超级豪宅（2015）

接我一拳
Take that!
我教会他了一些东西
I taught him a thing or two.
但是你知道我教不了他什么吗
But do you know what I can't teach him?
代数 - 所以学校才会存在
Algebra! - That's what school is for!
良好的教育是美国的象征
A good education is as American
跟扎实的福特汽车一样
as a heavy Ford automobile!
不要给我把旗子碰到地面
Don't let the goddamn flag touch the ground!
我有许多大块的肌肉
I've got some pretty big muscles,
但是最重要的那块在这
but the most important one is right here.
嗷 - 弱鸡
Ow! - Pussy.
慢着 我们在这干嘛来着
Hold up! What are we doing here?
提词板 我不可以只跳跳霹雳舞什么的吗
Cue cards? Can I just break dance or something?
但是是在这里 - 在美国的走廊和教室里
But because it's here... - In American halls and classrooms!
和你一样的小孩
Children just like you...
嘘 嘘 嘘唔 嘘唔爷
La-er-er-- ee-ar-- ee-ar--
学着成为真正的英雄
Learn to be real heroes!
所以 学着像我们一样
So, be like us!
待在学校
Stay in school!
嘘 嘘 嘘唔 嘘唔爷 - 这样呀
La-er-er-- ee-ar-- ee-ar-- - Mm-hmm.
看起来酷琦猫咪不识字
Looks like little kitty Cooch can't read.
抓到你了 雷克斯 就在我 咦
I got you now, Rex, right where I-- Hmm.
"流浪汉向一个婴儿讨要糖果
"Homeless man asks a baby for candy.
接下来发生的事会惊呆你"
"What happens next will blow your mind"?
好的 我要点开那个
Yeah, I'm gonna click on that!
什么 那并没有惊呆我
What? That didn't blow my mind!
他们又玩了我 去它的
They got me again! Goddamn it!
想要尝尝酷琦吗
You want some Cooch?
啊
Aah!
别喊妈的 叫布拉德
Don't get mad, get Brad!
好吧 看来那个"待在学校"的公益广♥告♥
Well, it looks like that "Stay in school" PSA
丢人丢到全国去了
has become a national embarrassment.
我也在阅读报纸里的实时报道
I am also reading about that current event in the newspaper.
那是贝弗摩的广♥告♥插页
That is a BevMo! Insert.
所以呢 - 所以 维克多小子
So? - So, Kid Victory got
核准了我们下一年的预算
our budget approved for another year,
但那意味着会有很多人盯着我们
but that means we have a lot of eyes on us.
让我们搞定它 伙计们
Let's lock it down, people!
酷琦 如果你想学会怎么阅读
Cooch, if you want to learn how to read,
你可以一会儿到我房♥间来
you could come by my room later.
我可以 额 指导你 - 想得美 布拉德
I could, uh, tutor you. - Nice try, Brad!
我们完了 - 哦是的 没错
We're through! - Oh yeah, totally.
我只是想跟你成为朋友 - 朋友
I just wanna be friends. - Friends?
你别绞尽脑汁说些屁话了
You can kick that shit right down the road, dude!
大兄弟 那行不通
That never works!
雷克斯 你订的<男性健康>
Rex, your copy of "Men's Health" Came.
不 我可没有订那个 - 我们都出了钱
No, I didn't subscribe to that. - We all chipped in.
游侠 你订的<每月茶包(舔蛋)> - 是的
Ranger, a copy of "Teabagging Monthly." -Yes!
我听说这个茶党有些不错的想法
I heard this Tea Party has some good ideas.
我的天 有人在吃那个男人的蛋蛋
Holy Hell! Someone's eating that man's marbles!
那个想法看起来很糟糕
That seems like a terrible idea!
我想我可以试试
I guess I could use it.
奇怪 又一套给C.J.轮拉汉的祛痘产品
Odd. Another kit of Proactiv for one C.J. Wheelahan.
哦 我 我知道C.J. 他是我的一个朋友
Oh! I-- I know C.J. He's a friend of mine.
他长了很多的痤疮 因为我的面具 他的面具
He gets a lot of acne because of my mask-- his mask!
酷琦 一张来自Claudette的明信片
Cooch, a postcard from... Claudette?
很好 给我看看
Sweet! Let me see that thing!
再见 - 酷琦 稍微尊重下人家
See ya! - Cooch, show some respect.
那个女人把你养大了 - 在我还是只普通猫的时候
That woman raised you. - Yeah, when I was a regular cat.
我已经放下了那段生活
I left that life behind!
我不想了解她的破生活
I don't want to hear about her janky-ass life!
而且你不识字 - 那是一个原因 但是谁他妈在乎
Plus you can't read. - That is a factor, but who gives a shit?
剧痛警官 你来这儿干嘛
Sergeant Agony, what are you doing here?
我看了你们的公益广♥告♥
I saw your PSA!
酷琦看起来就像一匹嘴里塞满花生酱
And Cooch looked like a damn horse with peanut butter in its mouth
用菊花在发声的蠢马
talking out its butthole!
她是个文盲 - A部分 37B章节
She's illiterate! - Section A, chapter 37B.
