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Girls?
-性感 -性感
- Um, hot. - Hot.
你们该看看我生龙活虎的样子
Oh, you should see me live.
这位是谁
Now who's this?
少来 你知道他是谁的
Don't start. You know who this is.
艾利克斯
Alex.
你知道我觉得什么很有意思吗 艾利克斯
You know what I find so interesting, Alex?
同性恋是怎么配对成功的
How the gays pair up.
你说什么
I'm sorry?
你们是怎么发现对方的
How you sort yourselves out.
你们一个高 一个矮
One of you is tall, the other one's short.
一个富 一个年轻
One's wealthy, the other one's young.
你们要去我的房♥间吗
Do you guys wanna go to my room?
我不会离开这里
I'm not leaving here ever.
等等 我才是那个又矮又破产的人
Wait, I'm the short, broke one.
那你的秘密武器是什么
What's your secret weapon then?
我的鸡鸡更大
I have a bigger penis.
我很高兴听到你这么说
Oh, I'm very happy to hear that.
真是太棒了
Oh, that's wonderful.
太牛逼了
This is awesome.
芭布的母亲琳达来电
你好 琳达
Hello, Linda.
你好 你见到芭布了吗
Hi. Um, have you seen Barb?
我只是有点担心
I'm just, I'm a little worried
因为我们吵了一架
because we had a fight.
好了 到我了
Okay, my turn.
这可不太好
Oh, that's not good.
是啊 吵得挺凶的
Yeah, it was a whopper.
我一直没听到她的消息
And I just, I haven't heard from her.
我相信她肯定没事
I mean, I'm sure she's fine.
是啊
Yeah.
但我只是
But I just, um...
我也不知道
I don't know, I...
说实话 我大声凶她了
To be honest, I raised my voice.
-我坦白了 -是啊
- There. - Uh, yeah.
我也没见到她
No, I haven't seen her,
但现在还没人回家
but no one's still come home yet.
也许她和女孩们在一起
Maybe she's with the girls.
好的 好的
Okay. Yeah, okay.
-谢谢 -好
- Thanks. - Okay.
为什么大家都游手好闲的
Why is everyone just lounging around
蓝宝石还没找到呢
with Sapphire on the run?
-我看着呢 -你坐下
- I'm looking. - You sit here now.
来 坐下
Sit here. Go.
我刚刚和你妈妈打了电♥话♥
So, I just got off the phone to your mother.
你没告诉她我在这吧
You didn't tell her I'm here, did you?
没有 我没告诉她你在这
No, I didn't tell her you're here.
我也不知道为什么 到底怎么了
I don't know why. What is going on?
琳达和我有些意见不同
Linda and I have had a difference of opinion.
是你做了什么事 你到底做了什么
You did something. What did you do?
不 不要回答
No, don't answer that.
我不想知道
I do not want to know.
我需要你给她打电♥话♥
I need you to call her.
我可不想被你拉下水
I will not be brought down by this.
养孩子就是时不时地解决一些
Parenting is just constantly dealing
无聊的问题
with nothing interesting.
问题是 你容易心软
The problem is that you're a pushover.
你一直是这样
You've always been like that.
我以前对你总是很霸道
I used to walk all over you.
亲爱的 你得告诉我到底发生了什么
Honey, you gotta tell me what's going on.
你看上去有点精神错乱了
You're starting to look a little unhinged.
今天午夜
By midnight tonight,
我就能查出自己有没有被茱莉亚音乐学院录取
I'll find out if I got into Juilliard.
天哪 这可是大事 亲爱的
Oh, my God, that's... That's big, babe.
这可是天大的事
That's like... That's huge.
她的一生都夹在成功与默默无闻之间
Her whole life forks between success and obscurity.
我怎么会不知道
How didn't I know about this?
尼古拉斯 我们能谈谈吗
Nicholas, can we talk?
怎么了 你发现蓝宝石了
Why, did you find Sapphire?
-没有 -你当然没有
- No. - No, of course you didn't
因为你根本没在找
'cause you haven't been looking.
它可不会走过来和你做自我介绍
She's not gonna come over and introduce herself.
它只是只甲虫
She's a beetle!
我知道是什么事
I know what this is about.
芭布必须得走
Barb has to go.
尼古拉斯 你想清楚了吗
Nicholas, have you thought this through?
我觉得没有
I really don't think I have.
玛蒂尔达不会被茱莉亚音乐学院录取
Matilda is not getting in to Juilliard.
她肯定会的 她那么棒
Yeah, she is. She's so good.
玛蒂尔达不会被茱莉亚音乐学院录取
Matilda's not getting into Juilliard.
她不会被录取吗
She's not getting in?
为什么她不会被录取
Why is she not getting in?
没人会被录取
Nobody gets in.
因为没人会被录取
Because nobody gets in.
而且大家都申请这座学校
And everybody applies.
而且大家都申请这座学校
And everybody applies.
外面坐着一大群人
There's a house full of people
都会看到她得知结果之后崩溃的样子
ready to watch her have a full-blown meltdown when she finds out.
我得赶走她们
I have to get rid of them.
-不行 -不行吗
- You can't. - No?
不行 太晚了
No, it's too late.
我看着你是希望你能告诉我怎么做
I'm just looking at you hoping you'll tell me what to do.
-我来分散她们的注意 -好
- I'll distract them. - Okay.
说不定是我们错了
We could be wrong about this.
她说不定会被侥幸录取
She could end up beating the odds getting in
然后去做TED演讲
and then giving a TED Talk.
说不定是我们错了
We could be wrong about this.
知道吗 尼古拉斯不让我碰他头发
You know what? Nicholas doesn't let me touch his hair.
他这么做没错 他头发不结实
He's right not to. It's unstable.
所以他才讨厌我大力抓头发
That must be why he hates when I pull it.
不 别这么做
No, don't do that.
那头发花了我一大笔钱呢
That hair cost me a fortune.
植发手术
Hair transplant.
没错
Yes.
还植了两次
Twice.
我在试衣间试穿胸罩的时候
I'm in the dressing room getting fitted for a bra
听到一个女人告诉我妈妈
when I hear the lady tell my mom
他们"没有符合她尺码的衣服"
that they "don't have anything in her size"
我们应该"试试网购"
and we should "try our luck online."
不
Oh, no.
于是我就顺走了一些东西 就当为她报仇
So I swiped something to get vengeance on her behalf.
一件白色蕾丝连体内衣
A white lace teddy.
现在琳达想让我还回去 不然我就要去坐牢
Now Linda wants me to return it and, like, go to jail.
你指望我们相信你偷连体内衣
You expect us to believe that you stole that teddy
是出于行侠仗义吗
out of some sort of vigilante justice?
别傻了
Don't be ridiculous.
你是自己想要才偷的
You stole it for yourself.
各位
Uh, guys?
连体内衣是什么
What's a teddy?
是一件性感的小内衣
It's a sexy somethin', somethin'
度蜜月的时候才会穿
you'd wear on your honeymoon.
你穿着连体内衣
Who did you think
是想和谁在一起呢
you were gonna be with that teddy?
我只想穿着而已
I was just gonna stand around in it.
连体内衣不是用来穿的
Teddies are not meant to be worn.
是用来被撕下的
They're meant to be peeled off.
等等 所以你才逃了出来
Wait, is that why you're on the run?
琳达需要一个爱人 或是一匹马
Linda needs a lover. Or a horse.
她有我爸呢
She has my dad.
我们得给琳达找点更大的麻烦
We need to give Linda bigger problems.
我们应该在网上假冒身份和她聊天
We should catfish her.
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