泰格·诺塔洛：我又来了（2024）

“祝你有美好的一天”
"Have a wonderful day."
“我爱你”
"I love you."
“我也爱你”
"I love you, too."
而这就是“对话的人”
And that is people who talk to one another.
然后 嗯…
And... yeah.
是的 这确实值得来点掌声
Yes, it really does deserve an applause break.
所以事情是这样的
So here's the thing.
在物理治疗时 你可能会摆出一些奇怪的姿势
You can end up in weird positions when you're in physical therapy,
能够与某人打好关系是件好事
and it's just nice to be able to connect with somebody.
只是与她不行
Not with her.
好吧
Okay?
她想让我做一个…
She wanted me to do this exercise
需要用一条很粗的橡皮筋 绕在大腿上的练习
that called for a very thick rubber band around my thighs.
然后她说套橡皮筋的方法 就是踏进去
And, um, she said, "To put put the rubber band on, you step into it.
就像穿裤子一样
It feels like you're putting on pants."
但你不是在穿裤子
But you're not.
你正在踏入橡皮筋里
You're stepping into a rubber band.
所以有好几次我在想 “这真是他妈…”
And so I had moments where I was like, "Oh, this is f...
“不好意思”
Oh, sorry."
因为她只在乎加强背部力量
'Cause she's just all about strengthening the back.
当然 这也是我去那里的原因
And which, of course, that's why I'm there.
你做得对 我只是 我觉得自己很傻 而且我可能…
"I'm on your side. I just, I feel silly, and I would..."
好吧 没什么
"Okay, nothing."
于是我把橡皮筋套在大腿上
So I get the rubber band onto my thighs,
然后她说：“我办公室里 没有足够的空间做这个练习”
and she said, "There's not enough room in my office for this exercise,
“所以请跟我到走廊去”
so please follow me out into the hallway."
同样的 对她来说这一切都不傻
Again, nothing about it is silly to her.
而我…所以我就摇摇晃晃地跟着她走
So I'm waddling behind her.
然后我说：“我觉得很他妈…”
And I said, "Oh, I feel so f..."
“你什么都得拿来开玩笑吗？”
"Does everything have to be a joke with you?"
“算是吧 嗯
"Kinda, yeah."
“我有房♥贷 所以没办法”
"I have a mortgage, so..."
我们来到了走廊
We get out to the hall,
这是一座位于洛杉矶的大楼
and this is a large building in Los Angeles,
非常高
very high up.
我是说 可能比这个舞台长十倍
I mean, maybe ten times as long as this stage.
她说：“我要你用橡皮筋绕在大腿上
And she said, "I want you, with the rubber band around your thighs,
“摆出这个姿势
get in this position,
“然后做这个动作… 一直做到走廊尽头”
and then do this all the way down the hall
“然后再一直回来 依此类推 知道吗？”
and then all the way back, so forth and so on, okay?"
她…这对她来说没什么好笑的
She... Nothing's funny about this to her.
因为她只是一个和别人对话的人
'Cause she's just a person who talks to other people.
我就想：“天啊 就我一个人了”
I'm just like, "Oh, my gosh. I'm alone."
所以我来来回♥回♥地做这个动作
So I'm going back and forth.
然后这里有一个重要的信息要告诉你们
And then here's an important bit of information for you.
所有的墙面都是玻璃
All of the walls are glass.
那里有医生办公室、律师…
We've got doctors' offices, attorneys...
我…
I'm...
在走廊上溜来溜去 我在走廊上溜来溜去
Scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down the hall.
我在走廊上溜来溜去
I'm scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down the hall.
我在走廊上
Scoot down...
我是说…
I mean, I'm...
听着 我知道我不是什么大红人
Look, I know I'm not the most well-known person,
但大家都认出了我
but people were recognizing me.
好吧 我就一直这样…
Okay? And I'm just like...
神啊 救救我吧
"God help me."
在走廊上溜来溜去 我在走廊上溜来溜去
Scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down the hall.
当我在走廊上溜来溜去时 我突然又发现了
While I'm scooting down the hall, I have this other realization
一件最重要的事 我在想：“糟了”
on top of everything, where I'm like, "Oh. Oh, no."
这些等着看医生
"None of these people waiting to see their doctors,
或见律师的人
or their lawyers,
没有一个人知道…
none of them know
这层楼有一家物理治疗诊所
that there's a physical therapy office on this floor."
在走廊上溜来溜去 我在走廊上溜来溜去
I'm scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down the hall.
我在走廊上溜来溜去
I'm scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down...
他们应该在想 “泰格到底在做什么？”
It's like, "What the hell is Tig doing?"
“我今天休假 特地过来看你的
"I had the day off. I'm checking on you."
“你早上有一场重要的庭审 伙计”
"You've got a big trial in the morning, buddy."
