老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S01E10

Part 3 July 12, 2020, 2:02 p.m.

to be seduced by a pretty face spewing lies.
你休想转移话题逃脱责任
No, you're not gonna spin this and get us off track.
你真的觉得我很漂亮吗
Do you really think I'm pretty?
听着这并不容易
Look, this isn't easy, you know?
我不希望你和家族里的其他人恨我
I don't want you and the rest of the family to hate me.
我受够了在圣维京节孤零零地
I'm sick of being alone on Saint Wiggin's Day,
吃仙女面包店买♥♥来的东西
eating store-bought crumb fairy,
可我有的选吗
but what choice do I have?
好吧
All right.
就算这次黑客事件是我主使的又怎样
Suppose I was responsible for this hack, what then?
你俩有能曝光我的
Do you two own a cable news network
有线新闻台吗我可有哦
on which to expose me? Because I do.
你真以为我们没想到这一点吗
Do you really think that we haven't thought about that?
告诉她格雷格
Tell her, Greg.
我们还真没想过
Actually, we haven't thought about that.
明天会播放我的新闻版本
Tomorrow, we will run my version of the story,
饼干闪电侠的确入侵了人们的手♥机♥
that Biscuit Blitz did hack into people's phones
但我并不知情
without my knowledge
而我英勇地及时制止
and I heroically put a stop to it.
你们没有证据证明我安排了任何事
You have no proof that I orchestrated anything.
如果有人敢不按我说的做
And if anyone deviates from my story,
我就会叫停节目
I will make the call and shut down the show.
你知道吗我真希望我吃了晚饭
You know, I wish I'd eaten dinner,
-因为我想... -凯蒂
- 'cause I want to take a-- - Katie.
不够了
No. We're done.
宝贝你还好吗
Honey? You okay?
不太好
Not really.
你不开心的时候总会坐在这里
You always sat out here when you were upset.
就像那晚你的高中男友甩了你
Like the night your high school boyfriend dumped you.
真想知道他现在怎么样了
I wonder what he's doing now.
成亿万富翁了
B-billionaire.
妈我又失败了
Well, Mom, I failed again.
宝贝你没有失败
Baby, you did not fail.
我放弃
I give up!
我要去酒吧买♥♥醉
I'm go to a bar, get dwunk.
好吧
Okay.
你的过去没有失败但你将来会
You did not fail, but you're gonna.
妈咪你说什么
What, Mommy?
如果你现在放弃的话
If you quit now,
你以后会后悔一辈子
you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
瞧瞧你这就是你想成为的人吗
Look at yourself. Is this what you want to be?
一个30岁了仍和父母住在一起的失业妇女
An unemployed 30-year-old living with your parents?
就是这么残酷
Well, tough noogies.
因为我再也不会娇惯你了
Because I'm not babying you anymore.
你的狗不是到好莱坞的
Your dog didn't leave for Hollywood
环球影城当动物演员表演去了
to work in the Universal Studio Animal Actors show.
它死了
She died!
你的娃娃没有一个去了娃娃医院
And none of your dolls went to the doll hospital.
它们全被扔进了垃圾...
They all went in the garbage...
处理厂
disposal!
还有你后腰上的疤痕
And that mark on your lower back,
那不是我们点掉的一颗痣
that wasn't a mole that we had removed.
你生来就有...
You were born with a--
够了够了
Okay, okay, okay!
你说得对妈妈
You're right, Mom.
我不能放弃
I can't give up.
-严厉之爱起作用了 -是啊
- Tough love worked. - Yeah.
我不能再对戴夫那么好了
I'm gonna stop being so nice to Dave.
好我要集♥合♥所有人
Okay, I got to get everyone together
想个计划出来
and come up with a plan.
去哪儿呢
But where?
得是奶奶绝对不会去的地方
It's got to be someplace Gram would never go, you know?
会让她浑身不舒服的地方
Somewhere that would make her skin crawl.
她宁愿死也不愿意踏足一步的
Somewhere that she would literally rather die
地方
than set foot in.
