泰格·诺塔洛：我又来了（2024）

梦想着有朝一日能成为一名消防员
Dreaming of one day becoming a fireman.
不管怎样
Anyway...
所以我躺在床上
So I'm in bed.
他走过来说：“我想让你知道”
He comes over and he says, "I want you to know,
“我知道你很痛苦”
I understand that you're in a lot of pain
“如果你需要的话 外面有一辆救护车”
and that there is an ambulance outside if you need it."
然后我说：“我很感激”
And I said, "Ah, I appreciate that.
“我只是不知道自己是否还能走路” “我真的很疼”
I just, I don't know if I can walk. I'm in so much pain."
然后他说：“这不是问题”
And he said, "That is not a problem."
然后他把我抱了起来… 用那双强而有力的大手臂
And he scooped me up in those big, strong arms.
我心里想… “我可能会喜欢上这种感觉”
And I was like, "Ho-ho-ho, I could get used to this."
砰砰 砰砰
Bada bing, bada boom.
就在那一刻 我想 “我现在明白了”
Right then, I thought, "Oh, I get it now."
如果你们觉得很震惊 那你们觉得我当时是什么感觉？
If you think you're shocked, how do you think I felt?
那可不是我平时喜欢的类型
That is not my typical type.
那天晚上我对自己 还有一个意外的发现
Oh, here's another curve ball I learned about myself that night.
我没想到我会对这种东西感兴趣
Didn't know I was into this.
他留着小胡子
He had a mustache.
而且不是一般的小胡子 而是这种
It wasn't just a mustache. It was one of these.
嘿 好的 谢谢
Yes, please.
不 不准批评我
Don't. Don't judge me.
我觉得我所属的群体 比大多数人更清楚 你可以
I feel like my demographic knows better than most that you can fall for
在任何时候爱上任何人 被任何人吸引
and be attracted to anyone at any point.
而且这种事并没有限制
And it goes every which way.
确实是这样
It's true.
我真的不知道这是我喜欢的类型
And I really had no idea that this was my type.
我一直以为就算我看上一个男生 也绝对不会是那种类型的
I always thought if I'm ever into a guy, it's not gonna be that guy.
我一直以为他会是一个创作型歌♥手
I always thought he'd be a singer-songwriter.
一个画家 一个诗人
A painter, a poet.
他的体型会比较纤瘦 我们会共用一个衣橱
He'd have a slight build. We'd share a wardrobe.
但不是这家伙
But not this guy.
但是当时我就在他怀里 我的身体悬在半空中
But there I was, in his arms, my body just dangling,
睡袍在风中飘荡
nightgown flowing in the wind.
他抱着我走过走廊
He's carrying me down the hall.
然后我说：“听着 当我们经过这两扇门的时候”
And I said, "Listen, when we pass these two doors",
“我需要你帮我一个忙 我需要你特别安静”
I need you to do me a favor and I need you to be extra quiet,
“因为如果我的儿子们醒来 看到这种情况”
because if my sons wake up and see this situation,
“他们会在很多层面上”
they are going to be so confused
“感到很困惑”
"on so many different levels."
但他对此表现得非常出色
But he was amazing about it.
你们知道他是怎样的 他是最棒的
You know how he is. He is the best.
他开始抱着我 踮着脚走
He starts tiptoeing with me in his arms.
他抱着我走下楼梯
He carries me down the stairs.
我岳父和我们住在一起 他抱着我从他身边走过
And my father-in-law lives with us, and he carried me past him.
然后 斯蒂芬妮把家里的门打开了
And then Stephanie had the door of the house open,
他抱着我走过她身边
and he carried me past her.
我感觉就像在和过去的生活告别
And I was just like, "Goodbye, old life."
我们到了救护车 他轻轻地把我放在担架上
We get out to the ambulance and he gently places me on the gurney.
还亲了亲我的额头
Kisses me on the forehead.
那种感觉是互相的
It was mutual.
他关上后门并把它锁上
He closes and locks the back door.
然后谁知道
And then, wouldn't you know it...
天啊
"Oh, God.
“嘿 显然
Hey, uh, apparently,
“我室友很担心我
my roommate is worried about me
“她想和我们一起去医院”
and wants to join us on the ride to the hospital."
“太感谢你了 斯蒂芬妮”
"Thanks a lot, Stephanie."
真是让人扫兴
Total buzzkill.
但正如我所料
But as I suspected,
结果没什么大不了的
it ended up not being a big deal.
只是内出血而已
It was just internal bleeding.
几周后 我和斯蒂芬妮 参加了一个派对
And a couple of weeks later, Stephanie and I are at a party.
我对这群人说了 那个性感火♥辣♥的消防员
I'm telling everyone in this group about the hot, sexy fireman
在半夜把我抱出家门的事
that carried me out of the house in the middle of the night.