在走廊上溜来溜去 我在走廊上溜来溜去
Scooting down the hall and I'm scooting down the hall.
我的天啊 那真是一首热门歌♥曲 不是吗？
Oh, my gosh, that is a hit song, is it not?
说到热门歌♥曲 你们可能不知道
And speaking of hit songs, you probably don't know this about me,
但我真的很喜欢边唱歌♥边弹钢琴
but I do love to sing and play the piano.
而且我在想 今晚或许可以为你们演奏一曲
And I was thinking, I actually might do that for you tonight.
如果你们希望我这么做的话
Only if you want me to.
你们看看 完美的时机
Oh, look at that, perfect timing.
所以 我确实…
So, um, I do. I...
我很喜欢边唱歌♥边弹钢琴
I love to sing and play the piano.
但我…
Um, I...
但我两者都不会
I don't know how to do either.
真的 我很喜欢…
I do. I love...
你知道 当我告诉别人我不会弹钢琴
You know, when I tell people that I can't play the piano
而且我的嗓音很糟糕时
and I have a terrible voice, they assume, oh,
他们会认为我什么都不会弹
that I can't play anything.
事实恰恰相反
It's the opposite.
我想弹什么就弹什么
I can play whatever I want.
谢谢
Thank you.
我可能是为数不多的钢琴家之一…
I'm probably one of very few pianists...
这就是大家给我们的称呼
That's what we're called.
如果你太不成熟而无法接受这个词
And if you're too immature to deal with that word...
那么你就来对地方了
then you're in the right place.
但我想我可能是你见过的 为数不多的
But I think I am one of very few pianists that you'll see
翘二郎腿演奏的钢琴家之一
that plays cross-legged.
有时候我喜欢模仿 比如模仿爵士钢琴家
Sometimes I like to emulate, like, a jazz pianist,
因为我觉得这样我弹奏时会更好听 当我这样…
because I feel like it kind of helps me sound better when I, like...
爵士乐本来就乱七八糟 这一切也是 所以…
Jazz is just chaos, and that's all this is, so...
我是说 听起来还真像那么回事
I mean, it kind of sounds like something.
如果今晚在场的你 也是一位钢琴家 并且认为
Clap if you're a pianist tonight and you think,
这听起来确实像那么回事 就请鼓掌吧
"Well, it does kind of sound like something."
谢谢
Thank you.
这里的钢琴家还挺多的
A lot of pianists here.
至于那些觉得
What about a pianist that's thinking,
其实听起来狗屁不通的钢琴家呢？
"Uh, actually, it does not sound like anything."
滚出去
Get out!
滚出去
Get out.
你不能夺走我的快乐
You can't take my joy.
拜托
I mean, come on, I...
也许我会发一张专辑
Maybe I'll put out an album.
我会将它取名为 《听起来还真像那么回事》
And just call it "It Kind of Sounds Like Something."
这是表示歌♥曲结束时通用的
That's universal for the song is over.
我感觉自己好像在无意中 变得擅长弹钢琴了
I feel like I'm accidentally getting good at the piano.
有一次我在洛杉矶 我参加了一个聚会
I was in Los Angeles and I was at a party
那里到处都是你这辈子能想象到的
that was just littered with some of the most famous people
超级大红人
that you could ever imagine in your life,
当然 我并没有把自己列入其中
and I'm certainly not including myself on that list,
但在这个大型场馆的舞台上
but on stage of this huge venue,
有一台大钢琴 一套完整的鼓组、吉他、麦克风
there was a grand piano, a full drum set, guitars, microphones,
然后整个晚上 不同的歌♥手和音乐家
and, throughout the night, different singers and musicians
都会纷纷上台 演唱几首歌♥ 然后下台
would get on stage, do a few songs, and then get down,
再轮到别人上去
and then somebody else would get up.
你会看到像布鲁诺马尔斯、爱莉安娜格兰德
You would see people like Bruno Mars, Ariana Grande,
梅莉莎埃瑟里奇 安东尼基迪斯等等
Melissa Etheridge, uh, Anthony Kiedis...
许多不同的出色的表演者
so many different great, great performers.
阿黛尔也在那里
And Adele was there.
是的 无论这个聚会上有多少名人
And yeah, no matter how famous anybody at this party was,
所有人都只关心阿黛尔
all anybody cared about was Adele.
然后整个晚上你都会听到
And you'd just hear the whole night, like,
“阿黛尔在那里”
"Oh, there's Adele."
“她来了 她在那里 我觉得接下来轮到阿黛尔唱歌♥了”
Here she comes. I think Adele is gonna sing next.
“她去了 她已经走到… 她站在舞台旁边了”
Oh, she's going over by the... She's by the stage.
“我觉得她要上台了”
I think she's going on. Here she comes.