糟糕历史大电影：臭屁的罗马人

那样对你的扁桃体不好 真的
Oh, that's really not good for your tonsils, that.
行了 别放标志了
Ugh, right, that's enough of the logos.
我猜放这么久的标志
I bet you've all finished your popcorn
你们的爆米花都磕完了
in the time it took to watch all that.
能麻烦开始放电影了吗
Can we please start the movie?
古罗马
Ancient Rome.
世界文明的中心
The centre of civilisation.
"罗马不是一天建成的"
"Wasn't built in a day, you know".
欢迎来到罗马
虽说建造者原本是打算用一天的
Although that was the builder's original estimate.
调侃下建造者
Little joke for builders, there.
还有什么谚语来着
What's that other saying?
条条"阴沟"通罗马
"All sewers lead to Rome".
此句为鼠君调侃，请观众朋友们自行脑补原句
对 就是这么说的
Yeah, that's the one.
我天 你看看马车上的粪
Cor, look at the manure on that cart.
古罗马人经常出♥售♥粪便
可不就是随你吃的自助餐
It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet.
好吃 真香
Om, nom, nom, nom, nom.
对了 这是公元前54年
Anyway, it's 54AD
皇帝克劳狄乌斯执政
and Emperor Claudius is in charge here.
不过可能也执不了多久了
But maybe not for long...
末日
Doom!
末日
Doom!
鸡场能预言未来
The chicken guts speak the future.
古罗马人相信鸡有预言能力
背叛 阴谋 还有死亡
Betrayal, conspiracy and death!
换句话说 也就是罗马日常的一天
In other words, just a normal day in Rome, really.
谁看见我的鸡了
Has anyone seen my chicken?
没 我可没看见
No, uh, not me.
皇帝的宫殿
我要死了
Oh! I am done for!
被毒死
Poisoned!
我将去到阴曹地府
I journey to the underworld
很满足
happy that I...
克劳狄乌斯当永远被铭记为
C-C-Claudius shall ever be remembered
最终征服了不列颠的
as the Roman emperor who finally...
因为当时英国地区隶属于罗马帝国，所以就不翻译为英国
称其地理名字不列颠
罗马皇帝
c-conquered Britain.
罗马帝国
罗马帝国
不列颠在哪里
Hey, where's Britain?
那也是帝国一部分呀
Is that part of the empire?
我还以为就是个奇怪的污渍
I thought it was just a weird stain.
医生在哪里
Oh! Where's the doctor?
其实我觉得现在好多了
Oh, actually, I'm feeling a lot better now.
不用看医生了
I don't think I need a doctor.
亲爱的 再小心也不为过
Darling, you can't be too careful.
医生 快来 是我丈夫
Doctor, come quickly, it's my husband.
-怎么了 -他没死成
- What's the matter? - He's not dying!
没死成
Not dying?
偷偷告诉你 母后用蘑菇毒他
Between me and you, Mother poisoned him with some mushrooms
结果他全吐出来了
but he's thrown them up.
所以我希望你用毒羽毛
So, I want you to tickle his throat
挠他的喉咙
with this poisoned feather
把这事了结
and finish the job.
我不行
I couldn't possibly.
那你就是下一个
Or you'll be next.
-陛下 -不 讲真
- Emperor? - No, really.
我现在觉得没事了
I'm feeling OK, now.
张嘴 说"啊"
Open wide, say "Ah ".
啊
Argh!
棒 捅进去了
Yes, get in!
等等 容我
Sorry, can I...
现在谁执政了
Who's in charge now?
吾儿万岁
All hail my son,
皇帝尼禄
Emperor Nero.
尼禄
"Nero."
拥戴我 谢了 妈
Hail me, cheers, Mum.
全罗马帝国的统治者
Ruler of the whole Roman Empire.
甚至包括那个污渍
Even that stainy bit.
不过你适龄之前还是我先执政吧
Except, I'll be ruling until you come of age.
