荣誉榜（2018）

Loser.
菜鸡
Yeah, my... my mom showed up, everyone. Heh.
我妈来了 呵呵
O-Oh, my God.
噢 我的天呐
Guys. Hi.
嗨 伙计们
Uh, w-what are you doing here?
你们在这干啥呢
We could ask you the same question.
我们刚好也想问你这个问题
We're here for the gig later.
我们是来看过会儿的演出
Oh.
哦
Thought you were helping your dad?
你不是说你在帮你♥爸♥的忙吗
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was.
啊 是啊 对 之前是
I just... I just saw there...
我只是看到...
We're here for open mic night.
我们是来参加这儿的麦克风之夜的
Why is that, J-Lo?
为什么呢 J-Lo
Because Honor wanted us to.
因为奥娜想让我们这么做
"Because Honor wanted us to do it."
"因为奥娜想让我们这么做"
Don't embarrass yourself, Leah.
别让自己难堪 莉亚
It'll ruin your spray tan.
这会毁了你的美黑效果的
Oh, you think you're so funny, but just remember.
噢 你觉得自己是如此风趣 但是记住
We have videotape that might just embarrass you.
我们可是有能让你出糗的录像
Come on, Piper.
来吧 派珀
Troy has some friends stopping by later.
特罗伊的一些朋友待会儿会过来
Come on. Yeah.
来呀 嗯
My name is Sophie Stephens, and I'm a virgin.
我叫苏菲·斯蒂芬斯 我是个处♥女♥
Frigid.
性冷淡
I created an app called Worth the Wait
我开♥发♥了一个叫"值得等待"的APP
to help you control those urges.
来帮助你们控制冲动的欲望
How do you control your urges, Sophie?
苏菲 你是怎么控制自己的欲望的呢
Best friends AA batteries?
靠你的好朋友5号♥电池帮忙吗
It's... It's fine.
没关系
I'm... I'm not ashamed.
我并不羞于此
I masturbate consciously.
我会自♥慰♥
Yeah!
耶
And when I have really overpowering urges,
当我实在无法抵挡内心的欲望时
I go for a run or a spin class.
我就去跑步或者骑动感单车
This is called
这个表演叫
"Gentle Mutilation on the Natural State of my Body
"以社会认同的名义
in the Name of Being Socially Acceptable."
对身体自然状态的轻微破坏"
Can't believe you were ever friends with her.
真不敢相信你之前和她是朋友
Thank you.
谢谢
If you'd like to sign up, and I know all of you do...
如果你想参加 我知道你们都想的...
You were really good up there.
你刚刚表现得很好
Whatever.
无所谓了
Thanks, gorgeous.
谢谢 帅哥
Hey, guys.
嗨 美女们
Hey.
嗨
What are you doing here?
你在这干嘛
So you've got time to come see a gig,
所以你有时间来看演出
but you're too busy to help us pack?
没工夫帮我们打包
I had finals this week, Issy.
我这周期末考试 伊茜
Pack for what?
打包什么
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
好了 女士们先生们
next up, can we have Piper Morley to the stage?
接下来 我们有请派珀·莫利上台
Piper Mor... Piper Morley.
派珀·莫利
You're going on?
你要上台
No. Yes.
不 是的
Cool. I'll grab a seat.
酷 我去找位子
Break a nail.
祝你演出成功
Thank you.
谢谢
Hey, Barbie, say something.
喂 芭比 说点什么啊
Yeah. Um...
好 额...
uh, roses are red,
玫瑰是红的
beer is great,
啤酒不错
poems are hard,
诗很难
beer.
啤酒
Uh, that's a...
呃...
that was a T-shirt I woke up in the other morning.
那是我某天早上起来穿的T恤上印着的话
Um...
额...
Okay. Uh, speaking of beer, um, what...
好吧 嗯 说到啤酒...
what do a bottle of Corona and... and a blonde have in common?
一瓶科罗娜啤酒和一个金发女郎有什么共同点
No? Uh...
不知道吗 呃...
both are empty from the neck up.
