丹尼将孤独终老（2024）

丹尼 我很高兴你决定邀请我来
I'm glad you decided to invite me over, Danny.
我也是
Me too.
伙计 你不用紧张
You don't have to be nervous, bud.
你知道你可以信任我
You know you can trust me.
我知道
I know.
很好 你也知道整个赛季你都是我最喜欢的球员
Good, and you also know you've been my favorite player all season.
我真的很享受逐渐了解你的过程 而且容我直说
I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and if I can say so,
我来这儿是因为想让我们更亲密
I'm here because I want us to be even closer.
真的吗 教练?
You do, coach?
千真万确
Very much so.
感觉你可能也有这种想法
It feels like that might be something you're into too.
没关系的 没关系的
It's okay. It's okay.
这很正常
It's very natural.
来
Here.
我也有完全相同的感受
I feel exactly the same way.
教练 我以前从没做过这种事
I've never done anything like this before, coach.
没关系 我可以教你
That's okay. I can teach you.
准备好了吗 伙计?
You ready, bud?
我想是的
I think so.
会疼吗 教练?
Will it hurt, coach?
刚开始可能会有点 但我保证之后会很舒服
Maybe a little at first, but I promise it's gonna feel so good.
深呼吸 我会慢慢来
Just breathe. I'll go slow.
你确定以前真没做过?
Are you sure you've never done this before?
嗯 我的第一次能和你一起 真的很开心
No. I'm really happy my first time can be with you.
因为进去得可真顺溜
'Cause that went in real easy.
别搞笑!
No comedy!
打得不错 小子
Good game, kid.
我拒绝接受你的评判
I reject your judgment.
听着 我这辈子搞过很多次
Look, I've had a lot of sex in my life.
多到离谱 多到够判刑的量
Like, too much sex. Like, a criminal amount of sex.
所以现在我得玩点花样保持新鲜感
So, at this point, I gotta play some games to keep things interesting,
至少这次被上下其手时
and at least this time when I'm being molested,
我确实挺享受
I'm actually having a good time.
来玩快艇骰子吧
So, Yahtzee.
哦 我已经能猜到评论区会说什么了
Oh, I can already see the comments below.
看啊 他在诱骗未成年人 他在意淫诱♥奸♥戏码
See, he's a groomer. He's doing a grooming fantasy.
他在为将来祸害我们孩子做准备 对此我要说：第一
He's practicing for when he comes after our kids, to which I say, one, it's very likely
就你们那基因库生出来的丑货白送我都不操
that anything that comes from your gene pool is too ugly for me to fuck,
第二 同性恋唯一会调♥教♥的是你们那些农妇老婆
and, two, the only thing gay people groom are your farm-hand housewives
免得她们走在红毯上像玉米壳成精
so they don't look like corn husks coming down the aisle.
不用谢
You're welcome.
我这辈子都想不通怎么会有人愿意把老二插♥进♥
For the life of me, I will never understand how anyone could wanna put their dick in something
涂着指甲油 胸前挂俩蛋的玩意儿里
with painted claws and their nuts sack on their chest.
恶心!
Gross!
另外 在你们对我的性幻想指手画脚前
And furthermore, before you judge my fantasy life,
先亮出你们PornHub搜索记录里
I'm gonna need to see how many times the words, oh, barely legal hot stepmom and cheerleader
'火♥辣♥继母刚成年'和'啦啦队员'的出现次数
appear in your PornHub searches.
这他妈根本半斤八两 所以你们可以吞屌♥自尽了
'cause it's the same fucking thing, so you can eat a dick and die.
就像 我觉得现在大家都心知肚明 那些极度恐同的直男政客
Like, I think we all know by now that the straight politician who's wildly homophobic
很可能正躲在机场厕所里给陌生人吹♥箫♥ 所以在我看来
is probably in an airport bathroom somewhere sucking anonymous dicks, so it seems to me that
任何骂酷儿是恋童癖的人 八成都是那种会故意
anyone who's calling a queer person a groomer is probably the type that hugs their nieces
把侄女搂得太久的类型
just a little bit too long.
懂我意思吧?
You know what I mean?
问题是
The thing is
我的幻想生活恐怕要暂停了
I think my fantasy life is about to be put on hold
因为我正赶去和克里斯托弗的第四次约会
because I'm on my way to my fourth date with Christopher,
而且我相当确定他会要求和我建立排他性恋爱关系
and I'm pretty sure he's gonna ask me to be his monogamous boyfriend.
他英俊迷人 是个医生 每次相处也确实很愉快
He's very handsome, he's a doctor, and I do enjoy every moment I spend with him,
所以我想我会答应
so I think I'm gonna go for it.
床上表现不错就是有点平淡 虽然我们坦诚交流性幻想时
The sex is good, just a little vanilla, and while our candid conversations about fantasy
发现他并非不感兴趣 但毕竟是个新手
have revealed that he's not necessarily disinterested, he is a bit of a novice,
估计得好好调♥教♥——这事儿对我可重要了
so I'm probably gonna have some training to do, but that shit's important to me.
