超级青春期

但应该像脱口秀主持人那样做 对吧
But, like, I should do that like talk show host thing, right?
-对 肯定的 -你可以当我的嘉宾
‐ Yeah, definitely. ‐ You can be, like, one of my guests.
-真的吗 -真的
‐ Really? ‐ Yeah.
等等 你说真的吗
Wait, seriously?
对 他们都有奇怪的搭档
Yeah, they all have weird sidekicks.
比如安迪·里克特或那个吉列尔莫
Like Andy Richter or like that Guillermo guy.
-谢了 兄弟 -你就是我的吉列尔莫
‐ Thanks, man. ‐ You're my Guillermo.
-南极洲的金字塔太奇怪了 -这太扯了
‐ A pyramid in Antarctica is weird. ‐ That's some shit.
你解释一下
Explain that shit.
这是《异形大战铁血战士》里说的
It's from Alien vs. Predator, dude.
又不是真的
It's not real.
听听乔·罗根的播客吧 伙计
Listen to a Joe Rogan podcast, buddy.
你这就是扯淡
There's shit goin' on.
她叫你"先生"吗
She called you sir?
这是我的新称呼 先生
That's the new way, sir.
你们是上世纪三十年代的人吗
You guys from the 1930s?
-看这个 -但我还有账没结
‐ Look at this. ‐ But I've got a tab open,
-所以要是你们想再来一杯 -喂
- so if you guys want another... ‐ Hey!
我为我们的朋友道个歉
Hey, I'm sorry about our friend.
我们在垃圾箱里找到他 他是被捡来的
We found him in a dumpster. He's a rescue.
-抱歉 -没关系
- Sorry. ‐ It's okay.
别担心 他打过疫苗了
Oh, don't worry, he got all of his shots though,
他不咬人 没关系的
so, he won't bite. He's chill.
-你的小狗呢 -你说小莫吗
‐ What about your puppy? ‐ Who, Mo?
对 他来这里似乎有点嫌小
Yeah, I mean, he looks a little young to be in here.
你来这里似乎有点嫌老
You look a little old to be in here.
小莫其实刚刚退伍
Mo actually just got back from the army.
-是吗 -对 他在军队呆了十六年
- Yeah? - Yeah, he was there for 16 years!
别提这些事了
Let's not talk about it, yeah.
总之 他十六年没和人做过了
Anyway, he hasn't been laid in 16 years.
-不敢相信吧 -但是
- How crazy is that? ‐ But, hey...
-敬小莫 -敬小莫
- to Mo. ‐ To Mo.
-欢迎回来 兄弟 -欢迎回来 伙计
‐ Welcome back, brother. ‐ Yeah, man.
-该说"万岁" 对吗 -万岁
‐ Hoo‐rah, right? - Hoo‐rah.
愿魔鬼发现我们死之前
Hey, may we all make it to heaven
我们全都一起上了天堂
before the devil knows we're dead, baby!
-没错 -干杯
- Yeah! - Cheers.
等等 这话什么意思
Wait. What does that mean?
就是 我们是罪人 然后
Like, we're sinners and‐and‐and
那个混♥蛋♥想把我们抓回去 他想抓我们
bad motherfuckers and he's coming to suck us back‐‐ he wants us.
这不是霸势前沿乐队的一首歌♥吗
Isn't that, like, a Buzz Frontier song?
谁想抓我们 他干什么了 我们要怎么办
Who wants us? What did he do? What do we do?
撒旦 那个混♥蛋♥想抓我们
Satan, motherfucker, wants us.
你没猜中 没猜中
In your fuckin' mouth. In your fuckin' mouth!
我全进了 尼克
That's a home run. Hey, yo, Nick!
全进了 伙计 我全进了
I got a home run! Yo, I got a home run.
-没错 -行 该谁喝了
- Fuck yeah! ‐ Okay, okay. Who's gonna drink it?
到这小混♥蛋♥了
Uh, this motherfucker.
什么 等等 那里面有什么
What? What? Whoa, whoa, wait. Hold on, what's in that?
里面有什么来着 威士忌
Uh, what's in it? Uh, whiskey,
啤酒 桔汁 止咳糖浆
beer, orange juice, cough syrup,
还有 阿普唑仑
and... Xanny bar.
我不知道
I don't know, man.
我觉得他喝了可能会死 我来喝吧
I feel like he's gonna die if he drinks this shit. I'll just do it.
-什么 不要 -别这样
‐ What? No! ‐ Whoa! Hey!
-去你的 我能喝 -去你的
‐ Fuck you! I can do it. ‐ Fuck you.
让这个孩子喝 快点
Yeah, let the kid do it. Come on.
