澳野巫踪（2016）

守住战线
Hold the line
你能来帮我们真是太好了
Nice of you to join us!
哈 你说啥
Uh, wait what?
其实没有你我们也能撑住
You know we were doing just fine without you.
好吧 那我就 那我就先走了 行吗
Okay, I'll just- I'll just leave then, should I?
你不想让我用魔法吗
You don't want magic?
滚蛋吧 你居然不想用魔法
Fuck you, you don't want magic!
这他妈可是个战场 你到底在干什么
It's a fucking crazy battle! What are you doing?
专注点好吗
Focus!
别说这么多废话
Don't sass!
有你这么跟一位女士说话的么
Now, what sort of of a way is that to talk to a lady?
看吧 让你别说这么多废话吧
And that, is why you don't sass!
还能不能行了
Come on!
"Jack 你想跟我睡吗" 好啊好啊 我们去哪里搞啊
"Hey Jack, you want to flirt?" Okey-dokey, where shall we do it?
"不然就在这个危险的战场怎么样"
"How about on a dangerous battlefield?"
啊 这个主意听起来真棒
Gee, that sounds like fun!
我希望你最后不会被斧头毁容哦
I hope you don't end up with Axe-Face!
咯啊啊啊啊啊
Gghhrrrr!
妈啊啊啊啊啊 有地精哦
Mggrhhhhhr, Goblin...
这可真♥他♥妈♥糟糕了
That's a fucking bummer!
大家 不要靠近那条龙
Hey, guys! Don't go near the dragon.
我知道大家是为了国王
I know it's for the king...
为了国王
For the king!!
我真是选了个好日子开始戒酒
I picked a hell of a day to stop drinking!
这些人脑子都进屎了吗
...what the fuck is wrong with these people?
好的 真棒 既然你们控制住场面了
Okay, cool! Ah, you guys got this,
是吧 亲爱的伙计们
right? Sweetie sweetie peteetie.
那我就先走了 啊 不用送我了
Well, I'm going to see myself out. Ah, don't get up!
我看你们忙着打仗呢 你们这群傻♥逼♥
I see you've got your hands full of fire. You fucking idiots.
去他妈的这个破地方
Fuck this place.
所以 嗯
So, ah...
那是我在那里的最后一天
that was my last day.
我觉得我受不了那个地方了
I figured I was done with that place,
我需要去个讲道理的地方生活
and I just needed to find somewhere rational to live.
就这儿
...here!
所以这就是你移♥民♥到墨尔本的原因吗
And so that's why you migrated to Melbourne, is it?
嗯 总而言之
Uh, in a nutshell...yeah?
富茨克雷房♥租挺便宜的 其实吧
Footscray has cheap rent, but
其实不管在人类世界哪里 都挺好的
anywhere in the human realm would've been...ah... fine.
嗯嗯嗯嗯嗯
Mmmmmmm.
嗯嗯嗯嗯嗯
Mmmmm?
你说"嗯嗯嗯嗯嗯" 是 是什么意思
W-w-what do you mean, 'Mmmm'?
Morgan 如果我们那边那种事发生在这
Morgan, if that stuff happened here
一定会成为你们历史上最重要的一天
It would be the most significant day in your history.
对我而言 这就和
For me, that was...
普通的星期二一样
Tuesday.
Jack 你听好
Listen, Jack
如果这的确是你的真名的话
If that is in fact your real name
我没法说我懂在一个
I can't honestly say that I know what it's
充满远古可怕能量的神秘漩涡里长大是什么感受
like to grow up in an arcane vortex of ancient eldritch energy.
你说巫师界就好
Wizard realm, is fine.
随便咯
Whatevs.
但是我要说的是
What I can say, however,
如果我要搬到巫师界的话
is if I was to move to the Wizard Realm myself
当然我肯定是不会去的
Which clearly, I'm never gonna do-
对 千万别
Good, don't.
我刚到那里就毁了一座国家级纪念性建筑物
and I destroyed a national monument,
我肯定不会
I would hardly be welcomed by
受大众欢迎的 是不是
an adoring public, would I?
Morgan 讲真你可能会被封为国王
Honestly Morgan, you might be crowned king.
不开玩笑 我们上一届国王就是因为这个被加冕的
Not even joking - that's how we crowned our last king!
我们那边的人每一个都是他妈的神经病
People back home are fucking psychos man-
噢 Jack Jack Jack Jack
Whoa, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack!
在我的"Wright正视角"节目上
That's not the sort of language we accept here
可不能说脏话
here on 'The Wright Perspective',
对不起 对不起 说脏话这种事
Sorry. Um, sorry! Swearing isn't
其实我不很注意 这对我来讲是个新习俗
really a thing for me, It's kind of a new custom.
