泰格·诺塔洛：我又来了（2024）

她说：“是的 我是剧组里最矮的演员之一
And she said, "Uh, yeah, I was one of the shortest cast members of the show."
“我只有159公分 劳拉邓恩有178公分”
I'm 5'2", Laura Dern is 5'10",
“妮可基德曼有183公分”
Nicole Kidman is six feet,
“而谢琳也有173公分”
and Shailene is 5'8"."
然后我回答她说：
And I responded, saying,
“这就有趣了 因为很多年前”
"Oh, that's interesting 'cause years ago
“我和一个身高183公分的女人约会过”
I dated a woman that was six feet tall,
“我觉得她对自己的身高 感到有点不安”
and I think she was kind of insecure about her height,
“所以她总是驼背”
so she hunched."
所以…
So...
现在…
Now...
今晚这里的气氛
The vibe in the room tonight
和那天在瑞茜威瑟斯彭
is eerily similar to the vibe
办公室里的气氛 出奇地相似
in Reese Witherspoon's office that day.
不久之后 我们结束了会议
And soon after, we wrap up the meeting,
走出办公室 把门关上
head out, shut the door,
斯蒂芬妮转向我说…
and Stephanie turns to me and says,
“你… 刚才在里面说什么？”
"What were you talking about in there?"
那一刻我才知道
And that was the moment that I learned
原来有个女演员名叫谢琳
that there is an actress named Shailene.
我…
I...
我从来没听说过她
I had never heard of her.
现在 也是在这个节目的此时此刻
Now, this is also the moment in the show
有些人会觉得…
where there's a pocket of people that are like,
“真有趣”
"Oh, that is funny."
而有些人会觉得“什么情况？”
And then there are other people like, "What?"
然后我还看到有人靠在一起
And then I see people lean into each other
好像在说：“不 不是这样的”在解释
to be like, "Well, no, I think," to explain.
不需要解释 这就是我在这里的原因
No need to explain. That's why I'm-I'm here. I...
让我告诉你们 我听到的是什么吧
Let me tell you what I heard.
我听到的是 瑞茜威瑟斯彭的身高有159公分
I heard that Reese Witherspoon is 5'2",
劳拉邓恩有178公分
Laura Dern is 5'10",
妮可基德曼有183公分
Nicole Kidman is six feet...
而斜立也有173公分
and she leans 5'8".
所以我才说了那些话
That's why I said what I said.
我当时坐在那里看着瑞茜
I was sitting there looking at Reese,
她的制片伙伴劳伦 还有我自己的妻子
her producing partner, Lauren, and my own wife
都在盯着我看
staring back at me.
你可以从她们的眼神中看出来 她们正在拼命努力地联想
You could tell in their eyes they were desperately trying to connect the dots.
去理解我刚才说的话
To make what I had just said makes sense.
我觉得自己挺擅长察言观色的
And I feel like I can read a room pretty well,
但我真的是坐在那里想着 “怎么了？”
and I was truly sitting there like, "What?"
我同时也在想：“不好意思 瑞茜
I was also thinking, "Oh, I'm sorry, Reese.
“你可以分享你无聊的身高故事
You can share your boring height story."
“而轮到我分享我的故事时 整个房♥间都沉默了？”
"And then as soon as I share mine, the entire room shuts down?"
我真的 在那一刻
I truly, in that moment,
我真的以为自己是个善于交际的人
I truly thought I was being a really good conversationalist.
我当时在想：“真有趣
I was like, "Oh, interesting.
“好吧 所以你的朋友有183公分 而斜立也有173公分”
Okay, so your friend is six feet and she leans 5'8".
好吧 我有个故事要告诉你
Boy, do I have a story for you."
所以我们再看看 瑞茜威瑟斯彭的身高有159公分
So again, Reese Witherspoon is 5'2"...
劳拉邓恩有178公分
Laura Dern is 5'10",
妮可基德曼有183公分
Nicole Kidman is six feet,
而谢琳…也有173公分
and Shailene is 5'8".
而我对此的回应基本上是 “真有趣”
And I essentially just responded to that with, "Oh, interesting.
“我曾经和一个 总是驼背的女人约会过”
Um, I used to date a woman that hunched."
“再见”
"Bye-bye."
完美地结束了那次会议
"Nailed that meeting."
我们会保持联♥系♥的 瑞茜
"We'll be in touch, Reese."
我和妮可基德曼没有任何关系
I have no connection to Nicole Kidman.
我不 我是说 我在电视节目和电影中见过她
I don't... I mean, I've seen her, you know, on TV shows and in film,
但如果她的朋友告诉我 她身高183公分 斜立也有173公分
but if her friend is telling me she's six feet and leans 5'8",
我也不会反驳
I'm not gonna push back.
而且无论你到什么年纪
And no matter how old you are,
你总是能学到一些新的单词或短句
you can always learn a new word or a new phrase.
我向你们保证 我当时就是这么想的
And I promise you, I thought that's what was happening.
我当时在想 “好吧 183公分 斜立173…”
It's like, "Oh, okay, six feet, leans five...