要么他达到要求要么就散伙 毕竟我不想要开放式关系
So it's gotta get there or it's not gonna work, because I don't want an open relationship,
这意味着克里斯最终得取代
so that means Chris eventually has to take the place of
我现任的医生 教练 心理师 爸爸
my current doctor, coach, therapist, dad, boss, other dad, uncle, other uncle, sir,
老板 另一个爸爸 叔叔 另一个叔叔 主人
boss, other dad, uncle, other uncle, sir,
教授 园艺师 战友 夏令营辅♥导♥员
professor, landscaper, friend from the war, camp counselor,
继父 理疗师 按♥摩♥师 以及另一个另一个爸爸
stepdad, physical therapist, masseuse, and other other dad.
我的生活很充实 没错我确实刚和别人上♥床♥
My life is very full, and, yeah, I know I just fucked someone
就来赴约 但单身就是可以为所欲为 就算路上临时给人口♥交♥
before going on a date with someone else, but I'm single, so I could literally suck a dick
也完全是我的权利
on my way to the date and still be well within my rights,
不过我有格调才不会这么干
but I would never do that 'cause I have class.
刚才真是绝了
This was incredible.
你真是不可思议
You are incredible.
我还不错 确实
I'm something, all right.
所以我想问你件重要的事
So I want to ask you something important.
早告诉过你
Told you.
我想谈谈我们的未来走向
I want to talk about where this is going.
我觉得进展非常顺利
I think it's going really well.
我也是
Me too.
那么 你觉得正式确立关系怎么样?
So, what do you think about making things official?
噢 操
Oh, fuck.
不不不 那不是拒绝 绝对不是拒绝
No, no, no, that's not a no. It's not a no.
只是 你看 我们相处得如此融洽真的让我惊喜万分
It's just, look, I have been pleasantly surprised with how well we get along
而且我超期待和你共度时光
and how much I look forward to spending time with you
也超享受和你在一起的每分每秒
and how much I enjoy spending time with you.
我们爱吃同款食物
I mean, we like the same kind of food.
我们讨厌同款傻♥逼♥
We hate the same kind of people.
就是那种相信新冠疫苗但又迷信星座占卜的货色
People who believe in the COVID vaccine but also somehow astrology.
呃 谢了 但
Ugh, thank you, but
我觉得还有个领域我们需要再多探索一下
I think there is one area that we need to explore a bit more
在我准备好做那种承诺之前
before I'm ready to make, like, that kind of commitment.
哦
Oh.
懂了
I see.
那今晚就开始探索怎么样?
So, how about we start exploring that tonight?
哦?
Oh?
我是说 虽然从没试过这种事 但听起来确实很刺♥激♥
I mean, I've never done anything like that before, but it does sound exciting.
听着 这都只是为了好玩
Listen, it's all just fun.
顺其自然就好 就算搞砸了
Whatever happens happens, and if it all falls apart,
咱们就当普通约会照样开心 行吗?
we just have a good old regular time, okay?
绝对不会有压力
There is never any pressure.
好吧 那有什么适合新手的游戏推荐?
All right, so what's like a good beginner-level game to play?
呃 我们可以先从身边小事开始
Well, we could just stick close to home.
我想是时候去看医生了
I think it's time that I saw a doctor.
丹尼
Danny.
嗯 很高兴认识你
Yeah. Nice to meet you.
恐怕要告诉你个坏消息
I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.
很遗憾
Unfortunately,
丹尼 你母亲没能抢救过来
Danny, I'm sorry to say that she didn't make it.
我们已尽力了
There was nothing that we could do.
她?
She?
你母亲
Your mother.
她在遭受侵犯时 喉部长时间受压
Unfortunately, as she was being, well, violated, there was extended pressure on her larynx
导致脑部缺氧过久 不过幸好
and her brain just went too long without oxygen, but, fortunately,
警方已经逮捕了罗德里格斯先生
the police have taken Mr. Rodriguez into custody.
正义会到来的 丹尼
There will be justice, Danny.
好吧 给我解释下你的脑回路
Okay, so walk me through your thought process there
特别是为什么强♥奸♥犯非得是拉丁裔
and specifically why the rapist was Hispanic.
哦好吧 我就想着假装急诊医生
Oh, okay, so I thought, like, if I were an ER doctor,
告诉你些创伤消息让你崩溃
then I could give you some, like, really traumatic news and that makes you vulnerable,
然后就能趁机安慰你 懂吗?
and then I could, like, find a way to console you, huh?
好吧 至少努力值得肯定
Okay, so A for effort.
医生之所以成为经典幻想对象 是因为有太多理由
So the reason that doctor is like a go-to fantasy is because there are plenty of reasons
能让病人脱♥光♥衣服接受检查
why the patient would have to get naked and the doctor examine him.
对 懂了
Right. Gotcha.
明白 是的
Gotcha. Yeah.
我们从头开始
Let's take it from the top.
好!
Yes!
丹尼?
Danny?
呃对 是我 很高兴认识你
Uh, yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you.