舞台剧

你给我听着 这事情最开始是你发起的
Listen, listen. You started this, you little...
你这个不到黄河心不死的理想主义者
tenacious-till-the-going-gets-tough watered-down idealist.
是你先来找我的 现在这件事情的结局
You came to me, and it might not have ended up
可能不会像你当初宣称的那么宏大
like the great statement that you wanted,
它也可能没法包含你所有的希望和梦想
and it might not parcel up all your, like, hopes and dreams,
但你得收拾完这个烂摊子
but you are gonna help us finish it.
我们需要怎么做
What do we need?
好吧 原先设定的是什么
OK. Right, what was it originally?
-什么 原先的最后一集吗 -你原来想好了 对吗
- What, the original final episode? - You had a story, didn't you?
比如大卫和麦克一起演《圣诞颂歌♥》什么的
Like a David and Michael doing A Christmas Carol?
没错 但这个计划会因为外部压力而分崩离析
Yes, but it was all gonna fall apart due to outside pressures.
好吧 什么样的外部压力
OK. What sort of outside pressures?
麦克将被愤怒的颂歌♥歌♥手包围
Michael was going to be beset by angry carol singers,
而大卫则会在朝鲜平壤被逮捕
and David was gonna be arrested in Pyongyang.
为什么
What for?
-叛国罪 -好吧 不能就按这个来吗
- Treason. - Right. Well, can't it still be that?
不行 场地原因 实现不了
No. No. It's missing all the... all the set-up.
不如我们直接演《圣诞颂歌♥》吧
Could we just do A Christmas Carol?
什么 就撇去所有的外部压力吗
What, without all the outside pressures?
没错 就是大卫·田纳特和麦克·辛
Yeah. Like, OK, David Tennant and Michael Sheen...
线上直播演出一版《圣诞颂歌♥》
present a live version of A Christmas Carol,
剧本由西蒙·埃文斯改编 用《舞台剧》的形式上演
adapted by Simon Evans, in the style of Staged,
也就是用笔记本摄像 用手♥机♥收音
filmed on laptops, audio on phones.
-周六就演吗 -周六就演
- On Saturday? - On Saturday.
你读过《圣诞颂歌♥》吗
Have you read A Christmas Carol?
我看过布偶版
I have seen the Muppet version.
狄更斯当时是按字数拿稿费的
Dickens was paid by the word.
科米蛙还有博士学位呢
Kermit the Frog has a doctorate.
那你就让科米蛙去帮你写吧
Then get Kermit the Frog to fucking write it!
你当时想在第三集尝试一些不一样的东西
OK, you wanted to do something different for episode three.
看看现在的结果
And look how that all worked out.
那你就再做一些不一样的改变嘛
OK, so do something different here.
观众不喜欢改变 不是吗
People don't want different, do they?!
如果我们要演《圣诞颂歌♥》 我告诉你观众想看什么
If we do A Christmas Carol, I tell you what people will want.
他们会想看马利和克莱切特
They'll want Marley and Cratchit
争论在外面的标牌上谁的名字该放前面
arguing about whose name comes first on the sign outside.
他们会想看鲍勃·克莱切特画他妈的菠萝
They'll want Bob Cratchit drawing fucking pineapples.
他们会想让我们找个奥斯卡获奖演员来演
They'll want us to find an Oscar-winner to play...
-小蒂姆 -那就让观众看这个呗
- Tiny Tim! - So give them that.
不行 因为他们并不真的想看 不是吗
No! Because they don't really want that, do they?
我会因为重复的套路而被批评
Because I will get it in the neck for being predictable.
除非 这玩意取得空前绝后的成功
Unless, of course, it's a storming success,
到时候你猜功劳归谁
in which case, who gets all the credit?
大卫和麦克
David and Michael.
我今天早上看到一条对第二集的评论
You know, there was a review this morning for episode two.
那人把第二集称为"辛和田纳特即兴演出的闹剧"
It called it "Sheen and Tennant's improvised farce".
听起来很正面啊
Oh, that sounds positive!
那一集的情节设计和叙事技巧
That episode stretched the bounds
完全是现有技艺的顶级呈现
of all etiquette around plot contrivance and exposition,
更别提精妙的遣词造句中透露出的文学素养
beyond all the boundaries of literary decency,
但是他们依然觉得这是大卫和麦克
and they still think David and Michael
在现场凭空编出来的
made it up on the fucking spot!
好吧 但他们从没说过这是即兴的 不是吗
OK, they've never actually said that, though, have they?
是不是
Have they?
-是没说过 -没错 因为他们一直在帮你说话
- No. - No. No, because they have always stood up for you.
他们一直在告诉所有人 这些都是你写的
They have always told everyone how you write it
并且称赞你的工作
and praised what you do.
-那是在公开场合 -在公开场合 没错
- In public. - Well, in public, yeah.
但在台下 他们就没那么大方了
Behind the scenes, they are less generous.
