十字剑

我在哪 什么情况
Where am I? What's happening?
有人吗
Hello?
救命啊
Someone help me!
不管你是谁 你吓不到我的 懂吗
Whoever you are, you don't scare me, okay?
我很棘手 等着瞧吧
I'm a real handful. Just wait and see.
最近俘获我的九个人里有八个人都自杀了
Eight of my last nine captors killed themselves.
第九个死于痛风
The ninth one died of gout.
操 你知道我是谁吗
God dammit, do you know who I am?
我很清楚你是谁
Oh, I know exactly who you are,
开花公主
Princess Blossom.
你该问的问题是我是谁
The question you should be asking is who am I?
欢迎来到迷宫子♥宫♥
Welcome to the womb of the maze
我被永久流放到这里
to which I am banished for eternity.
这里是死亡迷宫 我以那些
The labyrinth of death where I feast upon the souls
敢于挑战自己极限的人为食
who dare to venture its depths!
虽然我此刻很想你把吞下去
Much as I'd love to gobble you up in this very moment,
但我承诺过要等
I've given my word to wait.
不过只等一天 然后
But only for one day's time. And then...
你就将属于我
you will be mine!
结束
And... scene.
十字剑
第一季 第九集
我们的马车到达学院的时候
And when our carriage arrived at the academy,
他们跟我们说开花公主不在
they told us Princess Blossom wasn't there.
她肯定是在从这去上学的途中消失的
She must have just disappeared on the road between here and school.
你们怎么没和她一起
Why weren't you riding with her?
她不让 费妮会晕车
She won't let us. Fern gets carsick.
前后都晕
Out of both ends.
我亲爱的花瓣 我们必须找到她
My sweet petal! We must find her.
这太糟了 布洛斯
This is awful, Broth.
要是有人绑♥架♥了漂亮的少女
If someone's kidnapping beautiful maidens,
我女朋友斯隆可能也有危险
my girlfriend Sloane could be next.
我觉得你没事
Uh, I think you're fine.
大人 开花绑♥架♥者寄来了一封信
Your majesties. A letter from Blossom's captor.
你有24小时让位
"You have 24 hours to abdicate the throne
不然你女儿将会被吃掉
or your daughter will be eaten."
天啊
Oh God!
我可不玩游戏 我要派出特种部队
I'm not playing any damn games. I'm sending in special ops.
-我们不知道该派到哪 -回信地址说
- We don't know where to send them. - The return address says...
弥诺陶洛斯迷宫
"Minotaur's Labyrinth"?
把全部军队都派过去
Send in the whole goddamn army.
军队几乎因为瘟疫而全军覆灭
The army was nearly wiped out by the plague.
要是剩下的人也没了
And if we lost the remainder,
王国将毫无防备
the kingdom would be defenseless.
没时间了 梅里曼
Time's running out. Merriman,
我们得做点什么 任何事都行
we've got to do something, anything!
好 策划者想出了一个新的计划
All right, the plan man's got a new plan.
百万美元弥诺陶洛斯挑战
谁能把公主从迷宫里拯救出来
Whoever saves the princess from the labyrinth
就能得到一百万美元
gets one million dollars?
我终于能上大学了
I can finally go to college.
时间是最残忍♥的大♥师♥
Time is the cruelest master,
它的永恒是无情的
unforgiving in its constant...
操 操 我烧到了我的蹄
Aaah! Fuck, fuck! I burned my fucking hoof.
靠 这不是我平时用的火炬
Shit. This isn't my usual torch.
-我没 -业余
- I'm not... - Amateur.
真正的表演者绝不会
A real performer would never
把他们糟糕的演出归咎于道具
blame props for their shitty performance.
你不知道演一场经典的独角戏压力有多大
You don't know the pressure of delivering an epic monologue.
你以为我不了解你的世界
Oh, you think I don't know your world?
我他妈可是开花公主
I'm Princess fucking Blossom.
我被最优秀的人绑♥架♥了
I've been kidnapped by the best
目睹了恶毒的谩骂
and witnessed villainous diatribes from them all.
模仿者
The derivative.
才华横溢之人
The brilliant.
中途死于痛风的那人
The guy who died of gout halfway through.
他把一切都留在了舞台上
He left it all on the stage.
你以为我识别不了人才
You think I can't recognize talent?
我可以把可怜的你从弥诺陶洛斯带到弥诺星球
I could take your sorry ass from Minotaur to Minostar,
但你不配
but you're not worth it!
