舞台剧

就说这事从一开始就是场灾难
You know, that it was a train wreck from start to finish.
我们没被整疯就算是走运了
That we're lucky to have escaped with our sanity,
更别说还做出了六集电视剧
let alone six episodes of television,
他们该给我们颁个辛苦奖
and there should be prizes for effort.
评论都已经出来了 亲爱的
The reviews are out, babe.
-我们可以新拍几集 -什么时候
- We could film new episodes. - When?
-就这周 -你疯了
- This week. - You're insane.
我们之前就一周拍出来过
We did it in a week before.
我们那时候年轻多了
We were much younger men then.
也就是两年前的事
It was two years ago.
-总之 莉莉从纽约过来了 -所以呢
- Anyway, Lily's over from New York. - So?
所以我想忘掉这些差评
So I want to forget bad reviews
翻过这可悲的一章
and move on from this sorry chapter
和我的家人欢度圣诞
and spend Christmas with my family.
是的 听着 一切都会好的 好吗
Yeah, listen, everything is gonna be fine, OK?
第二集今晚播出
Episode two airs tonight.
讲的是麦克愤而离场 我们转向纪录片
Michael storms off, we segue into the documentary,
然后就继续按这个计划播下去
and it carries on during the week as planned.
那第三集又是关于什么的
What's episode three?
关于我们是如何同意拍第三季的
Erm, how we agreed to do series three.
-带上麦克躲在车里那段吗 -没错
- With Michael hiding in the car? - Yeah.
你和我躲在淋浴间打电♥话♥那次吗
You and me in the shower, that one?
第四集是你俩试图一起写剧本
Episode four is you two trying to write together.
天哪
Oh, God.
那第五集呢
And episode five?
就是这个 用咱们现在这段
This. W-Where we are now.
这段被拍下来了吗
Are we filming this?
所有事情都被拍下来了
We're filming everything.
-西蒙可以给我们写最后一集 -季终集已经定好了
- Simon can still write us a finale. - We already have one.
一半回顾过往 一半展望未来
Part retrospective, part looking to the future.
-听起来很烂 -我已经尽力了
- Well, that sounds terrible. - I am trying my best.
-你收到西蒙的消息了吗 -没有
- Have you heard from Simon? - No.
你是不是担心他已经沉尸河底了
Are we worried that they might be at the bottom of the river?
咱们还是先别担心这个了
I mean, let's not worry about that right now.
咱们先假设他还活着
OK, we're working on the basis that he is still alive
还没被黑♥手♥党♥杀掉
and not Mafia casualty.
但就算这样 他也没时间写东西 不是吗
He still won't have any time to write anything, will he?
-不如搞一集直播演出 -别犯傻
- What about a live episode? - Oh, don't be so stupid.
"您是下一位来电听众"
"You're our next caller."
"您将在几秒后和本·威克斯直播连线"
"You'll be on air with Ben Wicks in a second."
-什么情况 -"感谢您的等待"
- What's that? - "Thanks for waiting."
-我在打电♥话♥ -打给谁
- I'm on hold. - With who?
《反馈》
Talkback.
为什么
Why?
总得有人站出来为我们说句话吧
Someone's got to fight our corner.
那你也不能直接给电台打电♥话♥啊
You can't just call into a radio station.
你等着瞧吧
Just watch me.
我得跟他们说 我们值得一个辛苦奖
I'm gonna tell them that we deserve a prize for effort.
以你本人的名义吗
As yourself?
当然不是 我会捏着嗓子说话的
Not as myself. Obviously, I will disguise my voice.
那你给自己取了什么名字
Well, what name did you give?
他们不会问名字的
They didn't ask for a name.
你好 我是本·威克斯 请问你叫什么名字
Hello, you're on with Ben Wicks. What's your name?
大卫
David.
你好 大卫
Hi, David.
但我朋友都叫我史蒂文[西南部口音]But my friends call me Steven.
-很高兴认识你 史蒂文 -拼法是中间有V的那种
- Good to meet you, Steven. - With a V.
你名字里有V 就像"大卫"那样吗
A V, like in David?
没错 差不多
Yeah, similar.
关于《舞台剧》 你有什么想说的呢
And what do you want to say about Staged?
我真的很喜欢第一集
I really enjoyed that first episode.
天哪 终于
Oh, finally!
到现在只有你这么觉得 你具体喜欢什么地方
You are in a minority of one. What did you enjoy about it?
我具体喜欢哪点是吧
What did I enjoy about it?
