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Because there isn't your way or my way with autism.
自闭症就是这样
There's just the way.
所以 为了看《比弗利拜金狗》
So, was watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua
真的值得毁掉我姐姐的现实吗
really worth ripping the fabric of my sister's reality apart?
在那一刻 在云端 值得
At that moment, in the clouds, yes.
真的值得
It was.
那是一只非常迷人的吉娃娃
It was a very glamorous chihuahua.
所以玛蒂尔达开始失控
So Matilda starts to spiral.
我爸给她吃杏子和橙子
My dad feeds her apricots and oranges.
也许海拔高的地方不适合吃杏子
Maybe altitude and apricots don't mix.
因为突然间
Because suddenly
我的火鸡姐姐七孔喷橙
my turkey sister spews orange out of every orifice.
从眼耳口鼻里喷出来
I mean, it's coming out of every end.
她朝我脸上喷出了一根冰棒状物
She projectile vomits a virtual creamsicle right in my face.
不是吧
No.
而我和橙色一点不搭
And I don't look good in orange, okay?
看看我的皮肤和心灵
I mean, look at my skin and my soul.
我更像是黑灰色类型的人
More of a black and dark gray type of person.
心情好的话 也许适合淡紫色
Maybe mauve, on a good day.
天呐 好吧
My God, okay,
我们在一个很小的金属空间里
so now we're hurtling through the atmosphere
飞速穿过大气层
in a tiny metal compartment
玛蒂尔达猛地一下喷出杏子
with Matilda's violently discharged apricots.
臭死了
It stank.
现在要重新考虑下之前提前登机的决定吗
Wanna rethink that early board decision now?
你们懂了吧
Yeah. See?
这就是拒绝玛蒂尔达的后果
This is what happens when you say no to Matilda.
同样的 当我试着创造自己的世界
This is what happens when I try to create
然后去探索和享受之时
my own world to explore and enjoy.
她却创造了一场橙子便便和呕吐物的风暴
She creates a storm of orange poop and vomit
把我打回原形
to put me back in my place.
然后十年后我坐飞机来到这里
Then the plane ride here, ten years later,
一路风平浪静
was pretty uneventful.
我看了两部半令人失望的电影
I watched two and a half disappointing movies,
吃了太多爆米花
and ate too much popcorn,
而玛蒂尔达
and Matilda...
玛蒂尔达听着音乐睡着了
well, Matilda slept and listened to music...
一片宁静
and there was calm.
一片祥和
There was quiet.
她一路走来不容易
She's come a long way.
明年她要进茱莉亚音乐学院了
She's going to Juilliard next year.
茱莉亚音乐学院 没人能考得上的学校
Juilliard. The place no one gets into, okay?
但是她考上了
She got into!
还是通过一个视频面试
With-- with a freaking video audition.
对吧 真的 茱莉亚音乐学院
Right? Yeah. Juilliard.
没错
Yeah.
厉害
Yeah.
而我
And... and I'm...
我...怎么说呢
Well, I'm... Well...
等着看吧
We'll see.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
-你要听个笑话吗 -好
- Do you wanna hear a joke? - Yeah.
我想听个笑话
I wanna hear a joke.
这是谁扔的
Who threw that?
你好
Hello.
我很难过玛蒂尔达要搬走了 对吧
Okay, so, like, Matilda moving away is sad, right?
-对 -很难过
- Right. - It is sad.
我们爱她 会想念她
Like, we love her and we will miss her.
当然
Yeah, of course.
但我们也能够再变得年轻
But also we're gonna get to be young again.
你记得我年轻的时候吗
Do you remember when I was young?
我年轻的时候你不认识我
Okay, like, you never knew me young,
但是天呐 我年轻过
but... boy, was I young.
我不会让你骗我承认这点的
I'm not going to let you trick me into admitting that,
显然我还是有点激动的
obviously I'm a little thrilled
当玛蒂尔达走了后
that when Matilda's gone,
我们就可以离开家了
we'll get to... leave the house.