“每一个自♥由♥联盟的成员
"Every member of the League of Freedom
都必须拥有高中及以上的文凭”
"Must have a high school diploma or higher."
哦 她是只猫 - 法律就是法律 雷克斯
Oh, she's a cat! - The law is the law, Rex!
教育不是笑话
An education is not a joke!
把她带走 伙计们 - 没关系的 雷克斯
Take her away, boys! - It's okay, Rex.
我就知道这世上没有这么好的事
I knew this gig was too good to be true.
不要进我的衣柜
Just don't go into my closet,
好吗 那只小狗在我发现它的时候就已经死了
okay? That poodle was dead when I found it.
慢着 这里说了
Wait. It says here that
正在正规教育机构试图取得文凭
government employees are exempt if they're actively pursuing
的政♥府♥员工可以得到豁免
a diploma from an accredited institution.
既然这样 - 哦 天啊不 不不不不
Hmm. - Oh, hell no. No, no, no, no!
剧痛 立马放了酷琦
Agony, release Cooch this instant.
根据谁的命令 - 我的
By what authority? - Mine,
以超级豪♥宅♥高中代理校长的名义
as acting principal of SuperMansion High!
好了各位 剧痛会在周五主持酷琦的高中文凭考试
All right, team. Agony's administering Cooch's GED on Friday.
我们有一整周的时间
We have exactly one week to
往她脑子里塞进点知识
get some sort of education to stick to her brain!
游侠 先不提
Ranger, putting aside the
你待在时间隧♥道♥的那70年
70-year gap where you were in a time tunnel,
你是教授历史的完美人选
you are the perfect candidate to teach history.
很荣幸 - 犹波特
It would be my honor! - Jewbot.
我很期待教授酷琦
I look forward to teaching
关于逝世的诗人 点燃她的热情
Cooch about dead poets and igniting her passions.
你来教家政 - 好吧 我他妈都白想了
You're teaching Home Ec. - Well, I guess I'll go f**k myself.
布拉德 你还记得怎么用化学仪器吗
Brad, you still know your way around a chemistry set?
你是警♥察♥吗 我的意思是 是的 记得
Are you a cop? I mean, yeah, yeah.
还有暗黑萨图恩 - 当一个很酷的恶霸
And Black Saturn... - As the cool bully!
想得美 不 我们不会安排那个
Yeah, no. We're not gonna have that.
去你的 垃圾校长
Suck it, Principal Wreck!
回来 - 已经看起来像个马戏团了
Get back here! - Looking like a circus already.
你在管理一个小丑大学吗 雷克斯 - 你穿的是什么
You running a clown college, Rex? - What are you wearing?
你要扮演校长
You're gonna play principal,
那么跟你的监管人打个招呼吧
then say hello to your superintendent.
我们讲明了吧
Let's lay the cards on the table, Agony.
你根本不在乎酷琦有没有文凭
You don't care if Cooch has a diploma or not.
你讨厌自♥由♥联盟
You hate the League of Freedom.
对 我不喜欢 - 让我告诉你点东西
I'm not a fan, no. - Let me tell you something.
你纠缠我的队员
When you come after one of my members,
就是在捅蚂蜂窝
you kick the hornet's nest.
我会用酷琦的文凭给你来个深喉
I'm gonna shove Cooch's diploma down your throat!
恕我失陪 我想我的耳朵里有个唾沫纸团
If you'll excuse me, I think I have a spitball in my ear.
第一天上学你准备好了吗
Ready for your first day of school?
当然 Marjorie给了我一大堆本子
Hell, yeah! Marjorie got me a bunch of Pee-Chees,
我给大部分都画上了鸡鸡
and I already got dongs drawn on most of 'em.
额 很好 酷琦
Uh, that's great, Cooch,
但是要保证你要把注意力集中到课程上
but make sure you're focusing on your lessons.
你可以做到吗 - 集中注意 好的 雷克斯
Can you do that for me? - Focus? Yeah, Rex.
没问题
No problem.
好的 同学们 让我们开始我们的晨祷
All right, class, let's start our day with our morning prayer.
亲爱的基♥督♥教白人天父 - 不 游侠
Dear heavenly white Christian Father-- - Nuh-uh, Ranger!
不要在这儿传播你的宗教
Keep your church outta my state!
Marjorie 你的通行证哪去了
Marjorie, where's your hall pass?
别想跑开 小姑娘
Don't you run away from me, girl.
好的 让我们从精彩内容开始
All right, let's start with the good stuff.
二战 重大事件 美国是一个沉睡的巨人
WW2, the big one. America was a sleeping giant.
你知道吗 为什么会有小妖精
You know what? Why are there leprechauns?
他们需要把更多的棉花糖放进盒子里 那是我拿到的
They need to get more marshmallows in a box. That's what I get.
可能他们拿棉花糖兑换黄金去了
Maybe they cash in the gold for marshmallows.
兑现黄金 没错
Cashing in gold, that's true.
酷琦 你有在听课吗
Cooch! Are you paying attention?
是的 答案是 彩虹金
Yep. The answer is... rainbow gold!
不 这是认真的
No! This is serious!
我不知道二战后
I had no idea what happened