皮特的糟糕生活（2010）

Maybe it would do me good to unload.
那就开始吧
Here we go.
我的一部分任务是照顾团里的吉祥物
Part of my MO was to look after the regimental mascot,
一只叫做Dave的山羊
a goat called Dave.
嗯
Ok.
我就转过头去切胡萝卜的瞬间
I turned around to dice some carrots for just a second.
趁着Tom正在讲述他的故事
Just while Tom's telling his story,
我们来看看有一些关于他的事
a couple of facts about him.
比方说他不想参军
Didn't want to join the army,
但迫于父亲的压力
felt pressured by his father
桑德赫斯特皇家陆军学院是一所英国培养初级军官的重点院校
申请了去桑德赫斯特皇家陆军学院
into applying for Sandhurst.
但最终去了餐饮兵团
But ended up in the catering corps.
他们说先填饱肚皮 军队才走得动
They say an army matches on its stomach.
这就奇怪了为什么法国会羞于奋战呢
Makes you wonder why the French are so shy of a fight.
是啊
Aye!
我们再来看看Tom
Oh, we're back to Tom.
这时我到了这个村子
And I came to this village.
这正是我找到他的地方
That's where I found him.
他们已经杀了它
They'd killed him.
好吧
Right.
他们杀了它 还把它放在一口大锅里
Killed him, and stuck him in this big pot.
他们正在煮它
They were cooking him.
我在呢 兄弟 没事的
I'm there, mate. I'm there.
而最糟糕的部分在于 我真的太 太饿了
And the worst part is, I was so, so hungry.
我吃了一些
I ate some.
我吃了一些Dave
I ate a bit of Dave.
只希望我应该早点到那儿
Just wish I could have got there sooner.
我就能阻止这件事发生了 或者至少能烹饪得好吃点
I could have stopped it, or at least seasoned him properly.
对不起我吃了你 Dave
I'm sorry I ate you, Dave.
我真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
振作点 平民的生活 记得吗 振作起来 战士
Come on. Civvy street, remember? Come on, soldier!
当然了 抱歉
Of course. Sorry.
你知道吗
You know what?
Mel是对的 说出来确实感觉不错
Mel's right. That does feel good.
太好了
Great!
那你呢
So what about you?
呃 你指什么
Eh? How do you mean?
什么事把你搞得一团糟
What happened to you to make you so fucked up?
不好意思
Excuse me?
拜托 你就招了吧
Come on. Cough!
我也想说 哥们儿 但有官方保密法那些东西什么的
I'd love to, mate, but Official Secrets Act and all that.
真是个好借口啊 Terry
That's a good excuse, Terry.
这即兴发挥得不错
Top improvising.
去他妈的官方保密法
Fuck The Official Secrets Act!
哦 大事不好
Oh, but that's unlucky.
去他大爷的 那是管在役军人的 干咱屁事
Fuck it! That's for the suits, not us.
对 靠 去他们的
Yeah, fuck them, fuck that.
来吧 说说 你碰到最糟的是啥
Well, let's have it. What was your worst experience?
他确实在课堂上尿过一次裤子
Well he did once wet himself in class
那时他8岁 但现在提这个不管用
when he was eight, but that won't cut much ice here.
好吧 就说一下 好吧
Right. Just looking, all right?
我们当时要去山里摧毁一些敌方军♥火♥ 好吧
We needed to take out some guns in the mountains, yeah?
然后当时我们找了个当地女孩来当向导
And there was this local girl, and she was acting as our guide.
她身材很正
She was quite fit.
然后我呢 嗯 犯了个大错那就是爱上了她
And, erm, I made a bit of a mistake cos I fell in love with her.
你懂的
Yeah.
但是很快我发现她在骗我们
But then, I found out she was deceiving us,
我不得已杀了她
and I had to kill her.
我的天
Oh, my God.
<六壮士> 又名<纳瓦隆大炮> 是以二战为背景的敢死队电影杰作
Terry 这个是<六壮士>的情节对吧
This is the Guns of Navarone isn't it Terry?
这不是明摆着 Col
Well spotted, Col.
我们必须在英国♥军♥船来之前
Anyway, we had to take out the guns
把敌方军♥火♥摧毁掉
before a big British convoy came by,
我是说卡车部队 不是船队
except it was lorries and stuff, not ships.
不过 最后我们还是赶在最后一刻及时登了船
But, anyway, we managed just in time to get on the ship,
我说的不是船 实际是
except it wasn't a ship, it was a...
运输直升机
Chinook.
