酒乡

我从一大堆房♥子里选出了一个最好的
So I looked at a bunch of houses and I think I found the best one.
它超完美 我把链接发给你
It's perfect. I'm gonna send you the link.
然后我们直接拿下它 毕竟万里挑一啊
And then we should just go ahead and get it, 'cause it's the best one.
艾比 这间房♥子看上去很棒
Abby, the house looks amazing...
旅行的想法让我很兴奋 但是
and the thought of a trip is exciting, but...
奔六对我来说不是什么大事
turning 50 is so not a big deal to me.
我这周有个病人快40岁了还神神叨叨的
I had a patient this week who's in knots about turning 40.
虽然听起来很老土 但是我给她的反馈是
The feedback I offered her, as corny as it sounds is,
生理年龄只是个数字而已
"Age is truly just a number."
我是说 心理年龄才是真年龄 不是吗
I mean, you're only as old as you feel, right?
有什么好紧张的
Why stress about it?
我♥操♥ 烫死我了
Oh, fuck, that's hot!
我一直都超爱夏威夷
I always love Hawaii.
哦 能相信吗
Oh, you know what?
我承办了杰克·约翰逊的生日宴会
I catered Jack Johnson's birthday party
他说我可以用他的海景房♥来办派对
and he said I could use his beach house there.
好吧 我认为的最佳方案是
Okay, here are my top picks, Napa...
亚利桑那州的纳帕是唯一选项
a resort in Arizona, or Napa.
好吧 我只能说感谢上帝是你在计划这件事
Well, all I can say is thank God you're planning this,
你知道布莱恩不会庆祝她50岁生日的
'cause you know Brian is not gonna do shit for her 50th.
布莱恩只会带她去意大利餐厅
You know Brian would just take her to Macaroni Grill
然后布莱恩会喝醉所以必须她开车回家
and then she'd have to drive home because he had too much to drink.
去他妈的布莱恩
Fuckin' Brian.
我的天 这个旅行听起来不错啊
Oh, my God, this trip sounds so fun.
而且所有人都能在一起 真是太棒了
And it's so great everyone can get together.
-你会来的 对吧 -不去
- You're coming, right? - No.
老娘要大显身手 白鹤亮翅了
Ugh. Mama needs to rock out with her cock out.
而且老娘不能再叫自己老娘了
Also, Mama needs to stop referring to herself in the third person.
或许你可以慢慢亮翅
And maybe ease up on the "cock" drops.
我只想让这个假期普通一点
I just want this to feel like a regular vacation.
比如说坐在一起说说话啥的
You know, like, just sit around, talk, and...
喝点小酒 开开玩笑 穿穆穆袍
drink wine and laugh and wear muumuus.
穆穆袍为夏威夷特色女性服饰
在夏威夷随便哪里悄咪♥咪♥迎来50岁
And just somewhere in there, I'll just kind of slide into 50.
说实话 我会超级镇定地
You know, I'm going to be super chill...
-死亡 -没什么大不
- Die! - ...no big deal--
布莱恩 你能关掉那玩意儿吗
Brian, can you turn that down?
不行 丽贝卡 我很抱歉
No, I'm sorry, Rebecca,
但这是件大事
but it is officially a big deal.
这是你的半百纪念日
It's your half-centennial.
我不会什么都不做就让它过去的
I'm not gonna let this go by without doing something big.
好了 我要把刘海给剪了
Okay... I'm gonna cut my bangs.
我真的很想办成这件事 我只是
I really wanna make this work. I'm just
讲真 我很感谢
Honestly, I'm so grateful
我上次鸽了你们还带我一起
that you guys still want me to come after I bailed on the last one.
天哪 那个不知道哪来的房♥子
God, it's just, like, the flying,
这就像是坐飞机 真的
and that random house, you know,
就是 让我紧张兮兮
it just, like, gives me anxiety.
陌生人的浴室 哦天哪
Other people's bathrooms. Oh, God.
奇怪的床罩
Weird bedspreads...
你们还是会带上我 对吧
You do still want me to come, right?
铺满屋子的地毯 遥控器
Wall-to-wall carpeting, the remote...
说实话 我真希望
You know what? I wish I'd never seen
开了紫外灯光之后
that Dateline with the black-light
我不会看到有精斑
where they show where all the semen was.
一个人吃饭头上还插朵花是不是太做作了
Is a flower in the hair too much for solo dining?
我需要出去带着我的新膝盖转一圈
I need to get out and take my new knees for a spin.
是的瓦尔 锻炼一下新膝盖
Val, yes! Work those new knees!
出去 出去
Out, out, out.
我只想认识一个好女人
I just wanna meet a nice lady
我俩亲热一会儿后抱在一起
and I wanna make out for a while and then spoon a little bit...
最后变成超刺♥激♥的69式
And then that spooning can turn into a real spirited 69-ing.
