第四类地球人（2016）

中午完成 长官
By noon, sir.
你绝对不会失望的
You will not regret this.
好了
All right.
这是比肯警♥察♥局格里莫警官
This is Officer Glimmer
对理查德·舒尔茨的询问调查
of the Beacon Police Department interviewing Richard Schultz.
好现在我复述一下
Now, let me get this straight.
你 呃 发现你的女朋友 南希
You, uh, discovered that your girlfriend, Nancy,
和乔纳森·沃什有一腿
was having an affair with Jonathan Walsh?
是的 不过她不喜欢他
Yes. But, uh, she didn't like him.
她正想方设法结束那段关系
She was trying to get out of the relationship
这样就能跟我在一起了
so that she could be with me.
有趣
Very interesting.
情人都懂的
A lover knows these things.
然后你...看到南希...爆♥炸♥了?
And then you, uh, saw Nancy... explode?
是的 原来 南希是个机器人
Yes. Because, as it turns out, Nancy was a robot.
等下 什么?
Wait, what?
是的 原来 南希是个机器人
Yes. Because, as it turns out, Nancy was a robot.
不是吧
Oh, no.
而乔纳森·沃什还是个外星人
And Jonathan Walsh is an alien.
可怜的老头子啊
Oh, you poor man.
你在24小时内有摄入过任何酒精吗?
Have had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?
- 没有 - 药物呢?
- No. - Any drugs?
我因为湿疹吃了些墨西哥牌子的可的松
Well, I take a Mexican cortisone for some eczema.
你藏着什么秘密啊 小白脸?
Where are you hiding, pretty boy?
我还在用药用洗发露
I have a heavily medicated shampoo.
嘿乔纳森 我是奥兹...格拉哈姆
Hey, Jonathan. It's Ozzie... Graham.
我有些问题想问你
I had some questions for you.
你能给我回个电♥话♥吗?
Can you give me a call back?
嘿乔纳森
Hey, Jonathan.
是我 奥兹
It's Ozzie.
但愿你还好
Uh, hope you're good.
我挺好的
I'm good.
还是希望你给我回电
You know, maybe call me back and...
聊聊近况
let's just compare how good we both are.
嗨乔纳森 你肯定很忙
Hey, Jonathan. Sure you're busy.
我只是有个小问题
Just got a quick question for you.
你有绑♥架♥过一飞船的小孩吗?
Did you ever kidnap a spaceship full of children?
打电♥话♥告诉我
Call me back and let me know.
嘿乔纳森... 嘿乔纳森...
Hey, Jonathan... Hey, Jonathan...
嘿乔纳森...
Hey, Jonathan...
嘿乔纳森 又是我 奥兹
Hey, Jonathan. It's Ozzie again...
乔纳森? 还是奥兹
Jonathan? Ozzie again.
呃 算帮我个忙 你是外星人的话就不要打回来了
Uh, do me a favor. Don't call me back if you're an alien.
好吗 拜
All right? Cool.
又是奥兹的未接电♥话♥
Another missed call from Ozzie.
你为什么不回电♥话♥呢?
Why don't you call him back?
有些事是不适合在电♥话♥上说的
There's certain things you don't do over the phone.
例如和别人撕破脸
Break up with someone,
告诉他他被绑♥架♥过
tell them they were abducted,
说出蜥蜴人的目的
reveal the Reptilian agenda.
那现在你要怎么办呢
So, how are you going to do it
既然蜥蜴人的防故障系统遭到了攻击
now that Reptilians hacked the failsafe?
我会告诉奥兹我知道的一切...
I'm just gonna tell Ozzie everything I know...
所有真♥相♥
The truth.
然后我们一起把它公之于众
And then together, we'll go public with it.
公之于众? 把什么公之于众?
Go public? With what?
把你是个外星人 你绑♥架♥过他
That you're an alien and that you abducted him
以及其他许许多多人
and many others throughout their lives
还有蜥蜴人已经渗入到
and that the Reptilians have infiltrated
地球的每一个角落
every corner of the globe
你在他们中间生活
and that you live among their kind
还有你是个叛徒 还有...
and that you're a traitor and that...
天啊 南希 放松点
Jesus, Nancy. Take it easy.
我还没想清楚好吗?
I don't know, okay?
我还没弄清楚
I haven't figured it all out.
不过我答应过奥兹我会保护他的
But I promised Ozzie I'd protect him.