这就是那个意思吗？
Is that what that's called? Hmm."
我以后也得学着这么说了
"I'll have to use that moving forward."
我真的… 我不知道 我…
I really... I didn't know. I...
对 我…我不认识妮可
Yeah, I don't know Nicole.
我和她没有关系
I'm not connected.
我唯一和妮可基德曼勉强扯上关系的
The only slight connection I have to Nicole Kidman is
是我知道有些人
I know that there are some people
认为我长得像她的前夫
who think I look like her ex-husband.
但是…
But...
我得说 每当我这么做的时候 “斜立” 让我感觉很酷
I have to say, whenever I do the "she leans," it makes me feel cool.
我以前的背部情况真的很糟糕 如果你…
My back used to be so bad that if you caught me
在几年前见到我的话 我可能会是这样的 “斜立”
a few years ago, I would have been like, "She leans."
但我的朋友强烈建议我 去看他在洛杉矶的脊医
But my friend highly recommended I go to his chiropractor in Los Angeles,
我去了 她给我调整得咔嚓作响 又推又拽的 把我恢复过来了
and I did, and she snapped, crackled, and popped me back into shape.
然后她说：“我觉得这个疗程 能在你身上维持几个月
And she said, "I do feel like this is gonna hold you for a few months,
“但你可能需要考虑脊椎手术”
but you might be a candidate for back surgery."
所以我躺在那里 她问我
And so I'm lying there and she's asking me,
我的背部问题是什么造成的
you know, what happened to my back.
我说我出了车祸 滑雪事故 还有单板滑雪事故
And I said, "Oh, I was in a car accident, a skiing accident, snowboarding accident."
我说我们有两个小室友
I said, "We have these two little roommates
体重在第99百分位
that are in the 99th percentile.
每次我一抱他们 背就疼得要命
Anytime I pick them up, it snaps my back in two."
然后她说：“好吧 如果你要去见外科医生”
And she says, "Okay, well, if you do go meet with surgeons,
“一定要提到你的意外事故”
just make sure that you mention your accidents
“以及你是母亲还是什么的情况”
and that you're a mother or whatever."
她不停地告诉我
And she kept talking
需要告诉外科医生的重要信息
and telling me the important information to tell the surgeon,
但我躺在那里想：
but I was lying there thinking,
“一个母亲还是… 挥来挥去 什么…”
"A mother or, slap, slap, whatever." I was...
“那是什么意思？”
What does that mean?
所以她说的话我都没听进去
And so I didn't hear anything she said.
我的脑海已经开始 涌现出各种各样的想法了
And my brain just started going in all of these different directions.
我在想 “她是不是认为我是个男的？”
And I'm just thinking, "Does she think I'm a man?"
然后我又想：“也许她认为 我有不一样的身份认同”
And then I thought, "Oh, maybe she thinks I identify differently."
只是让你们知道
Uh, which, just so you know,
我认为自己是一个…普通的时尚女同性恋
I just identify as a run-of-the-mill, old-fashioned lesbian.
我…
And I...
我并不需要掌声 我…
I don't need a standing ovation. I...
我们每个人都有自己的身份 而这就是我的身份
We're all something, and that's just what I am.
但我顿时觉得
But I was like...
然后我在想
And then I thought...
你知道有些公♥司♥可以雇人来
You know how you can hire somebody to come in
谈论办公室性骚扰的问题吗？
to talk about sexual harassment in the office?
我当时真的已经想到这一层了
I was really reaching here,
我在想 也许你可以请一些公♥司♥”
and I was thinking, "Oh, maybe there's some company you can hire
“来处理这种情况”
that will come in."
然后我停了下来
And then I stopped myself.
因为我突然意识到 世上不可能有一家公♥司♥
I was like, there is no world that there is a company
会这样说：“听着 如果你碰到一些…”
that comes in to say, "Listen, if you find yourself"
“你无法识别的人事物”
face to face with someone or something that you can't identify,
“就说出你自己的看法吧”
say what you think they are,
“然后用手…
and then just flap your hand
“在对方的鼻子附近挥动一下
about an inch from the nose
“然后说'还是什么的'
"and then say, 'Or whatever.'"
“这就是全面包容的部分”
"And that's the all-inclusive part."
我当时在想 “这是不可能发生的 泰格”
I was like, "There's no possible way, Tig."
但我能感觉到她并没有恶意
But I could tell that she didn't have bad intentions,
我认为这一点在现今是很重要的
um, which I think is very important these days.
也许一直以来都很重要 但如今真的尤其重要
Probably has always been important, but really important now.
我觉得我能够感觉到
And I feel like the way I could tell
她并没恶意的唯一原因 就是基于这一点
that she didn't have bad intentions was solely from that.
说实话 那天我开车回家 当我尝试解除这个困惑时
Honestly, when I drove home that day when I was trying to solve this puzzle,
有这么一刻我在想 “好吧 至少她挥了挥她的手”
I had a moment where I was like, "Well, at least she did flap her hand."