超级豪宅（2015）

对不住了 呻♥吟♥者 你在萨图恩的城市里造次
Sorry, Groaner, you mess with the Saturn's town,
就一定会受到惩戒
you get the rings!
我坐着我的蛋了
I just sat on my balls.
让我缓一会儿
Give me a second here.
呃 痛 痛
No... yep, yep.
全身体重都压着蛋了
I just put all my weight on both of my balls.
你需要我们去处理他吗
You want us to take this one?
不用了 不用了 我搞得定 我来
No, no, no. I got it. I got it.
剧痛中士 见到你真好
Sgt. Agony, so good to see you.
对不起 雷克斯
Sorry, Rex,
我对废话过敏
I'm allergic to bullshit.
我肯定你一定会发现自♥由♥联盟
I think you'll find the League of Freedom has
清清白白 对吧 战友们
nothing to hide. Right, team?
操 又玩我 这次是我的锅
Well, [bleep] me twice, shame on me.
我的天呐
Oh, God.
大饱眼福吧 我是只猫
Feast your eyes! I'm a cat,
看看也没什么
so there ain't nothing wrong with lookin'.
我知道你是只猫
I know that you're a cat.
我去
Damn!
所有的黑人兄弟都有机械手臂吗
Do all black fellas got robot arms?
不 - 当然不是 福尔摩斯 我又不傻
No, they don't. - No shit, Sherlock. - Yeah, I'm no stupid.
既然你知道所有事
Well, since you know everything,
你能告诉我为什么你在加油站用了两万刀吗
you wanna tell me how you spend $20,000 at a gas station?
兄弟 我可不是花了
Man, I didn't spend that money.
这是投资
I invested it.
这每一张都可能不止两万刀
One of these could've been worth a lot more than 20 grand.
"最高奖金500刀"
"Win up to $500."
嘿 你还好吗 兄弟
Hey, you okay, buddy?
抱歉 愚蠢让我瞌睡
Sorry, stupid makes me sleepy!
这就是我说的刷子火
That's what I call a brush fire.
听见了吗
Did anyone hear that?
该死的 同志们 我只带了一把刷子
Dammit, guys. I only brought one brush.
我知道你是冲我来的 呻♥吟♥者
I know it's me you want, Groaner.
暗黑萨杜恩 回答我
Black Saturn, answer me this.
什么东西有耳朵却听不见
What has an ear but cannot hear a sound?
玉米 - 呃 呃
Corn! -Well-- well--
当它火热的时候 就变白了
when it turns red hot, it becomes white.
肯定是玉米 - 好吧 等 等一会
It's totally corn. -All right give-- give it a sec.
得了吧 我都猜出来了 玉米
Come on. I got it. It's corn.
你♥他♥妈♥的就不能等一下吗
Will you just wait a goddamn second?
等着 我得先打个电♥话♥
Listen, I need to make a phone call.
Gary 是我
Gary, it's me.
"谁"
"Who"?
就是那个花了一万五千刀定了个
The guy who ordered a $15,000 balloon
玉米棒气球的人
shaped like a corn cob.
我一点都不开心
I'm not enjoying it at all
因为这看起来根本就是一瓶科罗纳啤酒
because it looks an awful lot like a bottle of Corona.
是啊 我当然要退款
Yeah, I absolutely want a refund.
你还得要我卡♥号♥♥后四位
You still need the last four digits of my card?
呃 我得挂了
You know what? I've gotta go.
我遇上好些麻烦事
I'm in a lot of trouble.
你一点都没帮上忙
Well, you certainly didn't help.
天呐 那是我妻子
Holy mackerel. That was my wife.
如果她问能不能在我们的房♥子里打个地铺
Now, if she asks if she can bunk down here
和我们一起住
in the mansion with us,
你就说不行
you say no.
你为什么要躲着这位女士
Now why would you be trying to dodge this woman?
这位女士死于四十年代
That woman died in the 40's.
我很抱歉 - 不是真的 我倒是想
I'm sorry. - Not literally! I wish!
过去的八十年里
Father Time's been working her face
时间老人把她揍来揍去
and body for the last 80 years
但是又不打死她
but refuses to deliver the kill blow.
这是你妻子
That's your wife?
对不起 老女人让我有点反胃
I'm sorry. Bitches that old make me queasy.
我倒是想来一炮
I'd do her.
游 游侠 我得问你
R-- Ranger, I've gotta ask you.
