亢奋特别篇（2020）

You want to know why?
想知道为什么吗
You want to know why? I'll tell you why.
想知道为什么吗 我告诉你
'Cause you don't know how to live life.
因为你不懂怎么生活
You don't have the tools. You're too busy running around,
你没有工具 忙着东奔西跑
trying to bullshit everybody into thinking you're hard,
试着让所有人都觉得你很艰难
and you don't give a fuck, when in reality,
而你却不以为然 在现实中
you give so much of a fuck, you can't even bear to be alive.
你在意得要死 你甚至觉得活着都很艰难
So guess what? New rule.
猜猜怎么着 规则更新了
No more wasting my motherfuckin' time.
别再浪费我的时间了
You wanna use? Use.
你想继续吸 随你便
But the least you can do is be honest. Own that shit.
但至少得保证不说谎 记住了
Okay.
好
You feel me?
懂我意思了吗
Yep.
懂了
Why'd you relapse?
你为什么复吸
I don't know. Couldn't stop my mind from racing.
不知道 我脑子里止不住在乱想
Racing about what?
乱想什么
Everything. Hey, hey. Get specific.
所有事情 具体点说
All the things I remember and all the things I wish I didn't.
我记得的所有事情和我希望忘记的事
Okay. I get it.
好 我懂了
Why didn't you call me?
那你为什么不打给我
Just...
就...
honestly, I wasn't really trying not to relapse.
说实话 我也没在克制自己复吸
Yeah. Man. Okay.
行
Where'd you get the drugs?
毒品都是从哪儿来的
I had some pills for emergency purposes.
我有些应对紧急情况的药丸
Fuck. So you never stood a chance.
干 你压根没给自己机会
Nope.
对
Do you wanna get clean?
你想戒吗
No.
不想
You sure?
确定吗
Yep.
对
I get it. I get it.
我懂了 我懂
Is that fucked up?
搞砸了吧
What? That you don't want to get clean?
什么 因为你不想戒吗
Yeah, yeah. Of course it's fucked up.
对 搞砸了
Ah. I'm a piece of shit, huh?
我就是一坨屎
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a piece of shit.
对 没错 你就是一坨屎
All right, but, uh, here's the silver lining.
好吧 但还是有一线希望的
You're not a drug addict because you're a piece of shit.
你不是瘾君子 因为你是一坨屎
You're a piece of shit because you're a drug addict. You follow?
你是一坨屎因为你是瘾君子 能明白吗
Mm, I don't really... Okay, all right.
我不太... 好吧 行
What I'm saying is, you didn't come out
我说的是 你不是
of the womb an evil person.
恶魔生出来的
You, Rue, came out of the womb a beautiful baby girl,
鲁 你是一个漂亮女孩生出来的
who unbeknownst to her, had a couple of wires crossed.
她美丽而不自知 对此误解重重
So when you tried drugs for the first time,
所以当你第一次吸毒
it, uh, set something off in your brain
触发了一些你大脑中
that's beyond your control.
无法掌控的东西
And it isn't a question of willpower.
这不是意志力的问题
It's not about how strong you are.
与你多强大无关
You've been fighting a losing game since the first day
你第一天吸毒起
you got high.
就在打一场败仗
So you can destroy your life, you can fuck
所以你可以毁掉你的生活
your little sister's head up, you can abuse and torture
可以粗鲁地去对待你妹
and take for granted your mama, and sit here and
可以理所当然地谩骂折磨你妈妈
look me in the eye, and say, as calm as can be,
可以坐在这里看着我的眼睛
as cool as a cucumber, "Imma keep usin' drugs."
尽可能冷静又冷酷地对我说 "我还在吸毒"
That is the disease of addiction.
这就是成瘾的病症
It is a degenerative disease.
这是种退化性疾病
It is incurable. It is deadly.
它没法儿治 是致命的
And it's no different than cancer.
跟癌症没什么区别
And you got it.
你心里有数
Why? Mm. Luck of the draw.
