亢奋特别篇（2020）

Without, like, getting melodramatic...
毫不夸张地说...
I've had a really hard six months.
过去六个月我真的过得很痛苦
Like, moving here has been really hard.
搬到这真的很艰难
And, like, I don't know. Just kind of...
我不知道 就是有些...
A bunch of shit all happened at once. And...
操蛋的事都堆在一起 还有...
like, I just freaked out.
我就是很抓狂
Like, I panicked, and I felt like if I,
我惊慌失措 我感觉如果我
if I didn't get out, I was gonna fucking die.
如果我不逃走 我他妈会死掉
How?
怎么会
Mm, it's maybe, like, a little hard for me to talk about right now.
可能 现在让我讲那些还有点困难
Were you thinking about hurting yourself?
你当时考虑伤害自己吗
I mean, um, there's a difference between
考虑伤害自己
thinking about hurting yourself, and, uh, wa...
和想要伤害自己
wanting to hurt yourself. But...
是有点区别的 但是...
I think that gap was closing.
我感觉差别在变小
So, I ran.
所以我逃了
And I left someone, like, I really love, behind.
我抛下了一个我真正爱的人
Sorry. Um, I don't know why I'm crying.
不好意思 我不知道我为什么哭
'Cause it hurts.
因为那样做很受伤
Yeah.
对
Damn.
该死
Like, at the same time, though,
与此同时
I'm, like, really angry at Rue.
尽管我真的很生鲁的气
I feel like... her sobriety is, like,
我感觉... 她沾不沾毒品
completely dependent on how available I am to her.
完全取决于我是否和她在一起
You know? Like, she'd ask me to sleep over,
知道吗 她会叫我去过夜
and I'd say no for, like, whatever reason,
我因为某个理由拒绝了
because it was a fucking weekday, or something.
可能就因为是工作日什么的
And...
还有...
I'd just, I'd feel, like, this weight.
我会感受到一股压力
Like, this massive weight on my shoulders,
我肩上扛着千斤重担
and I'd think, like...
我会觉得...
Like, what if she relapses, you know?
要是她复吸了怎么办
Like, what if she relapses 'cause I'm not there?
要是因为我不在她复吸了怎么办
♪ Dime si me echas de menos aún ♪
♪ 倘若你仍思念我 请告诉我 ♪
But I guess it goes both ways, because...
但她可能也有压力 因为...
you know...
你懂的...
♪ Dime si no me perdonas aún ♪
♪ 倘若你仍不愿原谅我 也请告诉我 ♪
I fell completely in love with her.
我彻底爱上了她
♪ Que harás con todo este veneno ♪
♪ 面对剧毒般的感情 ♪
♪ Nada bueno ♪
♪ 丝毫无益 ♪
♪ Dime si me echas de menos aún ♪
♪ 倘若你仍思念我 请告诉我 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar, lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
That was it!
好了
Oh, God.
我靠
Yay! You did it!
你做到了
Thank you.
谢谢
♪ Dime que no te arrepientes aún ♪
♪ 请告诉我 你仍不悔改 ♪
I talked to your mom today.
我今天和你妈聊过了
She moved out of the halfway house.
她从过渡教习所搬了出来
She's been clean for nine months.
她已经戒断九个月了
Don't do that.
别那样
Please. Don't roll your eyes.
拜托 别翻白眼
Come on. It's Mom. Yeah.
拜托 妈妈能改吗 我懂
You can be angry with her, and I understand that,
你可以生她的气 我理解
but you can't just dismiss the good.
但你不能对好的变化视而不见
Well, I'm allowed to be skeptical.
我总可以表示怀疑吧
♪ Dame un beso y bajame de la cruz ♪
♪ 请吻我吧 将我从十字架上放下 ♪
She did say she wanted to see you.
她说了想见你
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
I knew it.
我就知道
I knew this was not just gonna be, like,
我知道你跟我聊这事不只是
some conversation about how well Mom is doing.
告诉我妈妈过得怎么样
Um, you can tell her, "No, thank you."
你可以告诉她 "不必了 谢谢"
♪ Can you let it go? ♪
♪ 你能否释怀呢 ♪
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
Okay.
行
♪ Lo vas a olvidar ♪
♪ 你是否会选择忘却 ♪
I was afraid to talk to Rue
我害怕跟鲁说
about, like, shit that was going on with my mom,
我妈的破事
because she'd think that I felt the same way about her
因为她会觉得我对她有同样的看法
that, like, I do my mom.
就像我对我妈
Well, don't you?
你没有吗
What?
什么
Don't you feel the same way about Rue as you do your mom?
你对鲁没有你对你妈那样的成见吗
No. You just said you were angry at Rue
没有 你刚说你很生鲁的气
for the imbalance she created in your relationship.
因为她让这段关系失衡了
So, would it be fair to say that you resented that imbalance?
所以你是憎恨这种不平衡吗
That the same person who saw you, who truly saw you,
那个能一眼看穿你 看透你内心的人
in the same way that your mom did when you were a baby,
就像你妈妈能一眼看穿孩童时的你
was also incapable of seeing how her additions affected you.
也同样无法看清她的毒瘾对你的影响
I mean, uh, I guess I've, like,
我猜我
never thought about it that way before.
之前从没这样想过
♪ If I wasn't important ♪
♪ 倘若我一点都不重要 ♪
♪ Then why would you waste all your poison ♪
♪ 那为何还要对我煞费苦心 ♪
Mom. Mom!
妈 妈
For... Stop.
是为了... 别说了
I told you. I'm... I have a meeting and then I'll be home.
我说了 我... 我互助会完了就回家
Yes. I'm fine.
我没事
I'm literally fine.
我真的没事
Okay.
好吧
Okay, I'll text you when I'm on my way.
好 我出发给你发消息
Love you.
爱你
I feel like real life is always such a letdown.
我感觉真实生活总是令人失望
What do you mean? I don't know. It's just, like...
此话怎讲 我也不知道 就是...
Easier to talk to people online.
在网上跟人交流更容易
You can be more open, and honest,
你可以敞开心扉
and, like, vulnerable.
做脆弱又真实的自己
Some of the most profound relationships I've ever had
我最深刻的几段感情
have been with people I've never met.
都是和没见过面的网友
I should have known I was setting myself up.
我早该知道我都是自找的
Or maybe I did know.
也许我早就知道了
Maybe that's, like, what I'm actually attracted to.
也许 我就是会被这样的人吸引
Maybe that's, like, the appeal.
也许 吸引我的
The letdown.
不过是失望
The fact that, like, none of it's real.
事实是 这一切都不是真的
And it's all a fantasy.
全都是幻想而已
You've never even seen his face.
你从没见过他的脸
I don't have to.
我不需要
I've gotten to know him, like, really well.
我很了解他 非常了解
Sure.
好吧
I have.
是真的
Like, better than anyone else.
所有人中我最了解他
Other than you.
当然除你之外
Except he could be lying.
但他也可能在说谎
Rue, anyone could be lying.
任何人都可能说谎
Trust me, Rue. It's not in my head.
相信我 鲁 这不只是我的想象
I think you two would actually really get along.
我觉得你俩会很合得来
I fall in love so easily.
我太容易爱上一个人了
I really do. It's, like, almost embarrassing.
真的 说起来都有点丢人