你知道你不必
You know what? You did not have to
把我的房♥子描述得这么恶心
describe my house like that.
我很生气哦
I am very offended.
戴夫
Dave.
-戴夫把蔬菜端来 -好亲爱的
- Dave, go get the veggies. - Okay, dear.
好了伙计们
Okay, guys,
我们必须在奶奶放她的版本前写好我们的新闻
we have to get our story out before Gram runs her version.
我知道这个要求有点过分
Now, I know it's a lot to ask.
如果我们扳倒了电视台的老板
If we take down the woman who runs the network,
也就意味着我们可能失业
we could potentially lose our jobs.
但我们又为何要成为新闻记者
But why did we become journalists
如果我们不能揭露真♥相♥ 并利用它
if not to uncover the truth and use it
来改变世界
to change the world?
那个
You know what?
我加入
I'm in.
-真的吗 -没错
- Really? - Yeah.
我讨厌奶奶和这件西装
I hate Gram and this crunchy suit.
还因为我们都是新闻记者
And because we're journalists.
不就因为这件西装
No, just the suit.
我也加入
I'm in too.
因为我的发言吗
Because of my speech?
什么发言
What speech?
我也要加入
You know what? I'm in too.
奶奶太AF卑鄙了[As Fuck太他妈的]
Gram is mean AF.
这是推特上的词我只想得出
That's a Twitter term which I can only assume
是"和弗兰肯斯坦"一样卑鄙的意思
stands for mean "As Frankenstein."
还有另一个词 DTF[Down to Fuck操♥你♥妈♥的]
There is another term, DTF:
别碰弗兰肯斯坦
Don't Touch Frankenstein.
我通常都会回
To which I usually just reply,
WTF[What the Fuck什么鬼]
WTF
不会碰弗兰肯斯坦
Won't Touch Frankenstein.
很好大家都加入
Right, so we're all in.
那计划是什么
Now, what is the plan?
对啊在她全程监视的情况下
Yeah, how are we supposed to do a show exposing Gram
我们要怎么在节目里曝光她呢
if she's watching the entire time?
因为我们要做
Because we will be doing
两个节目
two shows,
一个给她看
one show for Gram
一个给剩下世人看
and one show for the rest of the world.
我没懂
I don't get it.
妈在所有人来之前
Mom, I explained the whole thing to you
我就已经全解释过一遍了
before everyone came over.
我知道但我忙着打扫卫生呢
I know, but I was busy cleaning up.
大家之前都没见过我的房♥子
No one's ever seen my house before.
我很喜欢
I love it.
非常有趣
It's so funny.
好了计划是这样的
Okay, so here's the plan.
每天下午三点
Every day, at 3:00 P.M.,
奶奶都会在休息室喝茶
Gram has a cup of tea in the break room.
她喝茶的时候会把眼镜摘掉
Oh yeah, and then she takes her glasses off
否则蒸汽会沾在上面
when she drinks it because it steams them up!
我也这样不过我喝的是咖啡
I do that too, but I drink coffee.
而且现在就想喝一杯
Actually, I could go for a cup right now.
谁还想喝戴夫
Does anyone else want? Dave!
好了注意注意
Okay, focus! Focus.
贾斯汀会制♥造♥些麻烦
Justin will create a complex diversion,
分散奶奶的注意力
distracting Gram just long enough
这样贝丝就可以拿到她的手♥机♥
so that Beth can gain access to her phone
掉包她的眼镜
and swap out her glasses.
我打字很快
I can type really fast
因为我最近在网上
because I'm currently in a sexting relationship
和匹兹堡钢人队的队员们搞暧昧
with all of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
然后格雷格把手♥机♥和眼镜放回去
Then Greg will return the phone and replacement glasses.
格雷格为什么要这样扭
Why did Greg twirl like that?
奶奶上楼去用卫生间的时候
When Gram goes upstairs to use the nicer bathroom,
老妈负责拖住她我趁机溜进去