但我现在还想着那塔♥利♥班♥姑娘
But, I still think about that Taliban girl.
天 那女孩叫什么
Jesus. What was this girl's name?
叫Duffy
It was Duffy.
跟歌♥手Duffy同名
Like the singer?
是啊 我还没想到这个
Yeah, I never thought of that before.
也有可能名字发言念"Duffrey"
Except, I think it was pronounced 'Duffrey'.
你们从直升机直接空降
So, you had to abseil out of a chopper
在摩加迪沙
right into Mogadishu?
<黑鹰坠落> 美国01年上映战争片
我看他什么时候讲<黑鹰坠落>
I wondered when he'd get to Black Hawk Down.
一晚上他回顾了50年来
During the evening he drew on many big war films
很多伟大的战争电影
of the last 50 years,
当然还有<飞天万能车>
and, of course, from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
你只是做了你该做的 对吧
You just do what you're told, don't you?
好了 再见 Tom
And, anyway, so long, Tom.
过来 我爱你 伙计
Come here. I love you, man.
我也是 好兄弟
Straight back at you, big man!
谢谢你和Tom聊了 他变了很多
Thanks again for speaking to Tom. He's a changed man.
他昨晚整睡了14个小时
He slept 14 straight hours last night.
哇哦 我从周二起就没睡过那么长
Wow! I haven't done that since Tuesday.
而且他拿到一个工作面试
And he's got himself a job interview.
哇哦 这太好了
Oh, wow. That's good.
你可以用传统的方式感谢我
You know, you could thank me in the traditional way.
不 我要在Gary怀疑之前回去
No, I've got to get back to Gary before he suspects something.
怀疑什么
Suspects something?
我是说在他发现我不在家之前
I mean, before he wonders where I am.
哦 好吧
Oh, right, yeah.
Jake Oakman 南极英雄
Oh, Jake Oakman. The Arctic hero.
他吃了只企鹅
He ate a penguin.
是啊 这真是太难为一个素食者了
I know, but what a decision for a veggie to have to make.
电影<苏菲的抉择>中 女主必须在两个孩子中选择一个送去集中营
就像是<苏菲的抉择>
Must have been like Sophie's Choice.
只是把孩子换成了企鹅
Except with penguins instead of children.
你也是个英雄
You're a hero, too.
你可是个负责秘密任务的陆军准将
You're a brigadier in covert ops.
是的 Pete给故事加了很多零零碎碎的细节
Yes, Pete's been adding a few bits and bobs to the story.
在他脑子里 这就是
In his mind, this is what
如果真是个英雄的样子
he might look like if he was an actual hero.
你觉得怎么样
Well, what do you think?
整个一尼日利亚总统
You look like the President of Nigeria.
谢谢 兄弟
Oh, thanks, bru.
你从哪搞来的那套西装 你不是穷光蛋么
Where do you get that from anyway? I thought you might be skint.
你别介意我借用了你的巨怪娃娃
I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed your gonk.
我许愿想要一套新衣服
I wished for a new outfit,
你猜怎么 我在垃圾桶里发现了这个
and, lo and behold, I find this in a bin liner in a skip.
你就是去翻垃圾桶碰运气的
Sounds like you've just been poking around in skips.
对呀你不能全都指望娃娃
Well, you can't let the gonk do all the work.
Pete不那么迷信
Not loyal to superstitious,
但是我觉得Pete只是希望能证明自己跟Jake都一样有英雄气概
But I think Pete wishes to just prove he's as big a hero as Jake.
那我觉得他需要一个大点的巨怪娃娃
I think he'll need a bigger gonk.
Pete和Manfred来接Jake出院
So, Pete and Manfred picking up Jake
然后接着去了酒吧庆祝
and off to a pub to celebrate his discharge.
我是不会想庆祝出院 Collin
That's not something I'd want to celebrate, Colin!
冷静点 Terry
Steady on, Terry!
他们要去的酒吧是Manfred推荐的
The pub they're off to, it's a little one Manfred knows
能喝到津巴布韦流行的啤酒木嘎比
that serves Mugabe, Zimbabwe's most popular beer.
Terry 这不是酒吧
This isn't the pub, Terry.
他们绕了点路去接Mel
It's a quick detour to pick up Mel.
你能挪一下吗
Do you think you could...
你最好待在车里
Probably best if you just stay in the car, yeah?
Pete
Pete!
嗨伙计 第一天上班怎么样
Hi, mate. How was your first day at work?
看他的气色就知道不错了
Pretty great judging by that lovely glow.
你好 我是Manfred