我们那儿没有人管这种事
Nobody back home worries about
因为有更危险的话可以说
it because there's way more dangerous words to say.
就 举个例子 如果说了"Fjormangander"
Like, for example, if you say 'Fjormangander'-
就会发生这种事 我对不起你 Morgan
Then that happens - I'm so sorry, Morgan.
骂人是一回事 Jack
Swearing's one thing, Jack, but you're
但你要学会怎么管住你的魔法舌头
going to have to learn to hold your heathen tongue.
在这个国家里我们说澳语 不说什么乱七八糟的魔咒
We speak Australian in this country, not Abra-ca-ding-dong.
你最好记住了
Best you remember that!
大家都还好么
Everybody alright?
没人受伤吧
Nobody's hurt?
他没把谁变成婴儿尸骨吧
He didn't turn anyone into a Baby Bones, did he?
没有吧 应该
Umm...No, uh...
但是Susan变成了只鹅
but Susan's a goose now...
嘎
Honk!!
Jack 我受不了你一直兜圈子了
Jack, I'm sick of you beating around the bush.
我们就直接来说重点吧
Let's cut to the chase and get down to brass tacks.
啥
Wh-what?
我想看你要怎么试着
I want to see you try and
解释上周你搞出的麻烦事
smooth over this prickly business from last week.
诶 我们不用
Oh, no we don't need to-
放录像
Roll the clip!
我现在就站在
I stand just metres away
几小时前还傲立的地标
from where mere hours ago,
弗莱德林火车站的附近
the iconic Flinders' Street Station proudly stood.
我们澳大利亚人习惯了凶鱼杀人的消息
Now, as Australian's we're used to killer fish,
但今天我们不是来讨论大白鲨的
but we're not talking about a Great White.
我们今天所说到这个水生物暴行
We're talking about the aquatic atrosity
让市民只能像离了水的鱼一样 挣扎
that left citizens with nothing to do - but flounder.
从这个不清楚的画面上看来 这几个
As this amateur footage shows: These teenagers,
天真的在尝颜料味道的少年们
innocently testing the smell of spray paint
完全没有意识到
had no idea what was about to
在这个男人打了喷嚏后会发生什么
unfold when this man let out a sneeze so powerful...
这个喷嚏把眼前这个老火车站
It transformed this historic train station,
变成了一大♥片♥混乱的鱼
into a giant, fishy mess.
问得好 不 我从来没有
Good question; No, I have
看到过这种事
not seen anything quite like this before.
真是国耻啊
It's a disgrace.
作为一个素食者 我很生气
As a vegetarian; I'm offended.
作为一个鱼素者 我还不怎么生气
As a pescatarian; I'm not offended enough.
真是国耻啊
This is a disgrace!
铁路就这样 我这都等三小时了
Typical metro - it's been three
火车还是没来
hours and still the trains haven't turned up.
真是国耻啊
It's a disgrace.
我给你讲 Jack 这个片段
I tell you, Jack, that there footage,
让我感到血液沸腾 寒冷刺骨
it boils my blood, it chills me to the bone.
综合下来 我全身很温暖 室温一样刚刚好
And overall generally I'm lukewarm, I'm room temp.
相机是不会说谎的 Jack 你没法抵赖里面的人不是你
The camera doesn't lie, Jack. You can't deny that's not you,
就跟你没法抵赖我这么帅一样
anymore than you can deny that I'm this handsome.
可以这么说
You've been caught with
你被抓了个正着 也可以说
your hands in the Tim Tam jar, you might say.
Wrights抓了你个正着
Bang to Wrights!
wright谐音right
right angle直角
你啊 陷到一滩咝咝咝
You, my friend are up shhhh...
糖水里
...sugar creek.
既不像Paddle Pop那样清新
Without so much as a paddle pop.
甚至也没有Golden Gaytime基甜 大家还记得那些好时光吗
or even a Golden Gaytime - remember those folks?
我们把这个叫做 "鱼腥味周四"
'Fishy Thursday', if that's what we're calling it...
这真的是个意外 我真的很抱歉
it was a complete accident, and I'm sorry!
我想让所有人知道
I want everybody to know
我现在完全戒掉魔法了
that I'm now living completely magic free.
什么符咒啊 诅咒啊 巫术啊 什么我都不用
Not a spell, not a curse, not a hex - not a nothin'!
我真的很抱歉 但我觉得
And I'm sorry, but I don't think that it's
把我和我来的地方那些
fair that I've been lumped in with other people of my community,