你是不是花了 这么说吧 一大笔钱
Have you been spending, like, a crap-load of money?
我最近把我的衣服从仓库里取出来了
I recently got my clothes out of public storage
它们都存了七十年了 但是
after 70 years, but I mean,
这只需要花你未来资产的三十二万刀
that only cost $320,000 of your future dollars.
三十二万刀
$320,000?
你为什么不直接买♥♥新衣服
Why didn't you just buy new clothes?
你看到未来商品目录了吗
Have you seen your future catalogs?
我想着我们在四十年代就淘汰了平顶帽了呢
I thought we had eradicated the pork pie hat in the 40's.
嗯 这的确是一场文化战役的失败
Yeah, that's one battle we lost as a culture.
所以 你是要问我一些问题还是
So you want to ask me any questions or--
哇喔 哇喔 放轻松
Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy!
别玩了 呻♥吟♥者
No more games, Groaner!
不公正俱乐部要干什么
What is the Injustice Club up to?
不公正俱乐部六个月前
The Injustice Club kicked me off the team
就把我踢出会了 - 什么 不可能
six months ago! -What? No way!
是的 我们本想摧毁联♥合♥国♥
Yeah, we were gonna take down the U.N.
然后我劝他们买♥♥一个巨大的
and then I talked them into a giant balloon
保龄球瓶形的气球 但当然
shaped like a bowling pin, but of course,
Gary送过来的气球是个
the balloon Gary sent out was--
对了 你知道吗 Gary是个稀烂的气球商
Hey, you know, Gary's a pretty shit balloon guy.
你是我在不公正俱乐部里的宿敌啊
You were my nemesis on that team!
呃 呃 我以为我是布拉德的宿敌呢
Well-- well, I thought I was Brad's nemesis.
你什么意思 我们的邪恶执念可是
What are you talking about? We shared a dark obsession
将对方置于死地啊
with seeing the other one killed!
什么死地 我 我用气球打架 兄弟
Killed? I-- I fight with balloons, man.
任何执念都是邪恶的
Any obsession is by nature dark.
说实话 如果我们要排名次的话
I have to be honest-- if we're doing the top 10 here,
我 我觉得比起你 我更恨美国游侠
I-- I think I even hate American Ranger more than you.
不 不可能
No! No way!
上面说这是
It says here that I'm looking
物理疗法
at some physical therapy sessions
价格高达数千美金
to the tune of a few thousand dollars?
这是什么鬼 布拉德
What do I see here, Brad?
一些保健按♥摩♥
They were therapeutic massages!
好吧 只是按♥摩♥
Okay, they were just massages.
好吧 是色情按♥摩♥
Okay, they were erotic massages.
由妓♥女♥来做
By a prostitute.
实际上 说妓♥女♥可能太美化了
Actually, prostitute's probably too nice a word.
我甚至不确定是不是女的
I'm not even sure it was a chick.
你知道吗 我对自己有了更深的了解
You know, I learned a lot about myself.
有些事我希望我永远不知道
Stuff I wish I could unlearn.
就是保健按♥摩♥
Therapeutic massage it is.
别动手动脚的 Rex
Don't get grabby, Rex!
身体接触让我想放屁
Gettin' grabby gives me gas.
噢 得了吧 你只是想放屁
Oh, come on. You just had to fart.
即便如此
Be that as it may,
这些无♥耻♥的开支
even these shameless expenditures--
诶 我拉到裤子里一点
Yep, I shit my pants a little bit back there.
好像是真的 哦 确实 对
I thought I did, and I definitely did. Yep.
喂 我 我什么时候能打电♥话♥给我的律师
Hey, whe-- when do I get to call my lawyer?
当你承认你恨我的时候
When you can admit you hate me!
好了 好了 游戏时间结束
All right, all right. Playtime's over.
你来干什么
What are you doing?
蹲坑的时候看了点东西
Took a little bathroom reading into the John...
你的开支报告
your expense report.
150页杂费清单
150 pages of incidentals.
不可能 - 把你的信♥用♥卡♥交出来
That's impossible. - Hand over your card!
没问题
No problem.
我把它藏在我的腰包里
I keep it right here in my fanny p.
我希望你开心
I hope you're happy.
他们准备把我送到养老院去 兄弟
They're gonna put me in a home, man.
等等 我的VIP信♥用♥卡♥去哪儿了
Wait, where's my VIP Visa?
在Gary的气球商城消费28次
28 separate charges for Gary's Balloon Emporium?
你说什么
What did you say?