开玩笑

Kidding S02E10

Part 1 June 1, 2020, 3:53 p.m.

前情提要
Previously on Kidding...
你有想过时光倒转吗
Have you ever wanted to turn back time?
我是希望
...my proposal
这个求婚是真心提出的计划
that this proposal isa real proposal to propose.
你能接受吗
Can you live with that?
我生上帝的气我生吉尔的气
* I'm angry at God and I'm angry at Jill
是她开的车
* She was driving the car
我们失去了菲尔都怪她
* It's her fault we lost Phil!
我有东西给你看
I wanna show you something
是在妈妈的衣柜里发现的
that I found in Mom's closet.
这是什么
What is this?
闭上眼睛
"Begin by closing your eyes
回想记忆中你最想回去的那一刻
and seeing the moment in time you'd like to return to.
让往事将自己包围
Now surround yourselfwith the past."
这个把戏如果你称之为把戏
"This trick,if you can call it a trick,
那么就非常难以实现
is incredibly difficult to pull off.
全都取决于一件事
It all depends on one thing"‐‐
对不起
I'm sorry.
- 何出此言 - 爸爸说的对
‐For what?‐ Dad's right.
坦诚很重要
It's important to be honest.
这些幸运的人都是谁啊
Who are these wonderful people?
我私自做这个决定有很多理由
I made this decision without you for a number of reasons.
肾脏心脏
Kidneys.Heart.
肺肝
Lungs.Liver.
他那么多的器官依然存在人世间
So much of him is still here.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
他的身体已经不再是你我能拥有的了
These are the friends you don't get to have.
他和我们一样呼吸
He's breathing our air.
他的眼睛能读书看报
His eyes read.
15分钟之后
A 15‐minute ride away,
他的心脏就要在另一个女人的胸膛跳动了
his heart beats in a woman's chest.
他拯救了七个生命
He saved seven lives.
但我宁愿拿这些来换和他多处一个小时
But I'd trade 'em all for one more hour with him.
信你看了吗
Did you read them?
这不是给我的信是给菲尔的
They're not mine to read.They're Phil's.
是菲尔的礼物
They're Phil's gifts.
不是你的
Not yours.
我想让他亲自看看
I wanted him to have this for himself.
如果你理解就能接受了
If you knew,you would've reached out.
你就能回复这些信件了
You would've answered all of these letters.
感恩节时你就会邀请他们了
You would've invited them all to Thanksgiving.
我会给他的器官接受者们
I'd be passing the sweet potatoes
递些烤红薯
to his fucking pancreas.
头条会写着
The headlines would read,
腌黄瓜杰夫救了七条人命
"Jeff Pickles savesseven lives,"
但并不是腌黄瓜先生救的而是菲尔
but Jeff Pickles did not save seven lives.
是菲尔救的
Phil did.
是他给他们的礼物
That was his gift to them,
而不告诉你是我给他的礼物
and not telling you was my gift to him.
头条不会写着
The headlines would not have read,
腌黄瓜杰夫挽救生命的
"Jeff Pickles saves lives."
你开车撞我男友时他们就这么写了
They did when you hit my boyfriend with your car.
一吵架你就要提这茬吗
Are you gonna bring that up every time we have a fight?
那个男人
I was so angry
错丢了燃烧的腌黄瓜罐头的时候
when that man threw that flaming pickle jar
我很愤怒
at the wrong house.
你怎么这么说呢
How could you say that?
我本来能开始新生活
I could have begun again...
可以搬走
could move.
搬走不代表重新开始
Moving isn't moving on.
你想让我重新开始吗
Do you want me to move on?
是啊
Yeah.
那就怨我吧
Then blame me.
怨你什么
For what?
是我开的车
I drove the car.
怨我吧
Blame me.
我不明白你为何要这样
I don't understand why you need that.
因为直到有人戴着你的头套说出那些话之后
Because until someone wearing your face said it...
我才意识到
‐ ‐ I didn't realize how much
我有多想听你说这句话
I needed to hear it from you.
不是这样
This is not‐‐this is...
你不能以这样的方式疗伤
It's not how you heal.
菲尔的死你怨我吗
Do you blame mefor Phil's death?
你想听的我说不出口
I can't give you what you want.
我已经知道的事为何大家还不承认呢
Why won't anyone tell me what I already know?
为什么大家不能如我所愿呢
Why won't anyonelet me have that?
没人责怪我
No one will let me have that!
但你可以
But you will.
你要说出心里的感受
You'll saywhat's in your heart.
你想卖♥♥♥房♥♥子吗啊
You wanna sell the house?
好啊卖♥♥了吧
Fine.Sell the house.
- 怨恨我吧 - 别说了
‐ Blame me.‐ Stop it.
怨恨我吧
Blame me.
怨恨我怨恨我
Blame me. Blame me!
- 闭嘴 - 怨恨我吧
‐ Stop.‐ Blame me!
别逼我说 - 你怨恨我吗
‐ Don't make me do that.‐ Do you blame me?
拜托了快点他妈的回答问题
Please, just answerthe fucking question!
你怨恨我吗
Do you blame me?
1 2 3 4
And a‐one, two, three, four,
5 6
five, six.
抖膝
Now knees.
1 2 3 4
One, two, three, four,
上前一步 5 6
step, five, six.
很好
Good.
为什么腌黄瓜杰夫会来爵士之夜
Why was Jeff Pickle sat jazz night?
他想教达♥赖♥喇♥嘛♥查尔斯顿舞
He wants to teach the Dalai Lama the Charleston.
所以我让他上舞蹈课
So I told himto come to class.
你俩怎么认识的
How do you two even know each other?
我跟他住在同一个公♥寓♥
He lives in my building.
你请他去酒吧了吗
Did you invite himto the bar?
是的
Yeah.
他说会去的但谁知道呢
He said he'd come,but you never know.
他喝酒吗
Does he drink?
不喝但总有人请他喝
No, but people are always buying him shots,
这样很好因为他回头就把酒给我了
which is great,'cause then he gives them to me
而且指定要送我回家
and designated‐drivers me home.
打得好啊朋友
Nice playing, friend.
等等你上了腌黄瓜杰夫吗
Wait, are you fuckingJeff Pickles?
我的天
Oh, my God.
有什么规矩吗我们可以当他面骂人吗
So what are the rules?Can we curse around him?
你正常对待他就行
You treat him likea normal person.
是谁坐着有降落伞的腌黄瓜桶
Who transitions between the real world
穿梭于在现实世界
and the magical realm of puppets
和神奇的玩偶王国中
via a pickle barrel with a parachute on it.
别说这些别问些蠢问题好吗
Just don't, like, pepper him with dumb questions, okay?
必须的嘛
Yeah.Obviously.
你真的是个独身主义者吗
Is it true you're completely celibate?
只有在日本是
Only in Japan.
你有女友吗
Do you have a girlfriend?
没有
No.
大眼苍蝇悉悉死了吗
Is Sy the Wide‐Eyed Fly death?
没有但很多人问过我
No, but a lot of people ask me that.
你见过的最有趣的名人是谁
Who's the most exciting celebrity you've ever met?
朱莉·安德鲁斯
Julie Andrews.
什么不是吧
what no way
- 天啊 - 她什么样的
‐ Oh, my God.‐ What was she like?
如同飓风
A hurricane.
腌黄瓜先生
Mr. Pickles?
那边的客人说
The folks over there wanted you to know
你随便喝他们请
you can drink"anything at all" on their tab.