在台下 幕后
Well, behind the scenes,
你就像真菌感染一样有用
you're as useful as a yeast infection, babe.
但是他们相信你 他们会帮你说话
But listen, they believe in you. They stand up for you.
他们从来没有抢走过
And they have never taken away
你努力工作得来的荣誉
from how hard you work on what you do.
-没有吗 -一次都没有
- No? - Not once.
我们得找演员
他同意写剧本了吗
你有没有在镜头前说过他的坏话
-应该没说过 -那你能不能再坚持一下
我一定会尽全力的
顺便 你这样还挺性感的
我们得找人来演
那总得要个场地吧
没错 应该把他们全叫过来 省的出岔子
乔治娅 咱做的事情什么时候出过岔子
我们可以在这里弄
麦克这周末把莉莉接去威尔士了
她可以参演吗
她当然可以参演
好吧 你们需要排练吗
如果只是读剧本的话 就算了吧
好的 那你打电♥话♥问问朋友吧
过来
Come on!
但我没朋友啊
我没有愤而离场
我觉得你有
我很乐意聊决定做第三季这件事
我觉得我们得聊聊愤而离场这件事
-为什么 -因为这才是一切分崩离析的原因
这才不是唯一原因
我觉得这就是
我们从一开始就不想做 我们都不喜欢这个剧本
-我们可以修改剧本
-我厌倦了修改西蒙匆忙整出来的大纲
听着 如果西蒙得在几天内完成剧本 那可以原谅
但他他妈的有几个月
拿着烂剧本即兴表演可不是我们的职责
你在哪里
Where are you?
我们快到了 不远了
We're getting there, you know. Not far now.
-你们已经迟到了 -这个嘛
- You're supposed to be here. - Well...
安娜开车很谨慎
Anna's a very cautious driver.
你们把孩子们带上了吗
You're bringing the kids with you?
没有 我们把孩子送去我父母家了
No, we left them at my mum and dad's.
你放心吗
You feeling confident about that?
一点都不放心
In absolutely no way whatsoever.
你那边情况如何
How's everything looking at your end?
我在院子里 刚出来
I just stepped outside.
花♥园♥守护精灵的集♥合♥名词是什么
What's the collective noun for garden gnomes?
非法入侵吗
A violation?
里面真的很疯狂
It's pretty mental inside.
西蒙怎么样
How's Simon getting along?
他也迟到了
He's supposed to be here too.
他有发给你什么东西吗
Have you had anything in from him yet?
-屁都没有 -会没事的
- Not a squit. - Oh, it'll be fine.
我只是想让它能看起来不同一点
I just want it to feel different.
-我们可以戴着傻乎乎的帽子演 -没错
- Well, we can do it in silly hats. - Yeah.
我希望咱俩也能帮忙布置一下
I just want us to help set up.
怎么了 不就是笔记本电脑和手♥机♥吗
Well, isn't it just laptops and phones?
不不不不 花样多着呢
No, no, no, no, no. No, not any more.
他们还挂了灯
There's lights being hung...
重新涂了漆
..surfaces being painted...
根据过往经验看 我们呆着别添乱
Well, historically, the best way we can help
-就已经算帮他们大忙了 -但我觉得我有责任参与
- is by staying out of the way. - I feel responsible.
-可以理解 -是我们把大家拉进来的
- Well, that's understandable. - We did get everyone into this.
不 是你把大家拉过来的
No, you got everyone into this.
我只是不小心上了你的贼船而已
I'm just caught in your rats' nest.
嗯 但我就希望它能与众不同
Yeah. I just want it to feel different.
乔治娅有没有给我们分配任务
What has Georgia said that we can do?
她让我去把一些标牌挂起来
She's asked me to put up some signs.
那你就去挂呗
Well, put up some signs, then.
才不要 我们可是强壮帅气的男子汉 我想...
No, we're strong, handsome men. I wanna be...
把东西拿起来 然后再放下
lifting things up and putting them down again.
-我感觉这就是纯粹浪费体力 -我想帮忙搬东西
- I feel like that would be a waste of energy. - I mean moving things.
但我觉得人家不会感谢你的
I don't think people would appreciate that.
那我们可以听令行事
Well, we can do what we're told.
根据过往经验 我们不能
Historically, we can't.
-我们到了 -你们跑哪儿去了
- We're here! - Where the hell have you been?
别问 我们在外面 侧门旁边
Don't ask. We're outside, by the side gate.
我们要准备分配角色
We assemble a Who's Who of acting talent
-然后你迟到了两小时 -你跟他们讲你的笑话了吗
- and you arrive two hours late? - Did you tell them your joke?
欢迎 欢迎
Oh, welcome! Welcome!
你好啊
Oh, hello!
安娜 你好
Anna! Hello.
你还带了摄制团队
And you brought a camera crew!
当心点 让他们过去 别多问
Watch out. Let them through. Don't ask questions.
-看 我已经开始习惯了 -莉莉没跟着你吗