-我就说一下 兄弟 -行吧
‐ I can at least try, bro. ‐ Yeah.
-好吧 -我也许能做到
- All right. ‐ I can do this probably.
我来放歌♥ 等一下
Oh, yo, I gotta put my song on. Hold on.
该死的
Damn.
怎么 你要拿着这个上大学吗
What, are you puttin' that thing through college, man?
快喝 干了 该死的 快点
Let's go. Drink up. Fuck. Come on.
该死的
Oh, damn.
不会吧
Oh. Oh, shit.
天哪 老兄
Jesus! My dude.
感觉怎么样
How you feel?
-棒 -棒 行吧
‐ Strong. - Strong. All right.
来 棒小伙 来打我
Go ahead, strong man, hit me.
行 你说真打吗
Okay, yeah. You mean for real?
-对 有多重打多重 -好
‐ Yeah, hit me as hard as you can. - Okay.
如果他吐在这些上面
Hey, yo, if he pukes on any of this shit,
我发誓 我他妈的能暴走
I'm gonna be so fucking furious, I swear to God.
我靠
Yo, fuck!
胆小鬼
Ha ha, pussy.
-你好 宝贝 -你好
‐ Oh, hey, babe! ‐ Hi!
你怎么样
What up there?
你们在干什么
What are you guys doing?
小莫刚喝了一杯"全套"
Oh, Mo just drank a home run.
-什么 -没错
- What? ‐ Mm‐hmm.
-他还好吗 -还行
‐ Is he okay? ‐ Yeah.
对 我没事
Yeah. I'll be fine.
你好 霍莉
Hey, Holly...
他很好
He's great.
真♥他♥妈♥的
Ugh, fuck my life.
-你还好吗 -你说什么
‐ You okay, man? ‐ Ugh. Huh?
我挺好 你是谁
Yeah, I'm fantastic. Who is that?
我是斯泰西 你怎么了
It's Stacey. What up?
你好 斯泰西 我只是有点喝多了
Hey, Stacey. I'm just like a little hungover, dude.
今天周四
It's Thursday.
蠢货
Dope.
我要死了
I'm dying.
真不可思议 你这个禽兽
That was fucking insane. You're an animal.
什么
What?
你在厕所里整整待了一节课
You literally spent the entire first period in the bathroom
就没人说过一句
and nobody said shit.
如果你在这里的时候他们注意不到你
Yeah, well, if they don't notice you when you're here,
你不在的时候他们也不会注意
they're not gonna notice when you're not.
-你说什么 -没什么
- What? ‐ Uh, nothing.
听着 如果我付你现金
Listen, if I can get you cash,
你能给保罗的派对搞点酒来吗
can you get us alcohol for Paul's rager?
保罗的派对
Paul's rager?
兄弟 周六保罗·芬林
Dude, Paul Finnlin's throwing
要在他家办个"皮条客和妓♥女♥"派对
a fucking Pimps and Hoes party at his house on Saturday.
高年级的那个保罗吗 你怎么被邀请的
Paul the senior? How'd you get invited to that?
兄弟 他们爱我
Dude, they love me.
我告诉他我能帮他搞到酒
I told him I can get him alcohol.
你能帮我弄到酒吗
Can you get me alcohol?
不 我不会帮你买♥♥酒
No, I'm not gonna get you alcohol
好让你跟高年级的一起喝 不行
so you can go drink with some seniors. No.
天啊 你可以一起来
Oh, my God. You can come with.
你之前参加过保罗的派对吗
Have you ever even been to one of Paul's parties?
-没有 你参加过吗 -没有
‐ No. Have you? ‐ No.
他们说过我可以去吗
Did they even say I could come?
别担心 我对这些人来说就是神
Don't worry. I'm a fucking god to these people.
我想带谁去就带谁去 我给你现金
I can bring whoever I want. I'll get you cash.
好吧 我尽力 但我真的不
Okay, look, I'll see what I can do, but I don't really...
太好了 终于能去了
Yes! It's so fucking on!
抱歉 先生
Excuse me, sir?
-请问一下 先生 -什么事
- Excuse me, sir. ‐ Huh? What's up?
冰箱区
你推荐哪款微波炉
Which microwave would you recommend?
这取决于你要用它做什么
Well, it depends what you use it for.
给我孙子在宿舍用
It's for my grandson's dorm room.
你的孙子是谁
Well, who's your grandson?
对不起 我得走了 黑色那款不错
Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta go. Uh, the black one's cool.
那款不锈钢的怎么样
Well, what about the stainless...
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原创折扣店
-不会吧 -没错 猜猜谁拿到了驾照
‐ Oh, shit! - Yeah! Guess who's licensed!
真棒
Sick.