lopez.
但是我觉得你最好是 知道吗
But I think the best thing for you would be, you know...
其实除了药物治疗之外最好的治疗方法
The best cure, besides the real cure,
就是回去继续工作 做你原来的工作
Is to get back to work and do what you do.
我桌上有一堆给你的片约
There are stacks of offers on my desk for you.
你得重新开始工作
I mean, you can't swing a dead cat
才算是真正复活了啊
Without hitting an offer for you.
-这样啊 -对 你准备好了吗
- Oh, good. - Yeah, you ready for this?
保罗·路德想跟你演哥俩好
Paul Rudd wants to do a bromance with you.
我觉得我 我可能暂时不会再做任何工作
I think I might... I just might even not work for a little while.
我正在考虑 或许该休息一下
I was thinking maybe just, like, taking time off,
试着让自己过一种普通的生活 就像
Try to get myself in a relationship with, like,
所有的人类 所有普通的人类
Another human being, a normal one.
来看看我搞不搞得定
Just see if I can handle that.
这话从你嘴里出来还真奇怪 其实我 我请了个人
Funny you should say that. I've... 'cause I invited someone.
请了个你一定中意的女人来这
Brought. Invite this woman here today I think you'd really like
我觉得你一定能跟她打得火热
I think you'd really hit it off with her.
她 她很不错 对于你来说她很新鲜
She's... she's great. she's something new for you.
是个正经的人 不是应♥召♥女
A real person. she's not a waitress.
也不是演员
She's not an actress.
好吧 谢谢
All right, thanks.
网上约会其实
You know, the internet dating thing actually...
其实还是有点用的
Actually kind of works.
不错啊
That's good.
其实我参加过一些犹约
I've actually been on a couple of jdates.
真的吗 那什么东西
No way. what's that?
对 你问犹约是什么吗
Yeah... what's a jdate?
怎么 是最新的网络用语吗
What, is that an internet thing I should know about?
我不 我不玩那个东西
I'm not... I don't do that shit.
是一个犹太人交♥友♥网♥站
It's a website where Jewish people can find each other.
-真的 会员名单里全是犹太人吗 -是啊
- Really? a whole list of Jewish people? - Yeah.
我还以为犹太人不喜欢被写在名单上呢
I didn't think Jewish people liked to be on lists.
因为纳粹大屠♥杀♥
Because of the holocaust.
再问一下 那网站怎么样
How's this going, by the way?
认识你很高兴
It's been great to meet you.
知道吗 我觉得你干了蠢事
You know what? I think you fucked up.
怎么样
How's that?
我觉得你干了蠢事 我觉得
I think you fucked up. I think...
我觉得你不应该吃那药的
I don't think you should have took that medicine.
为什么
Why not?
不知道 就我看来
I don't know. personally
你该让自己死了算了
I think you should have just let yourself die.
老实说 你现在 现在要怎么办
Honestly, man, what are... what are you gonna do now?
再拍一部狗屁电影吗
Make another bullshit movie?
再随便搞一个小妞吗
Fuck another chick who doesn't like you?
知道吗 那就是你的人生之路
You know? that was your way out right there.
现在你♥他♥妈♥的也搁浅了
Now you're fucking stuck.
是啊
Yeah.
像我一样搁浅了
You're stuck just like me.
又不能去他妈的查克芝士买♥♥买♥♥吃的
Can't go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese.
又不能去塔吉特 又不能去百思买♥♥
I can't go to Target, I can't go to Best Buy.
更不能去他妈的沃尔玛 卡马特
I can't go to fucking Wal-Mart, Kmart.
只能嘴上说说 就是不能去
You fucking name it, I can't go there.
是啊 没错
Yeah, that's true.
这他妈的屋子里每个人都盯着我们看
Everyone in this fucking room is either staring at us,
想他妈的照一张照片
Wanting to take a fucking picture.
照到了
Yeah. got it.
发给我
E- mail that to me.
-好 酷毙了 -是啊
- I will. that's awesome. - Yeah.
那家伙他妈的是谁
Who the fuck is that guy right there?
站在那边的衰人
That fucking guy right there.
怎么了 雷·拉马诺惹到你了吗
What? Ray Romano's bothering you?
谁 雷 雷什么
Who? Ray, Ray who?
雷·拉马诺 演了人人都爱雷蒙德的那家伙
Ray Romano, the guy from everybody loves Raymond.
我他妈的才不管他演过什么
I don't give a fuck what show he's on.
操♥他♥妈♥的 混♥蛋♥
I'll fuck this motherfucker up, man!
嘿 嘿 雷
Hey. hey, Ray!
你好 马沙尔
Hello, Marshall.
你♥他♥妈♥的有毛病吗 老兄
Fucking problem here, buddy?
你想操♥我♥吗 是这个意思吗
Would you like to fuck me? is that what this is?
我糊涂了 伙计 怎么回事
I don't get it, man. what's going on?