花花公子（2001）

花♥花♥公♥子♥ （又名：美国猛♥男♥）
“七年前”…… . 这真的是个好主意吗？
Is this such a good idea?
结婚是个好主意吗？ 因为结婚是件大事。
Is marriage a good idea? Because marriage is huge.
我呼吸困难。
I am having trouble breathing.
我难以呼吸了。
I am having trouble catching my breath.
放松好吗？ -我怎么可能放的松呢？
Would you relax? - How could I possibly relax!?
因为这是我的婚礼。
Because it's my wedding.
那是马♥克♥思♥。他才19岁……
That's Max. Only 19 years old...
...他正准备和他唯一有过性♥爱♥的女孩子结婚。
...and is getting married to the only girl he's ever had sex with.
那天我做出决定，我要一辈子单身。
That day l promised myself, I'd stay single forever.
吉姆辛
Gimshins.
没错，金布里穿的很华丽。
Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.
发生什么了？ -你的新郎还没来。
What's the hold-up? - Your groom isn't quite out yet.
好了，爸爸，把它搞定。
Well, fix it, Daddy!
我猜马♥克♥思♥并不像我那样看待她。
l guess Max didn't see her quite the way l did.
让他行动起来！
Make him behave!
我保证，一切会很完美。
It will be perfect. I promise.
金布里的爸爸发明了一种很特殊的药丸。
Kimberly's father helped invent a very special pill.
维吉亚把它推向市场， 不过，这药丸还是很好使。
Now, Viagra beat him to the market, but his pill was just as good.
它可以把这个……
It could turn this...
.变成这个。
...into this.
这已经足以铸成大错了。
There's enough to give an elephant a boner.
你真坏。 这是你亲姐姐的婚礼！
You are so bad. Your own sister's wedding?
拜托。她会喜欢这个的。
Please. She's gonna love it.
我要把它放在礼品桌上。 他们会带着她去度蜜月的。
I'LL put it on the gift table. They'll take it on the honeymoon.
他会大干三天。
He'll have a three-day boner.
我喜欢早上的伴娘的气味。
I love the smell of bridesmaids in the morning.
我最好的朋友，凯利。 如果这是正常人的脑子……
My best friend, Kyle. lf this is your average brain...
...这就是凯利的脑子。
...this is Kyle's brain.
这个婚礼将变得非常特殊。
Anyway, the wedding was about to get especially hard.
让我来敬，是的，马♥克♥思♥。
I propose a toast. Ah, yes. To Max!
第一只要落水的雄猫（猛♥男♥）。
First tomcat to take the plunge.
谢谢，伙计。
Thanks, guys.
但愿这永远别发生在我们身上。
May it never happen to us!
给你，伙计。
There you go, buddy.
好家伙。
Dude.
好家伙。
Dude.
好家伙。
Dude.
这是我喝过的最好的葡萄酒。
This is the best wine ever.
这是他妈的怎么回事？ 所有人都在外面等着。
What the hell is going on? Everybody's waiting out there.
你们干了什么？
What is up with you?
圣母玛丽亚……
Holy Mary...
...圣母。
...Mother of God.
你孩子一定真的很喜欢婚礼。
You boys must really like weddings.
出去。所有人都在等着。
Get out there. Everybody's waiting.
别动。
Don't move.
我们走。我们走。
Here we go, here we go.
你们都可以坐下了。
You may all be seated.
转身。 -不行。
Turn around. - We can't.
我们走吧。
Here we go.
他们穿着礼服看起来帅吧？
Don't they look handsome in their tuxedos?
我不敢相信马♥克♥思♥真的度过了这一劫。
I cannot believe that Max actually went through with it.
真丢人。
It's a goddamn shame.
我宣布我这辈子要做专业雄猫（猛♥男♥）。
I am hereby dedicating myself to a life as a professional tomcat.
专业雄猫（猛♥男♥），对。
Professional tomcat, right on.
是啊，忘了婚姻这号♥事吧！
Yeah, man. Forget marriage.
我要操地球上的每个女人。
I'll nail every woman on the planet.
每一个？
Every one?
除了我妈和我奶奶。
Except my mother and grandmother.
首先，你妈很性感。
First of all, your mom is hot.
其次，你认识到地球上有……
Secondly, you realize there are...
25亿女人。
...two and a half billion females on Earth.
你是说这做不到？ -不。但我们应该分头干。
Are you saying it can't be done? - No. But we got to divide them up.
说定了。
Deal.
我永远不结婚。永远不。
I'LL never get married. Ever.
你差点就结婚了。 你这辈子要听凯丽的了。
You're almost married as it is. Kelly runs your life.