我觉得...
Erm... I think...
尝试新东西
他们在尝试一些很新鲜的东西
That they were trying something new.
可是人们并不会因此就给他们颁辛苦奖
They don't give prizes for effort.
-他们应该给的 -规矩不是这样的
- Well, they should! - It doesn't work that way.
他们制♥作♥过程很坎坷 编剧还中途退出了
It was a tough production. Their writer left halfway through.
你怎么知道的 难道你是剧组的工作人员吗
How do you know that? Did you work on the show?
不是
No.
那你怎么会知道编剧中途退出了
So how do you know about the writer leaving?
其实吧 我老婆是剧组的工作人员
Well, what's happened is, I have a wife on the crew.
老婆是工作人员
老婆 那你老婆有没有内部的小道消息
A wife? Does this wife have the inside gossip?
那当然 她知道点东西
Yeah, she knows a thing or two.
她觉得第一集怎么样
And what did she like about the first episode?
她可喜欢大卫·田纳特了
Oh, she's a big fan of that David Tennant.
-真的吗 -没错
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
她觉得他很性感
She thinks he's really sexy.
我们能跟她聊聊吗
Can we speak to her?
不行 她在忙
No, she's busy right now.
但她很喜欢第一集对吗
But she likes the first episode?
她很喜欢 真的很喜欢 她跟我说"大卫..."
Very much. Very much indeed. She said to me, "David..."
史蒂文
Steven!
-"史蒂文" 她跟我说 -刚刚是谁在说话
- "Steven," she said to me... - Who was that?
我儿子
My son.
他叫什么名字
What's his name?
麦文
Mervyn.
你喜欢第一集吗 麦文
Did you enjoy the first episode, Mervyn?
我很喜欢哦
I liked it a lot.
听到没 他很喜欢
He loved it, he did.
你不觉得这还是老一套吗
You don't think it's just the same old shtick?
这年头观众就爱看老套路
People love the old schtick!
观众喜欢老套路 再见
People love the old shtick. Bye!
但评论家认为它很无聊 是陈词滥调
But critics are calling it boring, tired.
史蒂文 他们说剧情很俗套
Steven, they're calling it predictable.
你想对他们说什么
What do you say to them?
他们根本不知道后面会有什么
Well, they don't know what's coming.
所以后面会有什么
What's coming?
一些很惊喜的东西
Oh, something really surprising.
展开说说
I'm all ears.
我不该跟你说这些的
I shouldn't be telling you this.
只要不是偷工减料的电子垃圾
As long as it's not another lazy layer of meta-rubbish,
比如幕后纪录片什么的就行
like a shift into documentary or something.
才不是
No.
是吗 所以后面会有什么
Well? What's coming?
我们该期待些什么
What should we be looking out for?
史蒂文
Steven?
-后面会有的... -别开玩笑
- What is coming up... - Seriously.
-比较惊喜的内容就是... -说出来让我激动一下
- is really surprising is... - Excite me.
还有什么能医活这匹死马
What's gonna save this dead horse before it's flogged?
我没想法
-拜托你透露点好消息 -他们要在线演出一集
- Please tell me it gets better. - They're doing a live episode.
希望你会喜欢 各位再见
Hope you enjoy it. Bye, everyone!
我们要搞一集直播演出
We're doing a live episode.
好吧
Hm. Ok.
你就这个反应吗
Is that all you're gonna say?
我在等你抖包袱
I'm waiting for a punchline.
我可没在开玩笑
Oh, it's not a joke.
西蒙·埃文斯
饰"西蒙"
我才不会写直播集
I'm not writing you a live episode.
好吧 大卫说了蠢话
OK, David said something stupid.
-嗯 我在广播里听到了 -嗯
- Yes, I heard, on the radio. - Yeah.
-他装的是什么地方的口音 -我不知道
- Yeah. Where was he supposed to be from? - I dunno.
-麦克就是麦文 对吧 -我们周六演出
- And Michael was Mervyn, yes? - OK, we are doing it on Saturday.
-不行 办不到 -这对大卫来说很重要
- Mm-mm. No, we can't. - It's important to David.
这个理由不是决定性因素
That is not a basis for decision making...
而且乔什也很喜欢这个想法
And Josh is excited about the idea.
但我完全无法想象麦克会喜欢这个想法
I cannot imagine for a second that Michael is excited about the idea.
-他愿意为了大卫演 -可我不愿意为了他写剧本
- Well, he will do it for David. - Well, I won't do it for David!