十字剑

It was a real fuckfest.
然后丹妮尔就出生了 我们的生活很完美
And then Danielle was born. Our life was perfect.
直到我们被我父亲的手下发现
Until we were discovered by my father's men.
我被拖回城♥堡♥
I was dragged back to the castle
就关在这座塔里
and locked in this very tower.
真是个令人沮丧的结局
It's a goddamn downer of an ending.
但我不知道在那之后我的孩子怎么样了
But I never knew what happened to my baby after that.
也没有丹尼的消息
Or to Danny.
唐娜 这也太悲惨了
Donna, that's so tragic.
怪不得你让人无法忍♥受
No wonder you're absolutely unbearable.
父亲为了追求他毕生的
Dad joined the circus
吞剑之梦 加入了马戏团
to pursue his lifelong dream of sword-swallowing.
当他吞剑而死后
After he died-- swallowing a sword--
我是由一个杂技演员家庭抚养大的
I was raised by a family of acrobats.
作为他们的长女 我母亲是合法的女王
As their eldest child, my mother is the rightful queen.
也使我成为合法的继承人
Making me the rightful heir.
并不是我自己一个人这么想
And I'm not the only one who thinks so.
所有佩戴这个徽章的人都相信
All of us who wear this insignia
真正的女王已经被禁锢了太久
believe that the true queen has been locked up too long.
王国绝对不会在我俩之间
The kingdom's never
选择我的姐姐
going to choose my dingbat sister over me.
他们还有其他选择吗
What choice will they have?
我花了好几个月的时间打败了所有
I've spent months knocking off every other blueblood
想要继承王位的贵族
with a claim to the throne.
所以 明天黎明时分 我要在全世界面前
So, tomorrow at dawn, in front of the whole world,
把你们的头砍下来
I'll chop your heads off.
一个 两个 三个
One, two, three.
唐娜会被加冕为女王
Donna will be crowned queen,
可没人敢说什么
and nobody can say shit about it.
来吧母亲 遗产在等着我们
Come along, Mother. Our legacy awaits.
我能带上丹尼尔吗
Can I bring Daniel?
不行 母亲 那太诡异了
No, Mother. It's creepy.
你女朋友真是个婊♥子♥
Your girlfriend's a real cunt.
我简直不敢相信我第一个真正的女朋友
I can't believe my first real girlfriend
竟然是个犯罪主谋
turned out to be a criminal mastermind.
得了吧
Okay, wow.
跟个刺客谈恋爱 却丝毫没有察觉到她的身份
Dating an assassin and didn't even notice.
不过是又一个
Just another man,
低估了女人作恶能力的男人
underestimating a woman'scapacity for evil.
你可真行
Jeez.
坚持住 帕特里克
Hang in there, Patrick.
所有的女人或多或少都是杀手
All women are assassins of one stripe or another.
大部分只是扼杀了你的梦想
Most of them just kill your dreams.
你怎么说话呢
Excuse me?
亲爱的 孩子心情不好
The kid's feeling down, dear.
一点轻微的厌女症真的可以让人振奋起来
Some light misogyny can be a real pick-me-up.
另一方面 也许我站错队了
On the other hand, maybe I'm on the wrong side.
不过无所谓 她不会是这次分手的赢家
But whatever. She's not winning this breakup.
我要带大家离开这里
I'm getting us out of here.
帕特里克 我需要你牵着我的手
Patrick, I'm gonna need you to hold my hand
给我讲个故事
and tell me a story.
天啊 我不要
Oh my god, no.
帕特里克
Patrick...
讲故事
Story.
你在干什么 我需要那个马桶
What are you doing? I need that toilet!
排污管道是一条出路
The sewage system is a way out.
但我需要根绳子
But I need a rope.
这坨性♥爱♥毛线有用吗
Would a buttload of sex yarn help?
他怎么这么湿
Why is he so damp?
我需要你把我放下去
Ugh! I need you to lower me down.
如果长度不够
If you need more slack,
就解开你姑妈自♥制♥的性♥爱♥娃娃
unravel your aunt's homemade fuck doll.
蓝色
Blue.
B-L-U-E
B-L-U-E.