不是的！
She does not!
你还有5分钟。
You've got five minutes.
谢谢。
Thank you.
你是下一个去的。
You'll be the next to go.
拜托。我们都知道谁是下一个。
Please. We all know who'll be next.
斯蒂夫，道格。
Steve dog!
我从来没有过女朋友。
I don't even have a girlfriend.
你快了。朋友。
You're going down, buddy.
什么？为什么？
What? Why?
因为，你会象马♥克♥思♥一样， 和第一个自己操过的女孩子结婚。
Because, like Max, the first girl that lets you get with her, you'll marry.
打赌吗？
You want to bet?
真的赌？赌钱的？
Actually bet? Really bet for money?
好！最后的光棍，赢1000美元。
Yeah. Let's say the last single man gets a thousand bucks...
...从你们所有已婚的人里。
...from the rest of you who end up getting married.
6000块是个不小的数了。
Six grand's a lot of money.
不不。如果我们要赌，就好好的赌。
No, no. If we're going to do this, we do it right. Okay?
我们每个人每年拿出200美元存银行。.
Each of us puts two hundred dollars a year away in savings.
不不不。存互助基金。
No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund.
好，最后一个光棍拿到所有的钱。
All right, the last man standing at the end, gets the whole pot.
这样就最起码有一二万了！
I'm talking 1 0, 20 grand!
那是很多钱了。
That's a lot of money.
是。如果搞同性恋的话就自动出局。 加里.
Yeah. And you're out if you go gay, Gary.
嗨，你们耍我。
Hey, blow me.
好，加里已经出局了。
ALL right, Gary's out.
我加入了。雄猫（猛♥男♥）赌博。 让我们加入。
I'm in. Tomcats' bet. Let's get in here.
来吧，加入吧。
Come on, get in here!
我要投些钱，OK?
I'm going to invest some money, okay?
雄猫（猛♥男♥）！雄猫（猛♥男♥）！
Tomcats! Tomcats!
你们会要付我好多钱！
You guys are going to pay me so bad!
我永远不会想要结婚。 我不会！
I don't ever want to get married. I don't!
我会。
I do.
“现在（七年后）”…… 已我所拥有的权力……
By the power vested in me...
以内华达州的名义……
...by Allah and the state of Nevada...
...我宣布你们结为...
...I now pronounce you...
...夫，和...
...husband and...
...妻，我的朋友.
...wife, my friends.
Ok, 好好爱她……
Okay, love her tender.
请好好爱她。
love her tenders. Please.
让我们开始吧.
Rock the jailhouse.
所有单身女人，到走道中间来
Every single woman, come to the centre of the aisle...
...来接新娘的花....
...so you can catch the flower bouquets....
所有单身女人 -你去哪儿?
All the single ladies. - Where are you going?
我们开始吧！ -坐下。
Let's go, please. - Sit down.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
你也结婚了，伙计！把自己贱卖♥♥了。。
You went down, my man! Down like a 2-dollar hooker!
你出局了！傻瓜！
Boom! You're out! You suck!
翠西亚很不错，不管怎么说
Tricia's great, though.
不对。让我来告诉你谁很不错，间很不错。
No, I'll tell you who's great. Jan here is great.
我们的猛♥男♥赌博基金现在有多少钱了？
What's our bachelor pool up to now?
到星期5有475,000了。
As of Friday, about 475.
伙计，快50万了。
Man, that's half a million bucks!
Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what? 我好爽，我好爽。
Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what? I'm wet. I'm, like, wet.
你有没有什么时候希望能够操钱的？
Don't you sometimes wish you could fuck money?
婚礼让你变得浪漫了，凯利。
Weddings bring out the romantic in you, Kyle.
凯利，你不是已经有很多钱了吗？
Kyle, don't you have enough money already?
你永远不会嫌钱多。如果你这样说就是同性恋。
You can never have enough money. And you're a fag for saying that.
别惹我，加里。 -嗨，你耍我.
No offense, Gary. - Hey, blow me.
看起来好像只剩我们两个没结婚了，老朋友。
Looks like it's just you and me now, buddy.
不过我可没带接了花的女孩。
And I'm not the one bringing chicks who catch bouquets.
难以相信我们又在做这事了。
I can't believe we're doing this again.
我们可以做多少次？
How many times can we do it?
你快完了。 -你真是不倒翁。我要出来了。
You're going down. - You're unquenchable. I'll pass out.
出来了。出来了。
Here it comes. Here it comes.
你输了。
You lose.
脱掉你的裤子。 -欧，不。我怎么又输了！