杰克茜

但 更重要的是 你的手♥机♥没事吧
But, more importantly, how's your phone?
没事 上面有一点小刮痕
Yeah. No, it's got a little bit of a scratch
确实让我有点不爽
that will definitely annoy me.
你是开玩笑的 对吧
You were kidding. Okay.
确实 你明显是开玩笑的
Oh, yeah. Obviously.
我傻♥逼♥了 我很抱歉
I'm a dick. I'm sorry about that.
没事
It's all good, man.
你自行车没伤着吧
Uh, how's your bike?
要是有什么损坏需要维修的我可以赔偿
I can pay for any damages or whatever.
没事 它本来就有些年头了
Yeah, it's fine. It's supposed to be vintage.
也许卖♥♥掉才是最好的选择
Probably sell it for more now.
-这是你的店吗 -对
- This is your shop. - Yeah.
哇 好厉害 好酷
Whoa. That's awesome. That's cool.
对了 我叫凯特
I'm Cate, by the way.
嗨 凯特 我叫菲尔
Hi, Cate. I'm Phil.
不对 你不用加这个尾音
Mmm-mmm. Nope. That's not how you say it.
叫菲尔就行 确实
It's just Phil, so...
我的发音比较奇怪
I said it weird.
-很高兴见到你 菲尔 -好的
- It's nice to meet you, Phil. - Okay.
如果你要买♥♥超贵的自行车或者需要维修
Um, if you ever need a really overpriced bike, or any repairs,
找我就对了
I'm your girl.
-你还修自行车吗 -是呀
- You do repairs, too? - Mmm-hmm.
哇 真是出乎意料
Wow. That is incredible.
我连给轮胎打气都不会
I don't even know how to pump up a tire.
你真的不会吗
Oh, you're serious.
真的不会 特别尴尬 对吧
Yeah, it's embarrassing, isn't it?
是啊 那确实挺尴尬的
Yeah, that's really embarrassing.
我也不懂干嘛说这个 我只是有点
Yeah, I don't know why I said it. I just sort of like...
我觉得 这没什么
I mean, it's all good.
很多人都不知道怎么给轮胎打气
A lot of people don't know how to pump their tires.
-真的吗 -假的
- Really? - No.
好吧 好吧
Yeah. Yeah.
那好吧
All right. Okay.
我得赶紧走了
You know, I'm gonna get out of here
避免自己变得更尴尬
before I embarrass myself further.
那么 很开心见到你 凯特
So, it was nice to meet you, Cate.
我也是 菲尔
It was nice to meet you, Phil.
并且我真的很庆幸你的手♥机♥没摔坏
And I'm really happy that your phone's okay.
是啊 确实没什么问题
Yeah, it's all good, honestly.
我♥草♥
Oh, shit.
没错 我们这真的没办法
Yeah, man, I really don't think
修好你的手♥机♥
we're gonna be able to fix your phone.
为什么
Why not?
它被摔成三块而且摔得粉碎 你看这
It's in three distinct pieces. Man, look...
你看这个样子
This shit's over there. That's...
我甚至都看认不出这是你手♥机♥的零部件
I don't even think this was part of your phone.
看上去像手表的零件一样
I think this came from a watch.
主要是 我和这个手♥机♥
It's just, me and this phone,
一起经历了很多 你懂吧
we've been through a lot, you know?
有很多聊天记录 很多推特
A lot of snaps, a lot of tweets.
这里面甚至还有我和《识骨寻踪》里
I actually took a selfie
David Boreanaz：《识骨寻踪》男主角扮演者
主角大卫·伯伦纳兹的自♥拍♥
with none other than David Boreanaz from Bones on this phone.
你相信吗
Can you believe that?
我他妈都不知道这人是谁
I don't even know who the fuck that is.
我会想你的 伙计
I'm gonna miss you, little buddy.
你知道吗 我每天都能见到那种嬉皮士
You know, I see hipster dudes like you
像你一样来到这
come in here every day,
哭诉他们的手♥机♥是怎么坏的
crying about how their phone died
然后想买♥♥一个新的
and how they need a new phone.
他们就像瘾君子
They're like little crackheads.
吓人的双眼 粗糙的皮肤
Yeah. They got crazy eyes and they're all scratchy.
然后说 我需要一部新手♥机♥
And they're like, "I need a new phone, man.
