都市传说（2017）

卖♥♥给家庭主妇心头爱 加里·格兰特先生
goes to the housewives' choice, Mr. Cary Grant!
谢谢 我给你开张支票
Thank you, I'll got you a check.
真奇怪 这儿明明没有庄稼
Funny. Why is that crop dusting plane dusting
为什么飞机还在喷药
when there ain't no crops?
我问的就是这个
That's what I said.
为什么它前面有张老妇人的脸
And why it've got the face of an old woman on the front?
妈妈
Mother!?
你为什么不来找我 阿奇
Why didn't you look for me, Archie?
怎么又来了 妈妈 我当时才10岁 天啊
Not again, I was 10 years old, mother, for Christ's sakes!
谢谢你的迷幻剂 加里 很遗憾你妈是架飞机
Thanks for the acid, Cary. Sorry your mom's a plane.
-给我回来 -六十年代见
- Get back here! - See you in the 60s!
因为我的遭遇 你变得疑心太重
Because of what happened to me, you got serious trust issues.
我想修复我们之间的关系 妈妈 真的
I've tried to make relationships work, mother, I really have!
别闹了 妈妈
Stop it, mummy!
别闹了 妈妈
Stop it, mummy!
你干什么呢
What are you doing?
我上电视了
I'm on the television.
真好
That's nice.
我要介绍全美青年用迷幻剂[提高全美青年的感官敏锐性]I'm turning on the youth of America.
我得阻止你了
I have to stop you.
这是我的职责
It is my job.
很多人
Well, a lot of people would be
可能不太了解这种药物
not familiar with this kind of thing, and so...
迷幻剂可以让你意识的各个层面保持敏锐
LSD can help you to turn on the full power of your mind;
蒂莫西·利里博士
美国最危险的人
融入世界 与各种问题和谐相处
to tune in is to see all the problems
例如种族主义 性别歧视 战争
of racism and sexism and the bomb
摆脱羁绊 进入一个充满爱和和平的世界
and drop out of it, into a world of love and peace.
我现在就让你彻底"和平" 利里
I'm gonna peace you right here, Leary.
把塑像交出来
Now hand over that statue.
天啊 是加里·格兰特
Oh, my god, it's Cary Grant!
你好啊 宝贝
Hello there, sweet pea.
你好像是我妈妈的最爱
You're like my mom's favourite.
加里·格兰特
她妈妈的最爱
我真是谢谢你
Thanks a bunch!
你要不要刮刮腋毛 小姐
You might wanna shave those armpits, miss?
你像狼人一样
You look like the wolf man.
我不会让别人屈服
I don't subjugate, old man.
看看你 五十年代老头子
Look at you, Mr. 1950s
被困在西装三件套的牢笼中
in your stay-pressed, repressed three piece cage.
我没那么过时
I'm not obsolete.
我能比他们都放得开
I can loosen up to the best of them!
好了
There.
交出来吧
You should do it.
美国摇滚女歌♥手 常嬉皮士打扮 亦服用LSD
是啊 你可真珍妮丝·乔普林
Oh yeah, you're a real Janis Joplin
是吗 那你是什么身份 女权主义者吗
Oh, is it? Then what are you? A feminist?
不 你只是个蠢货 利里
No, you're just another dumpcat, Leary.
你才不想改变世界
You don't wanna change the world.
你只想让女人脱裤子的速度快过迷幻药起劲的速度
You just want the panties dropping as fast as the acids.
我确实想改变世界 但我也离不开性
I do wanna change the world, but I am also a sexual being.
你也是 快顺从天性吧
So are you. So why not give in to it.
你看 这儿就有个美女呢
I mean, there's a beautiful girl right here.
或者 有个帅哥
Or a beautiful guy...
等一下 那是谣传
Hold on a second, that was just a rumor.
即Randolph Scott
曾与加里·格兰特♥共♥同拥有一间海滨别♥墅♥长达12年
兰迪·斯科特 我们只是朋友
Randy Scott, we're just nothing more than friends.
快把塑像给我
Now gimme that statue!
我做不到
I can't do that, man.
别逼我做我不想做的事
Don't make me do something I don't want to do!
你确定...你不想这么做吗
Are you sure it's something you... don't want to do?
其实
Well, actually...
你让我...
You make me...
给我回来
Get back here!
把迷幻剂还给我 你个王八蛋
Give me back my acid, you bastard son of a bitch!
我不会跟你打的 利里
I'm not fighting you, Leary.
在没有特技替身的情况下
Not without a stunt man.
我也不会跟你打
I'm not fighting you, man.
