舞台剧

where we don't do Six Characters In Search Of An Author,
而是做点别的东西
we do something else.
不做这个吗
Not Six Characters?
我就说说而已
I'm just saying.
有没有可能 我给咱们写个原创故事
Is there a version where I write something original for us?
原创故事是吧
Something original?
-我喜欢这个想法 -确实有这个可能 对吧
- I like the idea. - There is a version, isn't there?
-肯定有可能 -但有没有可能
- There's certainly a version. - But is there a version
我们换个人来写
where someone else writes it?
换个人吗
Someone else?
有没有这个可能呢 西蒙
Is there a version, Simon?
你们想换谁
Who?
要不就 尼尔·盖曼吧
Neil Gaiman, perhaps?
英国小说家
代表作《美国众神》《好兆头》
-尼尔·盖曼 -不行
- Neil Gaiman?! - Oh, no.
-别了吧 -为什么
- No. - Why not?
因为有可能我从没读过他写的书
Because there's a version where I never read his books,
并且我有可能成功假装了很多年
and in that version, I've managed to kept that a secret for years.
我可不想继续碰运气了
I don't wanna chance my luck any further.
一本都没读过吗
You never read his books?
我只是说存在这种可能性而已
I'm saying there's a version of reality where I haven't.
连《好兆头》都没读过吗
Not even Good Omens?
我粗略浏览过吧
I mean, I skimmed it.
他可是一直给我们寄他亲笔签名的书
He keeps sending us signed copies.
也有可能我全都挂在二手网站上卖♥♥了
And there's a version where I sell them on eBay.
那有没有可能继续由我执导呢
Is there a version where I still direct it, though, maybe?
不说尼尔·盖曼了 拉塞尔·T·戴维斯怎么样
Never mind Neil Gaiman. What about Russell T Davies?
英国编剧 制片人
代表作《神秘博士》《同志亦♥凡♥人》
不好意思 但有可能我不太喜欢他
I'm sorry. There's a version where I don't like Russell T Davies.
-为什么 -因为他不喜欢我
- Why not? - Cos he doesn't like me.
-胡扯 -他从不找我演戏
- Rubbish! - He never casts me.
有没有可能这根本不重要
Well, I mean, is there a version where that doesn't matter
因为他拿过一堆英国电影学院奖和一枚大英帝国勋章
cos he's got loads of BAFTAs and an OBE and shit?
但他有没有拿过英国喜剧奖
But does he have a British Comedy Award?
-他拿过 -这可真叫人失望
- He's got that, too. - That's disappointing.
他不尊重我
He does not respect me.
他不过是让你演一段《牛奶树下》而已
He asked you to do a bit from Under Milk Wood.
1972年狄兰·托马斯编剧电影
讲述了一个威尔士小村的一天
因此让辛老师演带点刻板印象和歧视意味
别为他开脱了 他可是让我
You can't swing a fucking cat for people who've asked me
去演一段《牛奶树下》
to do a bit from Under Milk Wood.
你能不能别再故意找茬了
Is there a version where you stop being so cantankerous?
我才没有故意找茬
I'm not being cantankerous.
不 你最近几周对我都很刻薄冷淡
No, you've been snarky and cold with me for weeks now,
我努力想维持我们的关系
and I reach out and I try,
但你就一直敷衍我
and you brush me off.
你能不能意识到
Well, is there a version where you accept
我们已经不间断地在一起工作两年了
that we have been working together non-stop for two years
我可能不想一直和你待在一起
and I might not wanna spend all my time with you all the time?
有没有可能我或许会想做出改变
Is there a version where I might want a change?
我不知道该说什么好了
I don't know what to say.
有没有可能 不止西蒙一个人厌烦咱俩
Is there a version where Simon's not the only one who's bored of us?
我不接受这种可能性
I don't accept that version.
我能补充一句吗
Can I just add
我已经拿了酬劳
that I've already been paid for it
而且告诉他们会有这么一档节目
and... and have told them that they'll have it
而且他们也指望着我们在平安夜演个节目
and they're expecting us to do it on Christmas Eve,
所以不管我们演什么
so whatever we do,
我们肯定得搞点东西出来
there is a version where we are doing it
有且只有这一种可能性
and that is the version.
我们正面对着这种可能性
We're in that version.
舞台剧
说实话 你们能想到我 我受宠若惊
Honestly, guys, I'm so flattered to be asked.
麦克·辛 大卫·田纳特
这是大卫的想法
Well, it was David's idea.
