老妈撞入电视台（2017）

Great News S01E07

Part 4 July 12, 2020, 2:01 p.m.

and, the very next day,
我那火♥辣♥性感的老师说你偷了她内衣
my hot teacher came in and said you stole her underwear.
我的狗是以你的名字命名的
I named my dog after you.
虽然叫查克·诺里斯但也没差
Well, Chuck Norris, but--but still.
查克我一直很仰慕你
Chuck, I've always admired you.
还记得跟踪你的那个洛琳吗
Remember your stalker, Lorraine?
其实是我
That was me.
你听听
Listen to that.
这些人都很关心你
All those people care about you.
我感觉自己是汤姆·索亚
I feel like Tom Sawyer.
《汤姆·索亚历险记》 Rush乐队有首同名歌♥
好像在参加自己的葬礼
Like you're at your own funeral.
不是极速乐队的那首歌♥
No, like I'm an amazing song by Rush.
查克我一直处处与你为难
Chuck, the only reason I give you such a hard time
是因为我嫉妒你
is because I'm jealous.
你很聪明事业有成
You're smart and accomplished
你肯定轻得跟羽毛一样
and you must weigh like nothing
因为我刚看到凯柔抬着你穿过了停车场
because I just saw Carol carrying you through the parking lot.
重点是大家都很敬重你
The point is everybody looks up to you.
我想我也是
And I guess I do too.
我从不知道她是这么想的
I never knew she felt that way.
我从不知道他们是这么想的
I never knew any of them did.
下面的所有人都认为你是个大人物
All those people down there, they think you're somebody,
尽管杜莎夫人不这么认为
even if Madame Tussaud doesn't.
给你张纸但别弄湿了
Here, have a Klonex, but don't get it wet
因为它会碎成渣渣
because it crumbles into dust.
你在这儿啊到底怎么回事
There you are. What the hell is happening?
你觉得是怎么回事
Well, what does it look like?
你妈打开了我家那扇红色的门
Your mother went through a red door in my house,
看到了我的蜡像搬来了这里
she saw my statue there, she brought it up here,
现在所有人都以为我要自杀
now everyone thinks I'm trying to kill myself.
你还要什么解释吗大侦探
Is there anything else you need explained, detective?
什么那赶紧拿下来啊
What? Well, take it down!
看凯蒂要救查克
Look, Katie's trying to save Chuck!
她是大英雄
Oh, she's a hero!
太棒了凯蒂
Yeah, Katie!
你怎么把这玩意举起来的
How did you lift this thing?
不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no!
我的天
Oh, my God.
没事我还活着
It's okay! I'm alive.
因为你们都相信我
That's because you all believed in me.
给自己点掌声
Give yourselves a big round of applause.
这就对了
There you go.
回去工作吧十分钟后节目就要开始了
Now get back to work. We have a show in 10 minutes.
走吧动起来
Come on, move it along.
回到你们狭小的办公室
Get back to your little offices,
你们的小破坑里
your little holes.
看到了吗妈
You see, mom?
这就是绝不能打开红色门的原因
That is why you never open the red door.
凯蒂你又一次大错特错了
Katie, once again, you couldn't be more wrong.
凯柔谢谢你打开了那扇门
Karol, thank you for opening that door,
提醒了我一切为时未晚对我们来说都是
and for reminding me that it's not too late, not for any of us.
或许梦想真的没有保质期
Maybe--Maybe dreams don't have an expiration date,
不像这六千支无味牙膏
unlike these 6,000 tubes of Crost flavor-free teethpaste.
你能不能把这些垃圾移出楼顶
Could you please get this garbage off the roof?
今天真精彩我竟然没做错任何决定
What a day. I can't believe I made all the right decisions.
你真棒妈
Aw, good for you, Mom.
我就不是
I did not.
我就不该看珀尔莎的邮件
I should never have read Portia's emails.
你看到那条说你跟格雷格的了吗
Did you see the one about you and Greg?
那不是真的吧
That wasn't true, right?
当然不是可为啥大家都不相信
No, but why is that so hard to believe?
我很性感对不对妈咪
I mean, I'm a sexy girl, right, Mommy?
好恶心我再也不这样了
No, abort, good-bye forever.
如果不是真的你干嘛这么激动
Geez, what are you getting so worked up about if it wasn't true?
-哦 -别发出这种声音
- Ooh. - Oh, don't "ooh."
我问你如果珀尔莎的邮件里
Let me ask you a question: What would've happened
写的是"贾斯汀和凯蒂肯定搞上了"呢
if Portia's Email had read "Katie and Justin are totally boning"?
-我会一笑置之 -那你今天怎么做的
- I would've laughed it off. - And what did you do today?
抓狂了九个小时
I freaked out for like 9 hours.
-你想跟格雷格上♥床♥ -我的天
- You wanna bone Greg! - Oh, my God,
-别再说了永远别提 -你记着我说的
- abort, good-bye forever. - You mark my words,
你们的孩子口音肯定超可爱
your babies are gonna have the cutest accents.
口音不是这样搞的还有你疯了
That's not how that works, and you are insane.
外婆你要不要喝茶
Wait, gov'nah, would you like a cup of tea, Granny?
我的天吓死我了
Oh, my God, that thing is so creepy.
怎么没人把这东西丢了
Why didn't anybody throw this thing away?
别碰我
Hey, get off me!
我在等我叫的车
I'm waiting for my Uber.
抱歉先生
I'm sorry, sir.