我可是个和平主义者
I'm a pacifist.
给我迷幻剂
Gimme that LSD!!!
快住手 现在迷幻剂是合法的
Well, stop it right now. LSD's legal!
你把它发给所有人 它就会遭禁
You give it to everyone and they'll ban it!
你就成了全美最危险的人
You'll be branded the most dangerous man in the America.
在二十九所监狱之间来回转移
You'll see inside of 29 different jail cells.
没错 他的经历被你说中了
That's true. He really did.
你最后就活成了个笑话
You'll end your life as a tinedine punchline.
我不在乎 至少我为我的信仰而战斗
I don't care! At least I fight for what I believe in!
我可没见你俩谁上战场 胆小得像女人一样
I don't see either of you two Marys doing any fighting.
至少我没蓄过六百个奴隶 托马斯·杰斐逊
At least I didn't have 600 slaves, Thomas Jefferson!
还跟其中好多个通奸
Fornicated with many, too!
嫉妒是丑恶的情绪 林肯
Jealousy is an ugly emotion, Abe.
不许碰头发 别弄乱了
Watch the hair, watch the hair!
对不起了 但迷幻剂是改变美国梦的唯一方法
Sorry, man, but LSD is the only way to change the American dream.
拜托 你从这儿能看见未来 我也能
Come on, you can see the future from up here, so can I.
你的梦想和革命都会消亡
Your dream and revolution dies!
有人提到革命了吗
Did someone say revolution?
它会和六十年代一起消亡
It dies with the 60s.
指1970年肯特州立大学枪击事件
国民警卫队射杀了肯特州立大学的学生
In Kent State, the National Guard gunned down those students.
不会的 看看七十年代
No, it doesn't. Look at the 70s!
言论多自♥由♥啊
Look at the freedom of expression!
看看八十年代
Look at the 80s,
追随你的那些嬉皮士是怎么自♥由♥表达自我的
how do your hippies express themselves then!
用购物车 你的梦想变成了放荡的纵酒宴乐
In shopping carts! Your dream turns into consumers orgie!
想想反文化运动能带来的好处
Look at all the good things of Counterculture!
-不 只有坏处 -反战和平运动
- No, only negative! - The Peace Movement!
-捕梦网[泛印第安运动] -民权运动
- Dreamcatcher! - Civil Rights!
星巴克
Starbucks!
互联网
The internet!
天啊 竟然提互联网
Oh, god. The internet?
好吧 音乐
Ok... the music!
音乐 你认真的吗
Oh, god, the music, really?
我很喜欢"荒原狼乐队"
I'm quite passion about the Steppenwolf.
了不起的乐队
Great band!
其实我曾经见过他们一次 那段经历可有意思了
In fact, you know, I've met them once, funny story!
抱歉 利里医生 但迷幻剂得归我管
I'm sorry, Dr. Leary, but the LSD stays with me.
反文化运动永远不会发生
And the Counterculture never happens.
感谢观看 晚安
Thank you. And good night.
如果您因此节目而受影响
If you've been affected by any of these issues in this programme,
请上网搜www.
go to www. ...
等等 互联网并不存在
Oh no, wait, the internet doesn't exist...
稍后将转播今天异性恋大游♥行♥的亮点
Up next, highlights of today's heterosexua pride parade...
然后是纪录片
and then documentary series about
在白宫工作最久的管家 巴拉克·奥巴马
the longest serving butler in the White House-- Barack Obama.
看看你阻止了反文化运动会发生什么
You see what happens, when you take away the Counterculture?
-这是你想要的吗 -当然不是
- Is that what you want? - No, of course not!
可我也不想要十年混乱
But neither do I want an entire decade of chaos!
-那有什么 -我的童年就是一片混乱
- What's wrong with that? - Because my whole childhood was chaos!
我的天 想摆脱那段经历
My god! The only way to escape it
我只能变成现在这样 变成加里·格兰特
was to become this presence, this Cary Grant!
你永远也逃不掉的 废物
You'll never escape, you little maggot!
你以为我还没摆脱你吗 爸爸
You think I'm not free of you, dad?
你永远都摆脱不了我
You? You'll never be free of me!
阿奇
Archie?
释怀吧 加里
Let it go, Cary.
是啊 爸爸 试试迷幻剂吧
Yeah, dad. Try some LSD.
给六十年代一个飞一般的良好开端
Give the 60s a flying start!
那一定很疼
That's gotta hurt!
干得好 儿子
Good job, yes, son!
急速下跌
天啊
Oh, my god...
那种感觉
That was like...