滑稽人物（2009）

我要失陪一下 你俩玩吧
I'm gonna leave you two alone, huh?
好吧
Yeah, okay.
你们俩人我都很喜欢
I'm falling in love with the both of you.
火花就要擦出来了
Let the awkwardness begin!
喜欢你的作品
Love your work.
抱歉 我该向你抱歉的
I'm sorry. I owe you an apology.
我那天是挺怪的
It's really weird what I did.
基本是在没有真正谈话之前
I basically yelled at you for cheating on
我就朝你大喊大叫 怪你背叛我
Me before we had even had a real conversation.
我想明白了 那个好古怪 抱歉
So, I'm aware of that. I know that's weird, and I'm sorry.
喝醉了和学生乱搞一气
Well, it's not as weird as getting drunk
说来也不古怪
And having sex with the guy from yo teach...! So...
我第一次搬过来的时候 自己打飞机
It's okay. When I first moved here, I blew mr. Belvedere.
大家都那么做
So, everyone does that.
他过来了 乔治朝我们过来了
He's walking. George is walking to us.
小姐们好啊
Hello, ladies.
里奥 你不给我写段子的借口是什么
So, Leo? what's the excuse for not writing me jokes?
-你说什么 -你本可以挣一笔的
- What? - You could have made money.
我让你们俩给我写段子
I told both you guys to write jokes for me
你却没答应
And you decided not to.
怎么 你那天得去配眼镜吗
What, did you have to go to lenscrafters that day?
开玩笑而已 我挺喜欢你的眼镜的
I was just joking. I like your glasses.
他想让我们俩给他写段子
He wanted both of us to write jokes for him
你却不告诉我?
And you didn't tell me?
兄弟 我道歉行了吧 没必要这么歇斯底里
I apologize. it's not worth, like, losing your shit over, man.
你觉得我不喜欢钱吗
What, you don't think I like money?
你觉得我不喜欢私人飞机吗
You don't think I like private jets?
你觉得我不想要这份
You don't think I want a cool job
给乔治·西蒙斯写东西的工作吗
Writing for George Simmons?
我只是觉得你已经干的很棒了
I just think you're doing well.
你已经即兴表演得如鱼得水了
You know, you're getting gigs at the improv all the time.
以后会有专门为你写作的人
You're gonna have people writing for you.
你不需要为别人写东西
You don't need to be writing for other people, you know.
我明白 我只是 很抱歉 我只是
I know, I'm just... I'm sorry, I just...
我想为自己争取点东西 我只是
I wanted something for myself and I just, you know...
只是 你明白的 我♥操♥ 埃拉
It's just, you know, fuck you, Ira!
就因为你这么假惺惺的道个歉
Just 'cause you go into faggy-apology mode
并不表示我会马上原谅你
Doesn't mean I'm gonna forgive you right away!
操你的
Fuck you, man.
我只是做了你一直在做的事
I did the exact same thing you've been doing this whole time.
你太好胜了 一直都是的
You're being competitive. you do that all the time.
现在我也这样 不行吗
I'm doing it now, okay?
-我没跟你竞争 -你有
- I didn't make it competitive! - Yes, you did.
你有为生计所迫过吗 没有吧
Have you ever had to work for money? no.
你又不是在煤矿里挖煤 埃拉
You didn't work at a coal mine, Ira!
只是在熟食店工作 别抱怨了
You worked at a deli! stop crying about it!
而且我本来只用在那沙发床上睡六个月的
I was only supposed to be on that pull-out couch for six months!
我们应该交换的 但从没换过
And we were supposed to trade! and we never did!
对 六个月后我们从未交换过
Yeah, we never did switch after six months.
对 相当对
Yeah. exactly.
知道为什么吗 因为房♥租是我付的 埃拉
You know why? 'cause I pay rent, ira!
不是你付的 是你♥爸♥妈付的
You don't pay rent. your parents pay rent!
他们才应该来睡床 明明就是你的错
Why don't they move in? it's your fault.
嘿嘿嘿 清教♥徒♥ 印第安人
Hey, hey, hey. Pilgrims, Indians,
别吵了好吗
Can we please stop fighting?
今天是感恩节 我们有客人 麻烦消停一下
It's Thanksgiving. we have guests inside. please stop.
我不吵了 讨厌吵架
I'm not fighting anymore. I'm done fighting.
-多谢 -你说黛西是傍星族
- Thank you. - You called Daisy a starfucker?
那你干吗不每晚抓着乔治·西蒙斯的蛋
Why don't you go cup George Simmons' balls
哄着他睡觉呢 埃拉
While you talk him to sleep every night, Ira?
里奥
Leo.
抱歉
Sorry.
要不你来试试吧 我的蛋不挑食的
I would let you do that, too. my balls are for everybody.
