瘟疫（2025）

most juvenile 5-year-old "Beavis and Butthead" kind of -
五岁小孩会看「瘪四与大头蛋」吗
5-year-olds'watch "Beavis and Butthead"?
嘿给你两秒钟把你开心的笑容收回去
Hey! You have two seconds to wipe that smile off your face.
否则你们所有人 都会被杰克连累
Or all of you, because of Jake,
要到烈日下连续做俯卧撑一整天
are going to be doing burpees in the sun all day.
我可不是在说笑1
I'm not even joking. One..
好了
Okay.
鸡鸡
Penis.
继续 否则我们一整天就只干这个了
Pick it up or we do it all day.
继续
Pick it up.
三圈 还剩两圈
Three laps. Two to go.
他这是在干嘛 哥们儿
What is he doing, bro?
我不知道 有点像 某种幻想吧
Some kind of, like, I don't know, fantasy maybe?
你能别这样了吗
Can you, like, "sop" doing that?
“你能「汤」这样了吗”
"Can you, like, 'sop' doing that?"
给我舔鸡♥巴♥ 汤哥
Suck my dick, Soppy.
你自己舔去吧 -那根本不可能
Suck your own dick. -That's not even possible.
能 -不可能
Yes, it is. -No, it's not.
是有可能的
Yes, it is.
迈克·格里斯沃尔德一直说可以
Mike Griswold does it all the time.
他没有 -他有
No, he doesn't. -Yes, he does.
怎么可能 -什么叫怎么可能
How? -What do you mean, how?
那人有双关节就这么简单
The man is double jointed. End of story.
你是素食主义者吗
Are you a vegetarian
是 -为什么啊
Yeah.-Why?
我就是替动物感到难过
Well, I guess I just feel bad for the animals.
你不介意它长了三条舌头吗 就那种
Would you care if it's like a three-tongued, like, cow
浑身脏兮兮恶心的奶牛
that's, like, all gross and shit?
你觉得呢汤哥
Yeah. Would you, Soppy?
我还是感觉有点难过
I'd still feel bad.
你不能因为某头奶牛与众不同就随意杀害
You know, you can't just go around killing innocent cows
这样做是不对的
just because they're different.
你是怎么忍♥住不咬一口的
How could you not want to bite this?
你难道一点都不会觉得难过吗
You just don't feel bad? Like, at all?
它有三个舌头并不是它的错
It's not its fault it has three tongues.
冷静点汤哥你这是怎么了紧张兮兮的
Chill, Soppy. Why are you spazzing?
我没有 -“我没有
I'm not. -"I'm not.
它有三个舌头并不是它的错”
It's not its fault it has three tongues."
给你两秒钟把你开心的笑容收回去
"You have two seconds to wipe that smile off your face.
两秒”
你能再具体点吗
Can you be more specific?
你能再具体点吗 你能再具体点吗
Can you be more specific? Can you be more specific?
你去哪儿
Where you going?
卫生间
Bathroom.
疯牛病
Mad cow disease.
伊莱你好
Yo, Eli. What's up?
你觉得咱们在这里待多久了
Um, how long do you think we've been in here for?
明胶
Gelatin.
什么
What?
你把这个跟粉底化妆品混在一起
You mix it in with foundation makeup
然后倒到一个硅胶模具里
and pour it in a silicone mold.
然后你画出更多的细节 最后再处理血迹
Then you paint more detail and do the blood last.
你在说什么呢
What are you talking about?
为了为了这个把戏
For the --For the trick
哦-对
Oh! -Yeah.
说实话要是买♥♥血
Frankly, for the blood,
最好别从商店里买♥♥
it's important you don't buy the store stuff.
要么用玉米糖浆和食用色素做
Either make it with corn syrup and food coloring
要么下次割伤自己时留出点
or save yourself some next time you cut yourself.
你会这么做吗
You do that?
对 你只需要把玉米糖浆倒进碗里
Yeah, you just put the corn syrup into a bowl
再加点食用色素
and add the food coloring.