想问为什么 就是命运的安排
But, hey, but the hardest part of having the disease
但上瘾这病最难的地方
of addiction, aside from having the disease,
除去患有疾病本身
is that no one in the world sees it as a disease.
主要是世界上没人觉得这是病
They see you as selfish.
他们会觉得你自私
They see you as weak.
觉得你软弱
They see you as cruel.
觉得你残忍♥
They see you as, uh, destructive.
觉得你充满破坏性
They think, why should I give a fuck about her
他们会想 我管她干嘛
if she doesn't give a fuck about herself or anybody else?
她自己都他妈不在乎自己或其他人
Why does this girl deserve my time, my patience,
这女孩哪里值得我付出的时间 耐心
my sympathy? Right?
和同情心呢 对吧
If she wants to kill herself, let her.
她要是想自杀 让她去就好了
All reasonable questions and responses.
这就是所有合理的疑问和答复
But luckily, you aren't the only person on planet Earth
但幸运的是 你不是地球上唯一一个
who has this disease.
有这种病的人
There happens to be people like me,
它多发于像我这类人
who understand that you aren't all that bad.
了解你还没有坏透
Probably underneath all this busted-ass, chaotic energy,
可能深藏在重压之下 矛盾的能量当中
you might even be a good kid.
你或许还是个好孩子呢
Who knows?
谁知道呢
And that is why we are eating pancakes on Christmas Eve.
所以我们才会在平安夜吃着松饼
Despite the fact that you don't want to get clean.
尽管你不想戒毒
You have daughters, right?
你有女儿 对吧
Where are they?
她们在哪儿
Different places, celebrating with their families.
不同的地方 和她们的家人庆祝节日呢
You see them often?
你经常和她们见面吗
I've never declined an invitation.
我从没拒绝过邀请
Wait, but haven't you been, like, clean for 20 years?
等下 但你不是戒毒20年了吗
I was clean for seven years.
7年而已
Wait, really?
等下 真的吗
Yeah, well, I had 12 years before that,
对 在此之前还有12年
but you know, I got cocky.
我太自大了
Started to walk around thinking I was invincible.
开始四处走动以为自己所向披靡
So, now I got seven years.
所以 目前为止只戒掉7年
Oh, shit. Right.
真操蛋 对啊
Wait, how do you... How do you relapse after 12 years?
等下 你是怎么... 怎么在12年后复吸的
You forget how bad it is.
你忘了这有多糟吗
Damn. How, how long did you relapse for?
干 那你复吸了多久
A... year and a half.
一... 一年半
Oh, fuck. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Right.
操 对 操蛋
Oh, shit.
靠
Damn. I thought, I thought you were gonna say,
见鬼 我以为你会说
like, a day or something.
一天之类的
Nah, nah. Once you get back in that cycle,
不 不 一旦你回到那个吸毒上瘾的死循环
you know, using and abusing, it's inescapable.
你就再也逃不掉了
Especially if you've been clean for 12 years.
尤其当你已经戒了12年
That's when the disease starts talking.
那就是噩梦的开端
"Twelve years, Martin, and you ain't never
"十二年了 马丁 你再也不可能
getting that far again."
坚持那么久了"
Wait. Martin?
等等 马丁
Uh, yeah.
是的
Who's Martin?
马丁是谁
Martin is me.
马丁是我
What?
什么
My name. Your name is Martin?
那是我的名字 你叫马丁吗
Well, it used to be. What?
我以前的名字 什么
Before I converted. To what?
在我改变信仰之前 改信了什么
To Islam.
伊♥斯♥兰♥教
Ali, I'm super fucking confused right now.
阿里 我现在特别迷茫
What am I, your first Black friend?
我算什么 你第一个黑人朋友吗
What'd you think, I was actually from the Middle East?
你对我祖籍中东怎么看
I'm from south Philly. What...
我来自南费城 什么...
Yeah, but you, you just don't, you don't look like a Martin.
但你 你看着不像叫马丁的人
You don't.
一点都不像
I didn't think so, either.
我也觉得不像
Do women ever convert to Islam?
有没有女人改信伊♥斯♥兰♥教