现在说个数字
Now pick a number.
六
Six.
一 二 三 四 五 六
One, two, three, four, five, six.
现在说个数字
Now pick a number.
又一个数字吗 二
Another number? Two.
这太荒谬了
This is ridiculous.
好了 你的命运就是
Okay, here's your fortune:
"一件令人激动的事情就要发生了"
"Something exciting is headed your way."
它是怎么知道的
How does it know?
就是知道
Just does. Duh.
你们是女巫吗 再来一次
Are you witches? Do it again.
好了 稳中求进
Alright, slow and steady.
这臭气熏得我眼泪都出来了
The stink is making my eyes water!
你♥他♥妈♥的觉得这底下就好闻了吗
How the fuck do you think it smells down here?
操 他妈的
Oh! Fuck it! Ow! Shit!
操
Oh! Fuck! Ow! Ow!
他妈的 操
Ow! Shit! Ow! Fuck!
操
Ow! Fuck!
偷东西行动时间到了
Time for Operation Steal Stuff, huh?
偷城♥堡♥里的东西
From the Castle.
我们再也不会有这样的机会了
We'll never get another chance like this.
我们得找到金库
We need to find the vault.
好东西都藏在那里面
That's where they'll keep the good stuff.
我们现在真的需要一个内奸
We could really use an insider right about now.
帕特里克在哪儿
Where's Patrick?
我嘞个去
Holy shit!
各位 谢天谢地你们到了
Guys. You're here. Oh, thank God.
那个屎人听上去像是帕特里克
That shit golem sounds like Patrick.
不不不
Oh no, nope, nope.
你要是抱我 我就杀了你
If you hug me, I'll kill you.
发生政♥变♥了
There's been a coup.
皇室家族要被处决了
The royal family's going to be executed.
你们得帮我去解救他们
You've got to help me free them.
我们为什么要那么做
Why would we ever do that?
因为那是我们的国王和皇后
Because it's our king and queen.
我都不知道国王的名字 等等 是穆雷吗
I don't even know the king's name, man. Wait, is it Murray?
帕特里克 谁坐在王位上不重要
Patrick, it doesn't matter who sits on the throne.
国王和皇后来来去去 但都是一样的
Kings and queens come and go, but they're all the same.
他们变富变胖 而我们受苦
They get rich and fat while the rest of us suffer.
讲真 是穆雷国王和蒂娜皇后吗
Seriously, is it King Murray and Queen Tina?
我觉得是这样
I think that's right, right?
谁给他们权力偷窃我们其他人
What gives them the right to steal from the rest of us?
什么 可这不是你们的工作吗
Wha--? But that's what you do.
至少我们从不遮掩
Yes, well, at least we're upfront about it.
听着 既然你来了
And look, while you're here,
你遗传了家族的绘画天赋
um, you've got the drawing skills in the family.
你给我们简单画个去金库的地图吧
Um, how about just whipping up a quick map to the vault, huh?
我们被包围了
Oh, and we're surrounded.
看来你们别无选择了
I guess you have no choice now, huh?
你们必须帮我抗争
You have to help me fight.
他们不是我们的敌人 帕特里克 是你的
They're not our enemy, Patrick. They're yours.
你们想找这个侍卫 给你们了
Do you want this squire? You can have him.
我们有自己的事 别管我们
We're doing our own thing, don't mind us.
什么
What?
该死 我没有选择做你们的弟弟
God dammit. I didn't choose to be your little brother.
但我总是相信 在你们内心深处
But I always believed, deep down,
在重要时刻 你们会支持我
that when it mattered, you'd have my back.
因为我是你们的家人
Because I'm your family.
但如果不是这样
But if that's not true...
我想我只能责怪自己了
I guess I have no one to blame but myself.
你们总是跟我说我无足轻重
You told me my whole life I didn't matter.
怪我不相信你们
It's my fault for not believing you.
操 他是对的
Ah, fuck, he's right.
他是我们的弟弟
He's our brother.
是的 只有我们能揍我们的弟弟
Yeah! And nobody beats up our brother but us.
谢谢你们
Thanks, you guys.
看老子的