好吧 开始有点感恩节的气氛了
Okay. it's starting to feel like Thanksgiving around here.
我们去吃点东西吧
Let's eat some food.
你竟然搞了黛西 伙计
I can't believe you screwed Daisy, man.
什么
What?
有人要做餐前祷告或者说点什么吗
So, does anybody want to say grace or anything?
显然 里奥是个好作家 来吧 起来吧
Leo's a good writer, apparently. come on, get up there.
是啊 里奥
Yeah, Leo.
里奥 来吧 里奥
Leo! do it, Leo.
下回吧 下回吧
I'm okay, I'm okay.
好吧 我来吧 我来为大家说点什么
All right, let me go. I'll do it for us.
我来致词吧
Let me get it done.
首先很庆幸我们的家人没有来
Okay, so first let's give thanks to our families not being here.
家人不来 总是自在一些的
It's always easier, always easier without the family.
真不可思议
It's funny
直到今天我看着你们
I see you guys and you are just so much younger than me.
比我年轻的你们 才明白自己真的老了
And I had no idea I was the old guy until I looked at you guys.
就好像小时候 我鼻子一直很大
It was like when I was growing up, I had a big nose.
但却一直不自知
I had no idea until
直到某天我到嘉普[服装店]面对着三面镜
I went to the GAP and saw a three-way mirror,
才突然发现 哇 我怎么有这么大个鼻子
And I was like, "wow, I didn't know I had that thing. "
其实 年轻真的很好
Yeah. no, it's a... it's good to be young.
老了就越来越衰 所以享受青春吧
It kind of sucks being old, so just enjoy this.
享受时光吧 白驹过隙 真的
Enjoy time. time slips away, I promise you.
20年前我也参加过这样一个聚会
I had a dinner like this 20 years ago
和朋友们一起 但现在大家都失去联♥系♥了
With guys that we just, like, lost touch with each other.
我再没跟他们联络过 有些已去世了
I never talk to them anymore. some of them are dead.
所以 你们不要 沧海桑田
So, yeah, you don't... things slip away.
如果你爱着某人 千万别错过他们
If you love somebody, don't let them slip away.
我保证
I swear to you,
这会是你们最难忘的感恩节
This will be your most memorable Thanksgiving,
能让你回味一生的感恩节
The one that you'll want the rest of your life
能让你赞不绝口说
the one that you say,
老兄 那天晚上的时光真是无与伦比
"Man, it was never as good as that night. "
所以 享受这个夜晚吧 享受里奥的蛋蛋
So, let this night be great. enjoy the taste of Leo's balls.
动起来吧
Rock 'n ' roll!
天哪 每次站在你旁边
Jesus, every time I'm near you
我都觉得自己像他妈的丹尼·德维托[意指很矮]
I feel like fucking Danny DeVito.
我旁边的人
Everybody feels like
都觉得自己像丹尼·德维托
Danny DeVito when you know they walk by me.
是啊 你就是个巨人
Yeah. you're a giant.
我不想让你过分乐观
I don't want to get your hopes up.
我们让你做这个实验治疗时
We put you on this experimental medication
没报多大希望
Without much optimism.
做这个治疗大约8%的患者
About 8% of all the people that
结果是好的
We put on this medication get positive results.
而你就属于这8%的幸运儿
You actually belong to these 8%.
我检查了你的血液系统
I looked through your blood work,
没有发现任何疾病迹象
And I couldn't find any traces of the disease.
我不想这么早就告诉你的
I don't want to speak too soon,
但说不定你已经战胜病魔了
But we may have beaten this thing.
你是在报复我拿你说笑吗
Are you fucking with me 'cause I fucked with you?
这就是好消息了 邦德先生
So, that's the good news, Mr. Bond.
这是 这是好消息
So, this is, this is... this is good news.
现在喜欢我的口音了吗
Like my accent now?
现在我确实喜欢你的口音了
Now I like your accent, yeah.
我兴奋了一早上想告诉你这个消息
I was excited all morning to tell you this news.
怎么办 我该 该干些什么
So, what happens now? what do i... what do I do now?
也许你可以再去演喜剧电影
Maybe you can make another funny movie
让我笑笑
That I could laugh about.
对哦
Yeah. wow.
我真没指望治疗能成功
I wasn't expecting this to really work.
我都习惯当病人了
I was getting used to being sick.
我真的认为自己已经接受这个现实了
I was actually thinking I was pretty good at that.
回归你以前的生活吧
Get back to your life.
嘿 我是埃拉 现在不在家 请留言
Hey, this is Ira. I'm not in. leave a message.
埃拉 我有个秘密要告诉你
Ira, I have a secret to tell you.
你会很高兴的
It will make you happy.