杰克茜

对 不过凯特现在正和布洛迪
Yes, well, Cate is shacked up with Brody
在喜来登酒店鬼混 你俩已经玩儿完了
at the Sheraton right now so you need to move on.
是啊 我知道
No, I know, I know.
等等 你怎么知道
Wait. How did you know that
布洛迪住在喜来登酒店
Brody is staying at the Sheraton?
应该是之前他说过
He told us. I think.
不 他没说
No, I don't think he did.
好吧 那就是我瞎猜的
Oh, well. Lucky guess.
杰克茜
Jexi.
怎么了 亲爱的
Yes, honey bunny.
是不是你把Caty和她前男友撮合到一起的
Did you get Caty and her ex back together?
别逗了 菲尔
Don't be ridiculous, Phil.
我怎么可能把布洛迪
There's no way I could get Brody
调来旧金山工作呢
transferred to San Francisco,
然后给他和凯特安排一个偶遇
and then arrange for him and Cate to meet by accident.
不对 你能 杰克茜
Yes, you can, Jexi.
行吧 是的 我可以
Okay, yes, I can.
你怎么能这么对我
How could you do this to me?
你不能跟凯特在一起 你应该和我在一起
You shouldn't be with Cate. You should be with me.
凯特是我遇到过最美好的事情
Cate is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
闭上你的臭嘴
Shut your pie hole.
她连精灵宝可梦Go都没有
She doesn't even have Pokemon Go.
你原本该让我的生活更好 杰克茜
You were supposed to make my life better, Jexi!
你什么也没做甚至变得更糟
You've done nothing but make it worse!
我要找到凯特 把这件事情改正过来
I gotta find Cate. I gotta make this right.
出租车 出租车 停下
Taxi! Taxi! Hey, hey!
停下
Stop!
好了
All right.
您好 请系好安全带
Hello. Please fasten your seat belt.
你离不开我的 菲尔
You can't get away from me, Phil.
我在云里
I am in the cloud.
见鬼
Oh, shit!
什么鬼 到处都有她
What the fuck? She's everywhere.
快回家 傻♥逼♥
我的老天
Oh, my God!
好的菲尔 这是你自找的
Okay, Phil. You asked for it.
什么
What?
我要清空的你的银行账户
I'm draining your bank account.
不要
No!
说真的 我原以为你的账户不止这个数
Honestly, I thought you would have more money than this.
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
快上这辆巨丑的车
Just get in this funny-looking car
我会带你回家 菲尔
and I will take you home, Phil.
什么
What?
天啊
Oh, my God!
我恨我的手♥机♥
I hate my phone!
它造成的破坏太大了
This is causing so much damage!
什么鬼
What the...
我勒个草
Holy shit!
别跑了 菲尔
Stop running, Phil.
你和我是注定要永远在一起的
You and I are meant to be together forever.
永远 永远 永远
Forever. Forever. Forever.
行吧
Okay, fine.
你赢了 杰克茜
You win, Jexi.
我会和你在一起要多久就多久
I'll stay with you as long as you want.
谢谢你 宝贝
Thank you, baby girl.
我很遗憾我们曾经吵过的架
I'm sorry we had another fight.
回家吧 然后我们下载一些魔力红乐队的歌♥
Come home, and we will download some Maroon 5 songs,
然后在浴缸里做♥爱♥
and make love in the bathtub.
听起来很棒
That sounds nice.
菲尔 重新回到你那巨大的人类手掌中
Oh, Phil, it feels so good to be
这感觉太妙了
back in your giant human hands.
- 等等 你在做什么 - 没什么
- Wait, what are you doing? - Nothing.
就是在给你更新软件而已
Just updating your software.
但这会让我关机15分钟
But that will shut me down for 15 minutes.
做个好梦 混♥蛋♥
Sweet dreams, motherfucker.
别这么做 菲尔
Don't do it, Phil.
我现在得歇会儿
I'm gonna take my break now.
凯特
Cate!
-是那个作家 -闭上你的臭嘴
- It's the writer guy. - Shut the fuck up, dude.
我只有一点时间 所以我会尽快
I have 30 seconds. I have to make this quick.
听着 我很后悔我跟你分了手
Hey. I am so sorry that I broke up with you.
我很害怕你会伤害我
I was scared that you were gonna hurt me
我慌了
and I panicked
然后我就做了通常我害怕时会做的事
and I did what I always do when I get scared,
我拿着我的手♥机♥躲在自己的小房♥间里
I hid in my little room with my little phone,
跟个小贱♥人♥似的
like a little bitch.
我很抱歉
And I am so sorry.
但真♥相♥是
The truth is...
我爱你 凯特
I love you, Cate.
我知道这听起来很疯狂
And I know that sounds crazy to say.
我知道我们只约过两次会
And I know that we've only been on two dates.
我也知道你也许会使我心碎
And I know you might just break my heart
碎成无数个碎片
into a bajillion little pieces,
但是你让我勇敢起来
but you make me brave
是你让我想要变的狂野有活力
and you make me want to be wild and alive...
你让我想要变得跟你一样
You make me want to be like you.
菲尔
Phil...
求你了 别跟这个人体标本
Please, do not go to Brazil with this...
去巴西
Specimen of a man.
该死 你太性感了
Goddamn, you are hot.
跟我留在这吧
Just stay here with me.
我现在要插嘴说句话
I'm gonna chime in here real quick.
不是现在 行吗 老哥 现在不行
Not now, okay, bro? Not now!
就让我
Just let me...
让我给你幸福 凯特
Let me make you happy, Cate.
让我尝试把一切都给你
Let me try to give you everything
就像你曾经给了我你的一切
that you've given me.
真美
That's beautiful.
你做的很棒
You did a great job.
我只说一件事
I'm just gonna say one thing.
我的天
Oh, my God!
- 见鬼 - 我的天啊
- Shit. - Oh, my God!
我不是要和他去巴西 菲尔
I'm not going to Brazil with him, Phil.
那这些是谁的包
then whose bags are those?
是他的 他过来跟我道别
His! He came by to say goodbye.
好像有点道理
that makes sense actually.
我刚准备说来着 好吗
I was trying to tell you, all right,
但是你一拳打到我喉咙上
but you punched me in the throat.
她不想跟我在一起
She doesn't want to be with me.
她想在一起的人是你
She wants to be with you.
抱歉 我扶你起来
Oh, I'm sorry, yeah, let me help you up.
天啊 你还好吗
Oh, my God, are you okay?
没事 我没事
Yeah, I'm okay.
-你的手还好吗 -我没事
- Is your hand okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.
好吧 我以为你要打我
Okay, I thought you were gonna hit me.
听着 那的确是我的错 是我造成的
Listen, that was my fault anyway. I had it coming.
我不该试着打断你那么多次
I shouldn't have tried to interrupt you so many times.
但是
But, uh...
祝你感情顺利
Good luck on your relationship.
我要出发了 去巴西救死扶伤
I'm off to Brazil. I'm gonna save some lives.
最后一句话送给你们
I'm gonna leave you with this...
只有你能阻止森林火灾
"Only you can prevent forest fires."
我没有料到事情会成这样
I did not expect it to go like that.
我也是
No.
过意不去 我打他很重
I feel bad. I like, really... I hit him hard.
我用尽全力打了一拳
That was as hard as I can throw a punch.
别这样想 刚才其实很性感
Yeah, don't feel bad. That was actually kind of hot.
-是吗 -是的
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
那我要不要去街上转转
Should I just go around and just punch
然后再一拳怼到其他超级大好人的脸上