丹尼将孤独终老（2024）

第三次约会了伙计们
Third date bitches.
所以穿得随意点
Hence the more casual attire.
在CrossFit健身时认识的杰森
Met Jason over here at CrossFit.
我通常不和CrossFit里的任何人搭话 感觉弥漫着毒性男子气概
I usually don't talk to anybody at CrossFit because I find the toxic masculinity rampant
令人作呕 但要是真有人能突破我的
in here revolting, but if anybody does get through my
"敢搭话你就死定了"气场
"Don't you fucking dare talk to me" aura;
我至少会保持礼貌
I will at least be pleasant.
我觉得你能举更重的重量
I think you could lift more weight than that.
是啊 但我没什么需要向我父亲证明的
Yeah, but I don't have anything to prove to my father.
好吧
Oh boy.
如果是前臂问题 你可以试试锁握法
If it's an issue with your forearms, you should try a hook grip.
噢 就爱听这个 未经请求的男性说教
Oh, just what I love; unsolicited mansplaining.
毕竟很明显 你腿臀肯定没问题
'Cause clearly, it's no issue with your legs or glutes.
不 其实是下背部
No, it's actually my lower back.
会有点刺痛所以不想勉强 他刚是不是夸我屁♥股♥好看?
I get a little twinge and so I'd rather not, did he just say I have a nice ass?
你盯着我臀肌看啥呢兄弟?
Why are you looking at my glutes, bro?
这样握杠更稳 能举更大重量
This way you can move the bar with more security and move some heavier weight.
哦 就像打飞机那样握着是吧
Oh, so like, grip it like I'm masturbating.
我懂你意思 但个人来说没共鸣
I mean, I think I know where you're going with that, but personally I can't relate
毕竟没人能单手握住我的大家伙
because I've never met anyone who can fit their whole hands around mine.
老天
Bless.
你喝这个会让刚练的都白费
You undo all the work we just did by drinking that.
这是蛋白奶昔
It's a protein shake.
我开始兴奋了兄弟
I'm getting games, bruh.
这简直就是花生酱圣代冰淇淋
It's practically a peanut butter ice cream sundae.
是啊 那简直就是沙拉
Yeah, and that's practically a salad.
对 健康沙拉 - 液态沙拉恶心死了
Yes, a healthy salad. - Liquid salad's gross.
要是你对这玩意儿影响我身材有意见 我乐意听取
I mean, if you have any complaints on how this is impacting my body, I'm happy to take them.
我没意见 - 那就闭嘴
No complaints here. - Right, so shut up.
你看到胖子慢吞吞走路时 难道不想朝他们后脑勺
Don't you see fat people walking sometimes and you just want to punch them in the back
来一拳吗?
of the head for moving so slow?
不想!
No!
呃 那想象下别人对你老二的感觉吧 据我所知
Uh, well, imagine how people must feel about your cock, from what I'm told.
我倒是想邀你验证下 但看咱俩这斗嘴架势
I mean, I'd invite you to find out, but considering the repartee we have going on here,
或许该约几次晚餐 看看是否真的合拍
maybe we should get dinner a couple of times and see if we actually like each other.
周末我有空 而且给过你号♥码了
Well, I am free this weekend and I already gave you my number.
完美
Perfect.
嘿 记住现在是2022年
Hey, remember it's 2022.
现在没人当混♥蛋♥了 不不不
People aren't jerks anymore; no, no, no.
我们要理解别人的处境
We have to understand where people are coming from.
懂吗 提升自我 付诸行动
You know; be better, do the work.
他显然有身材焦虑
I mean, he's obviously got body image issues,
正投射到那些他生怕变成的体型上
which he's projecting onto people who have a body image that he's deathly afraid of becoming.
所以不能因为一句屁话就全盘否定他
So, you know, I can't just dismiss him summarily for one shitty comment.
我得
You know, I've gotta,
得用共情方式接洽他
I gotta meet him where he is, with empathy.
我要看!
I wanna see it!
我要看
I wanna see it.
抱歉 - 你要是这么晚去CrossFit 他们根本不会让你进门
Sorry. - If you were this late to CrossFit, they would not let you in.
西北线有个小鬼逃票 害我被耽搁了
Some kid jumped the turnstile on the NW, so I got delayed.
他逃票然后……往列车前面跳?
He jumped the turnstile and then like, in front of the train?
不是 我只是找不到一个真正管事儿的地铁工作人员
No, I was just having a hard time finding a station attendant who actually cared.
后来碰到个警♥察♥直接接手了
But then I found a cop who just took it from there.
你举报了逃票的人?
You narc'd on someone who jumped a turnstile?
你知不知道疫情后纽约犯罪率飙升成什么样了?
Have you seen how bad the crime rate has gotten in New York City since the pandemic?
我确实没关注过逃票大流行
I mean, I have failed to learn about the great turnstile epidemic.
朱利安尼现在可能是坨屎 但他当市长时是这城市最棒的
Giuliani may be a shit show now, but he was the best mayor this town has ever had.
我可是土生土长的纽约人
I'm a lifelong New Yorker, okay?
我知道 他执政核心就是法律与秩序
I know, and his whole thing was law and order.
