澳野巫踪（2016）

我们干嘛不把他赶回去?
Why don't we just send him back?
他是罪魁祸首
He caused this whole mess.
少数人的错误为什么要怪到多数人头上
Why blame the majority for the actions of a minority?
就是 真是混账
Yeah, what a dickslit.
把他赶回去
Send him back!
这真是 就像一个完整又彻底
This has been, like a complete and utter,
怎么说来着 就像机车灾祸
what's the expression, like a locomotive disaster,
就像有一群人因为在铁路上相撞而死了一样
like a bunch of people on the metro who die in a crash.
你是说火车失事
A trainwreck?
不 算了 为什么我会以为这是个好主意
No, anyway, why did I think this was a good idea?
我离家就是为了摆脱这些疯子
I left home to escape these lunatics,
现在我又给他们一个重振旗鼓的理由了 那就是我
and now I've given them a rallying point, me.
Jack 其实这是个好主意
Jack, this was a good idea.
而且坦白说 尽管现在他们反对你
And granted, it maybe against you now
也合情合理
And for good reason.
他们都需要这次投票来度过难关
but they all need this vote to go through
所以 拉拢他们吧
so just get them on side.
我做不到 他们打心底里讨厌我
I can't do that, they hate my guts.
我真可悲
I'm pathetic.
你不可悲
You're not pathetic.
好了听着 你是犯了一些错
Okay, look, you've made some mistakes
但你是个好人
but you're a good guy.
你就
Just
站起来 说出你的心声吧
stand up and speak from the heart.
你可以的
You've got this.
我相信你
I believe in you.
展示你的魅力吧
Be charming.
你可以做到的
You can do charming.
滚吧
Boo!
嘿 这个吃小孩的混球真
Hey, this baby-eating fuck is--
嘿
Hey!
听着 我知道现在没人喜欢我
Listen, I know I'm nobody's favorite person right now
而且我也知道是我造成的混乱局面
and I know that I got us into this mess
但是 请让我帮大家度过这一切
but please let me get us out of it.
各位都是为何在这里
Why are you all here?
为什么会有人离家
Why would anybody leave their home
来到这么一个如此陌生又不同的地方
for somewhere so different and so strange?
我可以告诉你们我来这的原因
I can tell you why I came here
虽然很老套 但我是真爱这个城市
and it's cheesy but I came here 'cause I love this city
我也爱这个国家
and I love this country.
我爱我可以随心检查我的邮箱
I love that I can check my mail without
而不用担心被猫头鹰掩埋 我爱我可以去海滩
being buried in owls, I love that I can go to the beach
而不用担心遭到北海巨妖袭击
without fear of kraken attack.
我爱 更主要的是 这里没有那么多黄油人
I love, that by and large, there aren't many butter people
会用滑不溜鳅的胆固醇攻击我的烤面包
here trying to assault my toast with slip-free cholesterol.
我会那样做的
I'll get you yet.
但我最爱的是 不管我弄出来了什么意外
But what I love the most is that in spite of my accidents,
不管我搞砸了多少次
in spite of all the times I've fucked up
我感觉这里还是很欢迎我的
I've actually felt pretty welcomed here.
而对像我一样的人来说 这就是一切了
And for someone like me, that's everything.
你们不也能感受到这种欢迎吗
And do you not all feel welcome?
所有人 包括旁观者 害群之马 眼睛王
All of us, outsiders, black sheep, eye kings.
是的
Aye!
巫师们
Wizards.
是的
Aye!
亡灵法师们
Necromancers.
是的
Aye!
Terry们
Terries.
是的
Aye!
妖精们还有木乃伊王
Goblins and mummy lords.
他跟我试过毫无原因地勒死了一只小狗
He and I once strangled a puppy to death for no reason.
我们只是觉得无聊了
We were just bored.
还有很多其他人
And assorted others.
你搅得我好兴奋啊
You're churning me on!
去死吧 黄三由人
Fuck you, Butter Man!
新来的人在这个国家总是会受到欢迎
New settlers have always been welcomed in this country
但请让我们证明我们值得被欢迎
but let's show them that we're worth the effort.