你试过一个叫做一千的性感体♥位♥吗
Have you ever tried a position called "The 1,000"? It's a sexy one.
就是你床上有好多小孩的时候
It's when a thousand kids are in your bed,
你能感受到的只有一只小汗脚在碰你的背
and the only touch you feel is a tiny sweaty foot to the back.
说到性感 我跟一个呼吸器同床睡觉呢
Speaking of sexy, I share my bed with a CPAP machine.
可说呢
Things we say now.
我现在在H&M试派对上穿的衣服
Woo! I'm in H&M trying on some party clothes.
H&M为全球最大的快消服饰品牌之一
我等不及见到你们了 好想捏你们的小屁屁
I can't wait to see you guys and pinch all your butts...
如果你们同意的话
with consent.
回见
See you soon...
我们到那儿再商量钱的事儿
and, you know, we'll figure out money when we get there.
把钱带着直到我看见你的人
Keep it in your pants till I see you.
拜拜 笔芯
Bye, I love you!
不是和你说 我在打电♥话♥
Huh? No, I'm on the phone.
再见 记住 不要搞得太大了
Bye. Remember, don't make this a big deal.
我刚刚和司机说我爱他了
I just told my driver that I loved him.
你们倒是挂电♥话♥啊
Somebody hang up.
好哒 爱你萌 再见
All right, love you, guys, too. Bye.
我还没想好去不去呢
Still not sure I'm coming.
到了
Okay.
我们到啦
Here we are.
我希望它真的完美
I hope it's perfect.
我不知道 但是它在网上的评论很好
I don't know, it had very good reviews online.
我的评论是
And let me tell you something,
我还得费力地搬你们的行李箱
I had to wade through a lot of shitboxes.
这个必须给我好
But this one is supposed to be good.
它还应该有个泳池的
And it's supposed to have a pool.
有人看见泳池了吗
Does anybody see a pool?
哦 这地儿贼棒 真是太完美了
Oh, it is just stunning. It's just so perfect.
把所有的烦恼都忘掉吧
Just... Just release all that worry.
或者 喝掉
Or swallow it?
好了 我们走吧
Okay, shall we?
-可以吃的花 -我看得出来
- Edible flowers.- I see that.
哦 我的天 你怎么知道可以吃
Oh, my God. How do you know they're edible?
什么 这些是可以吃的吗
What, these are edible--
你想成为保护者 看守者和一切 但是
You wanna be the protector and the caretaker and everything, but...
就让她处理吧
just let her deal with it...
她在弄啥嘞
What the hell is she doing?
不能让陌生人留下来
Cannot let a stranger stay a stranger.
你想照顾他们 想成为英雄 但是
...you wanna take care of them and you wanna be the hero, but...
有时候你需要要退后
sometimes you gotta back off,
让家里的其他人来做 懂了吗
let someone else in the family do it, you know?
她可能会邀请他加入我们的旅行
She's probably gonna invite him to join us on the trip.
可别 那会很糟糕
Not that,that would be a bad.
是的 会很糟糕
No, yeah, yeah, it would.
照顾好自己
You take care of yourself.
我真的希望你妹妹能搬走你妈妈的坟墓
And I really hope that your sister is able to move your mom's grave.
我会试试通心粉食谱的 谢谢
And I'm gonna try the manicotti recipe. Thanks.
准备好了吗
Ready?
敬丽贝卡 敬丽贝卡
To Rebecca! To Rebecca!
非常谢谢你
Thank you so much
过50岁生日
for turning 50
把我们大家都过来
and bringing us all together.
谢谢闺蜜们 我知道
And thank you, guys, I know
你们为了这事儿克服了很多困难
you all had to move mountains to make this happen.
-尤其是你 凯瑟琳 - 生活就像耍杂技 所以
- Especially you, Catherine. - You know, life's a juggle, so...
我很感谢
I really appreciate it.
丽贝卡非常感谢你
Rebecca really appreciates it.
我怎么在替丽贝卡讲话
Why am I speaking for Rebecca?
这是一个糟糕的祝酒词 我很抱歉
This is a terrible toast. I'm sorry.
希望你们喜欢这房♥子
I hope you guys like the house.
让我们一醉方休 生日快乐
Let's get drunk. Happy birthday.
生日快乐 为我们干杯
Happy birthday! Yay! Cheers to us!
哦 你们要是想听我的一点反馈的话
Oh, if I just may offer a little bit of feedback,
我希望我们所有人都享受这个有趣的周末 好吗
I just want this to be a fun weekend for all of us, right?
而不是只关于我
Not just about me.
天哪 我们上一次在一起都是多久之前了
God, when was the last time we were all together?
是不是艾比的婚礼
Was it Abby's wedding?
-噢 好像是的 -什么 不是吧
- Oh. Maybe. - What? No.