十字剑

帕特里克
Patrick...!
别捣乱 布洛斯
Stop fucking around, Broth!
这是谋杀调查
This is a murder investigation.
我永远也不会想到
Never in a million years did I think
这么可怕的事会在一个后巷的妓院里发生
something this awful could happen at a back alley fuck house.
梅里曼国王 这是死去的第三位勋爵了
King Merriman, this is the third lord who's turned up dead,
所有的谋杀现场都出现了这个标志
all of the murder scenes connected by this insignia.
大部分勋爵都是近亲生育的妖怪
Most lords are inbred goblins,
但康希尔是个相当好的人
but Cornhill was a pretty good dude.
喝醉了很有意思
Really funny drunk.
有一次我看见他用头撞一只浣熊
I saw him headbutt a raccoon once.
看上去这支箭好像
It looks like the arrow
直接从康希尔的口中穿过
went straight through Cornhill's mouth
再从他脑后穿了出来
and out the back of his head.
温德尔爵士 这个洞是什么
S‐Sir Wendell, what's this hole?
这是我们妓院这行里的"寻欢洞"
That's what we in this pleasure business call a "Glory hole."
又叫"谁在那 精♥子♥ 谁的精♥子♥
Or, the "Knock‐knock‐who's there? Semen. Semen who?
男人把他们的屌♥伸进这个洞"
See men stick their dicks through this hole."
所以杀手有可能藏在这堵墙后面
So, the killer could have hidden behind this wall
给他来一口他预料之外的东西
and given him a mouthful of something he wasn't expecting.
死亡
Death.
陛下 我认为
Sire, I believe we have
我们面对的是一个非常危险的刺客
a highly dangerous assassin on our hands!
刺客
Assassin?
刺客
Assassin!
刺客
Assassin.
刺客
Assassin!
刺客
Assassin?
刺客
Assassin!
刺客
Assassin.
刺客
Assassin!
十字剑
第一季 第四集
我们都要死了
We're all gonna die!
我要离开这里
I gotta get out of here!
这个刺客让大家万分紧张
Wow, this assassin's got everyone on edge.
不是 你这个笨蛋
No, you fool,
开花公主要从寄宿学校回来了
Princess Blossom is coming home from boarding school.
挺好的
Well, that's cool.
对 好得就像蝎子爬到了你的鸡鸡上
Yes, cool like a scorpion up your pee‐hole.
笨蛋
Fool.
塔尼娅 听说你♥爸♥死了 你给他口得太凶了吗
Yo, Tanya, I heard your dad died. You suck his dick too hard?
安德烈 你那个怪异的成年儿子还找不到吗
Hey, Andre. Your weird adult son still missing?
闪烁阴吹
Hey, Blinkerqueef.
操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you!
为什么我的前门密♥码♥失效了
Why doesn't my front gate code work anymore? Huh?
为什么我房♥间里他妈的这么冷
And why is my room fucking freezing?
还有我发誓 谁要是碰了我的大♥麻♥烟枪收藏...
And I swear to God, if someone touched my bong collection...
是我亲爱的开花吗 欢迎回家 小花瓣
Is that my sweet Blossom? Welcome home, petal.
我们有你喜欢的恐龙形状的鸡块
We got those dinosaur‐shaped chicken nuggets you like.
我现在吃素了 蠢驴
I'm vegan now, ya dumb bitch.
别再想让我长胖了
Stop trying to make me fat!
谢天谢地 在野兽盛宴前我只要在这里住一晚
Ugh, thank God I'm only here for one night before Beast Feast.
说起那个音乐节 宝贝
About the music festival, pumpkin,
现在有一名刺客在逃
there's an assassin on the loose.
你去参加太危险了
It's too dangerous for you to go.
什么 你跟我开玩笑吗
What? Are you kidding me?
我看见的唯一一个刺客就在这里
Literally the only assassins I see are right here.
你在谋杀我的人生 爸
You are assassinating my life, Dad.
不仅是因为这事太危险
Not only is it too risky,
你也得开始认真担负皇室的责任了
you need to start taking royal responsibilities seriously.
我们安排了你去主持
We're having you host
儿童医院的哑剧爱好者之夜
Amateur Mime Night at the children's hospital.
也许我可以借他们那看不见的绳子勒死我自己
Maybe I could borrow their invisible rope and hang myself.
我要去野兽盛宴 好吗 我不会有事的
I am going to Beast Feast. Okay? I'm gonna be fine.
有我的侍女们保护我就够了
My ladies‐in‐waiting are all the protection I need.
费妮给我的食物试毒
Fern tastes my food for poison.
任何一顿饭都可能成为我的最后一顿
Any meal could be my last.