必须有法可依 必须井然有序
You've got to have law and you've got to have order.
最好还能配上玛莉丝卡·哈吉塔
Preferably with Mariska Hargitay.
他的理论是如果纵容小违规
His whole theory was that if you let somebody break a small rule,
最终就会酿成大罪
they're just gonna end up breaking bigger rules.
必须从一开始就严厉镇♥压♥ 否则城市会陷入混乱
You have to crack down hard at the beginning or the city just becomes chaos.
是啦 我猜我看过那些研究——把逃票
Yeah, I mean, I guess I have seen the research that links turnstile jumping
当作连环凶杀的入门犯罪
as the gateway crime to mass homicide.
知道你在开玩笑 但你真该看看研究数据
I know you're joking, but really, you should do the research.
说真的 你不该被这些左派话术带偏
Seriously, you're better than these leftist talking points.
我有期罗根节目详细讲过这个
I have a Rogan episode that walks through the whole thing.
我发给你
I'll send it to you.
等不及了
Can't wait.
你了解本·夏皮罗吗?
Are you familiar with Ben Shapiro?
个人来说? 不认识
Personally? No.
他那公开的恐跨性别偏见?
His very public transphobic bigotry?
嗯
Mhm.
这把他合理的观点过度简化了
That is an oversimplification of a legitimate point he has.
我是说 你可以不同意
I mean, you may disagree with it.
就像他们对JK罗琳做的事
It's like what they did to JK Rowling.
你真读过她写的东西吗?
Did you actually read what she wrote?
不只是媒体报道的那些?
Not just the press coverage of it?
你觉得拜登会再次参选吗?
You think Biden's gonna run again?
我讨厌特朗普 但我也绝不会给卡玛拉投票
I mean, I hate Trump, but I don't think I could ever vote for Kamala.
你就是管不住嘴是吧?
You just can't help yourself, can you?
每次话题一出现你就躲闪 根本没人提这个
You can't help but evade the subject whenever it comes up. It doesn't come up.
是你挑起话题的 而且你很清楚我在这类事上和你有分歧
You bring it up and I'm pretty sure you know that I disagree with you on those things.
你回避话题的态度恰恰说明你的论点站不住脚
And the fact that you avoid the subject tells me that your arguments hold no water.
你会做得更好的
You'll do better.
你不笨 我有信心
You're not dumb, I have faith.
想看点什么吗?
You wanna watch something?
是啊 换个话题能增加我今晚见到你老二的概率
Yes, I think changing the subject will increase the chances of me seeing your cock tonight.
你居然还没发现它已经越来越明显
I'm surprised you haven't seen it because it has become more visible
就这几分钟的事儿
in the last couple of minutes.
噢 他绝对会因此硬起来的!
Oh, he would get hard from this!
这些联邦协会的基佬总能找到我
These Federal Society faggots, they always find me.
我觉得没法再和这家伙上♥床♥了!
I don't think I can fuck this guy anymore!
说真的 你会投给卡玛拉?
Seriously, you'd vote for Kamala?
拜托别说了
Please stop talking.
我宁愿投票给民♥主♥党的奶酪三明治也不要选另一个
I would vote for a democratic cheese sandwich over the alternative.
我是说 如果这就是两党制 那可太可悲了
I mean, if that's the two party system, that's pretty sad.
他那话儿有多棒我怎么强调都不为过
I cannot overstate how nice his dick is.
只要答应我 如果布蒂吉格参选你就投他
Just promise me that you'll vote for Buttigieg if he runs.
他要是候选人我当然会投 但我并不特别喜欢他
I'm sure if he's the candidate, but I don't particularly like him.
啥?
What?
你不支持同性恋候选人?
You won't support a gay candidate?
我不在乎他是不是同性恋
I don't care that he's gay.
我在乎的是他的核心政♥治♥哲学好像是"当上总统"
I care that his core political philosophy seems to be, "Become president."
哦 所以你喜欢真诚的人
Oh, so you like authenticity.
对! 没错 没错 没错!
Yeah! Yes, yes, yes!
我真该让你听听本·夏皮罗
I really gotta get you into Ben Shapiro.
他是个偏执狂!
He's a bigot!
对 就是那里
Yeah, right there.
哦对 哦 我快到了
Oh yeah. Oh, I'm so close.
就差一点 哦 我快了!
So close. Oh, I'm close!
好吧 既然我已经得到想要的 他也释放了闸门
Alright, well now that I've gotten what I want and he's released his floodgates;
现在我要放开过去几周一直压抑着
I will now release the floodgates that have been keeping the full brunt
我全部个性的那道闸门 让他见识见识
of my personality at bay for the last several weeks, and give him the piece of my mind
他应得的教训
that he deserves.
我想我该走了
I think I'm gonna head out.
我不着急
I'm not in a rush.
我——刚才真的很开心
I- - This was fun, really.
但我觉得我们不太合适
But I don't think we're a good match.
哦 好吧 确实 不过 改天见
Oh, well, yeah, but- - I'll see you around.
而且不投票给布蒂吉格 这难道不反而显得你偏执吗?
Also not voting for Buttigieg, doesn't that kind of make you the bigot?
啊!
Ah!
噢!
Oh!
不过还是值得的
It was still worth it.