让我们证明我们也能成为澳洲人
Let's show 'em that we can be Australians too.
那个 Jack 我从来都不知道
Well, Jack, I never knew how passionately
原来你对这地方这么有感情
you felt about this place.
我是说 听着 我觉得
I mean, look, I feel like a bit of a bloody
这样说有那么点尴尬 但是
dill pickle saying this, but, the reason
我想你回家的原因 是因为我想你
I wanted you back home was because I miss you.
我怀念有人在身边的日子 让我可以
I miss having someone around that I could just
尽情地去恨 你知道 我真的会这样做
fucking hate, you know, and I do.
我恨你
I hate you.
我也恨你 伙计
I hate you too, man.
你也必须承认 我还是逼得你用了魔法
Gotta admit though, I did get you to use magic again.
是的你做到了 你这无♥耻♥的混球
Yes, you did, you cheeky fucker.
注意你的措辞 婊砸
Watch your language you cunt.
好吧 我得走了
Alright, I'm outtie .
你做到了 Jack
You did it, Jack.
我们做到了 Kylie
We did it, Kylie.
这是伟大的开始
This is the start of something great,
在墨尔本这里长住
a long life here in Melbourne.
真美啊
It's beautiful.
让我来吧
Allow me.
好了 停下 停下 Jack
Yeah, okay, stop it, stop it, Jack.
我自己会吃
I know how to eat.
但我还是为你高兴
I am happy for you, though.
以及我也十分骄傲 为我帮你
And I'm proud of the small part that I played
找到新家所作出的小小贡献
in helping you find a home.
小小贡献
Small part?
多亏了你我才能找到新家
Thanks to you I found a new home
而且我想我找到了可以一起分享这个新家的人
and I think I've found someone I wanna share it with.
噢
Oh!
Jack Jack 你以为你在干嘛 Jack
Jack, Jack, what do you think you're doing, Jack?
这什么意思
What do you mean?
我们赢了 我们接吻 不都这么结束的吗
We won, now we kiss, that's how this ends.
不 不是
No, no it isn't.
听着 你真的是个好人
Look, you're a really nice guy
但我对你一点兴趣都没有
but I'm aggressively unattracted to you.
但是 在我来的那个地方 我们赢了
But where I'm from, we win the quest,
我们会亲吻那个少女
we kiss the maiden.
噢 那真是胡闹
Oh, well that's fucked up!
仅仅因为我是你唯一认识的女人 Jack
Just because I'm the only woman you know, Jack,
不代表我们注定要在一起
doesn't mean that we are destined to be together.
如果我对你有意 我很可能就不会
If I was interested, I probably wouldn't have
带你去相亲会了
taken you speed dating.
但你亲了我呀
But you kissed me.
老天爷 亲在哪儿很大区别的
Jesus Christ, there is a big difference between
一个是亲在脸颊 一个是放鸡♥巴♥在嘴里
a kiss on the cheek and a cock in my mouth.
什么
What?
你说什么 哇哦 什么
What do you mean, whoa, what?
好恶心
It's gross.
我不知道 太奇怪 太粗俗了
I don't know, it's weird, it's vulgar.
去死吧 太粗俗了
Fuck you, it's vulgar!
你刚刚不顾我意愿
You just pulled me against my will
把我拉进你那喘气的旷野里去
to your gaping moor
我真的对你那长满胡子的小嘴一点兴趣都没有
and I am not into wispy, beard mouth.
我不确定我知不知道现在发生了什么
I'm not sure I understand what's happening right now.
果不其然
Typical.
听着 Jack 我真的很开心
Look, Jack, I'm really happy that
我可以帮到你 我真的很开心
I could help you, really I am.
或许我们下次再见吧
Maybe I'll see you around.
至少现在巫师可以住在墨尔本了
Well, at least wizards can live in Melbourne now.
太好了
Yay!
至少我没有搞砸了一切
Well, at least I haven't ruined everything.
我搞砸了一切
I have ruined everything.
问得好
Good question.