十字剑

We don't have a princess handy, but we have the next best thing!
不要泼脸 不要
Not to the face! Not to the--
比我想象中还要爽
It's even better than I imagined!
-进了我的眼睛 -抱歉 夫人
- Ugh, it's in my eye, you little dick! - Sorry, ma'am.
我爸在和我喜欢的女生睡
My dad's sleeping with the girl I like,
我现在心情不是很好
and I'm really going through some stuff right now.
我们的死期到了
This is it!
格伦 你的克拉肯勃起让结更紧了
Glenn, your Kraken boner is tightening the knots!
我发誓
I swear to God,
要是那玩意刮花了我的船
if that thing puts one scratch on my ship...
是海洋里的格伦
It's the Glenn of the sea!
我杀了我们所有人
I've killed us all.
谁做点什么啊
Somebody do something!
开火
Open fire!
不 别伤害它
No! Don't hurt it!
大炮不能穿过卡拉肯的皮
Cannons can't pierce Kraken hide!
任何真正的克拉肯专家都会知道
Any true Krak-Head would know that!
我说的是情感上
I'm talking about emotionally!
图莉璞
Tulip!
你什么毛病
What the hell is your problem?
因为她不是处♥女♥
It's because she's not a virgin!
当然 克拉肯只吃处♥女♥
Of course! Krakens only eat virgins!
学生们 格雷琴完成了阅读任务
See, class? Gretchen did the assigned reading.
真有钱
Now that is rich!
肉桂 罗勒
它需要一个处♥女♥ 不然就会杀了我们全部
It needs a virgin, or it will kill us all!
快 我们中谁是处子之身
Quickly, who among us is pure?
没有 真棒 瞧瞧他
No, huh? Hey! Good for you! Look at this guy.
用手的算吗
Does-does hand stuff count?
就当算吧 安全起见
Let's say "yes," just to be safe.
不 我是你这边的 我是盟友
No! I'm on your side! I'm an ally!
没错 我不是处♥男♥ 我是终身教授
That's right! I-I'm no virgin! I'm a tenured professor!
每个学期都会带来一批勉强合法的男女学生
Each semester brings a fresh crop of barely legal coeds!
我是人力资源部的噩梦
I'm a human resources nightmare!
教授 不
Professor! No!
-没事的 宝贝 -我得下船
- It's okay, babe. - I gotta get off this boat.
我们的教授死在了海上 我们都自动获得A
Our professor died at sea. We all get automatic A's.
太棒了 大纲里有写
Yes! Yes! It's in the syllabus.
好啊 傻♥逼♥们
What's up, cocksuckers?
布洛斯是废物
Broth's a failure.
她
Her.
你来了
You came!
柯萝尔
So, Coral.
海盗女王
Queen of the Pirates.
奇普 看来你最近很忙啊
Chip, I see you've been busy.
别嫉妒 奇普很多 人人有份
Don't be jealous. Plenty of Chip to go around.
哈维尔·吉尔格尔舰队司令 我们终于见面了
Admiral Javier Killgore, we meet at last!
看样子你遭遇了克拉肯麻烦
Looks like you've got yourself a Kraken problem.
没什么是我们应付不了的
Nothin' we can't handle.
你过来是想把腐蚀海水撒到
Did you just come here to get corrosive sea water
我刚打蜡的地板上
on my freshly waxed floorboards?
还是你有什么建议可以阻止那玩意
Or do you have any suggestions for stoppin' that thing?
这就是克拉肯的特色
Well, that's the deal with Krakens.
唯一能让它们滚的办法
The only thing that'll make 'em fuck off
就是吃处子肉
is chowing down on virgin meat.
告诉我我不知道的事
Ugh! Tell me somethin' I don't know!
算了 我去拿拖把
Ah, the hell with this, I'm gettin' a mop.
柯萝尔 爸妈在那艘船上 做点什么
Coral, Mom and Dad are on that ship! Do something!