那我每天都要干什么
How am I gonna fill my days?
也许有一天我们可以聊聊我
Maybe one day we get to talk about me.
我等不及要问你问题了
Oh, I can't wait to ask you a question.
我不介意
Oh, I don't have a problem with that.
我们以后别再提这事了
Okay, now let's never mention this again.
不过真的很难过
But it is very sad.
我们爱她 我们会想念她
We love her. We will miss her.
我们会在终点等你
We'll be waiting for you at the end.
你可以的 你知道该怎么做
All right, you got this. You know how to do this.
她走了
Here she goes.
好了
All right.
你流泪了吗
Are they tears?
没什么 别管了
It doesn't mean anything, let it go.
我不能再看一部受《克罗普》启发
I cannot watch another Cropsey-inspired
充满粪便和鲜血的戏剧作品了
theater piece with excrement and blood.
舞台台口怎么了
Whatever happened to the proscenium arch,
演员从那里进场 在舞台上坐下
where actors walk in, sit down across the stage
说幽默的话 这些怎么都没了
and say something funny?
我只是希望你没告诉我你在排卵
I just wish you hadn't told me you're ovulating.
现在我觉得你想诱使我在你体内♥射♥精
Now I think you're gonna trick some sperm out of me.
亲爱的 这份我请
Sweetheart, this one's on me.
我跟你说过 我的新保姆在跟我丈夫调情吗
Did I tell you that my new nanny flirts with my husband?
他一回家 她本来干活死气沉沉的
He comes home and she goes from flatlining in her job,
变得像学♥生♥妹♥一样傻笑
to giggling like a school girl.
她吃东西 傻笑
She eats and she giggles,
现在我孩子会看着我说 这贱♥人♥是谁
now my kids are looking at me, like, who is this bitch?
而且她不打扫
And she doesn't clean.
我不得不给她示范怎么清理炉子
I had to show her how to clean the stove.
擦碗布上全是证据
I mean, evidence all on the dish cloth for her.
我的通风孔上全是灰尘
And there's dust in my air vent.
我的通风孔都不清理
All the way up in my vent.
清理通风孔
Clean that vent.
给老娘爬到上 清理洞口
Climb up your ass up that vent and clean that hole,
我花钱雇你就是来干这个的
that's what I'm paying you for.
不错 宝贝
Oh, it's good, babe.
非常不错
Oh, yeah, that is good stuff.
玛蒂尔达
Matilda!
-你做到了 -你成功了
- You did it! - You made it!
你是通勤者
You're a commuter!
不
No.
我尽力了 但我做不到
I tried my best, but I can't.
我就是做不到
I just can't.
可你做到了 你到这里了
But you did. Like, you did.
出了什么事吗
Did something happen?
没有吗 好的
No? Okay. Well...
我们再试一次 我们一起去
Let's try it all again. We'll just do it again together.
-我做不到 -你会越来越擅长的
- I can't. - You're just gonna get better and better at it.
我一个人永远都做不到
I'm never gonna be able to do this alone!
你想回家吗
Do you wanna go home?
好的
Okay.
好
Yeah.
我们这就回家
We're going back home.
亲爱的
Oh, honey.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
我们当然没用酒店电♥话♥打电♥话♥
Of course we didn't make a phone call on the hotel phone.
我们不是从1998年时空穿梭到这里的
We didn't time travel here from 1998.
我打电♥话♥干什么 我打给哪里了
What would I be doing calling... Calling where?
-得州 -得州
- Texas. - Texas?
看看我 我才不会打给得州
Look at me. I'm not... I'm not calling Texas.
抱歉 我不是怪你
Sorry, I'm not blaming you.
只是你站在我面前
It's just that you're the one standing in front of me
但是没有解决问题
not solving the problem.
-我可以去找经理 -好的
- I could go talk to a manager. - Yes.
拜托了
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