什么 那还要等五年
What? That's not for another five years.
糟糕历史大电影
糟糕历史大电影
臭屁的罗马人
5
年
后
女士们 先生们
Ladies and gentlemen，
请尽快就座
please take your seats，
角斗士入口
角斗士出口
皇帝尼禄的生日赛即将开始
as the Emperor Nero birthday games will begin shortly.
麻烦蓝色马车135号♥的车主
Would the owner of the blue chariot registration CXV
尽快移车 它挡住了竞技场大门
please remove it as it is obstructing the arena gates.
看看那队伍排的
Look at the queue!
怎么永远这么长
Why is it always so long?
这是瓶颈效应
lt's a bottleneck.
一大群人要挤进一道很窄的门
A big crowd going through a narrow entrance
就会阻碍人流量
causes an impediment to the flow.
别耍小聪明 亚迪
Don't be clever, Atti.
我们得让你少看点书了
I think we should limit your scroll time.
-什么 -我们是来看真人决斗的
- What? - We're here to see real men fighting.
多看看现实生活吧 儿子
Get stuck into real Roman life, son.
-茱莉亚 -你好啊 芙拉维亚
- Julia! - Ave Flavia.
这是你家塞西斯吗
Is this your Celcius?
他被军队录取了
He's been accepted into the army.
优秀罗马人干的优秀的活儿 不错 小子
Proper job for a proper Roman. Well done, lad.
-谢谢 -你肯定很自豪
- Cheers. - You must be so proud!
非常自豪了 给他买♥♥了几双新鞋
Couldn't be prouder. We've just bought him some new sandals
-以示鼓励 -瞧瞧
- to say well done. - Check 'em out.
你就不能学学人家塞西斯
Why can't you be more like Celcius?
不卖♥♥假货 不卖♥♥仿货
No fakes, no copies.
-屌♥丝 -飞靴 角斗士
- Loser! - Sporcus the Gladiator's
自己的鞋 他们自己穿过的
very own sandals, as worn by the man himself.
-多少钱 -两百第纳尔
- How much? - Two hundred Denarii.
第纳尔:古罗马的一种银币
但是牌子上写着一百
But it says 100.
-才不是 -你自己看
- No, it doesn't. - Yeah, look. See?
一百第纳尔
A hundred Denarii.
那是一只鞋
Oh, well that's per shoe.
谁听说过"一只鞋" 谁买♥♥一只啊
Who ever heard of "per shoe"? Who's gonna buy one shoe?
独腿的人
A one-legged man?
你有这只的红色款吗
Do you have this one in red?
麻烦别卖♥♥给别人
Please don't sell them to anyone else.
不会的
I won't...
除非他们先付我钱
unless they bring me the money first.
飞靴直营店
角斗士的汗 让你永葆青春
Gladiator sweat! Makes you young!
古罗马人认为角斗士的汗有美容功能，还将其作为春♥药♥的原料
角斗士的汗
Gladiator sweat!
挺不错 多少钱
Lovely hum. How much?
给你的话 两百第纳尔
To you, two hundred Denarii.
我怎么知道有效果
How do I know it works?
我都97岁了 老哥
I'm 97, mate.
我拿一瓶
I'll take it.
角斗士入口
角斗士出口
饿了吗
Feeling peckish?
要不要试试我们的精选套餐
Why not try our pick 'n' mix selection?
孔雀舌 塞蜗牛 烤睡鼠
Peacock tongues, stuffed snails and roast dormouse.
真实的古罗马野味
竞技场小摊就能买♥♥到
Available from the arena kiosk.
好了 各位 这是场重大♥比♥赛
Right, you lot... this is a big match.
今天是尼禄的生日
It's Nero's birthday.
我要你们所有人
So I want all of you
拿出110分的努力
to give it CX percent.
-知道了吗 -是 老大
- Got that? - Yes, boss.
记住 你们从那里走出来的时候
And remember, when you get out there
要转向尼禄 然后说