超级豪宅（2015）

我都想不起来是什么任务了
You know, I can't even remember what it was.
在那之后 我们就失去联♥系♥了
And then, we just lost touch.
哇哦 也许我是个不合格的朋友
Wow. Maybe I am a bad friend.
也许 - 怎么了
Maybe? - What?
这么说吧 我对泰德感同身受
Let's just say I can relate to Ted.
噢 你不会还在生气吧
Oh, you're not still mad about...
我被困在时间隧♥道♥里70年
70 years I was trapped in a time tunnel!
你找过我吗
Did you even look for me?
那必须的 我 我采取了探测手段
I'm sure that I... put some feelers out.
探测手段 我错过了自♥由♥性♥爱♥ 镇静剂 还有超短裤
Feelers? I missed free love, quaaludes, and hot pants,
现在你告诉我 你采取了探测手段
and you tell me you put out feelers?
Timtuk 我气饱啦
Timtuk, I'm no longer hungry.
给我备床 - 哦
Ready my bed. - Oh.
噢 你要在这过夜吗 - 速度快点
Oh, you're sleeping over? - Chop chop!
一个苹果手♥机♥充电器 5美元
One iPhone charger. Five dollars, please.
这东西有保修单吗
Does this thing come with a warranty?
有 你想有就有
Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself.
我来客人了 别挡着
I got customers, keep moving.
您要点什么 先生
Can I help you, sir?
我听说你这里可以买♥♥到宠物
I heard you're the man to see if I'm looking for a pet...
危险的那种
with an edge!
哈
Hya!
不 不 我不卖♥♥力量型宠物 严重违法的
No, no, I don't sell power pets. Highly illegal.
停下 停下 你干什么 - 得了吧
Stop, stop! What are you... - Come on
我知道你这里有秘密房♥间 - 好吧 好吧
I know you have a secret room here somewhere. - Okay okay,
停下
stop!
特殊宠物在后边
The special pets are in the back.
窗帘
A curtain?
我应该把我那个做秘密书架的哥们介绍给你认识
I should put you in touch with my secret bookshelf guy.
不用了 我对我的阴♥茎♥尺寸很满意
That's okay. My penis size is satisfactory.
哦对 我也是 我也是 我是说
Oh, yeah, me too, me too. I mean
没大到弄疼别人的地步 但是你会知道我在那
I'm not gonna hurt anyone, but you'll know I'm there.
大肚猪
Pot-bellied pig!
不 不 不 这个不卖♥♥
No, no, no, it's not for sale.
大肚杀人猪非常危险
Pot-bellied murder pig very dangerous.
这样 这个雪貂卖♥♥给你
Here, I sell you this ferret.
看 它能拉长
Look, it stretches.
我才不需要一个伸缩雪貂
I don't need a stretchy ferret.
我要杀人猪
I need a murder pig.
绝对不行 你还没做好准备
Absolutely not. You're not ready.
这样 我给你这个阿♥拉♥斯加雪蟹
Here, I give you this Alaskan snow crab.
它能制♥造♥隐形力场
It makes invisible force field.
你会爱上
You'll love...
哦 操
Oh, crap!
"Ho 当你读到这封信的时候 我已经把猪偷走了
"Ho, if you're reading this, I've already stolen your pig.
我能看出来它特别想跟我一起打击犯罪
I could tell it really wanted to fight crime with me.
你要是敢上报 我就告诉别人我看到你
If you report this, I'll tell people I caught you
打算舔遍你店里所有宠物的菊花
Trying to lick all these animals' butt-holes.
看起来你随时要转身了
It looks like you're gonna turn around any second
所以我最好赶紧收尾
so I better wrap this up...
哦 操"
Oh, crap!"
原谅他吧 他不知道自己做了什么
Forgive him, for he knows not what he's done.
给点力啊
Come on!
你到底会不会做酷酷的事啊
Are you gonna do something cool or what?
哇 不要这样偷偷靠近我和猪哥
Whoa, don't sneak up on me and the P-man like that.
没错 这就是我的超屌♥宠物猪
Yeah, this is my kick-ass pig.
比你们任何人的傻宠物都好
Better than any of your stupid pets.
你想换宠物就告诉我
Let me know if you want to trade.
我不能跟你说太久的话 萨图恩
I'm not going to be much for conversation, Saturn.
养狗的生活把我折磨得精疲力尽
The life of a dog owner is wearing me down.
我还以为你不需要休息
I thought you didn't need rest?
我是不需要休息 但是我非常需要这个
I don't, but I very much need this.