我可以为了它帮你口
"I'll suck your dick for a new phone."
我想说 傻♥逼♥ 你需要的不是一部新手♥机♥
I'm like, "Motherfucker, you don't need a new phone.
你需要戒毒
"You need rehab."
我不吸毒
I'm not a crackhead.
你不吸毒 但你比那种更糟
You're not. You're not. You're worse than a crackhead.
因为一个瘾君子至少知道
'Cause at least a crackhead
离开沙发
gets up off the couch every now and then
去买♥♥毒品
to go get some more crack.
一个瘾君子知道去呼吸新鲜空气
A crackhead gets some fresh air.
一个瘾君子知道去和
A crackhead says hello
他那些瘾君子朋友打招呼
to all his little crackhead friends.
瘾君子按着步骤戒毒
A crackhead gets his steps in.
但你不会
But not you.
你成天坐在那里
You just sit there 24/7
盯着那个小黑盒子
staring at that little black box.
像个小婊♥子♥一样吸着毒
Sucking on that pipe like a little bitch.
你还是想要个新手♥机♥ 对吗
You still want a new phone, though, don't you?
是的
Yes, please.
瘾君子
Crackhead.
看看你 你这个可爱的 美丽的宝贝
Look at you. You sweet, beautiful baby.
你闻起来真新
You smell so new.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
感谢那些中国小孩
Oh, thank you to all the little Chinese children
制♥造♥出了这个完美的手♥机♥
for crafting such a perfect phone.
你好 我的名字是杰克茜
Hello, my name is Jexi.
我将让你的生活更美好
And I am here to make your life better.
瞧瞧 太酷了
Well, look at that. That's cool.
-让我们开始吧 -好啊
- Let's get started. - Okay.
你同意用户协议吗
Will you accept our new user agreement?
同意
Yes, I will.
你想先看看吗
Would you like to read it first?
不用了
Nah, I'm good.
愚蠢
Stupid.
请问你的名字是什么
Can I get your name, please?
菲尔 菲尔·汤普森
Um... Phil. Phil Thompson.
-很高兴见到你 菲尔 -很高兴见到你
- Nice to meet you, Phil. - Nice to meet you.
我看到你的信息都被保存在云端了
I see your information has been stored in the cloud.
你想让我把所有数据
Would you like me to transfer all of the data
从你的旧手♥机♥传到这里吗
from your old phone onto this one?
好啊 听起来很不错
Yeah, that sounds great.
我需要你邮箱账户
I will need the passwords to your email accounts,
社交媒体账户
your social media accounts,
银行账户 信♥用♥卡♥账户
your bank accounts, your credit card accounts
肉桂卷会员账户的密♥码♥
and your Cinnabon Rewards account.
Cinnabon：美国连锁甜品店
很简单 它们都是同一个密♥码♥
It's easy. It's the same password for all of 'em.
密♥码♥是菲尔123456
It's phil123456.
你简直是在逗我
You've got to be kidding me.
你一直这么说话吗 还是
Do you always talk like this or...
我已同步你的数据
I have synced your data.
我准备好让你的生活更美好了 菲尔
And I am ready to start making your life better, Phil.
我能为你做些什么吗
How can I help you?
我饿了 点晚餐吧
Well, I'm hungry, so let's get dinner.
你今晚想吃什么
What would you like to order tonight?
就要蒙古宫的猪肉炒面
Let's just go with the pork fried noodles from Mongolian Palace.
你每晚都点这个 菲尔
You order that every night, Phil.
你应该试试别的
You should try something new.
我不想试别的
Well, I don't want to try something new.
我想要蒙古宫的猪肉炒面
I want the pork fried noodles from Mongolian Palace.
你看起来需要一份沙拉 菲尔
You look like you could use a salad, Phil.
你这是什么意思
What is that supposed to mean?
嫩格林的羽衣甘蓝沙拉怎么样
How about a nice kale salad from Tender Greens?
Tender Greens:美国连锁餐厅
这是个什么奇葩手♥机♥
What the fuck kind of phone is this?
我听见你说 请点羽衣甘蓝沙拉
I heard you say, "Please order kale salad."
我没说
I did not.
恭喜你 你的订单已被接受
Congratulations, your order has been accepted.
你的小份羽衣甘蓝沙拉
Your child-sized kale salad
将于晚上7点37分到达