有时候我喜欢加点水
Sometimes I like to add a bit of water
这样就不会太粘稠 -额 不
just so it's not too viscous. -Uh, no.
你 你会割伤自己吗
You --You cut yourself?
小把戏一个
Tiny pricks.
能让人舒缓身心
It's soothing.
如同一场声音的沐浴
Like a sound bath. Look.
你不应该这么做的
You shouldn't do that.
为什么
Why?
因为这么做不好
Because it's bad.
有时我会把指甲狠狠掐进拇指里 直到流血
Sometimes I dig my nails into my thumb till it bleeds.
你不是本地人吧
You're not from here, right?
额
Um..
我妈在媒体峰会上认识了一个男人
My mom met some guy at a media summit.
叫菲尔额
Phil. Um..
他们搞在了一起
And they had an affair,
她就离开了我爸
and she left my dad.
我以前住在波士顿
I used to live in Boston.
基本上我们算是被连根拔起
So basically, we just, like, uprooted.
额所以
Um, so it's been..
或有点怪怪的
It's been kind of weird.
你喜欢你妈吗
Do you like your mom?
她是我妈
She's my mom.
你有没有想过 在她人生中某个时刻
You ever think about the fact that at some point in her life
也经历过第一次口♥交♥
she had to give head for the first time?
哎哟 你谁啊你
Ew, no. Who are you?
我们想要 我们有需求
We wants it. We needs it.
我们必须拥有珍视之物
We must have the precious.
他们从我们身上偷走了它
They stole it from us.
我勒个去
Holy shit.
狡猾的霍比特人
Wicked tricksy hobbitses.
愚蠢的胖霍比特人
Stupid fat hobbitses.
你是愿意操狗但无人知晓
Would you rather fuck a dog and no one ever knows about it
还是并没操但所有人都以为你操狗了
or not fuck a dog but everyone thinks you fucked a dog?
我选操狗
Fuck a dog. I think.
那很邪恶了
That's evil.
你去看过医生了吧
Hey, uh, you've talked to a doctor, right?
他们给了我这瓶药膏
They gave me this cream,
可我感觉越抹情况越糟
but I think it might be making it worse.
额需要我帮忙吗
Um, do you need a hand or..?
我不想传染你
I don't want to infect you.
什么意思
What do you mean?
这个瘟疫
With the Plague.
你不会真的相信这套吧
You don't actually believe in that, do you?
哦
Oh!
哦
Oh!
你们是在逗着玩吗
Uh, are you guys, like, joking?
相当好笑
Very funny.
好了 你们可以 你可以打住了
Okay, you can -you can stop now.
杰克告诉了所有人你得了瘟疫
Jake told everyone you have the Plague.
根本没这事
It's, like, not even a thing.
他说你给伊莱做了背部按♥摩♥
He said you gave Eli a backrub.
完全子虚乌有的事
Yeah, that's totally untrue. So.
说你用了香薰精油 薰衣草之类的东西
Said you used scented oils or something like lavender.
你知道根本没有瘟疫这回事吧
You know the Plague is fake, right?
对蠢死了
Yeah. It's dumb.
你忘带你的护目镜了
You forgot your goggles.
谢谢
Thanks.
我没得瘟疫
I don't have the Plague.
什么
What?
你告诉大家我得了瘟疫
You told everyone I have the Plague.
我没说 -你说了 我知道你说了
No, I didn't. -Yes, you did. I know you did.
我提供了线索
I provided the dots.
可我也阻止不了别人把这些联♥系♥起来
I can't help if others connect them.
什么线索
The dots?
给伊莱按♥摩♥背部 -那不是
Giving Eli a back rub. -That's not -
那不是背部按♥摩♥
It wasn't a back rub.
好吧
Okay.
要是我说你妈是个脱衣舞娘
How would you feel if I told everyone
你会作何感想
your mom's, like, a stripper?