绑定

这妹子骑着我 对吧
So, this girl was riding me, right?
对吧
Right?
她骑着我
Yeah, so she was riding me...
她说 她说感觉
She said-- she said-- she said it was like...
我因为一个非常重要的约会迟到了
Late for a very important date.
你不该来后台的
You're not supposed to be back here.
我没在这么多人面前表演过
I don't... I've never performed for this many people.
我在想要不改天再来
I'm honestly wondering if I should just come back another time
要不放弃喜剧 要不
or give up on comedy, or, like...
你没问题的
You're gonna be great.
还有其他人会说的打气词
And other uplifting things that people say.
好吧 谢谢
Wow, okay. Thanks.
我是艾米·舒默 谢谢
I'm Amy Schumer. Thanks.
太棒了
Oh, man.
再次掌声鼓励泰勒
Uh, one more time for Tyler.
大家准备好迎接下一位喜剧演员了吗
Are you guys ready for your next comic?
好
Yeah! All right!
掌声欢迎皮特·德万
Let's give it up for Pete Devine!
是德文 德文
It's Devin. Devin.
-好 -去吧
- Okay. - Go!
不 我不行
No, I can't. Okay.
-什么 -我去解个手
- What? - I'm gonna use the bathroom quickly.
-欢迎 好吧 -皮特
- Big welcome-- Okay, all right... - Pete--
-操 -皮特离开了
- Fuck. - And Peter is... away.
好吧
Um, all right. Well, uh...
我是单身
So I'm single.
操
Fuck.
-操 -皮特 皮特
- Fuck. Fuck. - Pete. Pete!
我不想跑步
Don't make me run.
站住
Stop.
我很抱歉让你来了 然后
I'm sorry. I'm-I'm sorry I made you come, and, like...
要不我应该放弃吧
Maybe I should just give up on this
回家当会计之类的
and move home and become an accountant or something.
8乘以8等于多少
What's eight times eight?
我是打个比方
A metaphorical accountant.
你上次跟我
Look, what you do with me...
接待客户的时候 非常勇敢
with the clients, that is fucking brave.
你都不知道要不要朝某人拉屎
You walk into a room, you don't know
就走进房♥间了
if you're gonna have to shit on someone.
虽然你很神经 但谢谢你安慰我
You're a deranged person, but I appreciate the sentiment.
我是认真的 你比你想象得要勇敢
I'm serious. You're braver than you think.
我很清楚 不然我也不会雇你了
I know that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have hired you.
-你会对着什么撸 -蒂夫 你能消停会
- What do you masturbate to? - Tiff, can-- for one second--
快回答
Just answer.
我不知道
I don't know, like...
色情片里的接吻情节
the part in porn where there's like... kissing.
接吻
Kissing?
接吻 干炮 还有
Kissing, and fucking, and...
流口水 还有
slobbering, and...
传教士体♥位♥等等
missionary, and all that.
拜托 你不会看奇怪变♥态♥的情节
Oh, come on. You never masturbate to anything like...
撸管吗 比如
weird or pervy? Like...
车祸或者《动物星球》
car crashes or Animal Planet?
-或是你叔叔 -不 不
- Or your uncle? - No! No!
你叔叔多帅啊
Your uncle is so hot!
巴里叔叔是很帅 但我不会
Uncle Barry is very hot, but I'm not gonna, like...
对他撸管啊
jack off to him.
他都结婚了
He's married.
拜托
Come on.
脚
Feet.
-脚 -好吧
- Feet! - Okay.
好 那你就是女足王了
Okay, so you're a Foot Queen!
不是的 好吗
I wouldn't put it like that, okay?
我认识你13年了
I've known you for 13 years
我都不知道你喜欢臭脚
and I didn't know you liked smelly, old feet.
我不是男足俱乐部的主席 好吗
I'm not, like, the president of the Foot Club for Men, okay?
你可以是啊
I mean, you could be.
一步一步来嘛
Just one foot in front of the other.
闭上你的脚
Shut the foot up.
太蠢了
This is stupid.
你为什么问我这个
Why'd you ask me that?
撸管的时候 一般都会变得麻木
Because when people masturbate, they want to zombie out,
哪怕就一秒
even if it's for, like, a fucking second.
我想让你好受一点
I wanted to make you feel better.
有用吗
Did it work?
你让我的内心高♥潮♥了
You made my heart come.
我让你的灵魂发射了
I made your soul jizz.
但我还是很胆小
I'm still chickenshit though.
我有个主意 跟我来
I have an idea. Come with me.
你的都是馊主意
I hate your ideas.
好吧 好吧 好吧
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
我不想做
I don't want to do this.
你对弗雷德怎么做的 就对他们怎么做
Just do what you did with Fred and give 'em hell.
好吧
Okay.
好吧
Okay.
绑定
第一季 第二集
不
No.
没得商量 撒尿得额外付钱 弗雷德
No negotiation. Peeing is extra, Fred.
嗯
Yeah.
嗯
Yeah.
带上毛巾 我这他妈又不是健身房♥
Oh, and bring your own towel. I'm not a fucking gym.
好 今晚见
Okay, I'll see you tonight.
弗洛伊德深受爱戴 对吧
Everybody loves Freud, right?
我支持西格蒙德
I stan for Sigmund.
但你们都错了
But y'all wrong.
弗洛伊德对性
Freud's fascination with sexuality
和角色扮演的迷恋
and role play
是与病人道德关系的雷区
is a minefield for ethical patient relationships.
客户爱上了治疗师
Clients fall in love with their therapists.
为什么
Why?
好好想想
Think about it.
这是他们第一次感到被悉心照顾
It's the first time they're finally feeling cared for.
所以当我们依照弗洛伊德
So, when we, you know, physicalize
把这种潜在良知肉体化以后
the sub-conscience, à la Freud,
就能让这种情感转移
we enable that emotional transference,
拿笔记下来
and that, write this down,
会引来诉讼
is trouble spelled L-A-W suit.
但在你的书中 你说角色扮演可以是有益的
But in your book, you say that role play can be beneficial.
谢谢你提到我的书 你以后都是A
Thank you for mentioning my book. You get an A forever.
其实吧
Actually, um,
他又说了 虽然有益
he goes on to say that, though beneficial,
但角色扮演会给病人带来二次创伤
role play can re-traumatize the patient,
弊大于利
causing more harm than good.
完美 凯特
Money-shot, Kate!
今天这么多人得A 哈利路亚
It's raining A's in here. Hallelujah!
凭什么你是对的 其他人都是错的呢
Well, what makes you right and everybody else wrong?
口♥交♥就像
So, blow jobs are like...
性♥交♥里的短租♥房♥♥ 对吗
the Airbnb of sex. Right?
感觉很有趣 而且是暂时的
It's a fun, temporary stay
只要你事后清理干净就行
as long as you clean up after yourself,
但肛♥交♥就是买♥♥♥房♥♥了
but anal is straight up... home-owning.
你得还贷 还要美化景观
You know, you're paying a mortgage, you're landscaping,
不停地修管子
you're constantly fixing pipes.
-麻烦的都是你 -没错
- The mess is your mess. - Literally.
那是你 小贱♥人♥
Well, in your case, you sloppy bitch.
可爱的服务生
Cute waiter?
我们有个问题
We have a question.
口♥交♥是完全性行为吗
Is a blowjob full sex?
菜单上没有口♥交♥
Blowjobs are not on the menu.
所以
So...