请教教我
Please. Teach me!
给我个新的尿桶 我会考虑下
Get me a new pee bucket and I'll consider it.
帕特里克
Oh, Patrick.
不敢相信你要冒着生命危险
I can't believe you're risking your neck
去救那个小变♥态♥
to save that little psychopath.
这是我的工作 斯隆
It's my job, Sloane.
你太勇敢了
You're so brave.
不同意的话我就太无礼了
It would be rude to disagree.
布洛斯 公主肯定死透了
Broth, the princess is so fuckin' dead.
我是在世的最烂的侍卫
I'm the worst squire alive.
我搞砸了每个任务
I've cocked up every single assignment.
帕特里克 自我怀疑的时候 请记住维京格言
Patrick, when in doubt, just remember the Viking motto:
假装自己可以 久而久之你就真的可以
"Fake it until you make it."
这真的是维京格言吗
Is that really the Viking motto?
我实际上忘了维京格言了
I have in fact forgot the Viking motto,
但是我假装这句话就是 久而久之就是真的了
however I am faking it until I am making it.
布拉尼 你怎么来了
Blarney? What are you doing here?
有人想看一个弥诺陶洛斯动物吗
Can I interest anyone in a minotaur balloon animal?
奇怪的一群人
Weird group.
那个卖♥♥雪人皮的变♥态♥在那
There's that psychopath who sells yeti pelts.
老娘今晚要睡在丝滑的弥诺陶洛斯毯子下
Mama's sleepin' under a silky smooth minotaur blanket tonight.
翻转烙饼
Slapjack Flip!
他单枪匹马
He rides alone.
烙饼先生 你想和我搭档吗
Mr. Slapjack. Do you want to be partners with me?
我单枪匹马
I ride alone.
他单枪匹马 特里娜 真是的
He rides alone, Trina. Jesus!
集♥合♥了
Gather round.
百万美元弥诺陶洛斯挑战即将开始
The Million Dollar Minotaur Challenge is about to commence.
各就各位 参赛者们要进入...
On my mark, the contestants will enter the...
特里娜·弗兰克林斯
Trina Franklins!
什么鬼
Oh, what the hell!
慢着 听好了 侍卫们
Hold up now. Listen up, squires.
我觉得你们还没有准备好进入迷宫
I don't think you're ready for the labyrinth
你们百分之一千会死在里面
and you will 1,000 percent die in there,
但如果你救出了公主
but if you should rescue the princess,
你就能赢得这枚遇险少女荣誉徽章
you'll earn this Damsel-in-Distress merit badge.
我好想要
I want it so much!
是我的
It's mine.
这是个馊主意 我们退出
This was a bad idea. We're out.
现在是退出的最后机会
Last chance to back out.
开花需要我们 也许要是我们团结一致
Blossom needs us. Maybe if we all stick together...
虽然听上去很有趣
As much fun as that sounds,
我是肯定不会和别人平分一百万的
there's no way I'm splitting that million.
我们去拿下三角家庭
Let's go get that menage a trois!
是弥诺陶洛斯 笨蛋
Minotaur. Idiot.
用气球做的弥诺陶洛斯
Minotaur made out of balloons?
该死的混♥蛋♥
Fucking asshole!
这好好玩 让我想起了学校的课外教学实践
This is fun. It reminds me of a school field trip.
课外教学实践总是糟糕透顶
Yeah, my school field trips always sucked pretty hard.
大多数小孩都想从事农业
Most of the kids were on an agriculture track.
最后 永远不要带牛上楼
And lastly, don't ever lead a cow upstairs.
它们不会下来 你可能觉得是个有趣的恶作剧
They can't get back down. You might think it's a fun prank,
然后你的三层无电梯公♥寓♥里就多了头死牛
and then there's a dead cow in your third-floor walk-up.
仍然觉得这是次好玩的课外教学实践吗
Still think this is a fun field trip?
跟那个无脸的家伙说去
Tell that to ol' No-Face over there.
小猫咪
Kitty!
好了 小猫咪 我脑子里能听到你的声音
Okay, kitty, whose voice I can hear in my head,
我跟你走
I'll come with you.
布洛斯 那只猫是错觉
Broth, the cat's an illusion.
迷宫想引诱你离开
The labyrinth wants to lure you away.
它说他叫布兰米尔克
He says his name is Branmilk.
-布洛斯 -布兰米尔克 等等爸爸