我说：“天啊 你们真该看看”
I was like, "Oh, my God, you should've seen it.
“那身肌肉和小胡子 真是性感极了”
Just muscles, mustache, so sexy."
斯蒂芬妮无意中听到了 她走过来说：“你说什么？”
Stephanie overhears this, walks up, and says, "I'm sorry."
她脸上露出了厌恶的表情
She has a look of disgust on her face.
她说：“你觉得 那个家伙很性感吗？”
She's like, "You thought that guy was hot?"
是的 我确实这么想
"Uh, yes, I did."
这与个人看法无关
"And this is not a matter of opinion."
这就是事实
"This is a matter of fact."
我不知道在座有没有人能够理解
And I don't know if anyone here can relate,
但没有什么比在社交场合
but there is nothing more awkward
发现你和你妻子
than finding out in a social situation
对男人的品味完全不同
that you and your wife
更尴尬的事了
have completely different taste in men.
随着年龄的增长 我发现
The older I get, I'm noticing
我的听力好像出了点问题
I think I have trouble with my hearing.
我…感觉有点不对劲
I-I... Something's off.
我总会误解一个单词
I always misunderstand a word
或完全错过一整段信息
or miss an entire chunk of information altogether.
我给你们举几个例子
I'll give you a couple of examples.
那时候我在多伦多工作 我办了登机手续
Uh, I was working in Toronto, and I checked in for my flight.
然后柜台后面的女士说 “好的 你已经准备就绪了
And the woman behind the counter said, "Okay, you're all set.
“现在你可以去疯野休息室待一会儿了”
You can go hang out now in the Make Believe Lounge."
我说：“是吗？”
I said, "Oh, yeah?"
“那个地方在哪里？”
"Where is that?"
然后她说：“在四楼”
And she said, "It's on the fourth floor."
我说：“你确定吗？”
I said, "Oh, is it, now?"
然后她就点头说：“确定”
And she's just like, "Mm-hmm, yeah."
然后我说：“好吧 那我想我现在要上去了”
And I said, "All right, well, uh, I guess I'm gonna head up there now."
她一直不断地点头
And the whole time, she's just nodding her head.
“嗯 好的”
"Yep. Okay."
我说：“好吧 那我走了”
I'm like, "Okay, here I go."
好吧 是这样的
Okay, here's the thing.
我几乎每天都要和这些
I deal with these types of people
从事这类行业的人打交道
in these jobs on a near-daily basis,
在一般情况下 信息交流都是非常直接明了的
and it's typically a very straightforward exchange of information.
而和她交流时 我就想
And with her, I thought,
我显然碰到了一个有点奇怪的人
"I've clearly stumbled upon a little weirdo."
但我还是配合她了
But I'll play.
可是她从头到尾都没有说过 “我只是在开玩笑”
But she never said, "I'm just kidding."
所以我就想 好吧 我得去看看四楼到底是什么情况
So I thought, "Okay, I have to go see what's going on on the fourth floor."
我按下电梯按钮 上了楼 门一开
I press the elevator button, go up, the doors open,
上面有个巨大的标牌写着
and there is a huge sign that says,
“欢迎来到'枫叶'休息室”
"Welcome to the Maple Leaf Lounge."
你知道 那里是加拿大
You know, Canada.
然后我回想起刚才的对话
And I immediately cringe,
我立刻感到无比的尴尬
reflecting on the exchange that I just had
那个女士明明说
where the woman clearly said
我可以在'枫叶'休息室待一会儿
I could go hang out in the Maple Leaf Lounge,
而我却说：“是吗？”
and I'm like, "Oh, yeah?"
“那个地方在哪里？”
"Where is that?"
“在四楼”
"It's on the fourth floor."
“好吧 你确定吗？”
"Okay. Is it, now?"
“确定”
"Mm-hmm, yes."
“好吧 那我想我现在要上去了”
"Okay, well, I guess I'm gonna head up there now."
“好的”
"Okay."
“好吧 那我走了”
"All right, here I go."
我看上去就像精神错乱
I looked clinically insane.
另一个例子
Another example:
正如我之前提到的 我和斯蒂芬妮经常一起工作
Uh, as I mentioned before, Stephanie and I often times work together,
有一天下午
and we had a meeting one afternoon
我们和瑞茜威瑟斯彭 以及她的制片伙伴开了个会
with Reese Witherspoon and her producing partner,
我们聊得很开心
and we were having a great time.
我们都在分享故事 我们笑得很开心
We were all sharing stories. We're laughing so hard.
真的是一段美好的时光
Just really a grand old time.
然后瑞茜开始谈论
And then Reese started talking about the TV show
她参与的电视剧《大小谎言》
that she worked on called Big Little Lies.