切特把我的电线咬坏了
Chet chewed up my power cord.
根据我的计算 我只有12个小时能活了
By my calculations, I have 12 hours to live.
我的机器人随便用个USB充电器就行
I can use any USB charger on my Droid.
恶 荞麦
Ugh! Buckwheat?
我谢你啊Margery 把煎饼都变成武器了
Thanks for weaponizing the pancakes, Margery!
哦 那些是我的
Oh, those are mine.
健气想让我 我想减肥
Ganky wants me to... I wants me to lose some weight.
谁指挥你剪了个鸡鸡发型
Who told you to cut your hair like a penis
还打扮成萌娃样
and dress like a munchkin?
也是健气弄的吗
Also Ganky?
他不喜欢我露太多肉出来
He doesn't like it when I show too much skin.
哇 小心 我过来啦
Whoa, watch out now, coming through.
看起来有人挺享受跟宠物在一块的
Well, it looks like someone is enjoying their pet.
对啊 她超棒的
Yeah, she's great.
你们都听过<料理鼠王>
You all heard of Ratatouille?
现在 给你们看看<料理猫王>
This here's Catatouille!
好嘞 这就开始
All right, here I go!
谁要辣椒
Who wants chili?
睁大眼睛了
Keep your eyes peeled.
如果螳螂夫人是幕后黑手的话 她会在任何地方出现
If Frau Mantiss is behind this, she could be anywhere.
好吧 希望她没有藏在时间隧♥道♥里
Well, let's hope she's not hiding in a time tunnel.
不然得花70年才能找到她
Could be 70 years before you find her.
真是一团糟
What a mess.
游侠 看
Ranger, look!
我了个去
Well, I'll be damned.
欧米伽魔方
Omega Cubes.
嘿 嘿 欧米伽泰德带着新一♥期♥泰德演讲(Ted演讲)来啦
Hey, hey! Omega Ted here with another Ted Talk. Heh.
好吧 太傻了
Oh, that was stupid.
距离我来这里进行重要任务
Been a couple of months now
已经有几个月了
since I've been down here for my important work.
有点寂寞了
It's getting kinda lonely.
我正在考虑 也许会让老妈
Thinking of asking Mom to
给我给我寄几只欧米伽宠物解闷
send some Omega Pets to keep me company, maybe.
呃 养宠物这件事
So, uh, pet ownership...
颇有挑战性
it's challenging.
占用的时间和精力比我想象的要多得多
They require more time and energy than I thought they would.
雷克斯 等你能成功找到这个的时候 我已经死了
Rex, if you've managed to find this, I'm already dead.
拜托了 我把那些宠物赠送给你了
Please, I've willed the pets to you.
你一定要毁灭它们
You have to destroy them.
今晚 我要逃亡了
Tonight, I'm making my escape.
哦 天呐 它们来了
Oh, god, they're coming!
我的天哪
Good god!
螳螂夫人没有杀欧米伽泰德 是他的宠物干的
Frau Mantiss didn't kill Omega Ted, his pets did!
那个时候 我真应该开枪打死它们
I should have shot them when I had the chance!
但是没有 因为我成长在
But no! Because I was raised
一个用罐子嗑药的年代
in a time when we drank our cocaine from a can,
没人听我的
no one listens to me.
游侠 它们还在豪♥宅♥里
Ranger, they're still at the mansion!
我们必须要警告联盟队员
We've got to warn the league!
希望他们和宠物相处的比我曾经要好
Hope they make out better than I did
多年以前
all those years ago...
他走了
And he's gone.
这次我真打算说出来的
I was really gonna tell it this time!
布拉德 我要换宠物
Brad, I wanna trade pets!
我这只坏掉了
This one's broken.
啊 我不能就这样离开他们
Aww, I can't just leave the team.
你说话小心一点 布拉德
You better watch that smart mouth, Brad.
可他们是我的朋友
But they're my friends.
难道我没有说清楚吗 - 啊啊
I'm not making myself clear. - Oww!
布拉德
Brad?
布拉德 布拉德 开门
Brad? Brad, open up!
马上就来
I'll be right there.
布拉德 你戴着太阳镜干嘛啊
Brad, why are you wearing those sunglasses?
额 2009
Uh, 2009.
是难忘的一年
It was a great year.
你老爸死了 死的时候戴着那副太阳镜
Your dad died. Wearing those sunglasses.
萨图恩 我向你保证 这都是我的错
Saturn, I can assure you, it was all my fault.
谁在门口啊 小宝贝
Who's at the door, babe?