你知道我的条件
You know my terms.
你是指那个火♥药♥吗
Are we talking about that gunpowder?
这很严重 爸妈可能会死
This is serious! Mom and Dad could die!
他们很老了 度过了不错的一生
Meh. They're old. They had a good run.
你真是不可理喻
You're unbelievable!
你先眨眼
You blinked first.
根据海事法 我赢了
Under Maritime Law, I win!
行吧 我们要怎么办
Ugh, fine! So, what do we do?
我说了 帕特里克
Like I said, Patrick,
只有一个办法能让克拉肯消失
there's only one way to make a Kraken disappear.
它需要一个甜美精力充沛的处子
It needs a sweet, perky virgin.
克拉肯
Kraken!
我志愿做处子贡品
I volunteer as virgin tribute!
-不 帕特里克 -老天 帕特里克
- Oh, no! Patrick! - Jesus, Patrick!
邻居家小孩比你小一岁
The neighbor kid is a year younger than you,
已经有三个孩子了
he already has three kids.
人人都有自己的节奏 爸
Everyone moves at their own pace, Dad!
天啊
Oh, Christ!
不 我可怜的处儿
No! My poor virgin son!
处儿 这是安乐死
Virgin? It's a mercy killing.
帕特里克
Patrick!
他死了 但好像他还活着
He died as he lived...
-一个英雄 -一个处子英雄
- A hero. - ...A virg-- hero.
克拉肯
Kraken!
我或许闻起来像是处子
I might smell like a virgin,
但我的味道是炸♥药♥
but I taste like dynamite!
不
Nooooooooo!
不 我的船
No! My ship!
这是克拉肯的唯一弱点 突然变化
It's the Kraken's one weakness, the switcheroo!
真高兴你很开心
I'm so glad you're happy!
我刚损害了我支持的一切
I just compromised everything that I stand for!
只要目的正当就可以不择手段 帕特里克
The ends always justify the means, Patrick!
生活的忠告
Words to live by!
再见
See ya later!
我和这火♥药♥要去见长屌♥道格了
Me and this gunpowder have a date with Long Dong Doug!
该死 靠 沾到了贝类
Dammit! Oh, shit. The shellfish.
她真狂野不羁
Oh, she's so wild and untamed!
真希望可以把她装进瓶子
I wish I could bottle her up.
搞定了
Aaaaaaand done.
布洛斯的故事从此结束
Thus ends the story of Broth.
谢谢你的火♥药♥ 混♥蛋♥
Thanks for the gunpowder, fucko!
现在要求下周五请假合适吗
Is it a bad time to ask for next Friday off?
知道吗 你好像很忙
You know what? You seem busy.
爽
Oh, yes!
-你味道和你样子一样好 -谢谢
- You taste as good as you look! - Thanks!
喂 你们能停止亲热 来救我吗
Hello? Can you stop making out and come rescue me?
从统计上看 他们一半的人都会死于鲨鱼和暴晒
Statistically, half of them will die from sharks and exposure.
滚 奇普
Fuck off, Chip.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen--
我向你们介绍罗勒夫妇
I now present to you Mr. And Mrs. Basil!
-我介绍他们认识的 -我知道 我当时在场
- I introduced them, you know. - I know! I was fuckin' there!
不敢相信我们被困在了同事桌上
I can't believe we got stuck at the co-workers' table.
等她和她爸跳完舞后 我们就走
After she dances with her dad, we are out of here.
亲爱的 我知道在婚礼上这样不礼貌 但我抗拒不了
Baby, I know this is bad form at a wedding, but I can't resist.
你愿意做我的第三人♥妻♥子吗
Will you be my third wife?
愿意 愿意
Oh, yes! Yes!
她答应了 肖恩 你要有新妈妈了
Hey! She said yes! Sean, you're getting a new mom!
我要自杀
Wow, I'm gonna kill myself.
好了
Okay.