颈部以上两者都是空的
Just gonna... Okay.
我先... 好的
Um...
额...
uh...
嗯...
oh, God.
哦 天
So I'm an only child...
我是一个独生女...
and I've got divorced parents.
我的父母离婚了
Who else here has divorced parents?
这里还有谁的父母离婚了
I decided to live with my dad.
我决定和父亲在一起生活
Why? 'Cause at first,
为什么 因为一开始
it was like living with a cool older brother,
那就像和一个很酷的哥哥住在一起一样
'cause he left the toilet seat up,
他上完厕所从不把马桶圈放下
and I didn't have a curfew.
而且我没有宵禁
Plus my mom, she sucks.
再说我妈 她烂透了
But she does make the best banana bacon pancakes ever,
但她做的香蕉培根薄饼是最好吃的
so that's why I still let her come around.
这就是为什么我仍然让她来看我的原因
She cheated on my dad for years, and...
很多年来她都背着我爸在外面乱搞 并且...
uh, now she's with this guy called BMyBae2night,
现在她的男友叫"今夜做我的宝贝"
which I'm pretty sure is, like, the worst possible name
我十分确定 这是陌陌上
you could have on OkCupid, except for NotAnInternetKiller.
最二的昵称 仅次于"我不是网络杀手"
This is also around the time
正是在这段时间里
that I started making bad decisions.
我开始做一些糟糕的决定
Now, what kind of bad decisions, you may ask?
现在 你可能会问 是什么糟糕的决定呢？
Here. Actually, let's play a game.
那么 让我们来玩个游戏吧
So you guys name a location,
现在你们说一个地方
and I will say a bad decision I made in connection to it.
然后我会说一个和这个地方有关的糟糕的决定
Uh, you in the second row, red sweater next to the guy
嗯 你 第二排 穿着红色毛衣的
who's hoping to sleep with you by the end of the night.
坐在你旁边的男生想和你共度良宵呢
That's my brother.
那是我哥
Oh.
噢
Oh, my bad.
噢 我的错
How about Starbucks?
就星巴克吧
Caused a small, but contained fire.
我在那儿制♥造♥了个小火灾
405 Freeway.
405高速公路
My car was towed while I was still in it,
当我还坐在车里的时候车就被拖走了
and I didn't have pants on.
而且我当时还没穿裤子
Malibu Beach?
马里布海滩呢
Threw up on a French bulldog and his owner.
我吐了一条法国斗牛犬和他主人一身
Um, I still get the occasional text from him.
我偶尔还能收到他的短♥信♥
The dog, not the owner.
我说的是那条狗 不是主人
My name's Piper. When I grow up,
我叫派珀 等我长大以后
I would like to be a boozed-up writer like my dad
我想要成为一个像我父亲一样醉醺醺的作家
just without the unrequited love and torture part.
只是不要经历她一厢情愿的爱情与折磨
Amen. Whoohoo.
阿门 喔哦
Throw a kick-ass senior year party.
办一场嗨爆的毕业派对
Well, that's your department, Piper.
这是你的专长啊 派珀
What?
啥
Isn't that what you, Leah, and Krissy
开派对不就是你 莉亚和克莉丝
do for a living, professional partiers?
你们这些派对咖的立身之本吗
That's not all we do together.
我们在一起不是只干这个的
Okay, sure. Maybe it is,
好吧 行 可能是
but the idea is you party with people you wanna hang out with,
但这个派对的主旨是和你想来往的人一起嗨
you know, not like...
而不是...
Okay, like it's so great for my image?
好吧 你以为这对我的形象有好处吗
I have to tell people that I'm doing research
我得告诉大家我在研究
on women who have been having meaningless sex for years
那些多年来都在进行毫无意义的性行为的女性
and how that affects their brain.
以及这种行为如何影响她们的大脑
Well, maybe if you actually had sex,
或许等你真做过爱了
you wouldn't be such a psycho with PMS.
就不会对婚前性行为如此偏激了
Okay, so how are we actually gonna do this,
好吧 那么我们到底该怎么做