你最近忙吗
You been busy?
刚写完一本新小说
Just finished a novel, a new one.
友情客串
尼尔·盖曼
很期待哦
Exciting!
-奇幻小说吗 -这本不是
- Fantasy? - Not this time.
这是一本北欧犯罪小说
This one is a Nordic noir.
这还挺新鲜
Well, that's new!
我也觉得 现在是时候
I thought it was time to, you know,
拓展一下 尝试一点新事物了
branch out, do some new things,
好证明我不只会讲一种故事
show I'm not just a one-trick pony.
等书出版了 我给你们每人寄一本
You know, I'll send you both a copy.
谢谢
Thank you.
不客气
Of course.
我还以为
You know, guys, I just thought
你们会去找拉塞尔·T·戴维斯
you would have gone to Russell T Davies for this.
麦克不喜欢他
Well, Michael's not a fan.
他为什么非要在名字中间加个T呢
I mean, what does the T even stand for?
-T代表史蒂芬 -不可能
- It stands for Stephen. - No, that can't be right.
真的 他本名叫史蒂芬·拉塞尔·戴维斯[真的]Yeah, it's Stephen Russell Davies.
这根本说不通好吗
Well, that makes no sense!
你是不是觉得他这样有点装腔作势
Does it feel a bit pretentious to you?
反正肯定很多余
Well, redundant for sure.
没错 就像个花里胡哨的脾脏
Yeah, like a kitschy sort of spleen.
麦克·C·辛
Michael C Sheen.
大卫·J·田纳特
David J Tennant.
尼尔·R·M·盖曼
Neil RM Gaiman.
竟然加了两个字母
Ooh, two initials!
没错 我多加了一个
Yeah, I added one.
会不会太夸张
Does that feel ostentatious?
反正乔治·R·R·马丁用着挺好
Well, it worked for George RR Martin.
《冰与火之歌♥》系列作者
是吗
Yeah...
我不想谈他
We are not talking about George RR Martin.
我真的不想谈
I don't wanna talk about it.
所以 一出广播剧
So, a radio play!
没错 可以是原创 也可以改编
Yes, you know, something original or an adaptation.
-改编我的作品吗 -大卫你觉得呢
- One of mine? - David?
别了吧
No.
为什么呢
Oh, why not?
大卫 别害羞
David, come on.
你最喜欢我的哪本书
Which one's your favourite of my books?
我觉得你的书都很棒
I mean, they're all very good.
只是我觉得这次我们应该选一出经典戏剧
I just think this should be, like, an old classic maybe,
观众更熟悉的那种
something familiar.
-谁来当导演 -西蒙
- Who's directing? - Simon.
那就是一些傻乎乎的东西了
So, something idiot-proof, then.
没错
Yeah.
好 我想到一个
OK, I've got one.
《远大前程》
Great Expectations,
但关于哈弗莎姆小姐的死我们可以留作悬念
but Miss Havisham's death is treated as suspicious.
《哈姆雷特》怎么样 你们都很爱这部
Hamlet. You both love Hamlet,
但这次 他是个忧郁的丹麦警♥察♥
but this time, he's a gloomy Danish cop
他意识到他父亲的死有蹊跷
who realises that his father's death was suspicious
真♥相♥是他母亲...
and his mother...
向他父亲耳朵里滴毒药 杀死了他
ear poison murdered him.
《傲慢与偏见》怎么样
Pride And Prejudice.
开场是在一个雾气腾腾的北欧湖泊
We open on a misty Nordic lake.
我觉得这完全没必要加上北欧元素
See, I don't know that this needs the Nordic approach.
麦克 这就是卖♥♥点
Michael, it's where the money is.
大家都喜欢北欧
Everybody loves Nordic.
痛苦的哥特式复仇故事
Yeah. Tales of bitter Gothic vengeance.
非常适合圣诞节
Just right for Christmas.
-能不能选个更有节日氛围的 -《圣诞颂歌♥》怎么样
- Yeah, something festive maybe? - What about A Christmas Carol?
真不错 大卫 我很喜欢这个想法 就这个了
Oh, that's brilliant! David, I love it! That's the tits!
好的
OK.
那么 马利还是一开场就死了
So, Marley is dead to begin with.
但这回斯克鲁奇要去找出真凶
Only Scrooge is gonna find out who did it.
凶手就是鲍勃·克莱切特 那个看上去最无辜的人
It's gonna be Bob Cratchit, last person you'd suspect.