艾薇保护我最最重要的东西 我的形象
Ivy protects the most important thing of all: my image.
镜子
Mirror!
来了
Flying in.
最后一个 当然也是最不重要的
And last but certainly least,
重量500万磅的
weighing in at five million pounds,
人肉盾牌
Human Shield!
她唯一的工作就是挺出肥胖身躯
Her only job is to take one for the team
以一人保护全队 太棒了 姐妹
with her big, fat body, yes, girl!
我们体型其实一样
We're actually the same size.
去跟你的娘炮男朋友亲热吧
Go make out with your boyfriend, who is a cake!
开花 你父亲和我对这事的态度是很坚决的
Blossom, your father and I are putting our foot down on this.
我要去野兽盛宴
I'm going to Beast Feast!
你被禁闭在自己房♥间里了
You are confined to your room
直到哑剧之夜 就这么定了
until Mime Night and that is final!
公主在任何情况下都不能离开房♥间
The Princess is not to leave her room under any circumstances.
您能把女儿的安全交到我手中 我非常荣幸
I'm so honored you're trusting me with your daughter's safety.
谢谢您选择了我
Thank you for choosing me.
不 我选你是因为
No, I chose you because
你是在性方面最不具威胁性的侍从
you're the most sexually non‐threatening squire.
但我发誓 你这个浑身汗臭的小处♥男♥
But I swear to god, you sweaty little virgin,
如果我的宝贝出了什么事
if anything happens to my baby,
这座城♥堡♥墙上的尖刺会有一个以你命名
there's a spike on the castle wall with your name on it.
这可不是吓唬你的
That is not a figure of speech.
你在P区 在"帕斯卡"和"帕林"中间
You are in the "P" Section, between "Pascale" And "Pauline."
为什么是按名字的字母顺序排的
Why is it alphabetized by first name?
听上去像是个处♥男♥会问的问题
Sounds like something a virgin would ask.
你能做到的 帕特里克
You have got this, Patrick.
终于有一个你不可能搞砸的任务了
Finally an assignment you can't screw up.
糟了 她上哪儿去了
Oh shit! Where'd she go?
保姆当得怎么样啊 哥们
How's the babysitting going, buddy?
说实话 很棒
Honestly, great.
我觉得我可以积累一些侍从积分了
I think I'm really racking up some squire points.
好吧 最好是这样
Well, you better,
因为新的侍从排行榜刚刚出炉了
because the new squire rankings just came out.
巴里
帕特里克
这太不公平了
This is so unfair.
巴里是石头做的 他怎么会在我前面
Barry's made of stone, how's he ahead of me?
你确实让皇后被泼了鱼饵
Well, you did let the Queen get chummed,
你杀了罗宾汉
and you killed Robin Hood
你把火♥药♥给了一个海盗
and gave gunpowder to a pirate
炸死了一个濒危的克拉肯
and blew up an endangered Kraken.
我知道了 这是公平的
I get it, it's fair.
至少我的新任务是不可能搞砸的
At least I can't screw up my new assignment.
对 里面很安静
Yeah, it's pretty quiet in there.
嗯 半小时之前她把喉咙都喊破了
Yeah, she screamed herself out about half an hour ago.
我想你应该看看这个
I think you should see this.
见鬼去吧 爸爸妈妈
Eat shit, Mom and Dad.
别
No!
野兽盛宴 野兽盛宴 野兽盛宴 野兽盛宴
Beast Feast! Beast Feast! Beast Feast! Beast Feast!
这可对你的排名不利
This is not gonna be good for your ranking.
帕姆 帕斯卡 帕特里克 帕林
我们要悄悄行动 去野兽盛宴
We're not telling anybody. We're going to Beast Feast.
万岁
Hell, yeah!
这个节日规模太大了
This festival is enormous.
我们不可能在宫里的人发觉之前找到她
We're never going to find her before they realize she's gone.
野兽盛宴
别紧张 伙计 我给我们争取了点时间
Don't sweat it, buddy. I bought us some time.
我没空和你聊天 帕特里克 我很忙
No time to talk, Patrick. Very busy.
我简直不敢相信 这是你第一次来野兽盛宴
I can't believe that this is your first Beast Feast.
让我来给你讲讲经验 首先 多喝水
Let me give you the basics. First, stay hydrated.
其次 找个碰头的地方 就在这里碰头吧
Next, have a designated meet‐up spot. That's our meet‐up spot.
然后 计划好今天怎么玩
Third, map out your day.
今年的大明星是杀蛋乐团[谐音睾丸]
This year's headliner is Testa‐Kyll.
台上布置了断头台和酷刑架
Their stage is like guillotines and torture racks.