亢奋特别篇（2020）

without changing, because you deserve it.
不去改变 因为你活该
There's no hope. You're beyond forgiveness.
生活没有希望 你也不可饶恕
So you may as well just fuck the fuck off forever
所以你也干脆破罐破摔
and go down the gutter because that's what this girl,
越来越放纵自己
this piece of shit, deserves.
这就是你应得的
This is why the world keeps getting worse.
这也是世界变得越来越糟的原因
People keep doing shit that we deem unforgivable,
人们不断做着不可原谅的蠢事
and in return, they decide there's no reason to change.
反过来又觉得自己无须改变
So now you got a whole bunch of people running around
所以现在很多人
who don't give a fuck about redemption.
根本不屑于救赎他们自己
That's scary.
这很可怕
Ali, what have you done that's so terrible?
阿里 你做过什么糟糕的事
A lot.
太多了
But what? For real.
具体讲讲
A lot.
有很多
You're not just saying that? Nah.
你不是随口乱说吧 才没有
You promise?
你保证
Why do you want to know?
你为什么想知道
Because I think you're, like, a good person.
因为我觉得你是个好人
And I just couldn't imagine you,
我无法想象
like, doing something terrible.
你做坏事的样子
I grew up in a house where my dad used to beat up my mama.
从小我爸就经常打我妈
He was a drunken, cold son of a bitch.
他就是个酗酒 冷血无情的人♥渣♥
And every night, I lay in bed
每晚我躺在床上
dreaming of every which way to kill him.
想着怎么杀死他
But eventually, my mama up and left him
最后 我妈妈离开了他
and took me and my sister with her, and life goes on.
带着我和妹妹 跟她一起生活
But I always said to myself
但我经常告诉自己
that no matter how bad shit got,
不管生活多么糟糕
whether I was shooting dope or smoking crack,
不管我是在注射还是吸食毒品
I would never, ever be like my dad.
我永远不会像我父亲那样
And then I, I got married.
后来我结了婚
I had two girls. It was chaos.
生了两个女儿 家里一团乱麻
I was using, and my wife wasn't having it.
我在吸毒 但我妻子没有
We were fighting every night.
每晚我们都在争吵
And it got physical.
最后我动了手
And, uh, one night I looked over
有天晚上我看过去
and I see my two little girls watching.
发现我的两个女儿就在一旁看着
And I thought, here I am,
我想 我还是走到了这一步
a grown man with two girls,
一个有两个女儿的成年男人
and they just watched me hit their mom in the face.
她们正看着我殴打她们的母亲
I spent 30 years of my life...
我花了30年...
thinking of how to kill my dad
想着怎么杀死我父亲
for doing the same shit I just did to their mom.
最后却对自己孩子的母亲做了同样的事
That's rock bottom.
那是人生的谷底
It doesn't get any worse than that.
没有比那更糟糕的了
But, hey, it took me another five years to clean up,
但 我又花了五年戒毒
because for some people, there is no rock bottom.
因为对有些人来说 人生根本没有谷底
It's bottomless.
它是个无底洞
And the truth is,
事实是
drugs will fundamentally change
毒品会从根本上
who you are as a human being.
改变你的为人
Every moral. Every principle.
每一条道德标准和原则
Everything you hold close to your heart, and believe in,
你真心相待和相信的一切
will go out the window or down the drain.
通通会消失不见或付之东流
'Cause there's no force stronger on planet Earth
因为地球上没有
than that next fix.
比毒瘾发作更强大的力量
Now, you may be functioning.
现在 你也许生活正常
Maybe things go well.
也许过得很好
Maybe they last.
也许会一直这样下去
And maybe they don't.
也许不会
But the one thing I know is true
但有件事我很确定
is that the longer you do drugs,
那就是你吸毒越久
the more you're gonna lose.
失去的就越多
And not just in terms of the things you love,
而且不只是你热爱的东西
but the things you value about yourself.
还有那些你珍视的自我价值
And every compromise you make,
你做出的每个妥协
every moral line that you cross,
跨过的每条道德界线
you'll go further and further, until you don't recognize
都会使你越走越远 直到你无法认清
who the fuck you are.
自己他妈到底是谁
And that list of racing thoughts,
你脑海里冒出来的一连串想法
that list of unforgivable things, it grows longer.
以及一堆不可饶恕的事情 会变得越来越多
And gets uglier.
也更丑陋
You still think I'm a good person?
你还觉得我是个好人吗
Yeah.
对
The thought of maybe being a good person
这个我可能是个好人的想法
is what keeps me trying to be a good person.
支撑着我努力做个好人
Although, some people might disagree with you.
但有些人可能不同意
My youngest daughter, for one.
我的小女儿就是其中之一
What's her name?
她叫什么名字
Marie.
玛丽
Ali?
阿里
Yeah?
怎么
I just don't really plan on being here that long.
我不打算活太久
And that's, um...
这就是...
That's the tough part about all this, you know?
这就是最艰难的地方 你知道吗
'Cause, I, I, I love talking to you.
因为我 我喜欢和你说话
I do.
真的喜欢
And I agree with, um, almost everything you're saying.
我几乎同意你说的所有话
And I understand it.
我也理解
But, um...
但...
I just don't plan on being here that long.
我不打算活太久
I get it.
我明白了
We're living in dark times.
我们生活在黑暗的时代
Huh. Not a lot of hope out there.
希望十分渺茫
The thing I miss about doing drugs...
对于嗑药我只怀念一件事...
is the beauty.
就是它的美丽
No matter what's going on in the world,
不论这世上发生了什么
no matter what's going on in your life,
无论生活里发生了什么
everything is gonna be okay.
一切都会好起来
Yeah.
是啊
The world's just really fuckin' ugly, you know?
这个世界真♥他♥妈♥的丑陋 你知道吗
It's really fuckin' ugly, and, um...
真♥他♥妈♥丑陋不堪 而且...
Everybody seems to be okay with it, you know?
所有人似乎都接受了
The anger.
还有愤怒
The level of anger.
愤怒的程度
Everyone's just out to make everyone else not seem human.
每个人都不把别人当人
And I don't really want to be a part of it.
我不想成为其中之一
I don't even want to witness it.
我甚至不想目睹这一切
Sure, it's not, like, the root of all my problems,
当然 这不是我一切问题的源头
but I definitely think about it.
但我确实一直在想这个问题
A lot.
想了很多
Because thinking about those questions, those ideas,
因为思考这些问题 这些想法
they're a large part of, uh...
它们是很大一部分...
what makes this life worth living.
让人们值得活下去
Right?
不是吗
That's what I was talking about earlier.
就是我先前所说的
You gotta believe in the poetry.
你要相信诗歌♥
The value of two people sitting in a diner on Christmas Eve,
两个人平安夜坐在餐厅里谈话的价值
talking about...
谈论着...
life, addiction, loss.
人生 毒瘾 失去
You don't want to be a part of it, Rue, because...
你不想成为其中的一份子 鲁 因为...
you care about the big things in life.
你在乎生活中的大事
I don't know if I care about the big things in life.
我不知道我是不是在乎生活中的大事
Come on now, of course you do
别乱说 你当然在乎
because you obviously don't care about
因为你显然不关心
the small things, like being right,
小的事情 比如谁对谁错
or being angry.
或者生不生气
All the things that kill curiosity and keeps us from...
一切扼杀好奇心的东西都会阻止我们...
keeps us all from looking deeper.
阻止我们深入思考