目前我们和格里莫一起很安全
For now, we're safe with Glimmer.
不管我说什么
And no matter what I say,
我现在这个样子都是无济于事的
it won't help if I'm looking like this.
- 嘿 - 嘿
- Hey. - Hey.
我买♥♥了意大利菜
I got some Italian.
喔 炖牛肘? 真正的巴马干酪?
Ooh, osso buco? Real Parmesana?
不 莫扎里拉芝士条和墨西哥辣椒球
No. Mozzarella sticks and jalapeño poppers.
- 哦 - 来给你
- Oh. - There you go.
这是辣椒球吗?
And is this a popper?
不不不 那是莫扎里拉芝士条
No, no, no, that's a mozzarella stick.
面包碎包着芝士然后油炸
It's cheese covered in breadcrumbs and then deep fried.
等等 那不是我们昨天吃的东西吗?
Wait, isn't that what we had yesterday?
不 那是炸卷饼
No, that was a Chimichanga.
是...
That's, uh...
面粉包着豆子 肉碎和芝士
beans and meat and cheese wrapped in dough...
然后油炸
and then deep fried.
在前天呢?
And the day before that?
噢那是玉米热狗
Oh, that was a corn dog.
是热狗裹在玉米碎粉浆里...
That was a hot dog dipped in batter...
- 然后... - 油炸
- And then... - Deep fried.
好 懂了 什么都炸一炸
Right, got it. Everything's deep fried.
没错 你知道了
Yeah, you got it.
- 天啊 - 对吧
- God help me. - Right?
- 嗯 - 人间天堂
- Mm. - Heaven on Earth.
金娜
Gina.
你有和你妈聊
Have you had a chance to talk to your mom
你在垒球比赛时失踪那件事吗?
about the missing time at the softball tournament?
蜡烛! 当然有
Uh, candles! Oh, yes.
当然有啊 先生 当然有
Yes, sir. Yes, sir, indeed.
蜡烛就在...就在这边 尊敬的先生!
The candles are... are right
this way, my good sir!
为什么你说话像维多利亚时期的女仆?
Why are you talking like a Victorian maid?
因为在我被不知道哪个烂客人投诉了以后
Because my manager's been up my ass
我的经理就整天盯着我
ever since I got busted by the secret shopper.
来 拿着 装作有兴趣的样子
Here. Hold this, look interested
还有觉得很开心
and like you're having a good time.
这确实闻起来像马萨诸塞州的暴雨啊
Yes, it does smell like a Massachusetts rainstorm.
你有联♥系♥到沃什吗?
Have you been able to get a hold of Walsh?
没有 他避着我 那你有理查德的消息吗?
No, he's avoiding me. Have you heard anything from Richard?
不 没有 我觉得他吓呆了
No, no. I think he's still too shaken up,
而且他也在躲着我们所有人
and I think he's avoiding all of us, too.
我们要和理查德聊聊 我们查到什么上了 金娜
We need to talk to Richard. We're onto something, Gina.
我知道小组现在有点分歧
I know that the group split up,
不过我们得把所有人重新聚起来
but we have to get everyone back together.
我知道 可是这不是简单的事好吗?
I know. It's not going to be easy, okay?
还有 你得买♥♥下这蜡烛
Mm. Also, um, you're going to have to
不然我就会被炒鱿鱼了
buy that candle from here or I'm going to get fired.
- 可是我不想要啊 - 来十二个吧那就!
- But I don't want this. - That'll be a dozen then!
- 好 发生什么事了? - 我告诉过你了
- Okay, so what happened? - I told you.
再说一遍吧 我有点跟不上
Tell me again. I'm a little slow.
我女朋友爆♥炸♥了
My girlfriend exploded.
你为什么不信我?!
Why won't you believe me?!
是这样子吗?
Did it look something like this?
拜托 理查德
Oh, come on, Richard.
振作点
Get it together.
不...
No...
- 玛格丽特 - 哦嗨
- Margaret. - Oh, hi.
我做了个梦中梦 我又爆♥炸♥了
I had that dream within a dream where I blew up again.
噢亲爱的
Oh, honey.
等等...
Wait...
这也是梦吗?
Is this a dream?
不 理查德 这不是梦
No, Richard, it's not.
你想进来和我一起看"格蕾丝和弗兰基"吗?
You want to come in and watch "Grace and Frankie" with me?
我就在这下面听就好了
I'll just listen from down here.
晚安 理查德